Pissed Part II - A Different Perspective

[aubrie 6]

Your journey will be like a roller coaster. Ups and downs, exhilerating, degrading, euphoria, torrents of tears, boring, exciting, satisfying, frustrating, irritating, positive, nagging, self sabotaging, uplifting, infuriating, gloating, confidence building, depressing, surprising, and a growth catalyst. And all at the same time!!!! I'm two years out next month, and it's amazing the person I've become at my age. I shudder to think of what joy I would have missed had I given up everytime the going got tough. I look back now and am very proud of what I have accomplished, and that does not just include a loss on the scale. I've gotten rid of several medications that I thought I'd be stuck with for the rest of my life, I'm stronger, healthier, have more self confidence and self respect. I have a better relationship with my higher power. I've discovered my inner strength and inner beauty. Okay, I'm a little saggy and wrinkled, but that's okay. It's frustrating and irritating, but as I listed above, that's just part of it. My peaceful acceptance of it, or having the strength to get off my ass and do something about it, instead whining, is part of who I've become. I'm no longer a slave to my food addiction. I can turn down a piece of cake or an ice cream cone. I can be satisfied with a few bites of something, instead of the whole damned thing. I'm in control. What a beautiful thing. It's a miracle. So yeah, the reduction in pounds are wonderful, but this journey has provided so much more!!!

Edited October 19, 2009 by aubrie

[LisaMc 1]

Your journey will be like a roller coaster. Ups and downs, exhilerating, degrading, euphoria, torrents of tears, boring, exciting, satisfying, frustrating, irritating, positive, nagging, self sabotaging, uplifting, infuriating, gloating, confidence building, depressing, surprising, and a growth catalyst. And all at the same time!!!! I'm two years out next month, and it's amazing the person I've become at my age. I shudder to think of what joy I would have missed had I given up everytime the going got tough. I look bad now and am very proud of what I have accomplished, and that does not just include a loss on the scale. I've gotten rid of several medications that I thought I'd be stuck with for the rest of my life, I'm stronger, healthier, have more self confidence and self respect. I have a better relationship with my higher power. I've discovered my inner strength and inner beauty. Okay, I'm a little saggy and wrinkled, but that's okay. It's frustrating and irritating, but as I listed above, that's just part of it. My peaceful acceptance of it, or having the strength to get off my ass and do something about it, instead whining, is part of who I've become. I'm no longer a slave to my food addiction. I can turn down a piece of cake or an ice cream cone. I can be satisfied with a few bites of something, instead of the whole damned thing. I'm in control. What a beautiful thing. It's a miracle. So yeah, the reduction in pounds are wonderful, but this journey has provided so much more!!!

Aubrie,

"Ding, ding, ding....we have a winner!" I have printed your post and tacked it on my bulletin board in my office. Until recently I thought I was the only person on the planet to experience euphoria, depression, longing, satisfaction, failure, etc all at the same time. What I have learned is that this schizophrenic part of me is probably tied to the addictive side of me. The nagging need and the corresponding inability to address it at that specific time that I think of it initiates all of these emotions at the same time. It is like an eruption of emotions. What was the fix for this craziness in the past? food of course! So, I still have the need without the ability to address it. There comes the craziness! Wow! I learn so much every single day that has nothing to do with the band itself.

Aubrie, I lived in Corpus Christi for 10 years--1989-1999. I met my husband there. We got married there in 1997 at what used to be Faith Temple on Staples. I grew up in Rockport. He grew up in Kingsville. Small world, huh?

I am glad to hear that you are doing so well. Stories like yours inspire me. Thank you for sharing your struggles!

[afragie 0]

I want to thank all of you for your comments and perspective. I have yet to be banded, I have lost my 10%, had my bloodwork, gone to the seminar, I have my dietician this week and my appt. with the psychologist the foloowing week. I am one of those people that if you are prepared this won't be as bad. I am thank you for those of you who poured your hearts out it really helps those of us that are just starting our journeys to have a better understanding of what we have to come.

