The Pretty Face

[TinaM 0]

Hello - I've floated in and out of this website several times during my 6.5 month journey.

I'm at the point where I have met all my requirements I'm just waiting on insurance approval. Over these months I've lost 24lbs that I'm quite proud of having done.

Few people know what I'm doing parents, boss, HR manager and two very close friends. I dream of playing softball on the company team again, riding a roller coaster with my godsons, getting on a plane knowing I won't be imposing on some person stuck in the middle seat.

Today solidified a part of why I'm doing this -

I was promoted a few months a go and 'they' have decided to update the website with new VPs photos. I declined the meeting request but they sent the two other VPs down to my office today to round me up for a photo - I refused. Later, I was talking with the HR manager about it. You see I had to do a bit for an in house training video last week and when it was played back I had to fight the tears. I swear I looked like Jaba the Hut. Sure I had on nice clothes, makeup good hair do and all but still all I could see was the big full face with the fat neck, broad shoulders, arms that are so big that they hang out from my body - awful, disgusting. It was played at an all staff meeting this week. I kept thinking these people know me, know I'm nice friendly would do anything for them. They don't see me as a fat slob.

Back to the picture on the internet/website that's public and people will see it that don't know me. I'm afraid and scared of what they will say or judge me by my cover. Yes I know don't judge a book by a cover but it happens people so don't hate on that okay?

So, when I'm talking to the HR manager today explaining how I felt when the troops were sent in to force me to a picture for the web (which I refused) she said - Oh Tina but you have such a pretty face.

I hate that comment - I've heard all my adult life. Nothing else about me matters apparently - I myself can't be pretty -just the face. Just like when I'm wearing a new dress I get "what a pretty dress" - really the dress is pretty?

I wish I could be the pretty one, not my face or my clothes just me, plain ole me.

I started at 378 down to 354 at 5'11" I also hear you don't weigh that much - really? hey could I give you about 200lbs of weights to haul around all day? let's see how your knees and back handle it and just for shits and grins - wear heels.

I'm much more than a pretty face - watch out folks I hope to band in December!

[jessress87 0]

Hi TinaM! Just wanted to wish you luck on the rest of your journey :thumbup:

I've gone through something similar as far as the office pictures. I work as a customer service rep in a small call center. Last Christmas our supervisors decided to have a group picture taken to send out to our clients- I was horrified! I strategically took my lunch break during the time that the picture was being taken and somehow my supervisor knew that I was sitting in my car in the parking lot and she came out and got me! Now I feel self-conscious whenever I get a call from someone I think has seen the photo- it sucks!

I too am on my way to getting the Lap-Band and I'm really excited. So far I've been the a Seminar, got all my paperwork to fill out and am meeting with my Surgeon Tuesday, followed by my psychiatric evaluation later that morning and then an appointment with my PCP that afternoon to get my three-month supervised diet going.

Best of luck!!

[potatie 5]

Hi, Know how you both feel. There is a picture that is out there with myself and now people are asking if that was really me, but now that I am 167lbs people are seeming not to remember the old me. I am sad because this year I will not be in the yearly photo because I will be on a LOA for my PS. Oh well. :scared2:

[abbylamb 1]

TinaM-obviously you can tell you aren't the only one who feels this way. I, too, have always been the girl with "such a pretty face" a "great smile", or my personal favorite "an amazing personality". All of them are just euphemisms for "would be pretty if she dropped 100 pounds". I understand what you're going through on that one. With my job too, I'm required to give in-services, and I can't help but feel I'm being judged because of my size. And, like you, I plan on being banded by December, come hell or high water! Congrats on doing this for you. I wish you nothing but the best in your journey.

[illuminationlady 7]

You guys inspire me! My husband keeps saying (especially since I'm losing weight, AGAIN, on the preop diet), "See you don't need the band! You can do it all by yourself." Of course, he's never had an extra pound of weight on him in his life!!! I need to keep reading posts like yours to get me through to approval. I'm with you!!! I'm looking to be banded in Dec. Merry Christmas to me! Thanks.

