Uncomfortable in My Skin and newbie questions

[Electrawoman 5]

Hi everyone. Here's my intro post!

I am a 39 y/o artist, Mom and Wife and have been fussing over my weight since I was 13. A day hasn't gone by in that many years that I haven't thought about food or my weight from the time I wake up to the time I go to sleep.

Some history: I was athletic as a child--tall and lean and often called "too skinny". Then, I had a little weight gain around puberty (size 7 to size 9) and then woved steadily upward through my teens to a 12. In my early 20s, I gained 100 lbs in one year (size 12 to size 16). Then, I stayed at a size 16/18 for 15 years before gaining 50 pounds more in the past year or two. I blame stress for this one. (two military deployments, a relationship crisis, a high-risk pregnancy with 6 months of bed rest, a near-fatal car accident, and quitting my job to stay home with my son). Now. I wear a size 24 on a good day. And there aren't many good days because I am anxious, depressed and tired all the time.

Comorbids are: Upper Airway Restrictive Syndrome (similar to sleep apnea), PCOS, joint and muscle pain and constant irritability.

I love fashion but can't wear what I want. I make custom leather products and have already grown out of a display model I made just this Spring! I am running out of sizes and styles that are wearable. My next fashion step is the mu-mu and I REFUSE to go there. I made a vow today that I will not buy myself one more plus-sized outfit. EVER---even if I have to tie myself to a bed and wire my mouth shut.

I have also entered menopause and all my fat (which I carry around the waist) seemed to drop overnight. When I walk, I can now feel my stomach on my thigh. Because of the injuries from my accident and the intrusion of my fat rolls, there are simple things (like fastening a bra) that I need help with. Sometimes, I have to take a shower after using the toilet because I can't reach my butt to clean it properly. That hurts to type but it's time to be honest.

I am tall and my most comfortable weight has been around 170 but I haven't seen that number since around 1990. I have chosen that now as my goal weight. But really, I would just be happy if I didn't have a roll of fat on the back of my neck.

Like most of you, I have spent years denying, dieting and settling but I can't do that anymore. The truth is, my weight is out of control and I need help getting it together.

My most successful weight-loss attempt was the diabetic diet during pregnancy. I lost 12 lbs while pregnant. Go figure.

My diet of choice has always been basic healthy-eating with exercise plan but the results never come and I give up. It took me two years of 5-day workouts at the YMCA and a low-fat vegetarian diet to lose only 20 lbs. I was able to climb a mountain at the end but my size was basically the same. It left me frustrated and discouraged.

I am not afraid of exercise. In fact, I LOVE it (if I can get to the gym or motivate myself to get started). I love to swim and work the elliptical machine and weights.

I love food but at this point, I would eat dried grass for the rest of my life not to feel this way anymore. (I have said this before in my life and ultimately failed).

So, here I am looking at lap-bands. I went to a seminar today and was pleased with everything I saw and heard. I only have one thing holding me back.

What if I can't stop myself from eating past the full point?

How will the lap-band stop me? Being full doesn't stop me now. I am full right this second and planning to go find a snack any minute now.

The seminar host told us that what stops her from overeating is the throwing up process. She said she ate a doughnut after surgery and never did it again. I do hate to vomit. But is that enough to stop obsessive/head hunger? Until I can answer that question, I can't make a strong decision because I won't put myself through this just to fail. Right now, I am just going through the process, researching and meeting people to learn as much as I can.

I am dead-set against Gastric Bypass and lap-band is the only procedure I would ever consider. Since I can't seem to do it on my own, it's either this or die fat and early. I can't do that to myself or my family. I have the most perfect, darling little boy and I need to be here for a long time to watch him grow up.

I am usually the person on forums who gives all the advice but I can't do that here. This time, I think I need to shut up, listen and ask for help. So, I'm asking:

How did you deal with the emotional/head/obsessive eating?

What did you say to yourself when visions of cupcakes floated into your consciousness?

Does anyone have TriCare Standard who can talk to me about options and OOP costs?

Who is having a hard time with the band/lifestyle changes and what are you doing to change your thinking or behaviors in order to make it work?

Is there anyone here who regrets having it done?

