Friendship Lost over the Band

[leftover_eidoes 0]

I just told my friend about getting the surgery... and she yelled at me and blocked me....

She has lost 40+ Kilos (over 80 pounds) through diet and exercise. and shes very passionate about it and thinks its a horrible mistake...

It just kind of shook me and im second guessing the decision im making...

Is it really all going to be worth it or should i try diet and exercise one more time?

Ive tried dieting sooo many times and ive always put it back on + more...

Ive made all the arrangements and I want this.... I know im going to change my lifestyle... just... it really shook me.

Need some reassurance that this is the right thing to be doing...

[illinoishusker 0]

Honestly, I think she's a sucky friend. We are grown ups? Who yells at you for a personal decision? Ridiculous.

Congrats to anyone who loses weight, woohoo. But come on, do what you want to do?

Also, seems awfully similar to the natural birthing to getting an epidural. Lots of arguments there, for whatever reasons.

YOU do what works for YOU and what you want to DO! I've had nothing but support and I suggest you surround yourself with people who are supportive!

[greytz 4]

Your situation seems to be a common one. I have also had some of the same responses to my weight loss and my decision. It is very difficult to lose a friend and I speak from experience. I lost some so called friends when they saw I was losing so much weight. They do not speak to or have anything to do with me now. I can only surmise that "misery loves company" and they were not true friends to begin with. The people I surround myself with now are so happy for me and supportive and want me around for a long time. The hardest person for me to tell was my Mother because she is so conservative about things and I just knew she was going to have a fit. I told her before the surgery and figured I would get it over with. I was braced for a fight. Instead she hugged me and asked what she could do to help. I was shocked! She said she wants me to make it to old age or at least not have weight be the reason I don't make it there. She and my husband are my rock. The people who really love and care about you want you to be healthy and happy. Screw the rest.

[mrsyellis 1]

i can't say that your friend is a friend- True friends will voice their opinion about the situation whether good or bad but will support you in whatever you decide to do. i have about 5 close friends - only one wasn't head over hills excited about my surgery and she is one of the ones i am closest to... i just resolved to not discuss it with her. if she isn't interested, i am not going to force my life on her.

give her some time - write and email or mail a letter and let her know that she hurt you and that your life will go on whether or not she is speaking to you.

truth is excercise and dieting does not work for everyone. i have had to explain that to so many people when i get the "i don't understand why you have to have surgery'... well it's basically because i want to.

don't second guess yourself.

take care - if you ever need someone to talk to you can email me at mrsyellis@yahoo.com.

Good luck

[ParrotheadCathy 0]

Leftover, I'm so sorry that this has happened. I do agree with Mrsyellis ..... perhaps this person was not the friend that you thought. How do you tell a friend from an acquaintance....the friend's shoulder is wet from your tears. The true friends have been there through good and bad times and supported your choices and respected your decisions. They might have said "are you sure" and listened to your reasoning, but the true friend would not have done what this person has done.

This person is one who doesn't know enough about lap banding to understand that you are not "cheating", that you will still have to work as hard as she has making the right food choices and exercising. But have you made the right choice? I believe so. Why? Because only about 5% of the people who lose weight through diet and exercise actually keep off the weight the lose. The other 95% do what we've done.... lose and regain, often multiple times. I hope your former friend is in that 5% but the odds are against her. One day, she may realize what an ass she was to you, but I would never, ever consider that person a close friend regardless of any apologies or whatever.

[LazyLoops 0]

I'm going through a similar thing with my friend. I was bigger than her and lost a lot of weight a few years ago. Then recently she started dieting and lost weight to where she was smaller than me. Then I was banded in May and she constantly puts it down and says sometimes hurtful things to me. I think its jealousy maybe, or something, i dont know. Women can be so catty and nasty sometimes that I would rather write her off than listen to the negativity on something that affects only me and my life.

Just take care of you and don’t worry about what other think. If she was a true friend, the support would be overwhelming and she would help keep you motivated to succeed. Its sad that she doesn’t, but luckily you have all of us!

[Blazed 1]

Don’t change your decision because someone decided they wanted to cut you down. If someone cant express their opinion in a nice way weather they agree or not, then they are no friend that you need. What you need is support and someone to talk to about it. This is a HUGE decision and its going to change your life for the good. I haven’t been banded but I will get my surgery date sometime this week. No one has the right to act that way towards anyone weather they agree with it or not. If you ever need to talk you can message me on here or here is my e-mail Musicsigh@hotmail.com , hang in there! I am sure everything will turn out fine :biggrin: