Home Thread...for the thread homeless :)

[TracyK 3]

Good morning ladies~

My heart already feels like it is racing this morning.

I will post again later...I am gonna go back and lay down for a little longer.

[Suziecat 379]

Hey, went out to Breakfast after work with a bunch f friends, we had such a good time. We do this about every 3-4 months. I actually met these girls when I went to work at Curves. They were there every M-W-F at 6am and we all became real good friends and have remained close all these years. We get together for special occasions and breakfast.

Came home and crawled into bed and hubby and I watched a movie, almost. We didn't get to finish it. We had to leave for his eye appointment. Holy Cow, did you know it takes 3 hours to do an eye examine. Home now and resting. We will finish the movie at dinner time tonight.

That's may day and I'm sticking to it.

The girls at the hospital want to know if I'm coming to work this week. Still don't know. I'll wait till Wednesday and see how I feel.

[Suziecat 379]

Tracy, are you feeling any better? I hope so.

[TracyK 3]

I am so sorry I am being neglectful to my friends here. I will be back in the morning. I am in a funk. I have the blues. I am hurting. I feel kind of selfish knowing there are so many other people that have worse problems than me, then I go on a guilt trip for that too. :grouphug:

[crzytchr 3]

I am so sorry I am being neglectful to my friends here. I will be back in the morning. I am in a funk. I have the blues. I am hurting. I feel kind of selfish knowing there are so many other people that have worse problems than me, then I go on a guilt trip for that too. :grouphug:

Forget the guilt trip and take care of yourself. If you don't feel good, dangit, you can tell us, WITHOUT guilt. That is what we are here for.

[Kat817 19]

Home again. Another long day. Sitting in a hospital makes any day seem long.

MIL is improving. Dr. said it will still be several more days, but they are going to try to clamp off the suction to the chest tube tonight to see how she does. I got her cleaned up today---the hosp. does NOTHING!!! We sponge bathed her, and rebraided her hair---her hair is to the middle of her back---she always wears the old fashioned bun!!! But it is not comfy to lay with, so I have been french braiding it. She said she felt much better. Got her a clean gown, and let her brush her teeth----then got her fresh water---I am telling you they do NOTHING!

We are going through issues with insurance, this hospital is the local one, and they suddenly quit accepting BCBS. So.....we have to find a new Dr. And if we end up with an illness that requires an ambulance------we might as well file bankruptcy then and there. So no ambulance service to a hosp. that will accept our ins. Then I began calling to get us a new PCP---and no one I can find in Durango is accepting new patients......so I have no Dr. either. It sucks.

Hope everyone is doing well. Hope to be back to my normal schedule soon.

Needless to say with all this, Rick and I are not managing to sneak off at all, so......happy vacation to us!!!

Hope Terri's procedure went well.

[Jennifur 0]

Good Morning all

Tracy - I'm calling you this weekend, that is it!

I wish I could talk to you today, it is going to be a crazy week for me.

did i tell you i have a $450 voucher from South West ???

Kat - I hear you between my left over student loans and a ton of medical odds and ends.... I should just clean the slate, I'm never going to get my credit back with all the little things popping up and working a profession that I could be laid off again for the winter...

Suzanne - holy smokes it is hot and humid here too, pool is high 80's to 90. I bet you are counting the minutes until you can swim.

hi everyone,

off to get ready for work, finally slept last night, was in bed and sleeping before 8 and going to try to do it again tonight

I left a message for my fire dept, I want to become a member, go through firefighter I and emt training. Not just for my own personal reasons and my friends talked me out of it 2 years ago (great friends right??) but I want to focus my construction training to hazmat and confined space rescue. I have a defined direction, girls... I think I'm growing up... LOL

Those of you who really know me understand i have been far from grown up

have a good day!

[Suziecat 379]

Morning, I'm up early and think I will go take a long walk. It's supposed to get up to real hot today and I think I will get my exercise in early. Besides I traded my early shift today and I will work the late shift. The other girl has a boy that plays sports and she needed to go to something tonight.

Kat I used to go every morning and get my mom her coffee, take her to the shower and get her cleaned up, bring her back and put her in the chair while I stripped her bed and put new sheets on. I would then put her in bed and than I would head off to work. I did this not because the nurses didn't have the time to. I did it because I knew this was my mom's routine in the morning. And if mom is happy, then everyone is happy. And the nurses knew it. On the few days that I couldn't get there in the morning, they were so happy to see me after work. lol. Good luck.