If you are a survivor of abuse (like me) and put on weight as a protective shell, how did you feel when your body was vulnerable and exposed after weight loss? How did you deal with it?

How does losing the weight (or having the band) affect your relationships with others?

Would you do it again if you could?

Who here has gained weight back and why?

Do you tell people you had surgery? I ask because so many people consider it "cheating" even though we know it is hard work. (I have considered not telling anyone BUT I have a big mouth and probably can't keep it shut even if I try)

[serenity55 15]

Hi there!

I can't answer all of your questions, but I'm sure someone will come along who can.

I'm about eight and a half months out from lap band surgery, and it's the best thing I've ever done for myself.

I'm sure you'll hear lots of people say that it's different for each person, and that's true. Some people find that they can't eat different foods after surgery; some, like myself, have had no trouble. I have never had a productive burp (pb) or vomited. I can eat bread, meat, anything I want, just less of it. And I still struggle with food issues. The difference is that I have a tool that helps me. I started trying to eat more slowly when I knew I was going to get banded. I tried listening to my body--and I still don't do that perfectly--when I get full. People have many different tricks to help with overeating, drinking Water, chewing gum, walking, exercising, anything that will get your mind off food. And as I'm sure you know, it's really exciting to see the weight come off. The good news for me is that, though it's coming off slowly, it's staying off.

Some people find it helpful to see a therapist who deals with food issues. I think it's an excellent idea for me, because I have trouble with sweets. My surgeon sponsors support groups, one of them called, "Eating Normally" which basically deals with why we ate (sometimes still eat) the way we do, and how to reframe thoughts, look at feelings that cause us to eat, and what we can do to change those things, one day, sometimes one minute at a time.

I'm not sure if any of this will answer your questions, but I think you couldn't have found a better place to start asking. This site has been wonderfully supportive for me, and I hope you find it to be the same.

Keep posting. I know you will make the decision that is right for you.

Good luck.

Debbie

[shmack 0]

Hey there and welcome to the forums... I'll start by answering your questions as best as I can :thumbup:

How did you deal with the emotional/head/obsessive eating? I worried about this as well - For me, just the feeling of pain and discomfort was enough for me not to care about food for the recovery process.

I'm starting to get more hungry as they days go on, but all in all, I'm really not having that much at the moment. In regards to feeling full and overeating... It's a very different full feeling.. higher up in the stomach... that kind of feeling you get when you have majorly over eaten and feel like you could be sick... but not that extreme... more like a warning feeling that if you do keep it up you WILL be sick... trust me.. its the brain more than the stomach and it really surprised me. I'm sure you will be fine.

What did you say to yourself when visions of cupcakes floated into your consciousness? "One day I can have these again". I know I no longer have to restrict myself from WHAT I eat... just how much I eat.. I would probably be satisfied having half of a cupcake than several now... I just had half a caramello koala because I felt like something sweet... it's enough... before this I could have had many more and still wanting more...

Who is having a hard time with the band/lifestyle changes and what are you doing to change your thinking or behaviors in order to make it work? I'm only new post op, but I think my behaviours will sort themselves out to be honest. I've just spent almost $16,000 on this... I wont be ruining my chances after taking this major step to do something about it. If you're not ready to make the change, then you shouldnt be doing this.

If you are a survivor of abuse (like me) and put on weight as a protective shell, how did you feel when your body was vulnerable and exposed after weight loss? How did you deal with it? When I was about 3 years old, I had my step brother to be (who was 15) put his hands down my pants and feel me up. To this day, I have never really associated my weight with that experience, but I have always used my weight as a shell or sheild to keep people out.. as much as I wanted someone in. I have been with my current bf over 2 years and I still refuse to let him see me naked, and I don't believe I will ever have the confidence in myself, even after losing weight, to let him see me naked. I guess that is something we either have to live with or get help with to change it. I have such low self esteem that even the thought of him seeing me naked makes me feel sick to my stomach.. and it also nearly stopped me having surgery when I found out that my surgeon had to be changed to a male from my originally booked in female. Just him seeing my stomach (and possibly my breasts) was enough for me to feel extremely sick and put this off.

