To tell or not to tell

[dbeers 0]

When I had my surgery in March I decided not to tell many people. Only my husband, kids and mom. I only told 3 people at work because I did not want to deal with all the comments and have everyone watching everything I ate. Well in the beginning it was easy because no one knew I was on a diet. I'm losing weight slow so no one really noticed. But the few last month I had to buy new clothes, because I could not sew my old ones in anymore. Well everyone now tells me how great I look and asks what I doing. I always say eating no bread, sweets and exercising, which is all true. The problem is I feel so guilty and don't know what to do. I'm afraid if I tell the truth I will be sorry. Even if I say it is very hard I know they will not understand. I did not even tell my sister because she is so judge mental and I don't want to hear all her comments.

I know if I tell the right person at work it will get around like wild fire. Is there anyone that kept it a secret :thumbup:

[Stacy1980 0]

I think I would say the same as you - working out and eating right. You are not lying - you are just not saying everything. But the truth is that the band doesn't make you loose weight - you loose it BECAUSE you are eating right and excersing.

From my experience, a lot of people ask you that just because they want to hear some kind of a new and exciting weight loss program. When they hear "diet and excercise" they loose interest really fast lol.

[b9409 1]

I understand your struggle. Just remember, you don't own ANYONE ANYTHING! This is a very personal decision, and quite frankly, I think you made the right decision to keep quiet--especially since you know there are specific people (like your sister) who will judge and make comments.

Also, I think we live in a really crazy world in which such a HUGE deal is placed on weight and weight loss. It's kinda creepy that people feel they have the right to know other people's private health business. Think of it this way....if you had had another medical procedue, it would NOT be okay for people to ask personal questions about the details. I don't think the LapBand should be any different.

You need to do what you can to protect yourself. This journey is hard enough without having to be worried about people saying mean things.

Keep up the great work, and just keep focusing on yourself!!!

[VLOslund 0]

For what it's worth, I regret that I told so many people at the time of surgery. It's just ackward now becasue everyone watches your weight and what you eat, etc, but they don't really want to say anything either. In hindsight, it would have and contiuned to keep it to myself. But that's hindsight for ya... :thumbup:

[carbgrl 0]

I've only told my immediate family. It's hard not telling ppl at work especially when getting stuck, pbs or slimming happens but, I totally agree it's a private medical issue and no one's business.

[LollyMoe 1]

Keep it to yourself. It's your health & your business. You aren't lying to anyone. It's like another poster said, most people want to know if you have found a magic diet that they can lose weight too.

[lindas0809 0]

I completely understand. I didn't tell anyone at work and people have been saying things to me about my weight loss. I feel guilty when I say I track my calories using daily plate and only eat 1000-1200 calories a day(both true).

I shouldn't though, the band is great, but it's hard work. I don't want to be lumped in with the multiple people at work who have had bypass and eat pretzels and candy bars all day(but that's another issue).

I think it's smart to limit who you tell- no one watches what you eat and judges. I figure if someday I can help someone by telling them about the band I will, but otherwise it's my business.

[dbeers 0]

Thank you for all your messages, I think I will keep it to myself, for now. I remember when I went to the dentist, the assistant ask if I had any changes and I told her that I had lap band surgery, not sure if they had to know. Well the overweight girl started telling me about her friend that wanted to get surgery and how if she only would eat right and not eat fast food, she could lose weight. I just wanted to tell her maybe you should think about eating less or weight loss surgery. I went home and told my husband that is why I'm glad I told no one.

I have lost 69lbs so far and I know it has not been easy and takes alot of will power. I also know that people that are not overweight don't understand why weight loss surgery is not a easy way out.

[cnr1983 0]

I told my best friend (didn't even contemplate not telling her) and we're no longer friends as a result. Sad.

I guess it's a combination of jealousy and wanting me to be in the same boat as her. I guess what I gained out of it is the realisation that she wasn't the friend I thought she was. Other people have been amazingly supportive, though - funnily enough, it's my thinner friends that have given me the most encouragement.

