I wish there was a way I could have had this surgery without anyone knowing...

[kristik99 0]

I was banded on 9/16. Before surgery, I only told a few people. My husband, my mom, my sister, and two close friends. After, I decided that I was not going to keep it a secret, but I wasn't going to go out of my way to tell anyone.

My mom, who is usually my biggest support besides my husband, has been terrible. I am so hurt by what she did today...

First off, everytime I have eaten with her she has announced that I can't eat it or asks me if I can eat it.

Today, we went to lunch with a big group. I ordered and she asked me if I could eat all of it. I said, "Why do you want some?" Then when it came, she asked again if I could eat it. I said no and she announced to the table that I had had lap band surgery. I did not care if they knew. But it was awkward and it wasn't her place to tell anyone.

Then there is my husband who constantly asks me how much weight I have lost. It is only 10 pounds, but I got my first fill on Tuesday and I expect it to be more now.

Ugh, I feel like I am under a microcope.

[LollyMoe 1]

First of all, have a talk with your mom and explain how it makes you feel when she does things like that and you don't plan to tell everyone. Do it in a polite manner and help her to understand that this is very personal to you. Hopefully she will refrain from doing it again.

The first time my daughter & I went out to eat, I ordered a bowl of Soup. When the waitress ask me more than once if I was sure that that was all I wanted, my daughter looked at her and said" she has had surgery (didn't mention what kind) and if you would like to pay for what she can't eat, then she will be glad to order more". The waitress left the table to turn in my order. My daughter was very polite and the Soup was wonderful.

As for your hubby. Have a talk with him and let him know how it makes you feel when he keeps asking. Ask him if he is really interested or is he just asking to seem interested in what is happening to you in order to please you. Maybe he is really interested. I weigh every Wednesday and post the loss on a chart I have on the side of my filing cabinet next to my computer. I've seen hubby checking it quietly and then I usually get a hug or something a few minutes later. I know he proud of my loss and how I am doing b/c he has begun to tell other people how well I'm doing.

So hang in there and don't be too upset when others are watching you. Sooner or later they will forget you have it and think the small amounts you eat is normal for you.

[heidelfinc 0]

I was worried about the same thing, with my mother, so I made a point of sending her an e-mail saying "I am not sharing this with anyone" I hope she takes it to heart.

I am so sorry you were "outed" in that way. That would have hurt my feelings

[we3601 0]

I was banded on 10/19 and debated whether or not to tell people. I decided to keep the list as small as possible. So, only my husband and the hospital staff know. I'm not even telling my sons (ages 23 & 18). I just wouldn't want them to slip up and tell their girlfriends and then they tell their moms and etc, etc....

I just didn't want any outside pressure from anyone and I have the most supportive husband in the world. He knows that if I want to talk about the procedure and it's results, I will and if I don't feel like talking, he'll patiently wait. I also didn't want the prying questions, unwanted judgments from others.

Who knows? Maybe in a year or so, I'll be a lapband spokesperson but for now no one needs to know.

[kiz 1]

...So, only my husband and the hospital staff know. I'm not even telling my sons (ages 23 & 18). I just wouldn't want them to slip up and tell their girlfriends and then they tell their moms and etc, etc....

My son was away college, but I told him that I was having the lap band surgery, etc. He came home for a visit about six weeks later. After he saw me, he took my husband aside and asked him if I was losing weight. He had fogotten all about my surgery. Boys, you gotta love'em..:thumbdown:..lol

But other than telling my kids, I was like you. The only local people I told were my husband, kids, and my hairdresser (she's good at keeping things in the vault..:thumbup:). After a few months, when the weight loss was very noticeable, and friends started commenting on it, I told them about my surgery. I just didn't want any scrutiny at the get go. I think for some, it's a motivator, but for me, not so much.

Kristi, I would have also been very upset if someone announced my surgery to a group like that. I think the advice LollyMoe gave you on how to handle it is perfect.

[dbeers 0]

I only told my husband, kids and mom. I did not tell my sister because she is very judge mental. Even now when I see her she is always asking how much weight I have lost, what size clothes I'm wearing. I know it bothers her that I'm losing weight. She is always talking about a woman at our church that had lap band surgery, I just smile and say I don't really know much about that. I decided early on that I did not want to be under a micro scope. I had planned on telling no one at work except the personnel manager but I ran into someone I work with at a support meeting. I ask him not to say anything and for the last 7 months he has been quiet. Sometimes I would like to talk about my surgery, when someone tells me how good I look, but I'm still afraid it will be a big mistake.