How does losing the weight (or having the band) affect your relationships with others? I get quite irky when people that are tiny talk to me about losing weight and taking Meal Replacements etc. I have this 'friend' at work, who is about a size 8 and she tells me she wants to lose weight and wonders whether the shakes I was on (pre op) would work for her... I told her as politely as I could that she would be silly to go to the extremes I am to lose weight.

Do you tell people you had surgery? I ask because so many people consider it "cheating" even though we know it is hard work. (I have considered not telling anyone BUT I have a big mouth and probably can't keep it shut even if I try) I have told a handful of people that I felt comfortable telling who I knew wouldnt judge me. I know that some people think its the easy way out and that frustrates me to no end. I told my bf I didnt' want him to tell anyone, and yet I found out that he told most people. I was so fucking angry, but at the same time it's a bit of a relief. There are still people I havent told and don't really want to tell - but I probably will end up telling them at some stage.

Hope my answers helped a bit.

[Headhunter 6]

I am dead-set against Gastric Bypass and lap-band® is the only procedure I would ever consider.

Why would you be "dead-set" against ANY procedure if in fact it MIGHT be what you NEED??

If what you "needed" was having your appendix removed, would you have your Gall Bladder removed simply because THAT fits within your comfort zone?

Understand that Lap Band and Bypass are two ENTIRELY DIFFERENT forms of surgery that are meant for different kinds of disorders. Many people don't seem to "get" that fact. Huge numbers of people are SOLD on the Band, and then have little or NO success with it, primarily because it was the WRONG procedure for their particular situation. There is a very big difference between a restrictive procedure and a Malabsorbtive procedure. There are SOME people who would benefit from either, but MOST people need one or the other to be successful.

Don't rule out ANYTHING.....make sure you get the RIGHT procedure done the FIRST time. The Band MAY....or may NOT be the right one for you.

HH

[shmack 0]

I don't think she meant that in a bad way mate... I am against the other surgeries because I don't want my body 'modified'. Things cut out and changed etc. Anyone else, good luck to them and it's their choice so I hope it works for them. If that is her personal opinion for her own body, then she can voice her thoughts on it :cursing:

[Headhunter 6]

I honest to God don't know why I bother with you clowns.

Having had BOTH a Lap Band AND Bypass, I am quite qualified to be fully aware of the mechanism by which each one works....or DOESN'T work.

Jeez.

Edited October 27, 2009 by Headhunter
Why Bother

[Jachut 487]

Overabsorption of nutrients causing obesity? Where on earth did you hear that one?

the only way you can get too much of any one nutrient is by eating too much of any particular food. The body will absorb what you put in it (more or less, many factors can cause you not to absorb much of what you eat), not overabsorb from reasonable amounts of food. You certainly dont get fat from "overabsorbing" the nutrients in healthy amounts of food.

Nobody needs a bypass becuase their body absorbs too many nutrients. They need a bypass becuase it suits them psychologically and they are prepared to run the risk of their body absorbing too few nutrients as a trade off for physical and emotional relief from obesity. And anyway, a bypass only adds malabsorption to drastically reduced food quantities - the main weight loss benefit still comes from much fewer calories going in in the first place

There's nothing wrong with not being prepared to take that risk, that's not close minded, that's just having feelings on the matter. However it doesnt follow that lapbands are entirely safe or effective for everyone either.

Edited October 27, 2009 by Jachut

[shmack 0]

Get off your high horse Headhunter. I didn't even bother reading your whole post because the first line was enough for me to realise you don't care about anybody's opinion but your own.

As I clearly said, each to their own.

If you really believe that "over-absorption" is the reason for some peoples obesity then you have issues. The poster above me said it better than I could have.

[Electrawoman 5]

Why would you be "dead-set" against ANY procedure if in fact it MIGHT be what you NEED??

Wow. Whats with all the venom? The GB is NOT for me so I am against it for myself. I would rather stay fat than permanently modify my organs. But that's just me and that's okay.

Chillax dude.

[DawnC 0]

Get off your high horse Headhunter. I didn't even bother reading your whole post because the first line was enough for me to realise you don't care about anybody's opinion but your own.

As I clearly said, each to their own.

If you really believe that "over-absorption" is the reason for some peoples obesity then you have issues. The poster above me said it better than I could have.

