Starting to feel hopeless

[jenibeni 1]

Hi everybody! I'm 22, work full time, and go to school part time.

I've been overweight since 3rd grade. In 2nd grade I was skinny as can be, then all of a sudden...BAM! Overweight. In middle school I remember buying a pair of size 13 shorts at age 11. They didn't fit the next summer.

Freshman year of high school I weighed about 170 pounds, but during softball season I lose about 30 pounds exercising 4 hours a day 5 times a week. That ended, and the next season I was out with a broken wrist. After that I was too out of shape to go out for varsity softball, so I didn't. I didn't feel like I could get back into softball shape.

Freshman year of college was different for me; I moved into the dorms and actually lost my freshman 15, and weighed about 187 pounds. This was probably a combination of sleepless nights and going out dancing with my roommates, as well as having a meal plan that only let me eat twice a day. My second year of college I became depressed and gained about 30 pounds, weighing in at 220 or so.

In 2007 I went on Atkins for about 2 months and got down to 191 pounds. Sadly, I was not able to keep up that diet and ballooned back up. I've steadily gained until now I'm at 249, one pound away from 250. I've always told myself I wouldn't let myself weigh this much, ever, that I could control it.

I've thought about weight loss surgery in the past, and my mom, dad, and sister have all had the roux-n-y gastric bypass. My sister first had a lap band, and it didn't work for her... but I know that I am more focused than she is in terms of following the correct procedures. Today I was just casually browsing, and as I read more and more I started crying. I didn't realize how much this was affecting me.

Last night I was out at the bar with my roommate and her friend from out of town. They are both really pretty and skinny, and immediately had about 7 guys surrounding them. Me? I was introduced, but after that I was pushed to the outside of the circle. Try as I might, even if I was standing in the circle, no one would really talk to me. Then of course my friends use me as a way to get out of awkward situations, like if they don't like a guy...they push him off on me, and move on to a cuter guy. They also expect me to say things like "Oh, it's time to go home!" so I'm not only the fat friend, but the lame fat friend who wants to go home instead of go to an after party. The sad part is I do want to go home, because it's pretty much no fun at all being ignored by both your friends and everyone else while out and about.

Anyways, I have insurance through my work, but no PCP. I just got a new job and the insurance network is based on the east coast, but I live in California. I have the money saved up to pay out-of-pocket, because I've also read up on my insurance company and found that they have a big history of denying coverage. I was looking at Dr. Aceves in Mexicali, he seems to have really good reviews. I haven't read a bad thing about him and I've been researching for about six hours.

Sorry this is so long, but I want to give a good description of what I'm going through to see if anyone else has any good tips or words of encouragement.

[Somedayslim:) 1]

Surgery is a personal choice but speaking from my own experience I would have lap band surgery again. I have lost 50 pounds since July and feel much better.

Being overweight is depressing! Lap band surgery may be the help that you need! It isn't all roses, and you do need to find something other then food to fill your life.

Lap band for me gives me the control to turn away from food. I wasn't able to do that before.

Good luck!

[jenibeni 1]

Thanks, somedayslim. That was something I needed to hear. I have great difficulties with always feeling hungry, even if I just ate. I know there is something broken in me that I need to fix.

[JosShavaughn 0]

Hi. I'm Joshlyn. I'm 23, 24 in 21 days. I don't work, well I kind of do, I sell Scentsy Wickless Candles, similar to a Mary Kay style company. But I do go to school full time.

I am having my surgery on the 23rd of this month. It's taken 10 months, it was only supposed to take 6. But instead I got denied the first time for my psychological clearance, then had trouble getting cardiac clearance.

I almost gave up. I thought... I'm never going to get approved, I am just going to be fat forever. And I'm almost 300, I'm about 295.

Don't give up. just try your damndest to get your surgery and just know, even if there's hurdles, they aren't a brick wall, they can be overcome.

[LindaD 3]

Having the band (since May 29th) has helped me physically but it has also helped me mentally - it has given me hope where no hope has been able to grow for a very long time.

This weight issue - it is physical and mental. It's not just a behavior issue ("If you wanted to lose weight badly enough, you would. You're just making excuses. Just put down the food and exercise more.") Having an approach that helps with the physical AND mental side of it is huge - no pun intended. And it's given me hope and motivation and belief in my self.

I don't know how to assess how much the "physical" part is helping as compared to that - the hope/belief part. But I'd say they're both pretty darn important.

For too many years, I tried to solve this problem in my head, and I would berate myself every time I failed, only compounding the issue.

Now here I am, I've lost over 80 pounds (still have a ways to go!) and I *KNOW* I can do it - I know I'm not just a lazy glutton. I am willing to put the work in and make the effort. I just needed some help.

Good luck.

