Hmm, where do I start? (sorry so long)

[sweethinkr 0]

Most of you will probably have no idea who I am. That's ok, I have never posted much here.

I had my lap band surgery June of 2007. I was certain this was it, this was the tool that was going to help me find success in this life long battle against obesity.

Well, it was for a while. I got to 100 pounds lost. Then something happened. Not sure what really, I just stopped doing anything right. I am currently down a little over 30 pounds, so I've gained back 70 pounds. I've seen a counselor, a pyschologist, they have put me on all kinds of strange meds to deal with my depression, etc. All for not. My lap band doc was at a loss for words the last time he saw me for a fill and didn't know what else he could do other than a revision, of which I couldn't do because my insurance doesn't cover it. I was a self pay from the start. I haven't been back to him since then. I didn't go to my 2 year follow up, and have stopped going to the support group. I got tired of hearing how great everyone was doing and them telling each other how great they looked as they said nothing to me since I was gaining. I felt like the biggest failure ever. My boss likes to talk about my weight. He found out I had lap band surgery from someone I told in confidence. I didn't want him to know. He is one of those people that says things without thinking and is very hurtful without knowing it. He recently decided to have a talk about how he noticed I had gained weight and then tried to motivate me by equating my losing and gaining weight to people who take the CPA exam over and over and not pass (I am a CPA and there is always someone who just takes the test over and over and never passes). He says they should just get it done, referring the same to me. Like it's black and white, and as easy as a test. So I dread coming to work everyday. I hide when I eat and hope no one sees me preparing my lunch in fear of some comment. I just want to curl up in bed and never come out.

So now I'm looking to try to get back on track. My eating isn't awful as it once was for so long. I am ashamed, I hate the way I look and I am truely unhappy in life as a whole. I need to start working out and watching what I eat by logging again. I know this is what I must do to succeed, the science isn't that complicated.

However, my dilema comes elsewhere. Tax season is approaching. I will be working 11 hour days and Saturdays and sometimes even Sunday for 3.5 months. I am awful at getting up early. I will have to get up early to come to work by 6am so I can get off by 5pm, as my mind wanders and I'm useless at work after 5. So now is trying to fit in working out and cooking meals, right? Well the only thing I do other than work is play a video game called World of Warcraft. Yep, I'm sure most of you have heard of it. I play in the end game portion where 25 people have to work together to defeat certain parts of the game. We play 5 nights a week from 630 to 930 my time. It's an all or nothing thign. You're either always there, or you don't have a spot in the lineup so to speak. I am thinking it's something I must give up in order to help myself succeed in weight loss, but it's hard for me, since it's the only fun thing I do. If I keep it, I will be coming home at 5, get home and done feeding animals by 530, and that gives me one hour to eat and workout. I just don't see how I can do it. This also makes it easy to talk myself out of working out, "oh, I don't have time".

Looking for some sort of help as to how to give up something I really enjoy in order to succeed in weight loss. Or do I have to or should I? I could backfire, causing more depression and less motivation to workout. It's a deicision that once I make it, it is a done deal, so I'm trying to figure out if it is the best decision.

Thanks for any help or words of wisdom anyone has and sorry this is so long!:eek:

[btrieger 21]

You know what you have to do and you know that your obsession with WoW is taking up too much of your time.

Try replacing it with a healthier obsession. Or get involved with another group of online friends that only play 10 hours a week instead of 15.

You're a CPA so you may be interested in tracking metrics. Get a Bodybugg to tell you how many calories you are burning every day and you can compare that with the food you're going to log.

[ThinAli 0]

Your health is more important than the video game. I get it is fun we all have or outlets for fun but working out is more important. This will give you a chance to look at the dinner and prepare it healthfully. Also you could pack your lunches for the next day in order to make sure it is a health lunch.< /p>

I'm not perfect...I am at a stand still with my weight loss for the last couple of weeks. So I like you need to get back on the wagon. I have to log my food and workout more. It is easier to say than it is to do!

[marmar 0]

I dont know what to say but go to the doc and get out of this depression thing. There is no reason you should be so depressed. Ive weighed over 400 lbs for the last 10 years and have never been depressed.Sad some days but every day isnt normal. As far as the video games. STOP. That right there could be causing your depression. You think its fun but all it is is another addiction. Just like gambling,eating,smoking ect. You need to excersise and get some fresh air and sunlight. Im not saying this to be mean. Im saying it because I want you to feel better. life is to short to play video games all evening and being depressed. Im sorry but Im only saying.Good luck. Defenetly work on the sad thing before anything because you cant do anything if youre sad all the time.

[TheCutestFatty 3]

I'm a CPA too but I do audits. I'm going to have the same problem coming up this January. Plus I will be traveling quite a bit with my new job. My addiction is TV I watch 5-8 hrs a day. I know I will need to cut some of my TV hrs to get everything I need to done. Will it be a sacrifice? Yes!! but it will be the right decision.