Amen!!:cursing:

[Headhunter 6]

Get off your high horse Headhunter. I didn't even bother reading your whole post because the first line was enough for me to realise you don't care about anybody's opinion but your own.

As I clearly said, each to their own.

If you really believe that "over-absorption" is the reason for some peoples obesity then you have issues. The poster above me said it better than I could have.

I am perfectly happy and content up here on my "high horse", thank you.

I happen to have “earned” my “high horse” over a period of 8 eight years of Multiple Surgeries and Procedures, INCLUDING a failed Lap band and a successful Gastric Bypass. I happen to KNOW of which I am speaking, and if YOU don’t think that over-absorbtion (known also as superabsorbtion and a few other terms) does NOT play a role in SOME cases of obesity, then you’ve been getting your WLS info from the back of a cracker box like some of the other wingnuts here. There are MANY reasons why Bypass works….that is ONE of them.

And you’re damn right…I DON’T give a rat’s ass about ANYONE’S opinion but my own…UNLESS they happen to be an experienced Surgeon, Doctor, or someone who has had an enormous amount of experience with the issue of Weight Loss Surgery. And I CERTAINLY wouldn’t listen to the “opinion” of some nitwit on an Internet Forum who has had their lap-Band not even for a WEEK.

There are few things more noxious than someone who is newly-banded. They love to run around telling everyone how wonderful it is, when in fact they are simply trying to convince THEMSELVES that they have made the right choice. Jeez.

And Jachut’s little diatribe? I don’t listen to ANYTHING she has to say. She’s a nut case. Bypass is meant for people because it “suits them psychologically”??? What a load of CRAP.

Note to Jachut: You had me on “Ignore” for several months, and I would prefer that you keep me there. I really don’t need you injecting your useless drivel into any of my conversations.

HH

[DawnC 0]

I am perfectly happy and content up here on my "high horse", thank you.

I happen to have “earned” my “high horse” over a period of 8 eight years of Multiple Surgeries and Procedures, INCLUDING a failed LAP-BAND® and a successful Gastric Bypass. I happen to KNOW of which I am speaking, and if YOU don’t think that over-absorbtion (known also as superabsorbtion and a few other terms) does NOT play a role in SOME cases of obesity, then you’ve been getting your WLS info from the back of a cracker box like some of the other wingnuts here. There are MANY reasons why Bypass works….that is ONE of them.

And you’re damn right…I DON’T give a rat’s ass about ANYONE’S opinion but my own…UNLESS they happen to be an experienced Surgeon, Doctor, or someone who has had an enormous amount of experience with the issue of Weight

Loss Surgery. And I CERTAINLY wouldn’t listen to the “opinion” of some nitwit on an Internet Forum who has had their lap-Band® not even for a WEEK.

There are few things more noxious than someone who is newly-banded. They love to run around telling everyone how wonderful it is, when in fact they are simply trying to convince THEMSELVES that they have made the right choice. Jeez.

And Jachut’s little diatribe? I don’t listen to ANYTHING she has to say. She’s a nut case. Bypass is meant for people because it “suits them psychologically”??? What a load of CRAP.

Note to Jachut: You had me on “Ignore” for several months, and I would prefer that you keep me there. I really don’t need you injecting your useless drivel into any of my conversations.

HH

I have a question for you HH. This is a "lapband" website as indicated by the site name "lapband talk". Since you love the GB and have nothing good to say about the LB - why don't you spew your thoroughly investigated knowledge on a GB site??? At this time next week I will have been banded. I read posts on this "lapband" site to familarize myself with the after surgery surprises. I investigated GB and LB. I chose LB - that is why I chose this site. I am sure the subscribers on a GB site would appreciate your rhetoric more than bandsters!

[potatie 5]

Hi Electrawoman, I have had my band for 19 months. I am now heading into PS. I can that I am amazed that the band worked for me. It is a struggle everyday though, you must pay attention to your food choices. I am finding everyday there are new foods that I can no longer tolerate, but that is just me. I find what works and I keep going with that.

I am also amazed that my head hunger disappeared when I have restriction. It is like the switch in my head was turned off. I am thankful for a surgery group that believes in getting a person to sweet spot really soon after surgery. Otherwise I do not think that I would have lost 170lbs in 19 months.

