Super Secret

[mandyfsc 0]

I haven't told anyone about my surgery. And it is set for January 15th. Don't get me wrong- I am SUPER excited! But I am terrified of what my friends and family would say.... " You don't need surgery.", "You are beautiful as you are." "You could do this on your own."

I decided to get surgery in Mexico because I would not be approved by my insurance company here. I am about 80lbs overweight and have been overweight my whole life. And it has been a secret struggle. I know my friends and family- they will say, "you can do this on your own!" and be super supportive. But they don't know the struggle I have felt since age 13.

So what do I do?? I have chose not to tell anyone.

Is that crazy?? I don't question my decision at all! But I think others would. So what do you think???

To tell or not to tell.... that is the question.....

[GraciesMom 0]

I haven't told anyone about my surgery. And it is set for January 15th. Don't get me wrong- I am SUPER excited! But I am terrified of what my friends and family would say.... " You don't need surgery.", "You are beautiful as you are." "You could do this on your own."

I decided to get surgery in Mexico because I would not be approved by my insurance company here. I am about 80lbs overweight and have been overweight my whole life. And it has been a secret struggle. I know my friends and family- they will say, "you can do this on your own!" and be super supportive. But they don't know the struggle I have felt since age 13.

So what do I do?? I have chose not to tell anyone.

Is that crazy?? I don't question my decision at all! But I think others would. So what do you think???

To tell or not to tell.... that is the question.....

It is totally your decision as to whom you tell and who you chose not to tell, and your responsiblity to allow people to be stupid. They many times do not understand the strife of being overweight, and the yo-yoing weight cycles you have gone through all your life. Out of ignorance they often will say"You're not that big". or "Weight Watchers worked for this girl at my job and she was bigger than you.", and the one I LOVE is "I would NEVER have that surgery". Yeah right, lets see someday, "would never have"... probably.

One the other hand, I have told everyone who would listen, but I guess I believed wholeheartly that this surgery is what I need, and that when stupid statements were thrown at me (and most surprisingly. most of those were by family and close friends as opposed to casual aquaintances) I blew them off.

To my way of thinking, the more peole that know, the more accountability I will have, and that is what I personally need. Not to mention, by letting eveyone know, I have found, or shall I say uncovered many fellow wls sisters and brothers who like you stay mum. But they know I am a "safe person" and reveal all their secrets and helpful hints to me.

Again, neither is right or wrong, just what you feel in your heart is right or wrong. But you probably should share the news with someone you trust, for support and to share as a medical history reason.

Good luck with your upcoming surgery, and good luck with your decision.:thumbup:

[Patterba 6]

My immediate family knows and that's it.

My losing weight again will not be a surprise to anyone.. I go up and down on my weight like a NY elevator!!

The big difference this time is my weightloss elevator is only going in one direction and that is to the Lobby Floor.

The other of circle of people who should be in the know is obviously your family doc and any other specialist you see for medical care. Once you get restriction, you may need some meds in liquid form as some pills can not be crushed. So keep that in mind.

Good Luck to you.. you have come to the right place for support..

[ladons 0]

i Have the same problem, but i did tell my husband my mother, and 2 close friends. You need to let someone know just to be on the safe side. I am just waiting on my insurance approval. I havent even told my boss, but once my insurance approves it i will let him know because i will need days off. GOodluck. keep me posted

[dyingtobethin 0]

I understand your story completly you have wrote my story of the struggle i have had since age 9. I think you at least need to tell one good friend or family member that you are real close to. The reason is you are going to need a support team to talk to about how you are feeling from time to time and you will need that support.

[Moxi 0]

My husband is the only one who knows, so mine is a super secret too. :thumbup:

[Humming Bird 275]

I can't tell you what to do or who to tell. For me personally, everyone knows, and I do mean everyone. I have only received supportive comments so far. If people know, they become my support team.

[kagead 0]

I replied to this on a similar thread, but I have already starting telling people and I probably won't have surgery until May, at the earliest.

Everyone who knows me knows the struggle I have had with my weight. My mom had (very successful) LB two years ago, so the immediate family was no issue at all. The friends I have told so far have been nothing but supportive. Concerned, but supportive. They have said many of the same things mentioned here, "You aren't that big", "Surgery is drastic" and the like, but they haven't judged me at all.

I am self employed and work from home, so I don't have the boss/coworker issue at this point in my life, but at previous jobs I probably would have told them, too. At some point, my clients will begin to notice as will colleagues I see only once or twice a year. I'll cross that bridge when I come to it

To each his or her own and only you know your own comfort level. For me, this is a HUGE decision and I could not imagine doing this without the support and encouragement of those around me.

kagead

[TheCutestFatty 3]

I am getting my surgery in Mexico as well and have only told one person. That person is a friend from college who has the same weight struggle and is currently in med school so she wasn't completely ignorant to the process. I told her because I needed to let someone know just in case the unthinkable happens. I wanted someone to know where I am and she is understanding. Do you have just one person you can tell?

