What to tell family and friends about your decision for WLS

[ElfiePoo 109]

PS- this forum is a great place for support, the judgement part, I could skip!

I guess I must be reading a different thread because I haven't seen anyone 'judging' anyone else.

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[lilaz602 0]

I only told my sister. I have a large family and really don't want to hear everyone opinions. I am not telling any of my friends either. I have always been able to lose weight but it always comes back. So everyone will just be waiting for me to put it back once I start dropping it off. I really don't want to be judge anymore.

[HighCloudy 0]

I told my dad, older brother, little brothers mom, and my bf. I don't plan on telling any of my friends. I don't need their negative thoughts and emotions affecting my goals and making me feel stupid for making the decision to get banded.

maybe once i loose the weight i'll be more open about the band, but for now, its my little secret.

[TN_girl21 1]

I haven't been to a surgeon yet (just now signed up for a seminar). But some people already know. My husband is so very supportive! And my mom is supporting me (and paying for it! I thank God for her every day!), and my dad is understanding too! I'm going to tell my sister, and probably just my 3 best friends (because I know they can keep secrets)!

I'm wanting to keep mine private because I am from a very well known family in my town. And another well known man in my town had it done, made it known, and people laughed about it. I do not want to put myself through that. Maybe once I've lost quite a bit of weight, I will confess that I have the LAP BAND or I may not. lol

[TN_girl21 1]

I haven't been to a surgeon yet (just now signed up for a seminar). But some people already know. My husband is so very supportive! And my mom is supporting me (and paying for it! I thank God for her every day!), and my dad is understanding too! I'm going to tell my sister, and probably just my 3 best friends (because I know they can keep secrets)!

I'm wanting to keep mine private because I am from a very well known family in my town. And another well known man in my town had it done, made it known, and people laughed about it. I do not want to put myself through that. Maybe once I've lost quite a bit of weight, I will confess that I have the LAP BAND or I may not. lol

[msdv 5]

Yikes, but I don't agree with some of what I'm reading.

It is not my responsibility or my desire to enlighten the world on my LAP-BAND® surgery.

The people who have posted who do not agree with sharing their surgery news with everyone, never said they didn't or wouldn't tell anyone.

Of course we told the Significant people in our lives, spouses, children, some friends etc. We do have those people as our support system and they are a valuable asset to our success. But to tell everybody and their brother to me is never something I would do. Some of us are more private about our business then others. Nothing red flag about that, it is a matter of personal choice.

and I wish I could find the post I read months ago about people who regreted telling some people about their surgery. Some people had an awful time with unsympathetic co-workers, relatives, neighbors etc.

We do agree you need a core group of people in your corner, I think it's just the size of the corner we differ on. lol

"to each his own" as my mommy says.....I do wish all of us the very best, whatever route you take.

PS- this forum is a great place for support, the judgement part, I could skip!

ITA with this post.

I am a person that has done everything to try and lose weight. My PCP referred me for Lap Band surgery almost 2 years ago but I resisted because I wanted to do it "on my own" . It took me to get to the age of 54 and being 5'2" and 250lbs to realize that I need the help of this tool. I can lose weight, I lose 50-60lbs on what ever diet you can name and I can keep it off for 6 months or so and then I begin the gradual climb back up again and I will regain what I lost and some more.

I'm tired of that!! I don't agree that if you don't want to tell people that means that you don't want to be accountable if you fail . Maybe that is some peoples motive for not telling the world but so what if it is. Everyone has to be accountable for themselves. We are all different in what works for us and what doesn't . That statement right there was judgmental. If someone chooses to tell everyone they meet their having the surgery I have nothing against that, good for them.

I choose not to tell anyone except my DH , my sister my niece and 2 good friends which in my opinion is already too many people. I tried to discuss it with a couple of other good friends and right away I heard "Oh no" not that . So many people are ill informed about this surgery thinking that it's GB or thinking it is the easy way out which is far from it . As a matter of fact reading through this forum helped me to put the surgery off for the 2 years that it did because quite frankly most of the posts here are negative and let me see that this is not the easy way out. However, I decided to go to the seminar because I have been there done that with everything you can name and I don't want to die an obese woman with all kinds of obesity related diseases. I have a good life and I want to enjoy it and feel good about myself.

