Home Thread...for the thread homeless :)

[Suziecat 379]

Morning girls.

Jenn, your message mad me sad. I guess I really didn't realize what an impact Kev had on you and that his mental issue took such a toll on your relationship. I guess that would be hard to get over. I can see where you would still have a love for him, just not for his issues. Your right that you may never find that kind of love again, but have faith that it can happen. And like you said, don't just jump into a relataionship just to try and find it. It will come to you.

What makes me sad is knowing that I may someday lose my Hubby and then where will I be. Lost just like you and not knowing if I will ever have that same love from someone again.

Speaking of hubby, he just went into the bathroom. I think he's going to want to take me to work this morning. It's bitterly cold and the roads are still snow packed. I told him that it's going to suck to get back in my car after work and not have any heat. I only live about a mile from work and my car won't have time to heat up by the time I get home. I teased him about taking me and than coming to get me so I wouldn't have get into a cold car. He's so funny about it. Says I'm a whaaa whaaa. :thumbup:

It's 29 degrees out and they are calling for a cold front to come thru today. Really??? I did pull out a steak and when I get home I'll get the crockpot out and make a steak Soup for dinner tonight. Lots of veggies in it. Something healthy besides all the Cookies and junk I have been eating.

I have decided that I will not weigh till New Years day. I will start fresh then. New year and a new start.

Have a good day and I'll check in soon.

[TracyK 3]

Good morning ladies~

Suzanne-how sweet that your dh would bring you to & from work just so you can have a warm car. Sounds like something my dh would do too. I am way spoiled and I love it! So do you just cut up your steak and throw it in the crockpot? I need details...I love veggie Soup. :thumbup:

Kat-I love Wizard of Oz. That is one of the ones I can watch over and over. I want to bring Macy to see the new chipmunk movie too. Let me know if it worth it!

On her 6th birthday she got an el-cheapo MP3 player and it works fantastic! I added some music to it the other day and she went outside, pulled her chair in the sun, put the ear buds in her ears and sat there for the longest just listening to music. Too cute!

Jenn, Jenn, Jenn-I can not imagine how sad you must get at this time of year. There is one thing I do know for sure...the is a huge difference in being alone and being lonely. You said yourself many times that you need to focus on yourself. What better time than now? Every day when we wake up we choose how our day is going to turn out. You can choose to be sad or choose to say, today is going to be great. I know it doesn't seem to be true, but it is. Our mood for the day is what we wake up and decide it is going to be. I am going to be happy today. Would you like to join me? I am going to eat right today. I am going to smile a little more than I should today :thumbup: and I may have to jump a plane and go to a friends house and kick her butt!...but I will smile while I am doing it! :cool: One day at a time applies to more people than AA and NA folks. Call me anytime!

This morning I woke up and I realized something. I can not go one more day eating the way I have. The pain I used to have (when I was this size and larger) is starting again. My back pains and body aches just from moving around and doing daily activities is taking its toll. I can not wait until New Years. Lucky for me I have only gained 3 pounds over the holidays. I was so scared that I had gained more. All 3 pounds is from Cookies, candy and Gooey butter pumpkin cake (thanks Kat, lol) Anyway...I have to start this TODAY. For me, there is no tomorrow. I woke up with the 'want to'. So, I am going to go with it. The ticker is updated and I will just do what I am supposed to do.

I have cleaned out my closets and realized that I had thrown away all of my fat girl clothes, therefore I have no clothes. I will buy just a few to get me by until my thinner me clothes start fitting again. I said I wasn't gonna buy any bigger clothes but I can't jst run around nekkid either :thumbup:

Jolly, Michelle, Cindy, Irene, Shalee and all of our other friends...I hope you all had a great holiday.

So, what is everyone planning for New Years Eve?

[Kat817 19]

Going to town today to shop like a mad woman, and try to pull a surprise party off for my friend. She told her DH last year she wanted a party for her 50th. Well they have a huge family, and I hoped her DD and DH were planning something for her. We had lunch last week, and she said he was off so as soon as we walked out of the restaurant, I called him. He said no they weren't doing anything. I was so sad for her. Told him she really wanted the party. So today is her birthday. He called me last night. Now he wants to get a few people together, he doesn't know what he will do, maybe give them PB&J. The whole poor me, I am so confused and unsure of what to do act! GRRRRRRR She told him a year ago, I told him a week and a half ago. But he waits til the night before and invites her kids, another friend and myself. So I baked the cake this morning. And have discussed with him what we can serve. I tried to convince him for us to meet at a restaurant, since he screwed around, but he said he would rather do it at home. Not sure what we will end up with. One thing I know for sure.....she wanted a lemon cake, and I have made a lemon cake. Need to frost it and all later, but that much is right anyway!!! LOL

Jenn, with your new job do you have any EAP's? Something to help with the cost of talking to a therapist? Sounded like a large corporation, so maybe they have some sort of assistance programs.

