female only The D word

[lostalot 0]

WOW- Thanks for all the great advice everyone. These posts are truly inspirational.

I had been doing really well over the past few days with my hubby. I had put all the thoughts out of my mind and then back again they come yesterday.

See, guys we don't really fight. We get along GREAT! He's a great man, he takes care of the house, our finances, you name it!

It's just for me something seems to be missing over the past several months and I really don't know what that is. Sometimes I feel like there is no fire there, I don't want to be with him, everything is just the same day in and day out and I do not do well with routines.

I am planning on going to see a counselor hopefully after the first of the year.

I kind of tried talking to someone in the family because they are a counselor and all I got was the grass isn't always greener on the other side. I understand it takes so much to make a marriage work and you don't always want to leave but why do I keep feeling this way, why when I should be missing my husband am I glad that I am alone and I'm thinking of someone else. I just hate feeling this way, I think its unfair to me and to my husband as well.

Thank you all so much for your inspirational words.

Edited December 16, 2009 by lostalot

[TinaM 0]

Usually an employer offer EAP (employee assistance programs) this includes visit to see a therapist and consulattaions to se an atty.

I'm not married so I won't weigh in on your situation but just know there are low to no cost options to seek help of any kind.

Most employers EAP plans offer 3 or 5 therapist visits free per yr and after that its on a sliding scale - as little as 10 bucks a visit.

If both of your work check with each employers HR department

I want to see a counselor about this but cant afford one, so I was hoping maybe I could get some advice from those who may have gone thru with what I am feeling.

I had surgery about 2 years ago, I have lost over 100 lbs. My husband and I have been married 3 years- no children.

We have been together for about 10years.

I dont feel attracted to him anymore, I dont feel happy with him and it almost puts me in physical pain when he touches me.

Is this because I have lost so much weight? Hes not a Big guy, he is a little overweight but not much.

I can't just up and leave, thats not my style. And I dont think I could ever put someone thru such misery. Plus we have a lot of "finances" together. Please help if anyone else has been thru this I would love some advice.

[lostalot 0]

Yes I can do that but I have to be referred. So next week when I go and see my regular MD I am going to get him to refer me. I dont want my husband to know yet that I am going is the tricky part or I would have paid for it out of my savings. I'll eventually tell him (I think) but I want to see first what my problem is and then if the therapist feels like he should be there too we'll cross that bridge when we get there.

[kaninag 35]

SO- u 2 have split over you feeling like this before. If you didn't feel like you loved him anymore what made you go back?

Some people have a hard time being alone is why I ask- my dad is like that. He is MISERABLE when he is alone. But if you're miserable now....and least if you move on you can find someone else and be happy again.

Don't get me wrong, Im not saying by any means go get a divorce today but to me it sounds like you've made up your mind already?

Some of my friends that have had the surgery are having difficulty with their spouse being jealous since they've lost their wt...I dont know any of them that are losing weight that want out.

Edited December 17, 2009 by kaninag

[lostalot 0]

SO- u 2 have split over you feeling like this before. If you didn't feel like you loved him anymore what made you go back?

Some people have a hard time being alone is why I ask- my dad is like that. He is MISERABLE when he is alone. But if you're miserable now....and least if you move on you can find someone else and be happy again.

Don't get me wrong, Im not saying by any means go get a divorce today but to me it sounds like you've made up your mind already?

Some of my friends that have had the surgery are having difficulty with their spouse being jealous since they've lost their wt...I dont know any of them that are losing weight that want out.

Honestly- I went back because I was tired of dating all the losers. And we know each other and I was comfotable with him. Other than that I don't have an answer.

[pookiemp 0]

I don't really have any input except to say that I could have written your posts...I am going through the exact same thing

[lostalot 0]

I finally went and talked to someone and learned a lot. She feels like I have already to a certain degree given up on my relationship. She did recommend a book "5 things to try before giving up or before divorcing" something like that...I am going to check it out. She thinks I should give my husband a chance by telling him how I feel to see if anything changes.

[steelergirl 0]

I am very happy you have talked with someone. I hope you find the joy you are searching for whether that is at home or elsewhere. Keep moving forward in a positive way:smile:

[lostalot 0]

you know is it fair to live with someone, go side by side with them day in and day out and not love them? Am I truely being fair to my husband or myself?

[steelergirl 0]

It sounds like you answered your own question.....I wish you well