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Hi Maggie, my thoughts are still forming on this, but like I said, I feel like there is something important in what you've posted.

I know that you are currently in a very hard place. You are living with your mother, and you find that situation very, very difficult, since she isn't supporting you in the way you feel you need. Trust me when I say I understand financial hardship, and I understand not being able to make it on one's own. Have you been able to continue your education? Education is the best way out of financial harships in the long term.

You also said that you felt that you would take a hand-full of pills if not for your darling son who rightfully needs you.

Maggie, Sunshine, you are not ugly. You deserve only the best this universe has to offer. You are worthy of being loved, not only by your son, but by the man who loves you. But most importantly, you are worthy of being loved by you.

You said you are not depressed, but suicidal thoughts and ideation are halmarks of being deeply depressed. Please please please seek trained councelors who can help you through this dark period.

You have not posted your size, at least not that I've seen it. Not that that matters. I understand that tiny little size 2 women can be just as devistated by their size as women who are a size 30 and beyond. Maybe even more so. I've watched the young women in my PE classes stress over bellies that are invisible to me, but that doesn't mean that their pain is any less than someone who has a 60 inch waist-line.

Please do not put off happines because you do not weigh 150 pounds. Do not postpone your life, because you deserve the best, you deserve to be loved by you.

Please, please, please find a professional councelor who can help you with your body image. With your feelings of not being pretty enough, with your low self esteme.

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I saw that picture of the anorexic girl on the beach and it nauseated me. What they are doing to their bodies. That girl could drop dead at any minute like Karen Carpenter.

I have been so tempted all of these years to make myself vomit after over eating but thankfully I knew somehow that it wasn't a good idea. I sure don't need any more addictions in my life! I'm the kind of person who can get addicted to bake potatoes even.

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Hi Vines. Thank you for your post. I appreciate what you wrote very much.

When I read my post I decided to look at it like I would look at someone else who said those things and I do see something I have been blocking in my mind.

Vines, I do have moments of weakness where I feel sad and depressed, but it is not a danger to me. I wouldn't ever consider leaving my son behind. My thought of suicide aren't 'gee I wish I was dead' but more like 'death doesn't seem so bad'.

Maggie

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