Edited October 30, 2009 by dbeers

[HappyHomeCC 2]

my mom will be my biggest problem when and if she finds out.... she has always ragged me about my weight etc. She has not seen me since this summer I had only lost a couple of pounds at that point, now that I have lost as much as I have so far and still losing as this is preop time , hoping that I will have lost more round about Mid Nov... her birthday is the 15th.... so I will have to show up and bring her a present and make the formal invite to thanksgiving dinner even though I know she will decline.... She only lives 35 miles from me but we are not on the best of terms. So hopefully I will get her attention about all the weight loss and she can find her way to say something positive to me, but if she finds out "how" then the negative will fly! She would totally be the one to announce to the table and be loud about it etc. GGRRRRRRRRRRRR

[Liliana 0]

My surgery was on 10/23, and I have not had any problem telling what my surgery was about: all my family know, all my clients know and all my coworkers know... even my Facebook friends know!

I feel that by having so many people rooting for you, you feel a sense of responsibility to do what you set yourself out to do.

There should be no shame in trying to regain your health. I am not doing it to be a skinny hottie, nope, I am doing this to help my Lupus, my 3 herniated discs and my poor suffering knees.

As a psychotherapist I am always riding my clients about change and having a more positive outlook on life, and this is my chance to prove to myself that I can do what I ask from them day in and day out. By being a good role model of change I will be able to help them and myself. I want to believe what I say, I want to BE what I say, and by golly I'll do it!!

So ladies, be grateful that you have people looking out for your health and your success. I for a change, feel blessed to have people reminding me that I should not eat this or that yet, they are not doing it to be mean or judgmental, they are doing it out of love for me, and for that I will be eternally grateful.

[RebeccaJ 0]

Since I just got my first fill today, I am a little worried. He put in 3 cc's and I can't really eat anything without sliming or it coming back up. How much did your doctor put in? Have you been okay since?

[btrieger 21]

Kristi,

Deciding to have the surgery and carry through with it is a huge step and takes a lot of courage. Your mom is proud of you for being brave and finding ways to tell the world how brave you are.

Tell her you appreciate her concern but would be happy if she'd settle down a bit.

[great expectations 0]

I really don't want anyone to know either. My husband and my mother are usually very supportive. My mother, however, is very overweight herself and her entire conversations revolve around food. She has no desire to even try to loose weight and I know that she would probably not know what to talk about. My husband, although supportive, has a big mouth. I just know that he will tell everyone he knows and I don't want that. I am really tempted to just catch a cab to the hospital and back home and not even tell anyone at all, other than my surgeon and his staff.

[janetsjourneytoslim 3]

I know how you feel. My husband ask me constantly if I am alright, and when we choose a Restaurant, he ask me if I can eat any of the foods. Sure I can, do I want to? That is the question. I was banded on July 29, 2009, lost 42 lbs as of today, it was slow to start, but it will come off! Do not let anyone rob you of your joy. Talk to your Mom, she is just worried about you and does not understand how you feel. I usually order an appetizer, or fish. You don't have to eat everything on your plate and most Moms taught us! That is the way back to fat, the way to lean is in front of you now, stay on track, and don't get depressed for any reason, you will do it. Perservere.

[kristik99 0]

Thanks everyone. I appreciate the advice, etc. I did talk to her today and she said she was sorry and that she shouldn't have said anything. She said there is a spark in my eye that she hasn't seen in awhile and she is proud of me. That made me feel better--and she has verbal diarrea and I have always known that about her!

As for my husband, he is very supportive, but thin and just can't understand how I feel. The surgery cost a lot of money so I am sure he is wondering when he is going to see the results of the money we paid!

REbecca, my dr put in 4 cc's and I can harldly tell the difference. I would definately call and see what is going on!! I really think I could eat anything.

[Lady Lap Band 71]

If I were you I would tell my mom that from here on out that I dont want to tell any more people that I have had the surgery. I would just say because I am not comfortable talking about it yet. As far as your hubby asking about weightloss......serisouly I would just tell him that the second you loose weight you will be sure to anounce it and that he doesnt have to keep asking

[ParrotheadCathy 0]

You know, Dear Abby once told a reader that "you can't be a doormat if you don't lie down". That applies....You can't be "abused" this way if you tell them outright.

Tell your Mom you don't appreciate how she's acting. Tell her you can eat ANYTHING in the appropriate portions and you are sick and tired of her holding a magnifying glass over your plate and over-reacting to every bite. Tell her it's not necessary.

As for your husband, point out that this is not a short journey, that you didn't gain the weight in 6 months and it's not going away in six months. Point out that as long as you are losing, you are one happy camper and that you expect him to be happy for you rather than constantly asking how much have I lost?

As long as you grumble to us, we're gonna feel your pain but we can't fix it (if only!!!! Then we could all fix each other's problems) but you have the power to not lay down and take it. You don't have to hurt any feeling but they honestly may not realize how what they are saying affects you.

And, remember, your husband may be so excited that you're taking charge of this that he can't help but ask!