Pissed Part II - A Different Perspective

[LisaMc 1]

I was probably one of the bigger complainers on the "Are you Pissed" thread a few days ago. When the question was asked, it made me think. It made me think that "Yes! I am pissed." When I tried to list the reasons I was mad, I literally had a hundred. The biggest reason (I finally figured out) was not that I had poor information, conflicting information, terrible hunger, sickness, etc. etc. The biggest reason was.........drum roll...........that the whole experience failed to meet MY EXPECTATIONS. Where did my expectation come from? Who knows. As you all know, this decision and corresponding surgery is an emotional nightmare. I think I underestimated this part of the journey. It fell on me like a ton of bricks, and it made me MAD. I felt like I was making ZERO progress, and it made me MAD.

After realizing this, I tried to take a step back and reevalute the entire situation. This is what I discovered. I HAVE MADE PROGRESS! It is subtle, but it is definitely there. Remember as you read this that I completely believed that the band was doing nothing for me, and I couldn't even tell that I had it. Here are some of my subtle progress examples from a super busy Saturday:

1. lunch - I had a chicken salad sandwich. After about 3 bites, I just didn't want it anymore. I didn't particularly like it, but the pre-banded me would have eaten the whole thing anyway. I took the 3/4 of sandwich that was left and threw it in the trash. I have probably never done that in my entire life. I was satisfied with the 3 bites.

2. dinner - My husband and I went out to dinner alone. We rarely do this without our daughter. We went to one of my very favorite places, a BBQ joint. I ordered my favorite thing on the menu--a sliced beef sandwich on homemade Jalapeno/Cheese bread. One bite of bread and half of the meat, and I was DONE. No pie. No sweet tea. No side orders. Normally I would have had one of all of the above and another piece of chocolate pie to take home. I was satisfied and not deprived.

3. lunch Sunday - I was working at my daughter's swim meet. They catered lunch in for the volunteers. They asked me if I wanted lunch. I declined. It wasn't that I was feeling left out. I wasn't the slightest bit tempted. I just didn't want any of it. I was happy with the Protein shake.

4. Lastly, I got on the scale this morning for the first time in 10 days. I had lost 5 more pounds. When did that happen? Including my pre-op diet, I have lost 40 pounds in a little over 2 months.

Is this me??? Maybe I am on the edge of coming out of Bandster Hell. When I was able to separate my expectations from reality, I could finally see progress.

Thanks for letting me share. It helps me alot!

[TxMomof4 0]

I am so proud of you! You have made great strides, keep up the good work. It will continue to get better!

Deanna:thumbup:

[Apples2 19]

What an eye opener for you and a very positive post. Your "AHA" moment could very well help others change their "pissed" attitude they have regarding their band.

Also, good going on the weight loss so far....You are on your way!

[hmarko 0]

That is really great that you worked through that! And the weight loss is nothing to sneeze at either! Really glad for you. Great positive thinking!

[LollyMoe 1]

It always helps to take a step back and re-think situations in life...no matter what they are at the time. You did good girl! You are also showing a good weight loss and I know you can go all the way. Write down these successful moments so that someday you can look back to see how far you have come.

[nkara 0]

:thumbup: Congrat's to you and give yourself a pat on the back!

I've seen threads where people are pissed after their banding because they think the band will be a miracle where your weight will just instantly drop off you. It's a tool to help you make better decisions!

I'm so happy you found this out and are coming to terms with this aspect of the banded life.

To everyone else out there learn from this... be patient with yourself. This is an emotional process and we all know that gaining weight was emotional, therefor loosing the weight will be emotional.

I was told it would take 2 years to loose the 80 lbs I want to loose... Do I want it to come off instantly? of course... but I'm going to have to accept the fact that it won't and just be patient with myself and my body. I want to be healthy for the long haul. I don't want a quick fix and I certainly don't want to go through this constantly for the rest of my life.

ok I went off on a tangent .. but again congrats on your enlightenment and be strong!

[jms462001 9]

:thumbup: Congrat's to you and give yourself a pat on the back!

I've seen threads where people are pissed after their banding because they think the band will be a miracle where your weight will just instantly drop off you. It's a tool to help you make better decisions!

I'm so happy you found this out and are coming to terms with this aspect of the banded life.

To everyone else out there learn from this... be patient with yourself. This is an emotional process and we all know that gaining weight was emotional, therefor loosing the weight will be emotional.

