How do I get in these predicaments?

[DeLarla 22]

Tonight my friend from high school came to town after not seeing her since the 1980. I expected Wild Child; I got Nancy Regan, with legs crossed. Based on her hot hot teen bod and butt-length teen silken hair, I expected her to be accompanied by Orlando Bloom, but it was more like Ronald Regan/George Bush. She got old and serious, I got goofier.

Ronald was very quiet and subdued, even though they rode in from California on his Yamaha. Not much passed through those pursed, tight lips, but he was strangely and overly interested in my Slumber stuff and immediately asked for a catalog, which I always have with me.)

After one of those weird dinners with too many long pauses of silence, they asked me where the best nudie club was. Eeeeesh! So I gave them directions to Cheetahs, but they looked at me as if I were insane for thinking I wasn't joining them.

Not wanting to be rude, I offered to lead the way. When we got there, they twisted my arm, so I agreed to go in. But when they found out it wasn't totally nude, they led the way back to the parking lot and asked valets where we could find the real deal. Deep breathe. Hubby thinks I'm at a cocktail party, and he's asleep, so I can't even phone home to find the proper protocol.

Not wanting to be a rude hostess, I agree to tag along. But when they found out there's no booze in the full nudie joint, they finally decide boobies will have to do. So off to Cheetah's we went. I felt like a VIP since locals get in free.

Tonight I learned that I'm effeminately not a lesbian or even a bisexual. I wish you guys could be in my head right now... I have NO idea how I ended up in a booby bar. But I got hit on by a guy who asked if he could escort me inside, and even my friend said he was hot! Too bad I didn't have a camera. I should have had him notarize a statement of authenticity. He was a HOT HOT HOT. But I missed hubby and felt a whole new feeling of weird guilt, so I had my Spritzer and pretended to talk on the cell phone since all the naked girls were winking at me (they're paid to.)

What will tomorrow bring? And if you don't believe I'm totally innocent, check out the time of this post. I was home by 10:45 p.m.!

[ReneBean 3]

Ronald and Nancy wanted to see nudie? What is this? The twilight Zone?

More proof that truth really is stranger than fiction. It sounds like a letter to Penthouse or something - except you didn't take HOT HOT HOT boy home for a manag... lol

Lisa, Lisa, Lisa. What ARE we going to do with you?

:]

[ladysplenda 1]

Strange People sometimes go to Boobie bars dont they. How funny.

I went to a Boobie bar one time with my first husband.A couple asked if they could set with us.There were no other tables open so we said yes.The man started buying drinks left and right.Then we found out what they were really up to.The women started rubbing my husbands leg.The made made several comments to me about how pretty he thought I was. They were swingers and wanted to know if we would go back up to there room and trade out. NO MORE BOOBIE BARS FOR ME.WE GOT OUT OF THERE FAST.

[PinkMary 3]

i'm not surprised that ..Nancy & Ronald wanted to see nudie...

i would surprised if they were just a cool normal couple

[DeLarla 22]

I failed to mention that Ronald bought Nancy a lap dance, which she thoroughly enjoyed! (By the way, how fun that we're talking in "Nancy & Ronny." They also offered to buy ME a lap dance, which I tastefully declined, however I did give one girl a dollar bill because I love dance and acrobats, and I was extremely impressed that she was able to do the splits, while standing on one leg, with the left one stretched straight up the pole and her back all swayed. It was very beautiful, so she earned the tip, though she asked me to slide it in her G-string, so I cooperated. OMG, if I had a body like that I'd be pole dancing too! It's simply not fair!

When I got home last night I left my husband a letter since we never see each other (he had to work this morning.) I told him of my adventures, and I’m not sure he’s thrilled since I didn’t get a note this morning. Every morning I get up and run straight to the kitchen for my love note. There wasn’t one this morning. Uht OH!

I had a stack of catalogs and cards with me, so I plug plug plugged the night away and propped up catalogs & cards in bathrooms and on drink trays. Never miss a business opportunity!

[Alexandra 55]

Tonight I learned that I'm effeminately not a lesbian or even a bisexual.

LOL!! I'm assuming you meant "emphatically" but this was a great Freudian slip!

[DeLarla 22]

We moved to Vegas in 1994 during the begining honeymoon phase of our love, but once I saw all the strip clubs and naked billboards, I got a lil worried. During the first week, I took him out on a surprise date and marched him right into Glitter Gulch (totally nude back then.) I HAD to see how this guy was going to react to all the amazing naked dancers in Vegas, let alone the half-naked cocktail waitresses at the hundreds of casinos!

So we sat and had a drink, and then I left the table to go to the bathroom and got "lost" and stayed away from the table for a long, long time. I stood far away spying on him, and he won my heart double time that night. Even my perverted husbsand didn't want anything to do with those girls. He just kept craning his neck looking for Mamma (me.) Someone did buy me a lap dance once, and I'm a good sport so I let it happend. But I kept telling the girl to pleaes not rub her boobs in my face. She almost cried in my ear and said she would get fired cause the boss was watching. So I hepled her out and told her to concentrate on my neck so we could whisper to each other. It was pretty fun, like a slumber party becasue we were whispering about things that had nothing to do with sex, she got paid well, and she got to keep her job. But again, those boobs! It's not fair!

[vinesqueen 2]

LOL!! I'm assuming you meant "emphatically" but this was a great Freudian slip!

And here, I thought she meant she was a "lipstick" non-lesbian....

[dylansmom 27]

OMG!!! That's just all too funny.

[DeLarla 22]

"Tonight I learned that I'm effeminately not a lesbian or even a bisexual."

Talk about funny, I don't even know what that word means! I typed that in Word then did a spell check, then pasted (too lazy to spell at that hour.) I wonder what I was trying to say?

[vinesqueen 2]

effeminate -- adjective

Etymology: Middle English, from Latin effeminatus, from past participle of effeminare to make effeminate, from ex- + femina woman --

1 : having feminine qualities untypical of a man : not manly in appearance or manner

2 : marked by an unbecoming delicacy or overrefinement

(from m-w.com but they have too many pop-ups for me. I need a better on-line dictionary.)

[DevilMayKare 1]

It was very beautiful, so she earned the tip, though she asked me to slide it in her G-string, so I cooperated. OMG, if I had a body like that I'd be pole dancing too! It's simply not fair!

DeLarla pole dancing??

You've got to be kidding. I just don't think the planet could handle it.

Anyway, you'd get bored with it pretty quickly.