Why did your doc say you needed a revision? Did your band slip is it leaking?

[marmar 0]

one more thing. Im not perfect either.I had a cheeseburger for dinner tonight LOL Im not talking about your weight loss. Im talking about your depression. Fix that first.You are too important for that :eek:

[sweethinkr 0]

I'm a CPA too but I do audits. I'm going to have the same problem coming up this January. Plus I will be traveling quite a bit with my new job. My addiction is TV I watch 5-8 hrs a day. I know I will need to cut some of my TV hrs to get everything I need to done. Will it be a sacrifice? Yes!! but it will be the right decision.

Why did your doc say you needed a revision? Did your band slip is it leaking?

Perhaps he thinks I would do better with gastric bypass I guess, since I have obviously figured out how to eat around my band no matter how tight he makes it (he does all fills under fluro so he can get it just right every time). Most of his patients only ever need 1 or 2 fills, I've had close to 10 but we know there isn't anything wrong with my band.

I know I need to quit wow, that is why I'm here. I'm looking for support, not a bashing because what I like to do is different from what others like to do. Guess I came to the wrong place.

[sweethinkr 0]

one more thing. Im not perfect either.I had a cheeseburger for dinner tonight LOL Im not talking about your weight loss. Im talking about your depression. Fix that first.You are too important for that :eek:

I have been working on my depression most of my life. I am on medication now which is working better than any of the others ever have. I go to the doctor once a month. He adjusts as needed. Counseling did not help at all, it made things worse. Those of us with chronic depression know that it comes and goes. I have good days and bad. Right now, I am feeling pretty well and I know working out helps a ton.

[BonMag 1]

I have some experience with the WoW forum, and how addicting it can be. My husband used the WoW game to escape from reality when he was going through a depression.

He actually found that giving up the game made him feel much better. He would make comments like, "Wow, look trees. Sunshine. There's a world out here."

Maybe you need to step away from the computer and try to face your depression with some healthy eating and exercise. Eating right and exercising will make you feel better, and maybe you won't feel a need to "escape" anymore.

You can do it!!!!!!

[TheCutestFatty 3]

I definitely wasn't trying to bash you. Sorry you felt that way.

I haven't dealt with depression before but maybe the band isn't the issue. It seems like it did work for you at one point in time. And I've read around here that you can learn to eat around almost every procedure.

Was there anything different/better in your life when you were losing weight?

The situation with your boss definitely sucks. Could you go to HR?

[sweethinkr 0]

I definitely wasn't trying to bash you. Sorry you felt that way.

I haven't dealt with depression before but maybe the band isn't the issue. It seems like it did work for you at one point in time. And I've read around here that you can learn to eat around almost every procedure.

Was there anything different/better in your life when you were losing weight?

The situation with your boss definitely sucks. Could you go to HR?

You're ok, your comment wasn't one I was referring to.

This is a very small company and I live in a small town. I would have to move to find a new job and I couldn't sell my house if I gave it away right now. He is the owner of the business, so not really much I can do other than grin and bear it.

[marmar 0]

Hey sorry I didnt mean to hurt ya. I just think being depressed sucks. I was just giving you my opinion. I loved to smoke and found it enjoyable and still miss it after 2 years but that doesnt mean it was good for me. Video games taking up all your life sounds like an addiction to me.

[delfinajones 1]

I think you are on your way. You've opened up to us. Why not get a gastric bypass? Can you pull the money together? You already know you need to address the depression but getting rid of the weight will also effect your state of mind too. Maybe working your band is the solution. But I would listen to your doctor too- maybe he's right and you would do best with a bypass. I also think you need to look for another job with a better boss and with less hours. It may take a while but put it on your to do list. Re. WARCRAFT--it's too soon to give it up. You get a lot out of it right now. But plan with your therapist how to do less of that and more actual mingling with people face to face. As you lose the weight that will probably happen naturally. Good luck with your challenges and just decide which path--the band again or bypass.

[39andholding 0]

I'm addicted to FB games. I agree with the PP who said that you feel much better getting away from them. I still play but I tell you sometimes I am playing and thinking "gotta get this monkey off my back!" :thumbdown: I lose much better when I am just moving around the house, and I mean basic things like laundry and dishes, then sitting there playing video games.

Good luck, I'm rooting for you! :eek:

[btrieger 21]

I know I need to quit wow, that is why I'm here. I'm looking for support, not a bashing because what I like to do is different from what others like to do. Guess I came to the wrong place.

I wouldn't call what anybody has said even being tough on you let alone bashing.

Giving you a big hug and whispering in your ear that everything is going to be all right probably will not help you.

I'm not big on 12 step programs but the first step is always admitting you have a problem. You've done that and you know what needs to come next. Cut back on your WoW time. How long have you been playing? In that time you must have taken a week or even a few days off. The world did not end.

Also, use the support group to your advantage. Don't just sit back, speak up and be honest. Most of the other have their own struggles and may be able to help you (and it's cheaper than therapy.)