NJChick 3 Posted October 14, 2005 A blonde called her boyfriend and said, "Please come over here and help me. I have a killer jigsaw puzzle, and I can't figure out how to get it started." Her boyfriend asked, "What is it supposed to be when it's finished?"The blonde said, "According to the picture on the box, it's a tiger." Her boyfriend decided to go over and help with the puzzle. She let him in and showed him where she had the puzzle spread allover the table. He studied the pieces for a moment, then looked at the box, then turned to her and said, "First of all, no matter what we do, we're not going to be able to assemble these pieces into anything resembling a tiger." He took her hand and said, "Second, I want you to relax. Let's have a nice cup of hot chocolate and then............", he sighed,....................... ....................... ......................... ....................... ......................... "Let's put all these frosted flakes back in the box." Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Rae 2 Posted October 14, 2005 On the outskirts of a small town, there was a big, old pecan tree just inside the cemetery fence. One day, two boys filled up a bucketful of nuts and sat down by the tree, out of sight, and began dividing the nuts. "One for you, one for me. One for you, one for me," said one boy. Several dropped and rolled down toward the fence. Another boy came riding along the road on his bicycle. As he passed, he thought he heard voices from inside the cemetery. He slowed down to investigate. Sure enough, he heard, "One for you, one for me. One for you, one for me." He just knew what it was. He jumped back on his bike and rode off. Just around the bend he met an old man with a cane, hobbling along. "Come here quick," said the boy, "you won't believe what I heard! Satan and the Lord are down at the cemetery dividing up the souls." The man said, "Beat it kid, can't you see it's hard for me to walk." When the boy insisted though, the man hobbled to the cemetery. Standing by the fence they heard, "One for you, one for me. One for you, one for me..." The old man whispered, "Boy, you've been tellin' the truth. Let's see if we can see the Lord." Shaking with fear, they peered through the fence, yet were still unable to see anything. The old man and the boy gripped the wrought Iron fence tighter and tighter as they tried to get a glimpse of the Lord. At last they heard, "One for you, one for me. That's all. Now let's go get those nuts by the fence and we'll be done." They say the old man made it back to town a full minute ahead of the boy on the bike. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
NJChick 3 Posted October 14, 2005 HAAAAAAAAA !!! good one Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
chichigirl 1 Posted October 14, 2005 Thanks you gals! Those are really cute and both have me laughing out loud. I always appreciate anyone who can make me laugh. It's one of my favorite pastimes, laughing that is. Keep 'em coming! Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
DeLarla 22 Posted October 14, 2005 A duck waddles into the market and asks, "Hey, got any grapes?" The clerk responds, "Sorry, no grapes today." 30 minutes later, same duck waddles into same market and asks same clerk, "Hey, got any grapes?" Disturbed, the clerk shoots a stern glare and says, "NO, we don't have any grapes today." 20 minutes later, same duck waddles in same market and asks same clerk, "Hey, got any grapes?" The Clerk loses his temper and screams at the duck, "No, I don't have any damn grapes, and if you ask me again I'm going to nail your flippers to the floor!" 10 minutes later the same duck waddles into the same shop and asks the same clerk, "Hey, got any nails?" The clerk says, "No, we don't carry nails." The duck says, "Good, then do you have any grapes?" Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
chichigirl 1 Posted October 14, 2005 Toooo cute, thanks Lisa!!!! Cindy Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
ReneBean 3 Posted October 16, 2005 Oh geez - I think that's what you have to do the insurance company to get approval! Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
NJChick 3 Posted October 18, 2005 When Name Calling isn't Swearing ckncat.bmp Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
NJChick 3 Posted October 18, 2005 And another .......................... dogho.bmp Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
NJChick 3 Posted October 18, 2005 lastly.......................... Vaccuum.bmp Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
NJChick 3 Posted October 18, 2005 Okay one more................. mellons.bmp Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
chichigirl 1 Posted October 18, 2005 ROFLMAO!!!!!!!!! Thanks Eileen, for always putting a smile on my face and laughter in my heart!!!! Cindy Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
NJChick 3 Posted October 19, 2005 Its nice to know y'all are just as sick and twisted as I am Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