Also you will know when you are full. I was also worried about this prior to surgery. Your body lets you know. Once you expirence a PB you NEVER want to repeat the expirence, especially if you happen to be in a public place.

I would also recommend having a therapist in place prior to surgery. I found that about 3 to 4 months in I was having issues that were coming up and not in appropriate ways. So I went and sought out help for the head issues. It was very helpful and helped me to move beyond. Right now I am working on being comfortable with the new me. I have NEVER been this thin before. I am smaller than I was in high school. :cursing:

Good Luck and do what is BEST FOR YOU!!!

Katie K.

[1019Joanne 0]

as you can see - this is a site where people are very comfortable in expressing their own opinions.

Electrawoman, there are so many people on here who really are trying to give the best advise they can give you. Sometimes you have to read between the lines.

I am sorry that the questions you were looking to have answered somehow turned into something else.

Hang in there - and please feel free to message me if you have any questions.

[kiz 1]

How did you deal with the emotional/head/obsessive eating? I was a grazer, and two things made a huge difference for me. 1. I don't have a ravenous appetite since I got to my sweet spot. Once my hunger issues were under control, I found that I no longer had those urges to pig out on crap food. 2. I also don't keep my trigger foods around the house.

After a year, I'm starting to feel pretty comfortable that I wouldn't imbibe, but my family doesn't need that junk either, so I buy healthier Snacks and they're just as happy with that. I feel pretty guilty that I used to have the truly bad Snacks around, since they really could care less about them. Thankfully, my kids are slim, athletic, and healthy eaters and never developed my bad eating habits.

What did you say to yourself when visions of cupcakes floated into your consciousness? I say, maybe this weekend, maybe over the holiday, maybe tomorrow, etc. For me, this is my new life, which may include a cupcake or cookie on occasion, but *never* on a routine basis ever again. I am so glad to have those things out of my system.

Who is having a hard time with the band/lifestyle changes and what are you doing to change your thinking or behaviors in order to make it work? I absolutely LOVE my band with all my heart! Other then eating smaller portions, feeling healthy, losing weight, etc, etc, etc the impact on my life has been very minimal (at least in any negative way).

Is there anyone here who regrets having it done? I guess my last answer covers this one.

If you are a survivor of abuse (like me) and put on weight as a protective shell, how did you feel when your body was vulnerable and exposed after weight loss? How did you deal with it? I am truly sorry about your your past abuse.

How does losing the weight (or having the band) affect your relationships with others? I don't really notice any affect other than when I've seen friends I haven't seen in a while, and they're like what the heck (in a good way). I've had all positive responses. My husband and I have been together since we were teens and I was taut (lol). He pretty much kept his physique, while I grew. He has been great throughout, but becoming fit again has been a wonderful journey together. One of the things I regretted most about getting out of shape were all the activities that I felt like I had become a spectator. I just didn't have the energy. I have always loved the outdoors...hiking, boating, sking,.., and now, I can participate again. I LOVE it. In so many ways, I feel like were teens together again..in all the right ways.

Would you do it again if you could? Without a doubt!! I was self-pay, and it has been worth every penny. I would never suggest surgery to strangers, but when I see someone in the shape I was in or worse, it's hard not to tell them there's hope.

Who here has gained weight back and why? I reached a plateau and gained back five pounds over the summer before I got good restriction, but I didn't throw in the towel. I knew I could get back on the bandwagon with another fill, and more exercise effort.

Do you tell people you had surgery? I ask because so many people consider it "cheating" even though we know it is hard work. (I have considered not telling anyone BUT I have a big mouth and probably can't keep it shut even if I try). It was a need to know basis with me at first. I had read enough and I also knew my body, to know that I was not going to be one of those people who loses all their weight in nine months. I thought it would make it feel slower if people were asking me how it was going, etc. As the weight started to drop, and people started to notice (took about three months), then I told them about my surgery. The only person who said anything the least bit negative was my mother-in-law who said if she would have known ahead of time, she would have told me not to it (that's her being worried about any of us having surgery, being ill, etc, not out of spite).

Good luck!!