What to tell family and friends about your decision for WLS

[bandstarr430 0]

I am going through some may-jah internal dilemmas right now! I want to know what to tell your family and friends about your decision for WLS. My bf of 4 years thinks I am taking the "easy" way out and that I am just being "lazy"....my family has mixed emotions, mainly because they're tired of seeing me fat (which has been my whole life). My co-workers don't understand because I work at a plus size store! :smile: What did you all do or say to people???

[123crod 170]

Tell them you are doing it for yourself and it is want you and leave it at that. I only told a couple of people.

[everleigh 0]

I just started on my process of getting banded so my advice isn't backed by experience. I asked a similar question on another board & got a mixed reaction. Most telling me that I won't be able to convince people that's its a good thing & that I need to keep saying that it's a life saving & changing operation. A handful of people advised not to tell anyone at all & save myself the trouble.

I did talk to my dh who is not thrilled but ok. My parents were suprisingly supportive & happy for me to possibly get help in dropping this unhealthy weight. I told one friend of mine- the only friend who deals with similar weight issues because I thought she'd understand & she tried to talk me out of it.

She was not understanding or supportive about it. I know she cares about me but she acted like I would be making a big mistake. Now I wish I hadn't told her.

If/when I get surgery, I plan not to tell anyone right away. I'll have time to figure out what/when I want to talk about it. I don't want everyone in the meantime micromanaging all my eating habits & saying 'I took the easy way out!' (Those people are jerks by the way!) :smile:

[Chellz423 0]

Wow.......sorry to hear bandstarr430......my mom doesn't like the idea either but she's supportative, my sister is still coming around, my dad is supportative of whatever I decide......I only told them and 3 friends because I don't want to deal with judgement.

[moviestartaal 0]

i told my hubby, he doesnt want it to happen. he wants me to do it own my own and he thinks its going to cost a lot of money. my mom is like candace do do it and i told my bff of 13yrs she is all for my happiness i told my babysister and she is like ok whatever. i have 2 more sister that i have not told really dont care i dont plan telling in one else. its no body business but mind.

[coloradobanding 5]

I am so thankful I didn't tell everyone I know (I was going to) about my surgery.

Truth is, it is hard enough succeeding with WLS or weight loss in general, than to add educating the world about WLS.

Obviously those who think this is the "easy way out" have NO IDEA what the surgery is about, and they can and will sabotage your success. Those that try to discourage you or don't support you SABOTAGE you! PLEASE DO NOT let that happen!

ONLY YOU know why you're doing this, ONLY YOU have yourself to answer to and ONLY YOU make this decision, and work your ass off to lose weight..that's enough burden to bear!

[LindaD 3]

I did have loved ones who were worried about the surgical risk. I reassured them that it was a pretty easy surgery - outpatient, laparoscopic, etc. I reminded them that no one freaks out when someone has a c-section which is a MAJOR surgery -fully open, etc. That helped.

As for the easy way out... ha. I mean, yeah, it is AWESOME to have this Band to help me. But the band doesn't go to the gym for 7 hours a week - I do. The band helps me physically to eat less and be satisfied. So I dunno... it's definitely the "easier" way out but it's far from easy. When I was pursuing the surgery, I remember thinking it was like having Jillian from The Biggest Loser with me all the time. That would definitely make me more successful in weight loss, but EASIER? Perhaps not. LOL

I tell people the truth, I try to dispel myths about obesity, and I go on living my life.

Good luck to you!

[sndycnrd 1]

I have told only those people who need to know. My husband, my closest friend, my friend who had bypass and my pcp. I have made my mind up and as of today I don't really care what anyone has to say and actually, I really don't want to hear it. I have decided to keep it to myself (except for those listed above) and let the results speak for themselves. Will I tell anyone in the future? Maybe, maybe not. If I think either they or I would benefit from the info I will tell them. If not, then I will not tell them. It is really nobody’s business. Afterall, I don't announce to the world that I have diabetes so why announce that I have a lap band. I tell the diabetes information only to those who need to know in case of emergency.

.

Edited October 5, 2009 by sndycnrd

[ncarreras 0]

I had the same issue. Then decided not to tell anyone else. You are the only one that matters. Focus on getting ready for surgery and a healthier you! My surgery is next week and at this point, most people who were not supportive are not saying much. My family is very supportive, but friends and co-workers are already scrutinizing what I am eating... I realized that for many of them it is very hard to understand because they never struggled with weight. So I don't say anything anymore because all we need is positive energy and support. Good luck!