Thank you all,

Amy:w00t:

[coloradobanding 5]

Lisa, WOW is all I can say! You TRULY hit the nail on the head!!! I am so inspired by your words, and I am absolutely POSITIVE your post will help many, many more bandsters (pre and post op) with this journey.

It truly is EVERY emotion that has ever been documented. It TRULY is the hardest and most rewarding thing I've ever done for myself, and it ABSOLUTELY changed my life!!

How you explained it is how it happened with me! I was waiting for HUGE successes, all the while missing the little ones, which are SO much better than the big ones!!

I hope everyone who reads your insightful post are inspired and ready for this journey. CONGRATULATIONS on your AMAZING weight loss (twice as much as I had lost in the same amount of time!) and thank you SO MUCH for such an EXCELLENT post!!!!

[DianaG 0]

Lisa, I must say that I am impressed with your mental attitude and your weight loss. You have a great ability to step back from the situation that faces you and to readjust your thinking and act on it.

You should be very proud of yourself:thumbup:

[LisaMc 1]

Lisa, I must say that I am impressed with your mental attitude and your weight loss. You have a great ability to step back from the situation that faces you and to readjust your thinking and act on it.

You should be very proud of yourself:thumbup:

Thank you all for your kind and supportive posts! I feel like I am blind just feeling my way through these tough times. This has absolutely been the easiest AND hardest thing I have ever done. The actual "diet" is the easy part. The hard part is everything else!! Once I truly admitted to myself that I was an addict, it all kind of fell into place in my mind. It is a different battle to fight now. It isn't a matter of "just do it" or "willpower." It is a constant dialogue that has to go on in my head....everyday.....every hour.....every minute. I had no idea that it would be this hard. This realization and corresponding fight has absolutely nothing to do with the band. This issue was with me long before I ever heard of a lap band. I do know one thing for sure.....I am going to have to have the help of the band to get through this.

[nkara 0]

So, I'm the "evil one" that started the first "pissed off" thread. I was having such a hard time....only a month or so out from surgery, having had hardly anything to Celebrate or any progress, so I just wanted to know what other people were feeling and if they were on the same emotional rollercoaster as I was.

As much as I hate to admit it, being angry and sad is part of the emotions I've felt about this, as well as the good ones. I am so encouraged by your post....I am hoping when I am two months out in a few more weeks, I will be doing as good as you are emotionally.

It is so helpful to hear about people's stories in which they had times which were hard and emotional, but they've eventually worked through that and are glad they got banded. I am excited to reach this point as well.

Thanks to everyone for their honesty!!!

(Sorry if I opened a negative can or worms....I was just frustrated, feeling alone, and wondered if I was the only one feeling it....)

Oh no you don't! :mad2:no appologizing for expressing your feelings. The emotions are real and valid for everyone who goes through this hell.

I can't tell you how many times I wanted to slap the one person who said "well why don't you just eat less" ... da! if it would only work that way it would be soooo much easier.

Keep your head up and just do what you can and we'll encourage you along the way. :cursing:

[plain 12]

I was probably one of the bigger complainers on the "Are you Pissed" thread a few days ago. When the question was asked, it made me think. It made me think that "Yes! I am pissed." When I tried to list the reasons I was mad, I literally had a hundred. The biggest reason (I finally figured out) was not that I had poor information, conflicting information, terrible hunger, sickness, etc. etc. The biggest reason was.........drum roll...........that the whole experience failed to meet MY EXPECTATIONS. Where did my expectation come from? Who knows. As you all know, this decision and corresponding surgery is an emotional nightmare. I think I underestimated this part of the journey. It fell on me like a ton of bricks, and it made me MAD. I felt like I was making ZERO progress, and it made me MAD.

