Stop asking me how much weight I've lost!

[tripletmomma2000 3]

I am having some fairly serious anxiety with regard to other people mentioning my weight loss. From my highest weight, I am nearly 100 pounds down. But although I feel I can share that with YOU people, I don't like sharing that information with the general population.

I don't mind telling my mom, my husband, my BFF how much weight I've lost, but I don't like telling colleagues, my BFF's parents, my cousins, neighbors, etc. And they KEEP asking.

I've lost/gained 50-80 pounds quite a few times, and when people start talking to me about my weight loss, I start to get uncomfortable with the conversation, and I generally start gaining weight again..... which then stops all the conversation. But now, it's different. It's not going to happen, so I need to figure out how to know in my heart (like I know in my head) that I am not responsible to other people for my weight... I am only responsible to myself. I guess that was part of the problem, was that when I said "I've lost 60 pounds" it made me feel accountable to who I was telling that number to, and I couldn't handle the pressure.

Recently, though, I feel like I've been weighed/measured/evaluated when people ask me how much weight I've lost. I don't like being represented by a number, but it's the question that I get the most, and I'm having a heck of a time trying to figure out how to answer it.

When I do answer "I've lost 60 pounds" the next question is "How much more do you want to lose?" It keeps going around and around, and by the time that I can rip myself from the conversation, I just want to dive into a vat of ice cream.

So my question is this..... does answering the question like this come off as a lie? :

I honestly don't know how much I've lost. I used to be a slave to the scale, and in the end, it was always my demise, and I'd gain back all the weight I've lost. So now, I'm just trying to be healthy, and I'll know once I get to where I'm healthiest what my weight is.

Or do I just say something like "I really don't like to talk about numbers"

I honestly never thought that one of the biggest struggles I'd have during this journey is with answering questions that I think are prying.

I might be a little sensitive to it as well.... being a mother of triplets, the questions/comments when they were babies were incredible! I can't tell you how many times a complete stranger would walk up to me and say "wow... triplets! If it were me, I'd kill myself".

Thanks for letting me vent!

[Stacy1980 0]

Hi There.

I am the same as you. As soon as people start obessing about my weight more then me - I stop loosing! As i was reading your post I thought of what to say and then I see that you worded it perfect!!!

" honestly don't know how much I've lost. I used to be a slave to the scale, and in the end, it was always my demise, and I'd gain back all the weight I've lost. So now, I'm just trying to be healthy, and I'll know once I get to where I'm healthiest what my weight is."

That is the most honest and right to the point answer. and this will also prevent people from asking you every single time they see you because your answer will be just the same. Its not about the # its about the health.

If you are not on the same boat with us - and going through the same thing - I don't think people realize how personal that question is. I don't ask everybody how often they poop or hey! are your tubes still there? So why is it ok to ask. I know they care (well some of them truelly do, some just ask just to ask) but still - its a personal thing so your answer is perfect!

[HappyHomeCC 2]

I see myself in your post. Over the years I would lose and get to 169.... get too much attention and inquiry and begin to binge again. I am at 184 now and I am trying to work it out. Starting out through this lapband process I enlisted the help of a counselor, I have not seen her since 2 weeks preop and thinking I may need to schedule another appt soon!

[Sue Magoo 71]

Hi:

I got uncomfortable with saying how big the loss was too, because it was like saying "I got to be the size of a cow." One way to respond is "I'm not sure how much I've lost, but I've still got more to lose to become the average-sized amazing woman that I am on the inside on the outside".

Best wishes to you with your lapband journey.

Sue

[tessiekay 0]

I appreciate this thread as it has caused me to reflect on the times in my life when I was overweight and was tempted to and perhaps at times did actually query someone about their improved appearance and/or weight loss. From my perspective at the time I know that my questions were never intended to be intrusive (though I can see now how they might have seemed so), and certainly never malicious, but rather driven from a desperate sense of being out of control and searching for anything that might help me. I can give folks the benefit of the doubt now, but can see how this can be a problem for those that it causes anxiety for. I'm taking that lesson to heart!

Fortunately for me, I do seem to find the questions/attention motivating...in fact it was a little weird for me recently attending a function (reunion) where the majority of folks had not seen me in 5 years or longer and would have no idea of the recent change. It took a bit for me to realize that I was just a "normal" person....something that I'm going to have to get used to. I can't tell you how many times I had to stop myself from saying something really ridiculous about how I've lost over 40 lbs. For all I knew thosee folks remembered me as being skinnier that I am now:rolleyes2:.

I must be really fortunate (or insignificant) though:tongue_smilie:because not a lot of people seem to comment on my weight loss....those that do actually ask for a number get a very casual response: "Oh...I guess it's just a bit over 40 lbs.....but you know I've been working on it since March!!!" Those are the same folks that will be the ones to ask how I did it. Besides my medical team, only 3 people are aware that I was banded (another discussion entirely on the rationale for that decision...but I wouldn't change it), so the answer to their question is still an honest (but slightly incomplete) answer. I say that the first thing I did was cut out all sodas (diet) and started drinking more Water. I tell them that I TRY to eat better, focusing on Proteins and low carb and moderate fat and TRY to stick to healthy foods since I also TRY to eat very small meals as slowly as I can manage. For anyone that asks about exercise I am also honest....:thumbup:...that I really need to do more than I do (practically nothing-sigh) and that if I did I'd probably be doing a little better on the weight loss. So far no one (that I know) has questioned my methods, though I have one friend who was banded and knows that I was considering it that might suspect....the behaviors are obvious to another bandster...but hasn't said anything.

