What to tell family and friends about your decision for WLS

[FeatherHen2010 0]

I've told my mom (who blabbed it all over her work) who isn't as supportive as I'd like; my dad, who is very supportive -- but lives 2,000 miles away; my boss, so he'll better understand if I need a little more time off or am acting like a bitch; and one of my co-workers (so far).

I, like ElfiePoo, would prefer to promote the procedure rather than hide it. Also for me, now that others know what I am doing, failure is not an option!

[msdv 5]

I am just starting the process in trying to get approved for the surgery but I have already made up my mind that I will not tell anyone.

I was contemplating not telling my DH cause he is supportive but he has seen me go on and off every diet imaginable all our married life. I am just frankly embarrassed that I am at this point. I had to tell him though because he has the job with the insurance .

In the past when I have hinted at this option to others the 1st thing they say is No, you can do it on your own because I have lost weight before and of course gained it right back.

Many are so misinformed about this surgery and feel that it is the same as GB and everyone has a story of how someone died or lost the weight and gained it all back and all the other horror stories.

Even this morning trying to talk to my insurance company. I gave the woman the procedure code and told her what I was contemplating and she kept referring to the surgery as Gastric Bypass.

I want to do this for me and I don't want to hear anyone elses negativity at all. If my dh is supportive what more do I need?

I would love to have a good friend to confide in but the couple that I have are not feeling my decision either so I didn't tell them that I even went to the seminar.

[gramma-O 2]

I told my immediate family who are all very supportive and I've shared my decision with a few co-workers whom I trust. I waited until the surgery was definitely approved and I was scheduled for surgery (10/9/09) before telling people, however.

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Edited October 7, 2009 by gramma-O

[Salbri 0]

I researched for 3 months before I told anyone about the surgery.

Once I chose a surgeon I told my 2 best friends and 2 other friends one a nurse the other a doctor.

I booked the surgery for October 1, 2009 and started having the conversations with family and other friends.

In all, I have told 20 people about the surgery. I would say 18 of the 20 were against my decision at first, but changed their mind after they listened to how much time I put into researching this decision. The knowledge I gained gave me the confidence to address all concerns including the emotional ones.

I am not saying that everyone is supportive of my decision. I am saying that everyone is supportive of me and I have tried to keep them well informed thru pre/post surgery.

I know I feel different than many of you, but having a large support group is very important to me and I don't know how I could be successful if I had kept this life changing event to myself.

[btrieger 21]

This may be off-base but why do so many people feel that they are obligated to tell anyone anything?

Actually, having a dirty little secret may even make it more fun.

On another note, who cares what others think?

[outside*looking*in 0]

I have been thinking about getting this done, then started researching, then seminars, now I am ready. My husband is being supportive but he wants to learn more about it. We have to self-pay so I think that is our biggest issue. I have told some of my side of the family. Heck, my Mom is the one who first said I should look into it. It is my husbands side of the family that I am not sure about, espeacially M.IL. I know they will question it but talk more behind my back to each other than to my face. We recently moved a few hours away from them so I am thinking of not telling them and waiting to let them see the results at a family get together. Same with my friends. :wink2:

[samanthazzz 0]

This may be off-base but why do so many people feel that they are obligated to tell anyone anything?

Actually, having a dirty little secret may even make it more fun.

On another note, who cares what others think?

I agree with bt..who says we have to say anything about surgery? In the beginning, you don't have restriction anyway. I lost the first 35 lbs on willpower and hard work alone. I tell people who ask (oh, and they will ask how you did it), palm sized portions, Protein shakes, Water and no carbs. It's not a lie, it's what I eat.

Even now as you lose wt, your band loosens, and until you have another fill, you have to be careful and not overeat (because sometimes your able to). I can eat more than I do, but I chose not to.

Tell who your comfortable with telling and if your in doubt of telling someone in particular, then don't. There may be a time in the future, you may want to. But, if there isn't, that's okay to.

PS-people do lose wt on other diet plans, so while it will be obvious you are losing wt, whose to say it only has to be with the band?