[jessress87 0]

You guys inspire me! My husband keeps saying (especially since I'm losing weight, AGAIN, on the preop diet), "See you don't need the band! You can do it all by yourself." Of course, he's never had an extra pound of weight on him in his life!!! I need to keep reading posts like yours to get me through to approval. I'm with you!!! I'm looking to be banded in Dec. Merry Christmas to me! Thanks.

Good for you for pushing forward! I think most people have a person in their life telling them that they don't need to do it, or that maybethey should try dieting one more time but they really don't understand, even though they mean well! I'm pretty lucky that my fiancee is supportive (although, if someone other than me is talking about me needing to lose weight he gets irritated with them , lol). Good luck!

[1019Joanne 0]

So many of us tell the same stories, the "you have such a pretty face", or "its all about portion control", or even better " just eat right and hit the gym and you will be fine!"

I really don't think that people who do NOT have weight issues will ever understand how we feel. To be self-conscious enough to hide ourselves to avoid photos, to strategically stand in the back row of photos, avoiding video cameras, and putting up brave fronts all day everday - I so get it!

I know that gastric banding is not a magic wand approach to weight loss, however, it is the best option for me. It gives me hope, it gives me the chance to change my body to match who I am on the inside, and not just be a pretty face.

Good Luck to you - I hope your insurance comes through for you soon! and keep writing on here....as I said before, we all share similar stories!

[bella5425 0]

aahh...the pretty face comment - how i loathe that statement. everything is pretty - my hair, my makeup, my clothes, my face but not the body. i was banded april 22nd and was a serious serious soda addict and ate about 4000 calories a day. i went in at 315.5 feeling like i wasn't human - like a picture of me just sent me off in a terrible depression. i looked like i was on steroids i was so poofy. i had a "funeral" the night before my surgery complete w/ eulogy in the backyard w/ my firepit. i said goodbye to fat me - i released myself from my addictions to soda and food and allowed myself to be okay with whatever the outcome was. i have lost nearly 80 pounds since then w/ very little exercise (i don't recommend it but i had a serious spinal injury last year and periodically do Water aerobics) and i can actually be photographed now and i don't mind. you will get there tina, you will feel so much better. best of luck to you on your journey - you are beautiful, just keep telling yourself that. it's funny, when i was a child i believed whatever negative thing i heard about my body but i have to work twice as hard to convince myself that i am not a troll and i am not inhuman. i am just happy i don't have diabetes, high blood pressure and high cholesterol anymore. the physical body is an added bonus. God bless!

[rdarby 0]

Oh how I understand not wanting to take pictures, everytime I see someone with a camera I want to run :frown:. I am in the testing mode right now waiting for approval from insurance and going through all of the eval and everything :huh2:. How I would love to take pictures with my three granddaughters, but the camera make u look soooo much bigger then you are and that really does not help your self esteem. I have to deal with my daughters Mother in Law at every birthday party and her damn camera :cursing: even though I tell her that I don't want to be in any of the pictures I seem to end up in a few and then she post the pictures on her family website for everyone to see :drool:. So I try to stay away from her so I don't have to make her eat that camera :scared2: and keep the piece in the family. I looking at a Dec surgery date as well and I can't wait. Keep your head up it's going to get sooo much better. "God Bless". Rose

[joysuz1498 0]

Honey I totally understand how you feel. I am 6ft and weigh 361 pounds. I am down 4 lbs this week and I have a tentative surgery date of 11/16. I too have a profile job and recently had to have a full body shot photo. Even though I had on my best black suit and thought it would offer some camo. I too looked like jaba the Hut. I too have heard the you have such a pretty face comment. That almost feels like a knife to the heart. My husband also feels like diet and exercise is the answer. When you are at the weight that we are I don't even feel it is an option anymore. If you are anything like me. I started my first Dr. supervised diet at age 12. I played high school basketball and was a very good athlete at 220 lbs. I can't wait for the day that I can see that weight again. Just remember you are not alone. I read your post and it sounded just like me If you need support please give me a shout. It seems like we are going to be climbing the same hill. God Bless and Good luck to both of us.