I have one coworker who is NOT overweight, but is very health/diet conscious and we "talk diet" regularly.

She has no idea that I had surgery and our talks are more or less a confirmation and accountability for both of us on our individual journeys. I guess my point is that everyone who is on this weight loss journey and is successfull has some "tool" to help them along, whether it be faith, will-power, a body that cooperates (which I did NOT have) or a Lap-Band®®.

Sorry...I seem to have gotten off track, but feel much better now. Thanks for the indulgence with my venting!

[hillmama 0]

If it is something that makes you uncomfortable discussing, I would casually say that's a good question.... I haven't stepped on the scale in a long time. And leave it at that. And say that every time someone asks you.

Others reaction to your weight loss is something you really have to be careful with. I lost all my weight within a year - 140 pounds - and each time I saw someone I knew their jaws would drop literally. I would get positive comments and people would tell me how awesome I looked, wanted to know how much weight I had lost, etc...It was great, until I hit my goal and stabilized. Everyone got used to the new me which was a blessing, but now that the hype is over in seeing dramatic change in me it's a little depressing. It makes me feel like something isn't right. Then I developed a lap band complication and had to have all Fluid let out and a revisional surgery. not fun! i've gained a little and it has made me pretty self-conscious. I'm working through all that! based upon my experience, I would take the comments, opinions, and questions from 'outsiders' (those not living with a band) with a grain of salt! Best wishes!

[JeweI 2]

I have thought too about how I will answer that question.Just like some people don't like to say how old they are I don't like to discuss how much I weigh or eat. I want the lapband but I don't want everyone to know I have one. Maybe it will change after I have my surgery and the weight comes off. I don't want people to think I did it the easy way because the lapband is not easy. I will still have to guard what enters my mouth and exercise.

I dont think your reply comes off harsh at all. I have told people myself that I threw my scale out. It is not always accurate and can just frustrate me more.

I think I am just gonna tell people my weight has always been a struggle and I don't like to talk about it.

[kkarryall 0]

I have the same problem...I don't mind telling the people that I love; but lots of people that are not even that close to me just keep asking and asking. So now when they ask me "How much weight have you lost?" I just say "A lot."

[greytz 4]

I agree that the number should not define you however, for me it is a matter of being focused on what I am doing. That is what it has been all about for me. So, when someone asks me, I tell them. It allows me to remember again why I am doing this and makes me smile. I am proud of what I have accomplished. In the beginning, I told very few people but obviously now, everyone has noticed. Some are brave enough to ask and I do talk about it to them when they do. I really don't care what other people think and if they talk when I walk out of the room or store or whatever, then let them talk. So far, I have been happy with my decision to handle it that way and haven't had any real problems in that regard. Good Luck on whatever you decide to do.

[amylovescookies 8]

I HATE THIS QUESTION! The only person that knows my weight is my husband. Why do people think just because you are overweight they have the right to ask you about your weight. The next rich guy I see I'm gonna go up and ask him about his bank account. We'll see how that goes over. People have no class. When my mother asks me how much weight I have lost-I reply, 'Why, are you planning on buying me clothes?' Hey if she says 'yes' well then I might tell her. (She hasn't said yes yet.) When it comes to my friends I simply say, 'I am glad that you can see that I have lost weight. I cant tell anymore.' And then I change the subject.

[LeighaMason 19]

I am going to let you in on a car salesman's best friend, redirection.

"So how much do you weigh?" (Or insert any question that you don't want to answer)

I'm not sure...oh by the way, did you hear about _____? or

I don't know...oh by the way, did you get your hair cut? or

I'll have to check on that...oh by the way, didn't your kid learn to _____?

Start them talking about themselves and they will forget to question you.

[mousek 4]

If somebody outside my tightest group asks me, i will just give them a quizzical look as i think that it is so bad manners to ask people such personal questions. They will see from my expression not to ask or ever try to ask again.

[willowcat 93]

Some people I told "how much" and with some people (who I thought were just blabber-mouths and only wanted a juicy gossip tidbit to pass around--you know who those people are!) I'd just laugh and say "Oh come on, you know you can't ask a lady her age or her wieght!" That aways made them laugh, but they also never asked me again.

[twi 40]

I just say something vague like ,I don't really knw. After awhile they give up not getting a direct answer. Of course there is always one that won't and if they get rude I just tell them I don't like talking about it.

[Ladybandito 516]

I also have an issue with people noticing or asking about my weight loss. I think that's one of the reasons I am taking it so slow even with the band ... About 35 lbs lost post surgery from Mid-Jan '12 ... Some people are just starting notice now and I find I want to munch later or the next day. It's funny because you would think the attention would be motivating. I try avoid discussing weight (anyone's weight for that matter) and dieting altogether now, except for here on LBT. I am very pleased with my slow and steady loss, BTW.