Dealing with comments like....

[Margo 0]

Most of the people I know and see regularly know that I have the band. I decided to tell my closest friends and well, now everyone knows. Unforunately, one friend told her mother who has a BIG, BIG mouth. This is just fine, but now I am starting to get ticked off with the way many of these people react to me. Comments like, "oh, you can't eat that", "should you be eating that", don't even look at the snack table, you can't eat that stuff", "what are you doing in the candy aisle, bad girl", "do you want the potatoes that come with the meal you ordered", "are you ALLOWED to eat that"......I could go on and on. I need some suggestions as to how I should deal with these types of comments since they are starting to drive me nuts.....

Thanks in advance.

[vinesqueen 2]

Tell these well meaning busy-body types that yes, indeed you are permitted an occasional treat, potato, thing...

being short with them won't help, they will just get offended and their feelings hurt because they "are only trying to be supportive."

Smile, pat their hand and thank them for their support.

the nominal lead for our group questioned my choice of having a candy bar one afternoon (I had a snickers bar). I told him that it was my first candy bar in weeks, and that I probably wouldn't have another one for a couple of weeks. All the truth mind you.

He harumphed but I didn't care.

[Parvathi 2]

I too, get this occasionally, Margo. I generally just say, "Yup, I can actually eat everything I did before the surgery, just in smaller amounts." I use this as an intro to teach them about the band and usually expand on the subject a bit. So many people do it out of misplaced concern or simply because they don't know any better (lots of them hear what bypass patients can't eat and assume that applies to band patients as well).

Sorry you have to put up with it though - it is frustrating.

[dylansmom 27]

Everyone else has great advice. I do the same. I'll just simply say, "Yes, I can eat that, just not as much as before, and not as often as I probably would've before." And if they ask questions, I'm happy to answer.

I agree with everyone else, sometimes people are just not as well informed about the band as they are the bypass.

[NJChick 3]

Poke em in the eyes

[Alexandra 55]

I'm with NJChick. I think it's unconscionably rude to comment on what other people are eating, no matter what!! I would never make such a comment to anyone, other than my own children, and to respond with anything other than a glare is endorsing it.

Now, I'm not talking about family members or close friends who are expressing true curiosity or caring about what being banded means in your life--that's a different matter. But acquaintances or colleagues who, out in public, DARE to comment on what or how much I'm putting in my mouth get a hostile glare from me and are thenceforth completely ignored. Comments like those listed in the opening post would absolutely appall me. Where were these people raised? (Can you tell this is one of my pet peeves?)

[HunnyBun 2]

Oh Alex! I absolutely HATE it when someone comments on my eatign habits. I am 23 years old and when I have ONE cookie (not 10), how dare someone come and tell me I shouldn't be eating it. My mom does this all the time and sometimes I am just about ready to throw the food at her and tell her off. Thank God none of my friends do this, but I can only imagine what comments they will make once I am banded.

I have to say, on a side note... since I made the decision about gettign the band, I started eating a lot healthier. I feel so relieved that I found something to help me control my weight that I am no longer stressed about being fat. The stress was what caused me to overeat! This is already good for me and I don't even have it yet.

[vinesqueen 2]

I like the "poke 'em in the eye" approch too, but unfortunately, two rudes don't make a polite.

Just because someone else doesn't use social graces doesn't mean I have to stoop to their level. Or should for that matter.

I understand that no-one like the food police. No one. But I think that many people do this out of genuine concern for our well being.

Of course, there will always be busy-bodies who think it is their duty to monitor what other poeple eat or buy. When I was on food stamps, complete strangers would think they had the right to go through my cart and remove food items. One person actaully went to far as to remove all the meat from my cart because they didn't think I needed to be eating such luxury items. Mind you, this happened to me more than once too.

[chichigirl 1]

Eileen you crack me up!!!!

But the truth of the matter, I feel that people who are making these comments are the same people who would make comments when I was heavier and would reach for something sweet or dare to order potatoes with my meal, God forbid. What I eat or don't eat for that matter is my business and certainly not theirs. If they were really so well intended, they'd keep their comments to themselves unless they were asked for their opinion.

I have tried to learn the difference b/w those who are really concerned with my well being and those who simply think they know everything for everyone in every situation. To me those who ask those ridiculous questions are the same people who tell someone they know is a diabetic, ohhhh, one little piece of cake, pie, cookie, etc, won't hurt you!!! It's like they're trying to kill you.

As far as their intentions, if they are truly well intentioned then they will ask me how my band works, not question what I am eating, especially while I am eating it.

Cindy

[Margo 0]

I would like to thank everyone for their suggestions and support with my situation.

And Eileen, thanks for the laugh....I needed that, girlfriend!! Actually, that is my one "desired" reaction then followed with f*@& off, BUT like Vines said....don't go down to their level of rudiness.

Alexandra, this has always been one of my pet peeves too....I would never in a million years comment on the type or portion size of what anyone eats....just rude!

Jack, love your desired response.....as always!!

I leave for a 4 day convention with "all these people" and will be eating lunch and dinner with them...so, it should be interesting!! I think I will approach it in two ways: First, if someone seems geniune...I will let them know that I can eat anything, just smaller portions. Second, if someone is just being a pain in the a*$, then I will ignore them...period!

Again, thanks for your help and I will report back on Sunday as to how things go....have a great rest of the week everyone!!

[live2canoe 1]

I think that Miss Manners ( if you read her column) would simply look at the offending person with a perplexed look on her face and say "I beg your pardon??" and leave it at that.

I like Alexandra's icy glare - and of course poking them in the eye!

But I don't think Miss Manners would agree!

Good luck at your convention! Let us know if anyone comes back sporting a new patch over their eye (aaarrrgh)

[leatha_g 4]

Jessie Ahroni tells people to keep their eyes on their plate and she'll keep hers on her own.. lol.

[BeckyinTexas 3]

Margo...I love some of these ways to handle comments! I get them, too and they also make me a bit angry. My fiance is honestly the worst at it and that drives me nutty! I'm forever hearing you can't have this or that and now I simply reply...."Well, 90 plus pounds in 5 1/2 months says I can!" He's also the tackless wonder that when I weighed in last week at my doctor's and told him that I had lost 95 pounds so far his reply was....is that all! A couple of the other patients sitting around him told him he was in the wrong place to make a dumb comment like that!

I remember our first potluck dinner at work back in July. I was dreading it so much cause I thought everyone would be watching what I ate and how much. Well, I was right. They watched me like I was so sideshow freak and made some of the dumbest comments. I ended up leaving the table in tears. After that I just decided who cares what any one thinks or says! I'm losing and it's working so thank goodness I must be doing it right no matter what other people say!

[vinesqueen 2]

that sounds like Jessie alright!

[live2canoe 1]

Becky -

Did you say the comments you get make you 'a bit angry'? You are a model of restraint my dear lady.

I would be friggin' balastic! I hope you told the people at your office (after you had calmed down) that they were terribly out of line. I also hope that if they are ever rude enough to make any type of comment again that you can tell them it is truly none of their business!

I really do like the approach of looking at them with a totally shocked expression on your face and saying in a voice filled with disbelief "I BEG your pardon??".

Good luck with your boyfriend who apparently speaks before he thinks!