This is a last resort for me and I don't need the negativity of well meaning and some snarky people to discourage me and I don't feel it is my responsiblity to educate the world about the advantages of lap band surgery.

Sorry for the long post (rant) but a couple of the posts were judgmental and everyone should be able to handle their business the way they choose without someone inferring that their doing it for some underlying reason. To each his own.

Edited October 21, 2009 by msdv

[untfluter 3]

Once I made the decision to have the surgery, I felt that I had nothing to hide. It was not big secret I was fat... and I felt that I should be proud of the fact that I took control of my life and health when I decided to have the surgery, not ashamed that I had to take this step. I told my friends, family AND co-workers. My parents at first were concerned because they just don't like the idea of surgery, BUT, were very supportive and once I explained WHY I wanted to do this and they realized that I had done a lot of research... they understood that I was making the right decision.. My dad took me to the hospital along w/my sister the day of the surgery and my mom got there before they took me back since she had to work that morning...my friend and co-workers have been so supportive, and that includes my CEO... they are all so happy for me....and proud.... I have also plastered it all over my Facebook about my surgery...I even have a photo album on my facebook of before and after pics... and my friends include people I went to high school and even jr high with that I haven't seen or talked to in over 20 yrs but thanks to Facebook we reconnected and they are even supportive... I only had one bad experience and that was from a guy I went out w/like twice who told me it wasn't a good idea and that there are too many bad outcomes and what happened to doing it the natural way.... I told him off and never heard back from him.. good bye to bad rubbish I say... LOL But everyone is right... It is a personal decision whether or not to tell anyone... I know people who have been banded that have not told anyone but their immediate family... and that was their choice...me... I'm a bit of a blabber mouth and tend to tell people all my business.... LOL Heck.. I even told the girls at the Curves I joined 2 months ago... LOL they are very curious, ask a lot of questions, which I happily answer... I don't mind educating them... and they are very supportive... always want to know my latest total of weight loss and how it went when I see my surgeon... maybe I am lucky that I have so many supportive, non-judgemental people in my life...

Edited October 21, 2009 by untfluter

[Enchanted 2]

I only told the closest people in my life and when they were not as thrilled as I was with my decision, I emailed them lots of things to read, offered to answer their questions, and then demanded their support. They each came through for me in big ways.

For those people who think we're doing this the "easy" way. How I wish they could be around when we're in the OR, or in recovery, or too tight . . . because, baby, this ain't the easy way.

[onikenbai 33]

I say put the boyfriend on the pre-op diet with you and see if his opinion changes about taking the easy way out.

[tapshoes 2]

I only told DH and that was only the week before because I needed someone to drive me home - he was not part of any of the discussions/consultations etc. (As a self pay, I didn't have the same appointments/consultations etc to go through).

Anyway, for people who have asked (rudely in my opinion) how I'm losing the weight, or what I'm doing, etc I reply with a smile and a soft voice, "Why would you ask such a personal question?"....belive me, they back off!!

However just because you have told some people, you are under no obligation to answer their questions or defend your choice. It's your body, your decision end of story. I THINK I would deflect their questions with, I have made a decision for my health and my body. I appreciate your concern, but I do not choose to discuss this with you.

At 50+ years of age, my skin is alot tougher than it used to be!!!

[ElfiePoo 109]

Anyway, for people who have asked (rudely in my opinion) how I'm losing the weight, or what I'm doing, etc I reply with a smile and a soft voice, "Why would you ask such a personal question?"....belive me, they back off!!

At 50+ years of age, my skin is alot tougher than it used to be!!!

ROFLMAO...great response. As for the post 50 tough skin...once you pass 50, you realize that all the things you worried about when you were younger just don't matter. Wish I had half the self-confidence at 25 that I have at 53.

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