After realizing this, I tried to take a step back and reevalute the entire situation. This is what I discovered. I HAVE MADE PROGRESS! It is subtle, but it is definitely there. Remember as you read this that I completely believed that the band was doing nothing for me, and I couldn't even tell that I had it. Here are some of my subtle progress examples from a super busy Saturday:

1. lunch - I had a chicken salad sandwich. After about 3 bites, I just didn't want it anymore. I didn't particularly like it, but the pre-banded me would have eaten the whole thing anyway. I took the 3/4 of sandwich that was left and threw it in the trash. I have probably never done that in my entire life. I was satisfied with the 3 bites.

2. dinner - My husband and I went out to dinner alone. We rarely do this without our daughter. We went to one of my very favorite places, a BBQ joint. I ordered my favorite thing on the menu--a sliced beef sandwich on homemade Jalapeno/Cheese bread. One bite of bread and half of the meat, and I was DONE. No pie. No sweet tea. No side orders. Normally I would have had one of all of the above and another piece of chocolate pie to take home. I was satisfied and not deprived.

3. lunch Sunday - I was working at my daughter's swim meet. They catered lunch in for the volunteers. They asked me if I wanted lunch. I declined. It wasn't that I was feeling left out. I wasn't the slightest bit tempted. I just didn't want any of it. I was happy with the Protein shake.

4. Lastly, I got on the scale this morning for the first time in 10 days. I had lost 5 more pounds. When did that happen? Including my pre-op diet, I have lost 40 pounds in a little over 2 months.

Is this me??? Maybe I am on the edge of coming out of Bandster Hell. When I was able to separate my expectations from reality, I could finally see progress.

Thanks for letting me share. It helps me alot!

So wise, grasshopper. It seems you have snatched the virtual stone from my palm. Now, the student has truly become the teacher. Well done.

So, I'm the "evil one" that started the first "pissed off" thread. I was having such a hard time....only a month or so out from surgery, having had hardly anything to Celebrate or any progress, so I just wanted to know what other people were feeling and if they were on the same emotional rollercoaster as I was.

As much as I hate to admit it, being angry and sad is part of the emotions I've felt about this, as well as the good ones. I am so encouraged by your post....I am hoping when I am two months out in a few more weeks, I will be doing as good as you are emotionally.

It is so helpful to hear about people's stories in which they had times which were hard and emotional, but they've eventually worked through that and are glad they got banded. I am excited to reach this point as well.

Thanks to everyone for their honesty!!!

(Sorry if I opened a negative can or worms....I was just frustrated, feeling alone, and wondered if I was the only one feeling it....)

Uh, are you actually apologizing for coming to a support site for some support? That's why we're here. You might get some flack, or some tough love, or cyberhugs. The range of both the statements and the responses is part of the beauty.

[LisaMc 1]

You guys are all absolutely INCREDIBLE!!! Could it be that I have stumbled upon people that think like me? That would be a first in my lifetime. I am starting to slowly realize that it is HARD. It is NON-SENSICAL. It is FRUSTRATING. It is INFURIATING, and it is a NORMAL response to the war in my head. I can't tell you all how much I get out of reading your responses. Wow!

[2livesmart 0]

I am glad that things are looking up. I think we all get frustrated, but thinking about the positives definitely does help. good luck and I wish you continued success.

[Shmoopy 0]

Um...40lbs in two months? I would be doing a jig!!! That's awesome!

I wish all my weight would come off right away, but I was told, very clearly, that I should expect 1-3 pounds lost per week. And recently its been around the 1 pound area. But hey, at least I'm losing. And not gaining. I get frustrated too. So I totally understand. There really isn't much more I can do diet/nutrition wise, and I am going to the gym a few times a week.

I was told that I should expect the band to help me lose 40% of my extra weight - which was about 100lbs. Well I've already lost 52lbs!! So I'm thrilled. I almost can't believe it when I step on the scale and weigh myself...Another pound gone. See ya! Thanks to my lap (Realize) band!!