Starting over

[Stevee 0]

I don't know if I’m looking for advice or what. But here is my story.

I was banded in October of 2007; in the year that followed I got really sick from fills being too tight like 3 times. Finally in December of 2008 I had all the liquid removed from my band and have lived like that for a year now. I didn’t gain any weight back over that year until the past 2 months. L And now I’m so upset I’m almost back to the weight I was the day of surgery. My mom keeps telling me I have to do this for me. I can’t figure out why I don’t have the motivation to do this for me. I feel like if someone told me to do it for them I could, but since it has to be for me I struggle. The month I had my lap band my g/f of 2 years broke up with me, and I guess that could be part of the reason why I failed. I don’t know. After that break up I was in and out of unhealthy relationships until April of 2009 when I met my current girlfriend. And honestly I have never been happier in a relationship in my life; however I still look in the mirror and hate what I see. So I have to ask myself am I really happy? For once I’m with someone that loves me for me, every curve, every roll, every blemish, no matter what she is madly in love with me… so WHAT IS MY DEAL? Ugh!

I just called my doctor, I haven’t seen him in a year, I have an appointment on December 10th to get a fill. I wanted to go today but I owe him money and can’t pay him until the 10th.

Thanks for listening… sorry I was rambling, just needed to get some things off my chest I guess. Any advice or words of encouragement would be greatly appreciated.

[OnTheWay to Thin 0]

The good thing about the band is it is always there and you can always pull it back out, dust it off and use it again. Dont be down on yourself, you cant change the past, but you can control what you do from today onward. All of us with eating issues will fall of the wagon at times, obesity is a disease and requires constant vigilance. Welcome back to Band land and good luck with your journey to get started again.

[Stevee 0]

thank you for your positive thoughts.. its helping me get motivated

[kkarryall 0]

There are many things that have helped me in my lapband journey...researching and knowing what I was getting myself into, getting my fills on a regular basis, exercising, and one of the most helpful has been going to see a therapist. I have gone weekly since about 3 months before I got the surgery. I have learned so much about myself, why I eat, etc. You should try it if you can Good luck. You can do this!

[Stevee 0]

thank you for your advice, im gonna check into a therapist.

[destin2fly19 0]

I 2nd the therapist idea. I have been seeing a therapist since before I got banded as well, and it has been a big help. She's banded as well so that's nice, but the biggest help is being able to figure out why I do the things I do (i.e. overeat). I know that when I start doing well I sabotage myself and it sounds like you do the same. I firmly believe that talking it out is the only way to figure it out.

The band is not a cure all (as you know). You have to figure out what makes you eat and why you're overweight in order to keep from defeating the band or not being all in on this process.

I know you can do this! Just be patient and talk it out.

[Stevee 0]

thank you destin. i just have to see if my insurance will cover a therapist. i work for a different company now and the insurance here doesn't cover anything that has to do with weight. so yeah... i dunno. before i didnt talk to anyone about what i was going through. this time i'm dong it different. i'm talking to my mom a lot, plus on here, and my girlfriend is a tremendous help as well. i'm feeling better about it all this go round. maybe when i had my surgery i just wasnt ready yet. ya know?

[Sue Magoo 71]

Stevee:

I have issues with being accountable to myself too. I have gained 20 pounds in the past six months with boredom and stress of being unemployed. I recently called my band surgeon and told him that I was struggling. My band is just right - green zone. My head is in the problem. While in the same size my clothes are getting too tight and I don't want the 20 pounds to become 30. He and I discussed my issues and we decided that going in for weekly weigh ins might be just what I need. So, two weeks I went in to face his scale. Last week I went in again and I was down 4.5 pounds. This week I'm hoping for two more. I hope to lose all 20 pounds by the end of January. I believe that once I am working again it shouldn't be a problem, but while I am home too much I am struggling.

Best wishes to you getting back on track. I hope you start to love your band again soon. I already love mine again.:smile:

Sue

[Stevee 0]

thank you sue! i wonder if my doc would let me do that, go in for weigh ins. i hope i can someday love my band, i never have since i got it. :smile: and that sucks

[Stevee 0]

ok i am sooooo proud of myself. if you read the previous posts then you know that i have no Fluid in my band and havent for a year. i get my second first fill next thursday, so i've been trying to practice eating like i have restriction, cutting portion size etc. well this morning on my way to work i was like hmm i think i'm hungry. so i stopped at sonic. i love love love their toaster Breakfast sandwiches and tator tots... well bandsters... i ordered apple slices and went on my merry way. I TURNED DOWN THE TATOR TOTS he tried to up sell me! woo hoo!!!! i'm calling this an NSV! wha wha! i'm doin a lil dance! lol i ate my apple slices with fat free carmel sauce and i'm feeling great! they were quite tasty if i do say so myself!

[Stevee 0]

omg! today is my "first fill" on my 2nd try at this journey. i'm so excited but so nervous at the same time! I just keep telling myself I can do it I can do it I can do it!!!!!! any last minute words of advice? :scared2:

[Sue Magoo 71]

Stevee:

I hope all goes smoothly with your fill today. My advice is that you should remember that it can take several fills before you notice a difference. Keeping your mind and spirit in the LapBand game is more than half of the battle and it seems like you've got that down.

Good luck!

Sue

[Stevee 0]

Thank you Sue!

So i get the fill and still dont fill restriction, are you saying just keep my head in it and eat like i do feel restriction?

[Sue Magoo 71]

Stevee:

If you can trick your mind into thinking that you have restriction and eat like you do, then all the power to you. You'll be very successful if you can do this. Most people can't, though, so don't be disappointed if you don't start losing until you're really feeling restriction. Determination will help so much!

Sue

[Bracchus 8]

Stevee

I read your story and it was if I was reading my own. I had my lap band surgery in November of last year and promptly lost 50 lbs by the end of January of this year. But then my insurance changed and I was no longer able to afford the cost for fills so I hadn't been to my surgeon for almost 10 months.

Needless to say, I had gained 13 lbs back and was not happy about it - neither was my doctor.

It definately takes more than a lap-band to change me...even with it, I have make my mind up to change my lifestyle.

Here's what I realized. I want to live. For me. And I have to be selfish about that even if it means never going to lunch with co-workers; not eating whatever the wife cooks. Yes I know these actions do not sound selfish but that's because I'm trying to please others.

I have to be selfish about wanting to live for me.

I'm going to make this happen and it's not going to kill me.

Are you with me?

Randy