Bless me father for I have sinned...

[ElfiePoo 109]

I've been a very very bad girl. Late last night I got up and ate a whole stuffed pepper and the leftover mashed potatoes...enough for two people. I topped it off with a cup of sugar free hot chocolate with a splash of whipped cream on top.

My father-in-law died the day before Thanksgiving and I thought I was dealing well with it. Then two days ago, a very young (too young - 21) woman that I know, with a very promising future, was killed in a car crash on her way to work. It just stunned me because it all seemed so pointless and all I've wanted to do since that time is stick my head under a pillow and cry.

I guess it all came crashing down on me yesterday because prior to the pepper debacle, as it is now being called, I had an almost uncontrollable urge to dive head first into a bucket of KFC original recipe...which I overcame. I'm sure the weather helped since it was bitter cold and I didn't want to brave the biting 40 mph winds (can we say -8 deg F?)...but to get to the pepper and potatoes required only the very brief cold air from the fridge. So I bundled up in my fluffy robe for extra protection and the rest is history.

I have only 3 cc in my band and no restriction so there was no problem in getting it down or any nasty side effects and to be honest I'm finding it hard this morning to feel any guilt either. I'm not sure what that says/means.

I'm getting ready to have my Protein Shake this morning and am back on track...I think...although I will make sure there are no leftovers in the fridge at all in case I have another relapse.

My penance this morning will be to go out early and scrape the windows of both cars and shovel the walk from the house that's covered with drifting snow. That's usually my husband's job, but I obviously need a bit more activity if I don't want to get on the scales in a few days and want to cry again. :eek:

It's a new day...one step forward.

.

[Astrasmom 1]

I've been a very very bad girl. Late last night I got up and ate a whole stuffed pepper and the leftover mashed potatoes...enough for two people. I topped it off with a cup of sugar free hot chocolate with a splash of whipped cream on top.

My father-in-law died the day before Thanksgiving and I thought I was dealing well with it. Then two days ago, a very young (too young - 21) woman that I know, with a very promising future, was killed in a car crash on her way to work. It just stunned me because it all seemed so pointless and all I've wanted to do since that time is stick my head under a pillow and cry.

I guess it all came crashing down on me yesterday because prior to the pepper debacle, as it is now being called, I had an almost uncontrollable urge to dive head first into a bucket of KFC original recipe...which I overcame. I'm sure the weather helped since it was bitter cold and I didn't want to brave the biting 40 mph winds (can we say -8 deg F?)...but to get to the pepper and potatoes required only the very brief cold air from the fridge. So I bundled up in my fluffy robe for extra protection and the rest is history.

I have only 3 cc in my band and no restriction so there was no problem in getting it down or any nasty side effects and to be honest I'm finding it hard this morning to feel any guilt either. I'm not sure what that says/means.

I'm getting ready to have my Protein Shake this morning and am back on track...I think...although I will make sure there are no leftovers in the fridge at all in case I have another relapse.

My penance this morning will be to go out early and scrape the windows of both cars and shovel the walk from the house that's covered with drifting snow. That's usually my husband's job, but I obviously need a bit more activity if I don't want to get on the scales in a few days and want to cry again. :eek:

It's a new day...one step forward.

.

The saying that we go by at our support group is, "Face it. Deal with it, and move along." Meaning don't beat yourself up for slipping up once and awhile. We aren't perfect and it's going to happen once and awhile. This is a life style change not a life change. You obviously know what you did so if it happens again, try waiting 10 minutes before you eat what you did. We all deal with stress in different ways. I'm sorry about your father-in-law also.

[greytz 4]

If there is anyone who has been banded and think they haven't slipped up, they are probably not being honest with themselves. I think during a trying time particularly, food has been our comfort so it would be natural to return to it. Since you still have no restriction, you are in the most difficult period of adjustment. You have the exact right attitude which is get up dust yourself off (my grandma used to say pull your bootstraps up) and get right back on the wagon which is what you are doing. I am so sorry to hear of your deep sorrow in the passing of your father in law and your friend. My stepfather's daughter in law has a brain anuerysm (?) and is have brain surgery this morning. We just found out this week. Please pray for her. Take care and keep up the good work.

[sandi1011 0]

Elfie,

We have all done it, It seems when we are stressed, food is are life line. I do believe that is why most of us our over weight.

I know I have been thur a mess of stuff, and yep you guessed it I eat! But like everyone saids tomorrow is a new day!

Good luck!

I love your posts.....

Sandi

[HotToddy 0]

Elfie,

I am so sorry to hear about your loss. One would never know that you were facing a crisis by the content of your posts. You somehow managed to offer encouragement to others during your time of sorrow.

Good luck and congrats on your weight loss.

[sterski 0]

Elfie,

Dont worry about it, we all slip up. Are you from Rogers, MN by any chance? I too know a girl who died in a car crash the other day.......so sad. I am so sorry for your losses, and I guess, I like what the other poster said about Accept it, deal with with it and move on.......time to move on to a better day. Hope you have a great Christmas.

[thinkoflaura 0]

ditto what everyone said.

also, think of how differently you are handling this indulgence versus all the ones pre-band... you're MINDFUL of it. you are balancing it out with activity, renewed commitment, etc. that's what healthy people do, right?

sounds like the entire experience (and the way you're dealing with it) is actually a sign that you are evolving into a new kind of eater.

i love astramom's support group mantra... "face it, deal with it, and move along." great advice.

anyway, sorry to hear of all the family struggles. prayers to you and yours.

and greytz -- your family is in my thoughts too!!!!

laura

[JoJo1 0]

"Don't fight your negative thoughts, acknowledge them and move beyond them" Louise Hay

[ElfiePoo 109]

If there is anyone who has been banded and think they haven't slipped up, they are probably not being honest with themselves..

Greytz

I will keep your stepfather's daughter in law and your family in my prayers. Has she come out of surgery yet?

That's one reason why I posted about my 'slip up'. I don't want to give the impression that I'm walking this walk perfectly. I have my moments just like anyone else.

[ElfiePoo 109]

Elfie,

I am so sorry to hear about your loss. One would never know that you were facing a crisis by the content of your posts. You somehow managed to offer encouragement to others during your time of sorrow.

.

I find when I focus on others, my problems seem less so. :rolleyes2:

.

[Guest austrolatrishy]

My vice hasn't been KFC... it's been dreams about Red Robin's all American Cheeseburger and unlimited steak fries with ranch. :rolleyes2:

I've too felt the urge to delve headfirst into such foods LOL

The important part of the pepper debacle is that you are back on track. Let it go... we all slip up and it's part of our journey. We can't expect years of eating habits to change overnight. Good luck to you and I know it will get better!

[greytz 4]

Greytz

I will keep your stepfather's daughter in law and your family in my prayers. Has she come out of surgery yet?

That's one reason why I posted about my 'slip up'. I don't want to give the impression that I'm walking this walk perfectly. I have my moments just like anyone else.

She was in surgery for eight hours yesterday and thankfully came out ok so far. She is still in intensive care and recovering comfortably right now. Thanks for your prayers and asking about her.

[ElfiePoo 109]

She was in surgery for eight hours yesterday and thankfully came out ok so far. She is still in intensive care and recovering comfortably right now. Thanks for your prayers and asking about her.

I will keep her in my prayers. That's a good thing though, isn't it? I've often heard that the more time that passes, their chances improve exponentially.

[greytz 4]

Yes. That is true. We are very encouraged and believe she will recover well.