Unsupporitve Friends?

[AmberJane 0]

I'm 17 and I'm just waiting for insurance to approve me. My two close friends are both in a way not supportive. One's my size and the other is skinny.

The skinny one is conceited, I still love her lol, I think she feels competition. Like she doesn't want me to lose weight because she THINKS I will be prettier than her.

The one my size...she obviously knows how I feel...but she's not supportive. Not sure why.

Anyone have these problems...or solutions? It would be so much better if they both approved.

Edited October 12, 2009 by AmberJane

[Evanescent_Soul 0]

Im waiting as well but, the friends I told, were either scared but happy for me. And then the other 2, didn't even care, they were like cool, and started talking about other things, soo..

Your one friend thats concerned, could just not want to lose you, or have heard something bad about it, and don't know if its right for you.

Or you could be right, but maybe once she see's its going to be not much different, and maybe she could earn something out of it too, like a friend to share cloths with, she will come around.

Your other friend may feel kinda like my cousin who told me, there are better ways. But shes big too, but shes never had problem loseing weight besides not careing to.

Try and give some reasureing info, like its safer then other things, and thats going to help you when your older and stuff.

I hope I helped a little, or at least bumped up your post.

Good luck with your journey.

[AmberJane 0]

Thanks :]. I think they both are scared that I will change. Sure I will in some ways but not the way they think. I had to re word that, I don't think I will be prettier than her. But that she will feel competition. This is what my mom said lol. What they did that bothered me was say they support me. Then talked to each other about how much they didn't want me to.

But I need this. I'm going to do it no matter what. :]

[shannybp 0]

Hi

I think a lot of times people are scared on how it will effect them. The skinny one probably doesn't want the competition. And the overweight friend will now be the only overweight one in your group. I went through this with my friends and I am 32. We are all still friends and have worked through it. Just be honest with your feelings and remind yourself you are doing this for your quality of life. Good luck.

[ParrotheadCathy 0]

I think this is one choice in life that can be a lot harder when you're young! I'm old enough to be your grandmother but I can tell you that at 17 I was very concerned that my friends approved of my actions and even my ideas. When they didn't, it made it hard to stick to my guns, so to speak.

Your overweight friend doesn't want to be the only fat girl...think about how you would feel if the positions were switched. Your other friend? Yeah, she could be concerned that you'll become her main competition but she could have other feelings too. Concern about you having surgery and not really knowing what to think about it. Concern that whatever changes take place, they could change the quality of your friendship. It's not all that different for me, at my advanced age, LOL.

I have several friends who are around my starting weight (294 pounds) and one in particular didn't have much to say to me for a while. I finally got a chance to talk to her when nobody else was around and once we talked, she was okay. My thinner friends, thankfully, have been supportive.

I hope you and your friends can reach a comfortable place and that they can support you in your journey!

[AmberJane 0]

Well talking to them...that was great fun.

Skinny one...it's dumb, God made you that way. But it could be fun to share clothes. But you do know that everyone is going to talk s**t.

One my size, maybe like 12 pounds lighter. "it's your choice...but I think it's dumb...God made you the way you are...I'm fat and you don't see me going having surgery for that kind of stuff."

Well...I'm not really into her style of clothes.

And God didn't make me fat...I did by eating way too much.

That makes me mad...but I don't care in a way. With or without thier support I will be just fine. Just would be better with. Lol...my mom will be getting the sleeve done around the same time. I know she will help me...and she will help me a lot. :]

[AmberJane 0]

Thanks though :] I needed to talk to them...and your posts did help.

[Anii 0]

Dude your friends sound ridiculous. God made you that way? Was she being serious? Wanting a healthier lifestyle doesn't sound dumb to me...

Some of my friends reacted weird too at the beginning, and then I lost 30 pounds..then 40..then 50.. The boys starting looking at me more, I was able to buy better clothes and although sometimes it feels like it's forced they acknowledge the fact that I look awesome.

It's sad but statistically a lot of people who have lost a large amount of weight don't keep the same friends and people around them because a lot of people can't handle that change. Don't worry about it if they can't handle it their not worth it!

[Banded122809 0]

before I had my surgery the nurse told me as I was sitting on the hospital bed "you're going to lose some friends" and I was like o_O "what are you talking about? what do you mean?"

and she explained to me that some people in your life like you, but are using you to fix something about themselves, and it seems that way with your friends :[

I think if you talk to them and tell them how you feel, let them know that you'll still be the same person they know and love, and want them in your life...maybe they'll come around?

[ocmom91619 0]

I had the same issue unsupportive friend my coworkers have been great. U_ r doing this to better ur self. I think once they see the change in u they will be happy

[brittanyinohio 0]

I had my band done when I was 15 (5 years ago) and the few close friends that I told were cool with it. They were totally supportive and if we ever did go out to eat together, they wouldn't let me eat anything bad. :ohmy: Goodluck, ladies. And don't be scared about anything. Once you wake up out of your anesthesia, you will know you did the right thing!