*and the losing wt part is better than anything you can eat.

a minute on the lips, 5 lbs on your hips! (silly, but true)

Good luck on your wt loss journey!

Samantha :-)

[LindaD 3]

There is the argument that when people go public, that makes them more accountable because everyone knows.

I don't particularly care for people scrutinizing what I eat or anything, but by making myself a poster child, there is a little more pressure to be a poster child for SUCCESS and so, I'm guessing, that even if I don't consciously realize it, that keeps me more focused.

Many coaches in life (not weight loss specifically, but in general) will encourage you to TELL people your goals - to make them open and transparent - because the psychological effect of doing that works in your favor where achieving them is concerned.

[LindaD 3]

And just to add to that -- I'm quite sure there are SOME people who keep it quiet so that if it doesn't work, then they don't have to deal with a public failure.

If anyone is keeping it quiet, I would definitely recommend they examine their motives to make sure that's not part of their reason for it because, to me, that's a red flag.

[melbee 0]

i had the suregery 3 years ago...I told only close friends and family. I explained that it is only a tool and I am still going to have many struggles. It is not the easy way out...it is the hardest thing i have ever done! Feelind full was a comforting thing for me...you will never feel full in the same way...hard to explain! So, if you just present it like you have already made the decision and ask for there support, i'm sure they will be supportive!

[btrieger 21]

Many coaches in life (not weight loss specifically, but in general) will encourage you to TELL people your goals - to make them open and transparent - because the psychological effect of doing that works in your favor where achieving them is concerned.

True, but losing weight and keeping it off is the goal. As mentioned above, you are not lying if you tell people that you lost the weight by eating smaller portions and exercising.

The coaches, whether they be self-appointed or not can assist you with the diet and exercise and have no need to know you've got a Lapband.

[laly197 0]

We have all made a very important decision in our life and that’s to have a better life thanks to the help of Lapband. I am schedule for surgery on November 5, 2009. I have only shared this with my parents, brothers and 3 very close friends. I haven’t told anyone at work nor any neighbors not because I am ashamed of what I am doing but because I don’t want to hear any negative remarks. I have told everyone that I am on a diet which is correct I am on a diet and that I am exercising I am not lying about that I just don’t think they need to know more for right now… Good luck to you.

[Lizabeth 0]

I'm just gonna put my 2 cents in here, whether or not you choose to tell people or not, it doesn't matter, you have to do whats right for you. Now, if people question you or what you are doing, I think that it is our responsibility to educate people on the lap band and our process, because if we all decided that it was just too hard or not worth it to explain it to people then we truly are allowing the persistance of ignorance, even if they disagree at least you gave it a shot and attempted to broaden their horizons as far as WLS is concerned.

[samanthazzz 0]

Yikes, but I don't agree with some of what I'm reading.

It is not my responsibility or my desire to enlighten the world on my lap band surgery.

The people who have posted who do not agree with sharing their surgery news with everyone, never said they didn't or wouldn't tell anyone.

Of course we told the Significant people in our lives, spouses, children, some friends etc. We do have those people as our support system and they are a valuable asset to our success. But to tell everybody and their brother to me is never something I would do. Some of us are more private about our business then others. Nothing red flag about that, it is a matter of personal choice.

and I wish I could find the post I read months ago about people who regreted telling some people about their surgery. Some people had an awful time with unsympathetic co-workers, relatives, neighbors etc.

We do agree you need a core group of people in your corner, I think it's just the size of the corner we differ on. lol

"to each his own" as my mommy says.....I do wish all of us the very best, whatever route you take.

PS- this forum is a great place for support, the judgement part, I could skip!

[bandstarr430 0]

Thanks everyone for your input! You guys are truly supportive and I cannot thank you enough. Everyone is totally right! in the end, it is MY DECISION. And its my choice to be healthy for the rest of my life! I will let the results speak for themselves! I am 22 and already friggin tired of takin 3 BLOOD PRESSURE PILLS! UGH! Im ready for that surgeon to call me for that consultation! YOU GUYS ARE AMAZING!