Any twins out there?

Anwyn · October 7, 2005

This has been on my mind for a while now, and I was wondering if anyone else has gone through something similar...

I have an identical twin sister. We've both always been heavy, though for the last 5 years or so I've outweighed her by about 40 lbs. We've always been very non-competitive and supportive of each others weight-loss efforts. BUT, she was not very supportive of my decision to have WLS, and tried to talk me out of it several times. I know in my heart she wants me to lose weight, so it's not a jealousy thing - she just thinks it's too extreme.

I've been through several back surgeries. My neurosurgeon telling me to lose weight or I would need a back fusion was the best thing that ever happened to me because it helped my family realize how imperative this surgery was for me. I always knew it was the answer for me, but my family is full of worriers. My mom called me up every week leading up to surgery with another idea to help me lose weight so I could cancel the surgery. I wanted to scream, but I'd just repeat to myself (she's just worried, she's just worried...).

Anyways, I haven't tried to push banding on my sister at all, but I have had a hard time understanding why she's so resistant to it for herself. It's not that she thinks it won't work, she just thinks that she can do it herself. I don't want to be a pessimist, but she's never been able to do it before...

I've closed the gap significantly and now we're just 5 lbs apart. Meanwhile, she's stayed the same (around 235) during my banding process which began almost a year ago.

I want to be thin, but being identical there are kind of complicated issues around being different... Should I try to talk her into banding? The only thing that would put a damper on this great experience would be hitting goal while she stays at 235.

Has anyone else experienced this? Maybe not as an identical twin, but how about with a spouse or a sibling? I don't want to leave her behind, and I know this would have to be a decision she would make on her own. Should I just let it go?

Sorry for the rambling... thanks for letting me vent!

the best me · October 7, 2005

Should I try to talk her into banding?
and I know this would have to be a decision she would make on her own. Should I just let it go?

I am not a twin, and I can only imagine the issues you are facing having an identical twin sister. However, you are two seperate individuals and you should NOT try to talk her into banding. That's a very personal decision and if she decides not to, you should support her and love her, no matter what her weight. Let it go. As you lose more and more she will either get the gumption to do it on her own or she will see your success and be interested in it for herself. Or she will be happy with maintaining her current weight and supporting your band journey.

That's a tough one, I know. My sister still weighs what I did when I got banded. She'd like to get banded but can't right now ($$$) so it's hard to see her struggle.

ReneBean · October 7, 2005

Definitely don't try to talk her into it. As you pass her on the way down, she will see the merits of this procedure. I would hazard a guess that your approach toward her current weight has her thinking of it already.

The lower your weight drops below hers, and if her efforts are limited, or unsuccessful, the more she will want the surgery. But if you try to push her before she is ready, she might hold out due to sheer stubborness - or some wierd sense of individuality. When she is ready, she will come to you.

I don't have a twin - but my younger Sister is only two years below me. I know that this would be true for us.

Good Luck.

Road Queen · October 7, 2005

My sister and I were overweight for a number of years. She gained during pregnancies and continued to put on weight. I started gaining when I lived with a skinny man who had to eat constantly to keep on his weight. My dad's side of the family is huge. In fact my grandmother was last weighed at the grain elevator - to get a scale that could weigh her.

My sister had bypass in May 2003. Since I didn't weigh as much as she did, I researched bypass and the band and didn't do anything about it. I knew I wanted the band over bypass but wasn't motivated enough to do anything more.

In June 2003 my dad was told his days were limited because he had 5 blocked arteries, his diabetes was worse, bad valve, another aortic aneyrism, etc. He eventually ended up in dialysis and passed away in May 2004. Knowing his problems were caused by his weight gave me an incentive to lose when he was sick.

Watching all the things my little sister could do during that time made me jealous - and when I say little I mean 4'10 and 88 pounds. And I will never be that small but just losing 30 pounds has made a difference - besides I'm tall 5'4.

The reason I detailed so much of this is that I think your sister may change her mind over time. Let her work through this mental process on her own but be there for support.

showboatgirl · October 9, 2005

My sister is 4 years younger than I am. She weighs a little more than I do. She decided to have WLS when she was diagnosed with diabetes. She already had sleep apnea, so her weight was causing her serious problems. I don't have any of these problems yet, but it was a matter of time. She was going to have gastric bypass--but I started reading about the gastric band. Her doctor recommended the band also. We began our journey in May and finally had surgery August 29th. She has lost 27 pounds and I have lost 23. We haven't had a fill yet. We did everything together--we even go into the doctor's examination room together. We are our own support group. By talking to each other, we don't bore everyone else with lapband talk. I admit that I would have been jealous if she had the band and I didn't. We like to travel together. I always said that we were "TWO TONS OF FUN." Hopefully, we will still be a lot of fun when we are normal size. As far as encouraging your twin to have surgery, I think she will see how great you are doing and will decide to do it. I personally would not tell anyone to have this surgery because it was a rough 10 days for me postop. I am starting to like my band--especially when the pounds drop off.

Anwyn · October 9, 2005

After reading your replies, I realize that I really don't want to push her on this issue. I'm hoping that my weight loss will inspire her to success, whether she has surgery or not. This surgery isn't for everyone, and it's not like she won't be giving it a lot of thought since I talk about it all day, lol.

Thanks for sharing your experiences with me. It really helped me work through this.

GrizGirl · October 17, 2005

Hi-Just saw this post and have to chime in.

I too am an identical twin. We are only a minute apart. Over the years we have grown into each others' best friend.

She too was a little skeptical about the surgery...She also thought I hadn't exhausted all of my possibilities. All I had to do though was remind her of the 75 pounds she lost with Nutri-System 12 years ago and the 40 or so pounds I lost with Phen-Fen.

She has been nothing but supportive of me..I know she is very proud of the progress I've made.

I too am closing the gap with her. I still have about 25 pounds on her (Well gee...I am a little bit taller after all) I know when I get closer to her weight, she will probably start to diet. We have always had a bit of a competitive nature between us.

Anwyn · October 17, 2005

Thanks for posting Sallykotz! I knew there had to be another twin out there on this board. It's official - I'm the exact same weight as my sister now. We're kind of freaking our husbands out because we haven't looked this much alike in years.

She's starting a new program this Thursday that I'm hoping will work well for her. We've set goals and we talk every day to try to keep each other going.

Do you think your sister will consider getting banded once you're in a size 8?

GrizGirl · October 17, 2005

Size 8..That's a hoot!! Not this gal sister!!

You and I seem to have pretty similar stats. My start weight was 281. How tall are you? I am right around 5'-10". I think my sis has started W.Watchers. She gets plenty of daily exercise due to her job.

I know I scared the hell out of her when I had my first and hopefully last pb/slime/vomit episode with her. I think that was when this band business finally made sense to her.

She has a tendency to eat really fast (she's a UPS drivers, so she takes meals on the run) and when I am with her and we are eating, I tend to get caught up in her pace of eating. After the pb incident she now really makes an effort to slow her eating down.