I was told it would take 2 years to loose the 80 lbs I want to loose... Do I want it to come off instantly? of course... but I'm going to have to accept the fact that it won't and just be patient with myself and my body. I want to be healthy for the long haul. I don't want a quick fix and I certainly don't want to go through this constantly for the rest of my life.

ok I went off on a tangent .. but again congrats on your enlightenment and be strong!

You might be surprised. I thought it would take me at least a year and a half to lose the 70 pounds I wanted to lose and I have lost 75 in 11 months and found it quite effortless......and I'm 55!! I hope you find it easy as well.

[jms462001 9]

What an eye opener for you and a very positive post. Your "AHA" moment could very well help others change their "pissed" attitude they have regarding their band.

Also, good going on the weight loss so far....You are on your way!

You look marvelous!! Doesn't it feel good?

[lkmitc 0]

I was probably one of the bigger complainers on the "Are you Pissed" thread a few days ago. When the question was asked, it made me think. It made me think that "Yes! I am pissed." When I tried to list the reasons I was mad, I literally had a hundred. The biggest reason (I finally figured out) was not that I had poor information, conflicting information, terrible hunger, sickness, etc. etc. The biggest reason was.........drum roll...........that the whole experience failed to meet MY EXPECTATIONS. Where did my expectation come from? Who knows. As you all know, this decision and corresponding surgery is an emotional nightmare. I think I underestimated this part of the journey. It fell on me like a ton of bricks, and it made me MAD. I felt like I was making ZERO progress, and it made me MAD.

Thanks for posting both your frustrations and your realizations. It helps me, as an eventual bandster, to know the ups and downs of what I'll be getting into.

Edited October 19, 2009 by lkmitc

[elcee 3,341]

Excellent. Its great to hear stories like this.

[emjay 8]

I was probably one of the bigger complainers on the "Are you Pissed" thread a few days ago. When the question was asked, it made me think. It made me think that "Yes! I am pissed." When I tried to list the reasons I was mad, I literally had a hundred. The biggest reason (I finally figured out) was not that I had poor information, conflicting information, terrible hunger, sickness, etc. etc. The biggest reason was.........drum roll...........that the whole experience failed to meet MY EXPECTATIONS. Where did my expectation come from? Who knows. As you all know, this decision and corresponding surgery is an emotional nightmare. I think I underestimated this part of the journey. It fell on me like a ton of bricks, and it made me MAD. I felt like I was making ZERO progress, and it made me MAD.

After realizing this, I tried to take a step back and reevalute the entire situation. This is what I discovered. I HAVE MADE PROGRESS! It is subtle, but it is definitely there. Remember as you read this that I completely believed that the band was doing nothing for me, and I couldn't even tell that I had it. Here are some of my subtle progress examples from a super busy Saturday:

1. lunch - I had a chicken salad sandwich. After about 3 bites, I just didn't want it anymore. I didn't particularly like it, but the pre-banded me would have eaten the whole thing anyway. I took the 3/4 of sandwich that was left and threw it in the trash. I have probably never done that in my entire life. I was satisfied with the 3 bites.

2. dinner - My husband and I went out to dinner alone. We rarely do this without our daughter. We went to one of my very favorite places, a BBQ joint. I ordered my favorite thing on the menu--a sliced beef sandwich on homemade Jalapeno/Cheese bread. One bite of bread and half of the meat, and I was DONE. No pie. No sweet tea. No side orders. Normally I would have had one of all of the above and another piece of chocolate pie to take home. I was satisfied and not deprived.

3. lunch Sunday - I was working at my daughter's swim meet. They catered lunch in for the volunteers. They asked me if I wanted lunch. I declined. It wasn't that I was feeling left out. I wasn't the slightest bit tempted. I just didn't want any of it. I was happy with the Protein shake.

4. Lastly, I got on the scale this morning for the first time in 10 days. I had lost 5 more pounds. When did that happen? Including my pre-op diet, I have lost 40 pounds in a little over 2 months.

Is this me??? Maybe I am on the edge of coming out of Bandster Hell. When I was able to separate my expectations from reality, I could finally see progress.

Thanks for letting me share. It helps me alot!

LisaMc - I'm glad to hear that your perspective has changed and frankly, 40 lbs in 2 months is OUTSTANDING!!! It is hard to have realistic expectations when you see glossy ads and commercials making it sound like it is the magic wand needed to overcome obesity. A really good doctor will tell you the good and the bad and what your expectations should be, BUT even then you like to think you will exceed those expectations of what is considered normal weight loss with the band.