By the way, don't blame it all on your weight. You can stand up RIGHT NOW and not let yourself be treated badly. I don't think your friends sound all that wonderful given the way they appear to use you. Weight loss surgery and losing weight will not solve those sorts of issues. Regardless of what the scale says, you can stand up for yourself immediately and assert yourself to the world - "I am worthy of respect. I will not be treated like a second class citizen." If you're not getting the right treatment from people, then you need to demand it from them. They may not treat you that way because of your weight - they are probably treating you that way simply because you allow it.

[jenibeni 1]

Forgive me if I sound like I'm in denial; maybe I should explain my friends a little more. Friend 1 is my best friend and roommate, and she is one of those lovely people who doesn't see fat or thin people; she just sees them for who they are. I don't think she understands why guys at the bars won't hit on me, because she doesn't see me as fat. She just sees me as a funny gal who deserves to be treated normally. When she gets attention, however, she goes off in her own little flirting world.

Friend 2 is actually a friend of friend 1, but we are acquaintances. She was actually hanging out with me more all night, and tried to include me in conversation. I think it was mostly pushing off the creepy guy to me, but I didn't feel bad because he was creepy and I didn't talk to him either.

Thanks for putting it into perspective for me, Linda. I think I need to find some new friends who understand what I'm going through, which is why I decided to join this forum.

[Melinco 1]

Jeni,

If you use a doctor from Mexico, you may want to find a local doctor for all of your fills and follow up visits. From what I've read on here, having a physician from Mexico - while great for the pocket book - can be hard in terms of follow up care and fills.

However, you may be close enough to Mexicali that it won't be an issue.

Good luck.

[happy2lose 0]

Hi everybody! I'm 22, work full time, and go to school part time.

I've been overweight since 3rd grade. In 2nd grade I was skinny as can be, then all of a sudden...BAM! Overweight. In middle school I remember buying a pair of size 13 shorts at age 11. They didn't fit the next summer.

Freshman year of high school I weighed about 170 pounds, but during softball season I lose about 30 pounds exercising 4 hours a day 5 times a week. That ended, and the next season I was out with a broken wrist. After that I was too out of shape to go out for varsity softball, so I didn't. I didn't feel like I could get back into softball shape.

Freshman year of college was different for me; I moved into the dorms and actually lost my freshman 15, and weighed about 187 pounds. This was probably a combination of sleepless nights and going out dancing with my roommates, as well as having a meal plan that only let me eat twice a day. My second year of college I became depressed and gained about 30 pounds, weighing in at 220 or so.

In 2007 I went on Atkins for about 2 months and got down to 191 pounds. Sadly, I was not able to keep up that diet and ballooned back up. I've steadily gained until now I'm at 249, one pound away from 250. I've always told myself I wouldn't let myself weigh this much, ever, that I could control it.

I've thought about weight loss surgery in the past, and my mom, dad, and sister have all had the roux-n-y gastric bypass. My sister first had a LAP-BAND®, and it didn't work for her... but I know that I am more focused than she is in terms of following the correct procedures. Today I was just casually browsing, and as I read more and more I started crying. I didn't realize how much this was affecting me.

Last night I was out at the bar with my roommate and her friend from out of town. They are both really pretty and skinny, and immediately had about 7 guys surrounding them. Me? I was introduced, but after that I was pushed to the outside of the circle. Try as I might, even if I was standing in the circle, no one would really talk to me. Then of course my friends use me as a way to get out of awkward situations, like if they don't like a guy...they push him off on me, and move on to a cuter guy. They also expect me to say things like "Oh, it's time to go home!" so I'm not only the fat friend, but the lame fat friend who wants to go home instead of go to an after party. The sad part is I do want to go home, because it's pretty much no fun at all being ignored by both your friends and everyone else while out and about.

Anyways, I have insurance through my work, but no PCP. I just got a new job and the insurance network is based on the east coast, but I live in California. I have the money saved up to pay out-of-pocket, because I've also read up on my insurance company and found that they have a big history of denying coverage. I was looking at Dr. Aceves in Mexicali, he seems to have really good reviews. I haven't read a bad thing about him and I've been researching for about six hours.

Sorry this is so long, but I want to give a good description of what I'm going through to see if anyone else has any good tips or words of encouragement.

Hi, I'm Donna. I had lapband surgery in April of this year by Dr. Alberto Aceves. He and his staff are wonderful!

Let me know if you have any questions.

[pampam1973 0]

There are usually places that offer discount packages. I had my band in Plano Texas at www.tlcedge.com for 9990.00. It was all inclusive. I finance mine through www.carecredit.com at 186.00 a month. They also have a cosigner program if you have less than perfect credit or not enough credit. Tons of surgeons accept carecredit nationwide. Hope this helps

[jenibeni 1]

Hey PamPam,

Thanks for your help! I've already decided to do this with Dr. Aceves in Mexico. I'm hoping to get my day in this month!