happymama2014

Well..I have never been skinny, I was a gymnast as a child so I always had muscles. I remember being jealous of skinny girls I didnt appreciate my physique and muscles. Gosh now how I would appreciate those muscles ;) Taking certain medications I began gaining 10 lbs here, there, then I would end up 40 lbs over weight. I tried everything...and when I say everything I truly mean it. I remember going to weight watchers and getting weighed in and people were looking at me like I didnt belong there because I wasnt visually as large as other people but I weighed ALOT..so I never felt comfortable. I have lost as much as 75 lbs on my own and with bad eating habits and physical problems with my hip I began to gain and gain. With periods of imobility on crutches I would see my weight soar. Then when I was able to be active again it would go down and I was more motivated to be active and exercise....so thats the back story.

Two years ago I decided to get the lap band surgery. I was so scared, I'm a single mom and just wanted to be there for my son. The bipass seemed so much tougher on the body I wanted the least amount of recovery time since Im a single mom. The kaiser experience I had was so terrible, actually aweful. The seminar, nutritionist and Dr were all unfriendly, and I felt that they were trying to get people NOT to do the surgery. The Dr told me I would always feel hungry and that anyone who told me I wouldnt was lying. I was so scared. I went in at 285 and was told I had to get to 245. I told the surgeon that seemed like alot of weight considering I was only a size 18 but he insisted. So I did my best and with eating clean foods/no processed foods/or sugary foods and alot of exercise I lost 55 lbs. I went back to see the dr and he was so aweful that I decided I didnt want to deal with that for the rest of my life...if I could lose 55 I could lose another 55. So I decided against surgery. One month later I had hip problems again and was unable to do much, walking hurt, so my depression and weight went up. :(
I spend the last two years wishing I had followed through with the surgery regardless of the terrible support system in place with my insurance. Then I heard about the S. Sac Kaiser having a new program. I went into this with a new outlook. Now 295, all time high, I started my new journey.

I found the seminar and surgeon to be a totally new experience, one of support and optimism. The nutritionist still lacks a bit of the human side I want when asking questions but still much better than the last. After hearing my story and seeing I had lost so much weight before and my physical injuries I had incurred the surgeon only asked me to lose a small amount of weight. Im now at goal weight for surgery. Things have gone so smoothly its kind of strange. But my thing is now that I am still very scared of so many things and I have not found a support group that I feel anyone else shares my same concerns. Things that scare me include feeling hungry all the time, stomach pain, never being able to have a hot fudge sunday with my son or a beer with the girls from work, having people ask me about my body and weightloss, complications of surgery, not losing weight, long term problems not known yet with sleeve, losing my hair, having to wear a wig, malnutrition, not being able to eat the fruits and veg that make us healthy...oh the list goes on...so many concerns that if i tell the psych im afraid she might think im nutz...but I do think about these things :wacko:

Hopefully this journey ends well. Maybe I will be happy and healthy and find my soulmate, live to be the mom and wife I always wanted to be....here is to a new LIFE and new JOURNEY. Wish me luck.