You should be really proud of what you have accomplished so far. I think the first 3-4 months are the very hardest part because you are defining a new set of rules to live by and need to find different ways of dealing with the reasons your overate with something other than food.

After a few months, at least for me, I noticed I've lost my appetite for many things I couldn't even keep in the house before because I had no willpower. I've had turtle cheesecake and pumpkin swirl cheesecakes in my freezer now for about a month. Those would have been gone within a matter of days before surgery. And ice cream - I end up throwing away if I buy because I never eat it all before it gets freezer-burn on it. I still have my weakness with potato chips but we just don't keep them in the house at all and that works for me.

I'm really glad you are seeing progess on the scale. Frustrations are all a part of it - whether it's not seeing the scale move or being able to eat on tight days, but take each victory as it comes and enjoy the slide down!! :thumbup:

[SassyB 0]

I was pretty much in the same boat. For 3 months after surgery I did not lose another pound. Well I lost and gained back the same 5 lbs. I had no restriction. I was beginning to think that this would be yet anotherweight loss something that I FAILEd at doing. I got my 5th fill on 10/09/09...finally restriction. I love it and thank God for it. I like being able to turn food down or not eat as much because I just don't want it. This will also help me to make healthier food choices. I'm so excited about the lbs that I will be losing. You all are such great inspirations. Keep up the good work.

[Catherine55 43]

It really sounds like all of the things you are p-d about are just the things we all experience during Bandster Hell. Based on my own experience, you are going to be surprised by how much easier this is once you get a good fill and have some restriction going!

I'm coming up on my 1 year Bandiversary, am down 63 pounds, and have really been happy with my experience. I hope that you will find the same is true when you are farther out!

Best,

Catherine

[b9409 1]

So, I'm the "evil one" that started the first "pissed off" thread. I was having such a hard time....only a month or so out from surgery, having had hardly anything to Celebrate or any progress, so I just wanted to know what other people were feeling and if they were on the same emotional rollercoaster as I was.

As much as I hate to admit it, being angry and sad is part of the emotions I've felt about this, as well as the good ones. I am so encouraged by your post....I am hoping when I am two months out in a few more weeks, I will be doing as good as you are emotionally.

It is so helpful to hear about people's stories in which they had times which were hard and emotional, but they've eventually worked through that and are glad they got banded. I am excited to reach this point as well.

Thanks to everyone for their honesty!!!

(Sorry if I opened a negative can or worms....I was just frustrated, feeling alone, and wondered if I was the only one feeling it....)

[LisaMc 1]

So, I'm the "evil one" that started the first "pissed off" thread. I was having such a hard time....only a month or so out from surgery, having had hardly anything to Celebrate or any progress, so I just wanted to know what other people were feeling and if they were on the same emotional rollercoaster as I was.

As much as I hate to admit it, being angry and sad is part of the emotions I've felt about this, as well as the good ones. I am so encouraged by your post....I am hoping when I am two months out in a few more weeks, I will be doing as good as you are emotionally.

It is so helpful to hear about people's stories in which they had times which were hard and emotional, but they've eventually worked through that and are glad they got banded. I am excited to reach this point as well.

Thanks to everyone for their honesty!!!

(Sorry if I opened a negative can or worms....I was just frustrated, feeling alone, and wondered if I was the only one feeling it....)

Don't even think of apologizing! In my opinion, you take the good with the bad. There is something in the good for everyone, and there is something for everyone in the bad. When you posted the original "pissed" thread, it was the first time that I had really sad down and tried to analyze what I felt. I knew that I was ready to punch a hole in the wall! I was frustrated beyond belief, losing hope quickly, succumbing to belief that I had failed yet again. I have NOT had a good experience in this whole thing. My best friend made an excellent point. She said, "Maybe all of this happened for a reason. You weren't emotionally ready to give up your addiction. The surgery was the first step. You got an extra 2 months to come to terms with the loss of your crutch." Maybe this all did happen for a reason. Maybe she is right. I'm starting to see some clarity in this whole nightmare. As for "Bandster Hell", the person who named it called it right! The more I read about it, the more I realize that I have been right in the middle of it for the last 2 months. It would have been good to know it was coming, but I didn't.

You are going to be okay, and so am I. It may take some more time, but it will be okay. Someone posted that this time is like childbirth. We have the unique ability to forget the awful stuff and put it in perspective. Anytime you need to vent, talk, rant, etc, this is a good place to do it. I doubt there is much you will go through that someone on this board hasn't already experienced.