Tracy, we are your sounding board and are here for you. Let us know what is going on. Have you had your stress test yet?

Jenn, how cool of you to go for the firefighting and emt training. That is something I always wished I had gotten into. I'm just not smart enough to learn all that stuff. I have a had time just remembering my CPR training. Good luck to you and I hope you get the chance to get this done.

Michelle, how is work going? Any more with the new boss?

Terri, what's the news on your procedure? I hope all went well.

Hi everyone else. Have a great day.

[TracyK 3]

I have sat here for the longest time, staring at this screen, not knowing what to even say anymore....staring out the window, tears streaming down my face, all the while knowing exactly what is wrong and HOW to fix it but feeling so tired to fix it again. Money is an issue. it will take a couple of months to recoup from the move. The real issue is....

I never in a million years thought I would look at myself in the mirror in a mens 3X shirt and realize it looks tight on me. Never did I think I would be ashamed to go somewhere again....grocery shopping, outside, anywhere in public. Even before when I weighed this much I did not feel THIS bad because I did not really know any different but now....since I know what I accomplished and to have ruined myself again, i seems like such a failure...twice the failure I have ever been. But I know I need to pick myself and dust myself off and just get over it and try try try. I hear the little cheerleader in my head saying 'you can do it' she just sounds so muffled and distant. I did not want to be the poster child of Lap-Band® as being a lesson on what NOT to do.

I am so glad I am typing this because I really know I have been needing to cry like this and get it all out.

There IS an upside...there is no junk food in the house today. In order to blow it today I would have to get up and go in public to buy the junk and I am not going to.

I am just going to take this day hour by hour and do my best. I want to get a job but I have too bad of a complex to go somewhere and apply. SO, until I get a little self respect back I will just stay in this apartment and do what I know to do. I will drink plenty of Water, I will work out with my exercise ball, I will swim and play with Macy. Its funny how I will sacrifice what the public thinks to go swimming with my daughter. AND i know it is good exercise...and I will strive to not eat junk. I will start listening to my band again. It has been talking to me, I just have not been listening. I wish Bob or Jillian would bust down my door and kick my ass.

I have been hurting in my back hips and knee so bad and I know it is because of the weight gain and the sugar intake.

Thanks for listening to me. Thanks for being here for me. Without you all, I would not have anyone to talk to that understands.

:grouphug:

OH...and the other question I ask myself is...do my new antidepressants have anything to do with the hopeless feeling? I never know what feeling are real anymore. That sucks big time. I wish I was just me again.

Edited July 13, 2010 by TracyK

[Suziecat 379]

Tracy, I read your post and had to step back and think for a little bit. There was so much I wanted to say to you but I needed to make sure I said it right.

First, I think you need to go back to your regular Doctor and have a good talk to him about your anti-depressant. It may be that you need to change meds. Find something else that will help you with out you questioning your thoughts and motives.

Second, if you take the time to go around this web site and read some of the entries you will see that you are not the only one in the boat. It's a fact of life and a daily battle for not only you and me but for a lot of people. Maybe reading what they have gone thru you will find solice. I know I do. I know that knowing that someone else is walking this path with me makes it easier for me to keep going. I used to think that know one else understood what I was going thru and that I walked this road alone. Now when I go walking and I run thoughts thru my head I remember some of the stuff i have read from everyone and it gives me that extra push and warms my heart that I am not alone. I know that is sad and I never wish this on anyone one but know I'm not alone does help.

I have looked at before and after pictures and after they regain pictures. I have looked at pics of people that we used to be friends with and see that they are still struggling. I look at myself in the mirror and see the long road ahead of me. I also see that I'm a strong person and that what I have regained will come off again. I will do it and I know that I have been down this road so many times and I'm gonna keep going down it till my dying day. I'm determined.

You are a strong person and you need to take this time to get your priorities right. If you need to exercise than do it. If you need to find a job, then do it. Don't look back and say I wished I had. Get up and do it. Do what is going to keep you going and what is best for you. Because being the best you can be will show Macy that she can also tackle anything in life and meet it head on.