[GracieBelle 0]

Ditto, to all of the above. Everyone has very valid points & insight into this issue. I've talked about this in my blog if anyone's interested. I'm 7yrs post op & I've also talked about peoples behaviour after too. sndycnrd expresses well how I feel too. It's your life, your body, your decision. No one can know what it's like to be you. I'm sure your not incapable of making informed, educated decisions involving your life and your health. Don't let others ignorance or fears stall you on what your know is right. Best of luck

[drew05 20]

I agree with all of the above ones, but it comes down to you at the end. I told no one except like three close close friends and my family. My brother thought I was taking the easy way out and then he saw how hard I had to work to actually loose all the weight and now he wants it himself. As for my friends who don't know, they wouldn't understand. They've never been fat. They haven't been fat their whole lives and they didn't have to endure the ridicule I did as a kid. If they think it's the easy way out (like your bf) then they need to research and actually learn what the band does. It always hits home with me when someone says this is the easy way out. If they only knew...

[gingercat 1]

I am going through some may-jah internal dilemmas right now! I want to know what to tell your family and friends about your decision for WLS. My bf of 4 years thinks I am taking the "easy" way out and that I am just being "lazy"....my family has mixed emotions, mainly because they're tired of seeing me fat (which has been my whole life). My co-workers don't understand because I work at a plus size store! :thumbup: What did you all do or say to people???

Hi - I only told my mum (she already had gastric bypass surgery many years ago - so very supportive :wub:)

My Dad & his partner (he was initially worried ie about whole change of food lifestyle & eating habits as we are a 'big' foodie family- Obviously! :ohmy:) But he had good understanding as was with my mum when she had surgery & he has been really understanding & supportive also.

Also told a very select 4 good friends who have all been great & non judgemental & supportive as seen how weight has been such a struggle for me! They are my few select longstanding most valued friends.:cursing:

I decided to tell nobody at work as work in a large office & know that i would have 'all eyes' on me for my weight loss progress if i told everybody & did not need this added pressure.Also people at work have previously seen me lose a lot of weight & gain it all again & I know that they would just think i was on another diet yet again!

The decision who to tell is a very personal choice and I don't regret telling a select few. You have to concentrate on you for once in your life and not concern yourself on what other's think,as the band alter's your whole life!

Also once you tell somebody you can't retract it!

Hope this helps & good luck!

Ginger Cat

[imwiththebandnyc 0]

I tend to be quite the blabber mouth myself-- but I am trying to keep this very quiet. I have told my family and that is it.

My stupid sister went and told her sisters-in-law, which truly PISSED ME OFF, but I asked them for my privacy. I am sure they must have blabbed to their mom etc.

Anyhow: my husband is super-supportive- not in a critical 'you're fat' kind of way, but in a, 'you've tried everything else and this will help you' kind of way.

My parents had many questions and have asked some undermining questions-- but I can handle that. My sister, who is naturally thin and then keeps herself EXTRA thin by not eating very much and exercising excessively is asking all sorts of undermining questions. SHe says she is happy for me but is clearly conflicted for me- last evening she said "won't you be sad that you won't be able to eat giant salads like you love to do"-- and "I think you need therapy to say goodbye to food" and stuff like that. Fortunately, I do not talk to her every day, and I know she does want the best for me.

Bottom line: I am keeping my blabber mouth buttoned.

My surgeon (dr. ren) said: don't tell anyone, keep it quiet until you lose the weight. Then, if you wish, you can tell people.

In this way: once you're already successful-- people will have less opportunity to tell you what a stupid decision you're making, since you're clearly showing that it was a good decision by the weight you've dropped!!

Good advice from Dr. Ren!

[ElfiePoo 109]

As everyone else said...it's up to you and what you can deal with.

Personally, I don't intend to hide it and I intend to 'promote' it. Remember, depression and diabetes used to be 'shameful' diseases that people hid. They didn't talk about it because the world saw it as a character defect. We've come a long way and, as a result of the openness about both of these diseases, people are getting treated.

So I intend to be one of those who promotes the Lap Band and maybe some time in the future, people won't feel they have to hide it and/or won't choose not to get it done because they think it's a sign of failure.

I'd tell family members that while they don't have to understand or agree with your decision, you hope they will be supportive. If they aren't, it's their problem and when they bring up negative discussions, just put a stop to them and tell them that if they don't have anything encouraging or positive to contribute, please keep it to themselves.

.

[ParrotheadCathy 0]

There was a post on here a while back that described the gain/lose yo-yo like this: You are chained to a slot machine. You keep putting quarters in but you never, ever hit the jackpot. NEVER. Sound familiar??

Anybody who questions your choice is probably a bit misinformed about lap band (they know a bit about gastric bypass and that's about it). Don't bother to try and educate them. It's not worth the trouble. They will see soon enough that a lap band isn't a magic potion. Tell them that you are tired of gaining and then losing and then regaining time after time. That you know that yo-yo-cycle is stressing your body. That you know health problems related to obesity are not a matter of "if" but only "when" and that you are doing this for yourself and your health -- NOT for them.