I won't be telling anyone else. I told my mother I was considering the surgery and she couldn't get past the cost she is also morbidly obese. I told my younger sister who weighs 125lbs I was considering the band and she was like no that's so dangerous. Surgery is soo dangerous. This is the same girl who will be getting implants the second she can buy them.:thumbup: Because an elective much more invasive procedure makes more sense than getting a lap band for my health?? So I won't be telling anyone. I have already started losing weight so people will just assume i am continuing to lose. I plan on getting support here on the lap band talk website and from the one friend I have told.

I hope things work out for you I completely understand your predicament.

[greytz 4]

I struggled with this decision before I had the surgery and was really afraid to tell my mother who is old fashioned and doesn't usually understand about stuff like this. I bit the bullet and decided to tell her in advance and I was shocked. She was so supportive because she wanted me to get healthy but wouldn't say anything about my weight afraid she would hurt my feelings. She has been so great through it all and now I have someone I can call and talk to if I get discouraged or need guidance. She has been great. She is here now for Thanksgiving and told me how proud of me she is. It really made me feel good for the first time in a long time. I also only told my husband and a couple of very close friends who have really helped me along the way. No one else needs to know.

[cent 0]

Didn't wont to tell anyone but you have to have a ride.So i don't wont my friend to drive 100 miles to take me so i ask my sister online but i didn't tell her what for.She said ok an i will tell her maybe the week of and i do have my friend as a back up.

[elcee 3,341]

The only person that I have told is my husband. My teenage son doesn't know, my daughter is away at uni and she doesn't know.I do have support as I go to a monthly support group meeting.

Not having told my friends I tend to feel a bit weird when they carry on about my weight loss which they do! It's not so bad with casual friends - I have no problem telling them that I eat less, drink less alcohol, don't eat chocolate on a daily basis etc. It just feels wrong when I tell my close friends this - almost as though I'm lying which technically I'm not- it's just not the WHOLE truth. At this stage I wouldn't know how to fess up and tell them and in reality they don't need to know. My body,my health my business!

But be prepared if you don't tell people to maybe have similar feelings.

My mother and sister live overseas and I am going to visit them for 6 weeks over Christmas. I will decide when I am there if I should tell them or not.I will probably have to .

[Amaris 0]

I am struggling with the "who to tell" issue. So far, I've told my husband, my best friend and my in-laws that I'm considering the surgery. I only told my in-laws because I am staying with them for the week-end and disappeared to go to my seminar; they were curious about where I was going. They both seem very supportive.

I do blog about my experience, but I do so anonymously. I really admire the people who are so open about it, but the potential scrutiny just makes me uncomfortable. Maybe as I see success, I'll feel more comfortable talking about it.

I don't know who else I'll tell ... I guess I'll treat each relationship individually, and do what feels comfortable. Of course, I'll tell all of my medical team and my therapist! In fact, I'm counting on support from all of them!

[Liftingchic 0]

I am having my surgery in Jan or Feb.. I have told many close people. (ie sister, mom,dad) and I told some people at work... I dont talk about it online except for here.. My thing is if I dont tell anyone and something happens they are going to know anways.. I would rather then find out before then after..

My own issue is I play a team sport and we start practicing in Janurary so I am not sure how i am going to go about this without telling them.. I will cross that bridge when it comes..

[mandyfsc 0]

You guys are so wonderful! Thanks for the input.

I think I will keep it hush hush until I actually leave. I'll tell my sister while I am away. Since I'm going to Mexico, I have to have my bases covered for worst case scenario also. But I think if I tell her ahead of time she will try to talk me out of it. But if I tell her while I'm there then it's too late. I mentioned it to her once before and her response was that she feels it is the "easy way out". That was hard to hear. Because of all the research I have done- I am certain it is not the easy way out. And I truly thought she would be my best chance of getting support since she is as overweight as I am. But she didn't really see it my way and I don't want to deal with the judgment with all the stress I'll be under anyway.

As I see success I'll consider telling others. All of my friends are super skinny so it's not something that would have ever crossed their minds- so it feels weird trying to discuss it.

That's also why I chose January surgery. I want to play up the whole New Years thing. I will begin my pre-op diet New Years and have the surgery on the 15th. So it should be perfect. The majority of my friends are runners and my goal is to become one too. So that is my exercise plan. I want to start the "Couch to 5K" to teach myself to run.

Again, thanks for all your input. You are a great support team- even if you are virtual. :thumbup: