Has anyone found a problem with body image?

[kirafiki 0]

Ok, I know that most of us have an issue with body image. But here is my problem, and I am sure it also is not unique to me.

Now that I am down 140 pounds, and am wearing a smaller size than I have since before I was in high school, my head still sees a 315-pounder in the mirror.

Then I look down at the hanging skin (I have a lot... 20 years of being over 300 pounds plus being 40 and having lost the usual amount of elasticity 40 brings on top of the multiple layers of stretch marks that guarantee the skin will never bounce back) and it looks the same as when it did when I was 315+ pounds.

I try to rationalize that if I had the money for all the cosmetic surgery i want, I would see the scale drop another 15 to 20 pounds and would be down another size. But I can't get past the extra skin. It just hangs there. I am afraid that it is making me think I need to go way lower than I should, and then I will still not be happy, since then it will just hang some more.

And I am aware that I need some counseling for this, but I don't currently have the money for it.

I am also having a hard time adjusting to being 'normally sized'. I am so used to worrying that I am going to break the chair, or that everyone is snickering at how much of me hangs out the sides of seats. I can now walk into most stores and buy things off the rack, but somehow my head can't get it that I am no longer 315 pounds. When I do go into those stores, I have to take a 'thin' friend with me, so that the people in the store with just think I am there with them... I still think they are wondering why I am in their store.

Needless to say, I have taken a maintenance break. I think its mainly to hopefully let my head adjust to my new body.

I can't bring myself to look at old photos of me, since the current photos I still look at as if I am huge. I fear that by looking at old ones I might freak out.

I need some counseling, don't I?

[Jachut 487]

I may have been lucky enough not to have a lot of extra skin, but I do have it, especially on my backside, which is very droopy and my thighs, which are rather flabby. Size wize, I am probably a 10 in US sizes at 5ft 10, and more likely a 6-8 on top. So I am not *big*.

But I want to be FIRM and I find myself constantly thinking I'm fat and that I just need to lose more weight. What would happen in reality is my top half would be skeletal and I would still have the flab below.

I dont know how to get around it and just be happy with what you have. It doesnt come easily. I feel like I need to sit down and watch my life on video to see how I really do look and move, and I need to see that surrounded by other people, so I can see how I am the same as everyone else - good points/bad points, pretty average sized etc.

[kirafiki 0]

Thanks so much for responding, I knew I wasn't alone. I am not at my goal, but really have had to stop losing and just maintain for a while because of this. I don't know how to get around it and just be happy either... I don't know what being happy with it is like!

Maybe the video idea is a good one, once I get past the horror of having to look at myself on camera.

On top pf all this, one of the people in my family had the 'we are afraid you are becoming anorexic' talk with me. I don't understand why they can't see what contribution they had to me getting so fat, and why even opening their mouths about my size is in any way appropriate. How many times do I have to tell them that my size is not a subject they are allowed to bring up anymore?

I knew this would all come, I just hadn't prepared myself well enough for it.

Thanks again for the response. Sometimes I feel so alone out here.

I may have been lucky enough not to have a lot of extra skin, but I do have it, especially on my backside, which is very droopy and my thighs, which are rather flabby. Size wize, I am probably a 10 in US sizes at 5ft 10, and more likely a 6-8 on top. So I am not *big*.

But I want to be FIRM and I find myself constantly thinking I'm fat and that I just need to lose more weight. What would happen in reality is my top half would be skeletal and I would still have the flab below.

I dont know how to get around it and just be happy with what you have. It doesnt come easily. I feel like I need to sit down and watch my life on video to see how I really do look and move, and I need to see that surrounded by other people, so I can see how I am the same as everyone else - good points/bad points, pretty average sized etc.

[chocolate_snaps 3]

Congrats on that -140lbs!

You are most certainly not alone. This has been one of the hardest parts, for me. Even still I cannot accurately gauge my size. And frankly I still think I am fat, just "normal" fat which is frustrating. Even though we may intellectually know the truth, our minds are creatures of habit and will sometimes choose to disbelieve the obvious.

Its gets better though. I must admit therapy and honest sefl-evals in the mirror have helped me with the head work but it is, for me, by no means done.

I just want you to know that you are no alone in this, it is a normal experience for WLS patients. It just feels incredibly surreal.

[greytz 4]

I think we all experience something like that in different ways. I went shopping with my mother yesterday who is here for Thanksgiving. I wanted a really nice top for the holiday. I kept going to the baggy sweaters and things that cover me up. I would go to a rack (I am in a size 12 currently) and I would pick out a top and say to myself oh, what am I doing, that won't fit me. I would go to the dressing room and try it on and it fit me! It was very difficult. She kept trying to tell me how proud she was of me and how great I looked in the clothes but I was curiously not excited. It was weird. I finally settled for something in the middle of tent and halter and opted for a really nice light pull on kind of thing. It is really cute. It is taking awile for my mind to catch up I think.

[samanthazzz 0]

The question should be, who doesn't have a problem with body image...lol

in clothes I look pretty good, naked is another story.

Of course I look better thinner, everyone does. Do I necessarily see that all the time...ummm no!

I bet other people see you differently than you see yourself.

You said you can't see a change because of the lose skin or flab...but I don't think that could be right, do you?

If you lost 140 lbs, there would be a difference, are you in smaller sizes? Of course you are!

Don't let this mess up how fantastic you have been doing. The band is not a miracle, you have worked hard to lose that wt.

People will comment on my wt loss and I while I know I lost alot of inches, I always want to turn around to see who their talking to.

I think this is very common. Hard to wrap your head around being thin, when it's been years we haven't been.

I would like cosmetic surgery as well. Is it feasible? Maybe if I sell off a kid or two. lol

[hillmama 0]

You are definitely not alone on this! I really struggle with the body image. I'm down to a size 4. I've never been a size 4 in my life and I still think of myself as big. I still see the imperfections when I look in the mirror. Some of us struggle with this more than others. I have another friend who was banded as well and tells me I'm just obsessed. However, I had a complication with my band, had to have a revisional surgery. With all this I have no Fluid and I have gained about 15 pounds. I can still wear my clothes but this has made the image part worsen. I'm working on it! but you are definitely in good company when it comes to this!