The Big Picture

[After909 0]

Hey everyone. I was banded almost 3 weeks ago, so only really just starting out on my journey. What I wanted to talk about: I'm becoming increasingly aware that I'm already obsessing over numbers and the speed with which the pounds are coming off (or not coming off!)

I know it's common to go a bit crazy with weighting yourself and things like that, but that's not so much my problem. I find I'm constantly thinking four months down the line and not really concentrating on the journey itself. It leads to a lot of frustration, like the weight can never come off quick enough, or I'm unwilling to admit that my appearance is changing for the better. It's like it's all or nothing, like I'm either at goal or I'm a fat person who needs to stay in the background and wait it out.

I guess I want to stop giving myself such a hard time and get past this feeling - it's like I'm postponing my life and any celebration until I'm at goal (and what is this 'goal' anyway?? Is a number really going to make me suddenly a much happier person?) I know rationally that thinking this way is counter-productive, but I seem to be stuck in this state of mind where I feel like I can't enjoy life until I'm this dream person, and I weigh some dream number - only THEN can I enjoy things.

Has anyone got any advice on how to get out of this way of thinking? I'd love to be able to calm down and just take things a day at a time, but I'm driving myself a bit crazy at the moment, and it's early days yet!

Edited September 18, 2009 by After909

[silvers320 12]

My guess is that this is pretty common. I know it happened to me .. I kept finding myself saying thinks like "When I get to 200lbs, I will be done and then....". Coupled with the fact that I refused to buy myself anything new until I was smaller - so everything was huge and I looked like a clown.

Then one day I woke up and said is my life really going to be all that different if I am 200 instead of 210 - no not really. What's the difference between a BMI of 24.5 or 25.5 - again not much considering I had been 42.5. I started to focus less on "getting there" and more on living life. I realized this was my new life and not a vacation with an end - the end is death and there is no reason to rush that. And the really funny part is I blew past what I thought was my goal once I stopped being so crazed

[RaleighLap 0]

The first few weeks after being banded I jumped on the scale every single morning eager to see how many pounds I had lost. Some mornings I was rewarded, others not to much. It got to the point of obsession. No, I only weigh in on Sundays. Everyone usually fluctuates a little day to day.

I totally understand about wanting to be at the "goal" and feeling like life doesn't start until then. I used to have this magic goal number in my head but that's too obtuse. I work better with a more tangable goal. My first goal was to lose 10% off my weight. DONE!!! My next goal is to be able to step on the scale at the gym and not the special scale for the obese. These goals are more short term but you get to the results faster. As I reach them I'm able to reevalute my situation and make new ones. Maybe that will help for you too?

Good luck. This is a great site for information.

[After909 0]

Then one day I woke up and said is my life really going to be all that different if I am 200 instead of 210 - no not really. [...] I realized this was my new life and not a vacation with an end - the end is death and there is no reason to rush that. And the really funny part is I blew past what I thought was my goal once I stopped being so crazed

Yes, I think that changing our relationship with food is a big deal, particularly when food has been a major part of life, always in our minds. Now I guess I need to start thinking about LIFE again. Maybe it's just that I've cut out a lot of things from my life because of my weight, so part of my frustration may just be coming from the fact that I'm still in that mode of thinking where my relationship with food and my dissatisfaction with my body is the main focus. As they say, maybe I just need a hobby! There's more to life than being skinny (though you wouldn't think it, the way the media's so obsessed with beauty and skinnyness)

I can certainly believe what you say about steaming past goal once you stopped obsessing about it. Thanks for the advice.

I totally understand about wanting to be at the "goal" and feeling like life doesn't start until then. I used to have this magic goal number in my head but that's too obtuse. I work better with a more tangable goal.

Thanks a lot, RaleighLap. Yeah, I definately agree that short-term goals are the way to go. I've just got to try and stop dreaming about the end point and Celebrate the little successes.

Thanks guys!

[ParrotheadCathy 0]

I'll probably take some flak for saying this BUT losing weight will not directly make you happy. Living your life well will make you happy. If you chose to sit in the house until you're at goal weight, you're not going to be happy; you're going to be miserable. And then you'll suddenly be faced with learning to live your life. It's much better to work on LIVING RIGHT NOW. Start walking every day, building up how far you can comfortably walk at one time and then how much more quickly you can walk that distance. Then take that and do something you've never done. I go on a cruise every year. Just over a month after surgery, on a cruise, I went on a 16 drop zip line through the jungle in Roatan, Honduras. It was something I would never have contemplated "before". Even if you don't buy new clothes right away, after you've lost say 25 pounds, go try on everything you think will fit. See how much better you look.

Don't get on the scale every day. You'll only be setting youself up for some mad mornings when the numbers don't cooperate. Better to pick a day of the week and say "on _____day I will weigh myself" and stick to that. I use Monday because I feel like that holds my feet to the fire a bit over the weekend to keep me strong.

Go out with friends, learn to eat out and enjoy the company more than the meal. Take up a new, more active hobby like gardening (which if you really get into it can take up hours of your Saturdays and Sundays and have you moving around so much). If you have young children, become an active soccer mom or baseball mom. Be the mom who is at every game, volunteer to be a team mom (bringing the Snacks and drinks to each game). My daughter did that for a couple of years and is now [gasp] a soccer COACH.

Think of all you'll miss if you stay at home waiting for your band to make you happy......

[After909 0]

Cathy, I didn't get a notification that you'd replied, so sorry for the late response! Thank you very much for the advice, I'm trying to take it one day at a time and try new (non-food-related) things. I think unfortunately for too long I've let my weight be a big part of what defines me. It's definitely time to start finding other things, more positive things, to get involved with and occupy my thoughts with.