You are a hero to me. I cherish every word you type. They are words of wisdom. I take them with me on my walks and when I'm even out just running around. You are not the only one. I absolutely adore everyone that comes here and post. That is why I keep coming here 2 or 3 times or more a day. I find strength in your daily struggle to help me get thru my daily struggle. Kat, Jenn, Cindy Angela, Michelle, Bethany, Irene, Laura, Kelly and eveyone that just pops in to read. You all keep me going and I adore you for it. You all are my heroes.

Keep a stiff upper lip, shoes laced and a bottle of Water in your hand. Every morning Thank God for a new day and at night Thank God for making it thru another day. Know that you are not alone and that even though we can not drop by your house and have a good talking, that we are just a key stroke away. Just a text away from you. All of us here are here for you and each other. Hang in there girl.

[AngelaW 0]

I couldn't have said it better, Suzie. We love you, Tracy. Your weight does NOT define you. You are a beautiful person inside and out.

I am close enough to come and see you...anytime! Call me. Please don't let this drag you down any further. I think Suzie is right, Maybe the doc can tweek your medicine and give you the boost that you need.

Let me know if there is anything, ANYTHING I can do.

Angela

[Suziecat 379]

Hey, I'm home from work and feeling pretty good. For some reason I'm having a real good day. Just hope I don't pay for it tomorrow.

We are going to wait till the afternoon to decide if we will work at the hospital tomorrow evening. I told hubby I will let him know how I feel. I also told him that we won't make any trips to the Birthing Center, that way we won't have to bring back a C-Section cart. They are big and bulky to push. Other than that it's a real easy job to do.

Have a great evening.

[heartfire 4]

Tracy, lots of hugs and love, my friend.

REALLY frustrated w/manager. New schedule starts Thursday. Haven't seen it yet! Grrrrrrrr!

[TracyK 3]

Thanks ya'll. I feel alot better today. Yesterday dd and I went swimming and I did lap after lap in that pool....i guess releasing some pent up frustration! It worked. AND, the money issue got solved, by the grace of God. My last light bill at the house we moved from was 628.20. With the help of our credit union and the Lord above it is all worked out. AND, I had gained all of the 7.5 back from what I lost in June but now I am losing it again. So, today is and will continue to be a great day.

Thank you for reminding how much ya'll care and the uplifting words. Hugs to all of you. I appreciate it! :eek:

Love ya'll !!

[Suziecat 379]

Hey guys. Not a good day here today.

This morning I got up and went in and laid down on the bed in the computer room. Hubby and I started watching a movie. I told him I would wait to see how I felt and than make a decision on if we were working at the hospital this evening. We turned on another movie and I fell asleep. All of a sudden my phone was ringing and it was my oldest nephew. He was crying and telling me that his dad was on his way to work riding his Harley and that someone hit him. They had taken him to the hospital and he was in Critical Care on a ventilator. I told him that I was on my way and that I would meet him there. He actually came over and rode with hubby and I there. I wasn't sure on what we were going to find when we got there but I braced myself for the worse.

We walked in his room and they had sedated him because they had found some bleeding in the brain. He was on a respirator. Other then that you couldn't tell that he had been in an accident. So they said that they were going to do another a CT scan at 3pm to see if the bleeding had changed any. We stayed until they took him. But up to that point all 3 doctors that had come in had told us that all was good. They said that he was responding well and that they would wait 24 hours and then decide to take the respirator out and start taking him off the sedatives. All looked good and we were talking to the 3 kids and telling them that the hard part was coming up. Their dad being off work for about 2 months recuperating was going to be torture on everyone. We had been home about 30 minutes when my nephew called really upset. Seems when they were bringing Randy back from the scan that he suffered a set back. His blood pressure dropped to like 60/40, one of his eyes is fixed and dilated and his heart rate was down to almost nothing.

Right now I have 2 five year olds in my living room and I might end up having them all night. My younger sis and her hubby have headed back to the hospital. Luke called and said they were taking Randy in for surgery. They were going to drill some holes in his skull to help relieve the pressure and see if that will help. His brother is flying in from New Orleans and will be at the hospital around midnight. All 3 kids are there and lots of their friends. I had to come home because my back was starting to hurt me. Besides I can watch the kids till they all come home.

So if you can, can you keep Randy in your thoughts and prayers and say an extra one for the kids. Thanks. As soon as I know more I will post.