[TinaM 0]

Thank you all for your posts - I'm sitting here crying tears of joy that I'm not alone. Not to mention via this internet connection I have a lot of support thru you guys.

Today I had my psych eval and got the green light - its all up to insurance now.

Come on give me a Dec date folks!

[Andy 2000 0]

Hey Tina-

I have been looking on here for someone I can relate to, and I really liked your post. I am going to be banded sometime in December also- just waiting for the date after my last weigh in coming up.

How long have you been thinking about the band?

I really feel like I don't always get respected at work because of my weight and I really appreciate your candidness in your post. I am excited for you to be doing this as well.

Let's keep in touch throughout!

Andy:blush:

[TN_girl21 1]

The "pretty face" comment will always be the one of the most hated comments of overweight people. I know it's one of mine! And yes, people who are not overweight do not understand totally why we are getting the LAP BAND. I know some people can do it with diet and exercise, but that's not for everyone. I know I have Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome, so it is hard for me to lose weight. I am 5'6 and right under 250 lbs. I don't mind taking pictures, but then I see them and I'm like "ugghhh..I'm such a fat cow".

Tina, you will do great on your journey! Just keep telling yourself that you are beautiful, everything about you is beautiful!

[queen b-bop 0]

Wow.,....im the one crying here...like everyone else has said, we have all been there...in fact the other day my mil said to me "i was just looking at your wedding picture and oh my,,,how beautiful you were".....were???? Soooo,,,i guess the 100 lbs i gained has made me not sooo beautiful anymore...

I was banded on october 13th and from that moment on this is my new journey...a journey for me..and me alone....i too am sooo tired of being the fat chick with a beautiful face....i want sooo much more for myself....thanks for all of the words of encouragement...we are all on our way!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[Apples2 19]

Hey Tina....I think your intitial post put it all in to perspective and how we have all felt. I would have done the same as you and refused to have my photo posted on a web site. We've all had those comments like:

You have such a pretty face

Aww...you're not "big enough" to get the band (WTH? 249# and 5'6"?)

Come on...let's all go out on the raft...That middle part is even big enough for you to sit on, Karen.

If you can lose over 50# b/4 you have this surgery, then you know you can lose it on your own.

ETC., ETC., ETC........

I had seen your thread floating around the last couple of days but did not pull it up to read it. It piqued my interest this morning. Why?

Last week I posted my very first b/4 and after on this site. It was very difficult for me to do. Even after reaching goal and being at goal for over a year, I still do not like to show the "real" me b/4. I chose the blurriest photo I could find and posted it. DH happened to see the post a few days later and convinced me to take the step to show more clear b/4's.

Point is: I used to get that statement "But you have such a pretty face". First of all, I avoided the camera when I was obese. And, when the photos popped up on my computer I could not look at them. I had to dig down deep inside me for the courage to post my clear b/4 photos. Even at this stage I am so embarrassed by what I had done to myself and how I looked.

But, reposting my b/4 photos yesterday was very "cleansing". Done, over with, get on with the new life. That WAS me back then. The after photo is me NOW and I'm going to run with that. In fact, I think I am going to print those b/4's and put them on my pantry door as a reminder.

Congrats on your weight loss this far. I have said to people that questioned that if I could lose the weight on my own b/4 the surgery, then I shouldn't need it. Nope, I could do it cuz I could see the light at the end of the tunell. I knew I would have my "tool" to help me keep it off.

Wishing you luck and keep us informed of your upcoming surgery date, how you are doing post-op and come back and post the success you have had with the band.