How do you deal with judgements?

[davsil 0]

"But if I'm seriously serious about being serious (like that?) then why don't I just work on my portions? Why not restict myself?"

I can only speak for myself...but I'm sure there are others who feel the same way...

If I could restrict myself, for the duration of the rest of my life, I would. But I have been on so many programs and diets, and some have worked well for a year or two, but none have worked permanently. It would be great if shear force of will-power would get me to my goals. But it hasn't worked in 48 years why will it work this time?

The band is not a guarantee of success nor is it "taking the easy way out" or "cheating". This is still hard work. What the band is, is a tool.

No one has surgery lightly. At least I didn't. It took several years of consideration and struggle with myself before I decided to do this.

But I decided I needed to. I have always been a healthy person except for being vastly overweight. But it was finally catching up with me and effecting my over-all health. I simply and purely could not live the way I was anymore. But everything else I had tried had failed in the long run.

The band is my last great hope to finally lose the excess weight. But I understand it is just a tool. I still have to do the work. What I want the band to do it be a firewall. On those occasions I lose the focus, or the will-power, etc. and want to over-eat I'm hoping it will be there to stop me. Or let me know I made a poor choice and get me back on the stick again.

Only you can decide if the band is right for you. You may not be ready yet. And maybe you will be able to get to your goal and stay there by just controlling your portions. But most of us have been there and have chosen this path because that did not work for us - at least permanently.

Good luck to you however you decide to go.

[L12 13]

I haven't come across any negative judgements, but I don't get into a lot of deep conversations about it. The only way to change peoples' minds about it is to be successful, and even that won't do it for some of them. Other people can think what they want about how I'm losing weight; I'm doing it for ME, not for them.

As far as Portion Control, even when I was thin I never ate such small portions--I was HUNGRY if I only ate 1/2 cup of anything. The changes induced by the lapband help me to be full, satisfied, and physically comfortable with much less.

[dfav3412 116]

Whoever considers any weight loss surgery should do their homework, research it out. If you come to the conclusion that it is in fact the best decision for you then go for it,. Other people's opinons don't matter and if they do then you aren't ready for the surgery. It is madness to be on diets all your life only to lose and regain over and over again and continue to do that and expect different results. The lap band broke that cycle for me, 2 years banded and 118 lbs lighter.

[kim60 0]

The difference is that with the band you are satisfied with the restricted portions, so it doesn't feel like deprivation and dieting.

I think that is the best statement that I have read so far.My biggest fear is that If I am not sucsessful dieting now what will make it any different after the band.

[kim60 0]

The difference is that with the band you are satisfied with the restricted portions, so it doesn't feel like deprivation and dieting.

I think that is the best statement that I have read so far.My biggest fear is that If I am not sucsessful dieting now what will make it any different after the band.

[crzytchr 3]

I think that is the best statement that I have read so far.My biggest fear is that If I am not sucsessful dieting now what will make it any different after the band.

I can promise you I have lost and gained a couple of Sumo wrestlers over my lifetime. I have never been able to keep it off. I think the biggest testament to my band journey is my over 3 month plateau I had that JUST ended in August. Prior to banding, I would have said "screw it!" and then proceed to eat anything and everything and gain back everything I lost. That is one big difference my band has made for me.

I made it through the plateau with my weight stabilized and began to slowly lose again in August. The weight is coming off slowly now, but at least it is still coming off. I never feel as if I am deprived. I eat what I want, heck, I even eat ice cream around once a week. I just don't eat a lot of it. I eat out all of the time, I just eat a lot less than I used to. I love my banded life. I wouldn't change anything so far.:smile:

[Donnainva 0]

Get new friends

[ldswims 0]

Donnainva - that's the best advice I've heard!

I just can't believe that my "friends" would prefer I struggle, would prefer to judge me, don't see that support is what I'm after and that support can matter here...

Anywho...

This very judgemental person, to help me put things in perspective, also does not want her own daughter to "look better". First of all, what's better? This person is beautiful for her own reasons. Not because of any one thing. And what I am calling beauty may not be beauty to someone else - and someone else might see something different to make her beautiful in their eyes. But sadly, her daughter, 12 years old, has everything falling into place to be a drop dead gorgeous young lady - she already is and from where we (rest of the people in this group sit), she's only going to become more beautiful as she grows into herself.

Anywho, if she's going to be hard on her daughter for being beautiful, why in the world would she be supportive of me?

This has never been about having their "approval" to motivate me. This has been about getting support for when times are frustrating. These are generally people I share meals with, rather frequently in fact. So support in this group would be beneficial. And a few of them are neighbors. So they are also not going anywhere and will notice a change.

It's been interesting. Some new things came out this weekend that makes me think I was just being too sensitive. :frown:

Tis always the case with me, too sensitive, doesn't like uncertainty, likes to share too much...

I think I said this in my original post - but the only "Approval" I NEED is my husbands. I want his approval AND his support and I have that. The rest is icing....

Just has me being very cautious about who I share this with in the future - and that's said. That's a mark on society, I think, that there is such stigma here. But we all already know that. Question is about how to deal with it effectively?

Ugh, rambling...sorry...

[sberrys 0]

I haven't read the other responses yet but wow it sounds like you are surrounded by a bunch of people who are rude and unsupportive. But you know what, their opinion doesn't matter. The only thing you can do is try to educate them with the facts. The facts are that almost everyone DOES lose weight with surgery, regardless. Only 5% of overweight people have success with traditional diet and exercise.

People who have never considered surgery really have no clue, they want to point fingers at us, think we are weak, etc, but they just have no idea. This is a difficult decision to make and you are not weak, you are strong for being able to recognize that you need to do something to make a change even if it's something that is difficult. I'm glad your husband is supportive and I hope things work out well for you and if you need additional encouragement this is a great place to get it. :frown:

[pokes 0]

I have only told 3 people, my husband, my best friend and a friend I have been re-connecting with from High School

Husband doesnt want me to do it because he doesnt want me having surgery. He thinks something bad will happen. Its because of him that I went to the nuritionist and dr before hand to see how I can change my diet (its already what it should be) and to see if there are any other problems with me that could lead to the weight gain (perhaps one... but nothing major)

Best Friend: When I told her I went to the seminar she said "You arent going to do that". Mind you she is about 110lbs and eats anything she wants... one of those people :frown: obviously she can't understand how it is to be overweight and everything that comes along with it.

Old friend: She was 100% supportive. We trained together to walk a marathon for charity and she saw how I ate and all the exercise I did and my lack of weight loss compared to her so she thought it would be a good idea to go for it :eek:

SO yeah, everyone gives you a different reaction.. just sort of have to role with it and od whats best for you!