bulawookie

I am a 50 year old lady who has been banded twice. My first band 7 years ago was a fantastic success. I held my weight from 120 to 130. My life changed for the better. I was healthier and really happy with energy to spare. Then I got cocky. I started dating and was very embarrassed of my port showing. I had a really hard time getting close to men because my band was a secret and I did not want to share these details of my life. I did not want to be judged as weak. I felt I had to hide my port which stuck out of my new slim body. I wouldn't swim and I was careful with what I wore. I did date one man for a length of time who could not accept that I was so desperate as to get major surgery and thus have this foreign object in my body. I felt very shamed. I did not like living and hiding. I got the band out and the weight creeped right back on until now at 190 and felt even more desperate so I got banded again May 15, 2014 with a new attitude. I don't announce to people I have the band but I do not hide the fact if it comes up. I am a very brave person to have the surgery because at my age it was a difficult procedure. It took a long time to recover. I am acutely aware that I have had a major surgical procedure with a foreign object in my body for the rest of my life. With that I have a new attitude with men. When man learns of my band it is up to him to decide his view of it. I will not tolerate being harshly judged. I feel a great sense of freedom now. The band is part of me and I am a really terrific and compassionate loving person. If a man can't cope with my band then he is just not the right man for me. It is a sifting process!! Now I am only 11 pounds down from my 187 weight on surgery date. My band is too lose but I am severely limiting what I am eating. I go in tomorrow for my third fill and just might put me into the green zone. I hope so. I am scared it will be so tight that I won't be able to keep liquids and mushy foods down but I am brave and willing to continue on with my goal of finding the green zone.