Now I am going against the grain here, and need to ask----have you ever gotten Kev to seriously attend and work in a program with you?

Have you and Kev lived together since the accident? What ended that if you did?

I was one pushing you to move on. But that does not seem to be happening at this point, so the questions have to change. What do the kids want? What does your Mom have to say about the situation? I ask because they base their opinions on love for you---the one person we are all concerning ourselves with here....YOU. You might not like what they have to say, and may not agree with it. I know I have been there! Everyone around me, save a couple of "friends" expressed concern and dislike for the man I married back years ago. I ignored them all, I was in love.....I was brainwashed, and he was convenient, and I don't know why I did it, but it almost killed me! He almost killed me! I wish every day I had listened. They wanted me happy, and it is never easy telling someone you care about that they are making a mistake, but they told me, I just chose not to listen. I should have.

Later they spoke their minds again, when I was afraid to commit to Rick. I was scared to death! They told me over and over what a great guy he was! Which I knew but.....I no longer trusted my judgement! Finally my Dad and I were discussing a car I was wanting to buy---and he suggested I talk to Rick about it. Something about the fact that the man I grew up trusting was instructing me to trust someone else---sounds very silly now, but it clicked in my head, and I took a deep breath, jumped in with both feet, and here we are all these years later. The ones I loved----looked out for me, and tried their damndest to help me see my way----I just needed to listen.

We all are here, and you do not have to cry alone at night. Rick is gone, and I can yack all night without disturbing anyone!

Suzanne---I love that your DH is taking good care of you, I am positive you do the same for him!

Tracy---YAY you!!! Getting a jump start on resolutions! Irene is the same way she said she is ready for the first and getting it in gear again!

Thinking my resolution is going to be something about moving in an exercise fashion, be it walking, or working out, or SOMETHING daily. No weight goal, but health goal.

Well I better get moving, or I won't be ready for tonight........not sure what I plan on doing, other than getting some things together. Like my Mom said, maybe it is a financial thing, he doesn't want to do a restaurant, or buy plates etc. I am buying plates, napkins, and stuff........I think just some sort of vanilla bean ice cream, with lemon cake. Lemon is not MY favorite---but it is not MY birthday!!! LOL

Hugs Girlies!!

[jollygreen1955 0]

I hope that you all had a wonderful holiday:thumbup::thumbup:

Here goes....

DS has cleaned his room......thank god (a miracle...there is a floor :thumbup::scared2::thumbup:

We had his friends over for a sleepover :cool:

New Years he is having a sleepover and I am shopping like a nut for nice things to spice up our home for him :mad::drool::drool:

Christmas stuff is half off..so I have found lovely garlans with gold and silver to put around our home...I bought plastic champagne glasses for their non alchol drinks (which I had on coupon and purchased last week before I knew we had this party) and loads of plastic silverware....lol..kids throw out the real stuff by mistake:ohmy::ohmy::ohmy:

This EVENING we will take our son into the city..I am afraid for him to go himself and he will spend the week there till the crew comes to our home for New Years

So, I have to start the cooking.... dinner..making turkey with fresh cornbread stuffing, fresh cranberry sauce etc etc...these kids can eat....and at new years eve ...gottta gottttttttttta think of hor derves and loads of finger food

must go to the farmer in New Jersey for loads of fruit....and will make a tray for them...I scatter those little umbrellas on them blah blah blah

and waffles and muffins for Breakfast or briuch and then we will drive some to the next guest home and pick ours up on Sunday....lol

I was crazed last night and had to put something on...grabbed this blue thing that DH brought up from laundry room and :sad::thumbup:it is either a mans or womand heavy long sleeve fleece shirt... said nice..and not thinking put it on and it is sort of roomy....OMG...so put it on...and now will not take off.....it has room in it....poor DH had him read the label..and it said XL in the inside...so, I went to bed with it and will not remove..even DS asked are you OK...I never wear my outfits to bed and during the next day but it is an XL.... I guess..I will remove when cooking...or my DH is laughing so..because he is waiting for me to take it into the shower..lol

Since, I am not able to purchase new clothes now..I might go to a store next week just to try on clothes...for the size thing :eek:

:wub::wub::wub::wub::wub::wub:

The greatest thing .. my crocheting thing is blossoming into something great... a person I know, who helps an orphange in Poland, every Christmas...well, after Christmas, I received an email and she really thinks my idea of making the kids things would be great BUT she has taken it a step further by making blankets for the parents who are poor and leave their kids at the orphange...so I can not tell you how excited I am about this....and next week via the internet...hopefully next year they will be bringing the families and kids loads of blankets, sweaters, etc.....SO SO SO SO SO SO EXCITED In the past we all contributed money for party bags of toys and candy etc. THe girls are twins from Poland and they give back...and it is a nice thing :0)

New Years Resolution.......gotta exercise......:blush:

Have a Happy Day!!!!!!