[JoJo1 0]

I also have only told a couple people outside of my family. I live in a small town and figured I would not even be able to eat out without people staring at me. Also for me there is a little part of me that wonders if I will even lose with the band as everything else has failed. I may change my mind at some point but for now, I tell them I went on a little four day trip. That is all. I don't feel guilty about it because I feel it is personal. We do have to do the same things as other dieters, we just get to have a tool to help us along the way. Congrats on your sucess!!!!

[rottie69 4]

I told my best friend (didn't even contemplate not telling her) and we're no longer friends as a result. Sad.

Thats really too bad cnr, sometimes the ones we trust the most are the ones to turn first.

I have told my Husband, and my Mother, THATS IT! My kids dont know, my friends dont know, my co workers dont know , no one. Its my personal issue and I dont feel as though its anyones business. I am surprised at the people out there that tear you down just because of WLS. They think its the easy way out. Well guess what? NOT! Im 4 weeks out and I do well for about 1 1/2 hours after I eat and then im hungry. I am making better choices but need a fill, probably a couple before im good. My fill is 10-27, I cant wait!:sad:

[Losing 2 0]

This is very good question.. I can tell you after a year out - I still struggle with the guilt of not being honest w/co-workers.

I told my family and friends and only 2 folks at work that I truly trust. I so wanted to tell my manager. But I remembered when I first met her over 2 yrs ago and we were both struggling with weight issues, we had a discussion about it because one of our clients talked about it. My manager (10 yrs younger then me) said - you know how many folks have died from that... and on and on. So, I knew I wouldn't be telling her. Although, at times I want to say to her.. see, I didn't die.

Anyway, now that I too can no longer sew up my clothes and have now had to purchase from a 22 to a 14W and some 14's:w00t:; I get many folks who never noticed me at the huge facility where I work asking me what I've done. Some I like alot and I don't want to keep lying and have contemplated telling - but knowing if I do, it will spread quickly! So, I continue with telling them almost everything I'm doing except for the surgery.

Folks are just too judgemental and I know some are talking about me - some say to me, ok.. you've lost enough. Yeah right.

I can say to this day - I have NO regrets, not one. Not even the fact that I'm self-pay.

Best of luck to all my fellow bandstars.

[nawlinzlady 1]

Thank you for all your messages, I think I will keep it to myself, for now. I remember when I went to the dentist, the assistant ask if I had any changes and I told her that I had LAP-BAND® surgery, not sure if they had to know. Well the overweight girl started telling me about her friend that wanted to get surgery and how if she only would eat right and not eat fast food, she could lose weight. I just wanted to tell her maybe you should think about eating less or weight loss surgery. I went home and told my husband that is why I'm glad I told no one.

I have lost 69lbs so far and I know it has not been easy and takes alot of will power. I also know that people that are not overweight don't understand why weight loss surgery is not a easy way out.

Our weightloss with LapBand is not as quick as it is with those who have bypass, It is totally conceivable that diet and exercise would do it. Honestly we are doing 90% of the work, the only the band does for us is to keep us feeling full, everything else, we are doing for ourselves. I am with you, Only 2 people in my life know, my husband and my sister, I intend to keep it that way.

[ParrotheadCathy 0]

I definitely agree with Stacy!! People are hoping you will say that some product that's been advertised really works so that they can lose weight without dieting. If you don't want them to know you had the surgery, that's your business! I had no problem telling, but that's just me.

When you tell them you're making the right food choices and exercising, they lose interest because that's not some magic, secret solution to the problem of obesity. And, truthfully, there aren't any magic, secret solutions and they KNOW that. So just keep saying what you're saying because it's the truth. And if they watch what you eat, they'll see the truth of the statement.

[StarsZie 3]

I was banded this past June. Prior to the band I lost 41 lbs and since the band another 39 lbs. With an 80 lbs loss it's been hard for me not to tell the truth. I'm really bad at lying anyway. There are two other folks in my off that have had WLS done. One LP the other GBP. So, I've decided to tell people. I guess it helps to keep me focused as well, the more that know the more that will help to keep me accountable. :sad: I'm not ashamed anymore... I used to be but now I look at my LB as my friend, the one that I can count on to help me stay on track. It's a personal choice so It's up to you. I see that most people here haven't really told anyone so I guess I'm the unusual one. ;o)