A loving Son

[tpntx 0]

Hello everyone. I come here in search of help and encouragement not for myself but for my mother. I saw her the other day for the first time in weeks. She has always been extremely overweight but now it gotten worse. She's 62 and otherwise in very good health. She says she's at 350lbs but I think more.

We talk a lot on the phone but not about her weight. When I saw her I was shocked and thats saying a lot.

She's been married to her husband for several years and I had hoped he would be an inspiration for her but apprently not. To some degree he may be helping only in contining in the wrong direction. He's about 150lb but I'm going to stop short of blame or accusing anyone.

She's lost a lot weight before but you know that story.

I have to do something. She's about 100 miles away so travel is do-able. I've been reading on lap-band and I'm convinced it's her only hope. She's not going to get better on her own and its at a criticle stage now because she can't get around. Whats next being down, then what?

So an intervention of sorts is all I can think of. I'll get my brothers on board too, but I'm sure I'll be the only one who is willing to do whatever it takes in terms of "making" anything happen. I know I cant "make" anyone do anything but I can try.

I'm really having to restrain myself from calling her right now. I want to...arm myself first.

I hope comming here might help. I admire you all for what your doing. I just wish my mom would be so brave too.

thanks

[kiz 1]

tpntx, as a mother of two sons, your post brought a lump to my throat. Obviously, you love your mother and are very concerned for her health. I think the best thing you could do is to gather information to present to her, if she's the type of person that would accept it in the loving manner that it was given. You might want to find out who does gastric banding in her area, dates and times for the seminars (surgeon's info session), etc just for her to consider. Or, you might just want to approach the subject cautiosly, and let her know that you'd be glad to do some research for her, if she's interested.

I know I had to let the idea of surgery peculate in my head for six months or longer before I took the plunge to go to a seminar. Once I attended, I was excited about the idea, but it totally had to be my decision. I'm very close to my kids, and I know I would not take offense to their concerns for my health, but only you know how your mom may feel about it. Be ready to take her rejection to the idea without getting upset.

[ParrotheadCathy 0]

I heard this comment in a professional discussion about addiction the other day: You can't reason with it and you can't make demands about it. food is an addiction.

What you can do is what you've done here. Express to your Mom your concerns about her health and future well-being. Tell her that you want her to be around as a grandmother and great-grandmother instead of as a loving memory shared at a family dinner. Tell her you (and your brothers) will help all you can and that you would like for her to consider the lap band. Explain to her why. Tell her that it's not at all like gastric bypass and that she will still be in control, that the band is a tool to help her lose weight BUT MORE IMPORTANTLY to keep it off. Most of us have been pretty good at losing but really crappy at keeping it off. And it sounds like that's happened to her as well.

You might consider talking to your stepdad. Perhaps she's expressed concern about her burgeoning weight to him. And having him on board as part of the support team will be very important as well. His support could make or break the decision for your Mom.

And feel free to email me at parr0thd51@aol.com if I can help in any way.

[Lizabeth 0]

I think that you are an amazing son for wanting to help your mother. However, you have to approach this topic very carefully as you do not want to hurt her feelings. For me, my mom was doing a lot of research on the lapband and was actually working with the office where i got it done doing reseach and what not and casually mentioned it to me from time to time and sent me emails with info about it, not saying that I had a problem or what not without being to forceful said, look at this and tell me what you think, I think they are doing some amazing stuff here. She gave me the research and knowledge to decide to do this for myself. I hope this helps, I know my mom recognized in me that I did need help, and that helped me a lot! Good Luck!

[kkarryall 0]

I think the most important thing is to tell her that you don't care what she weighs...BUT that you want her to be around for a long time and that you know her being overweight could cause major health problems. Also, remember if you are expecting health insurance to pay for it, they usually require a 6 month medically supervised diet. So she could start the diet with her primary Dr. and still have 6 months to make the decision if it is something she is interested in. GOOD LUCK!!

[tpntx 0]

thanks everybody.

Well the good news is my mom and I are very close. We can talk anything or joke about anything. I was a very tough kid to deal with and I pretty much rejected authority. As a young adult I found myself in a not so good place. When my chips were down I called her for help and she was there. With her help I dusted myself off and started a new life literally. Through the years I have thanked her many times. Maybe I use that to her advantage.

The bad news is she is the type of person who is scared to death of anything. That may have even saved her life once. I was young but I remember the phenphen craze and her saying h@# no I'm not taking that stuff. Smart move. She's never smoked. Has never in her life drank alcohol, no drugs.

I know her and she's also affraid she will find out bad news about her health other than the obvious. Its going to be hard and take a lot of work.

I will look into a seminar immediately.

Someone had mentioned to me something about being too big for surgery. That she may have to loose x number of lbs before she would be elligible?

These type forums are excellent. I want you guys to know that. When I quit smoking seven years ago my support group was a user forum kinda like this. Its hard to explain how helpful it was.