[crzytchr 3]

Wow, it sounds like y'all are having an eventful holiday.

Suzie: cold=yuck. You sound like you have a sweet husband like mine

Kat: you are a great friend to go to that trouble so her day will be special; next time just kick her husband's butt in advance

Jenn: your friends have given some good advice so far. You need to spend some time focusing on yourself. Love yourself and someone will come along once you stop looking.

Ok, I realized this morning that I am pathetic. I have not even pretended to exercise, so this really shouldn't have surprised me, but I went to get dressed for the gym this morning and I HAVE NO WORKOUT PANTS THAT FIT!!! UGH! I worked out when I was first banded, but not since. That means I have pants that are a 26/28 and I am now a 14/16. This is not conducive for walking, much less real exercising. I am not ready to expose all of me to the entire coed gym:scared2:. So...now I will have to wait until tomorrow to workout since I have to go "into town" (about 15 miles) to buy some pants. On top of that, I am sick again. I had pneumonia with the flu at the end of Septmeber (zythromax, steroid and tamiflu), then at the beginning of this month I went back to the dr with bronchitis and he put me on a 750 mg antibiotic (levaquin) and a steroid. Now, I am severely congested in the chest again. I don't know if there is anything else they can put me on. If I have to take another dose of prednisone I am going to scream.:thumbup:

[Kat817 19]

Oh Tchr, I hear you on the prednisone!!! It had a hand in my regaining weight! I was unfilled completely, dealing with loads of stress, and broke out in hives that would not ease. Steroids is what finally eased them, then as the stress level dropped (good news on DD's health mainly) they went away and I got off the steroids. But all of it combined, I regained almost 40 pounds! OMG I was so mad at myself! But.....with the band it is going away again, and I know without it, I would have gained the 40 pounds on top of what I already was, so it was not as bad as it could have been without a doubt!

Laura, glad you got good news with the crochet thing! It always makes you feel good to help others, especially ones in such need.

When I have a group of guys---and I will consider your son and his buddies guys---the thing I make that they do best with is a big pot of pulled pork, for sandwiches. I don't remember if you do pork or not tho! Could be done with beef as well----I do it sometimes too, and have the butcher slice the roast very thin before I cook it. Then it makes quick easy sandwiches, we just use hamburger Buns.

We do this for our Superbowl parties, and I will do it if we are having a gathering in the yard, and don't want to mess with the grill. We do the pork, and I just toss a loin in the crockpot cut into chunks and let it slow cook over night, then shred it. Then add our favorite sauce---I like to spice up the Sweet Baby Ray BBQ Sauce. With the beef, I put the slices in the crockpot with a packet of Au Jus gravy mix and however much Water the gravy packet calls for. Then drain when done the next morning, and fold in BBQ----it feeds a lot for not much cost wise, and it is pretty healthy overall. And it is band friendly to me! LOL

Well my cake is cooled, and ready to be assembled---wish me luck! I found a great card, and a totally cool Bracelet for her. Hope it works out well and she has fun!!

[Suziecat 379]

Kat, good luck with the cake and with the party. I hope she likes the Bracelet.< /span>

Laura, that is great about your crocheting. Must make you feel good about doing it.

We took our cat Tippy to the vets today. She is having a reaction to some pain meds she took. Well, $185.00 and the Doc said it might all be in her head. "WTF". Oh, hubby was mad. So he gave us some more pain meds without the opiate in it. Why is she taking more pain meds I ask, he said she might still have some irritaion going on in the bladder that could be causing her discomfort. Hubby says if she doesn't get better that he will take her and have her tail cut off, than she won't be so afraid of it anymore. Poor thing. We keep her covered up and that keeps her calmed down.

I do have a great hubby. It kinda freaks me out though. I guess I just have a hard time still after all these years thinking that someone could love me so much that they would do something like get out of bed in the morning to take me to work so I won't have to be in a cold vehicle. But I know I would deffinately do it for him if he asked. He's a keeper.

[Kat817 19]

Suzie I think the key in what you said, was that you would do it for him too. I tried telling DS and DIL that a few years ago---before they married. We were in Denver, and on the trip we stopped and bought some junk for snacking, and they were fighting over who got something they bought. Not a full blown fight, but both bickering, and unhappy that the other was not letting them have it.

I told them then and there, that unless they got to a point where they WANTED the other to have the best of everything, and WANTED to make one another happy, and put the other first, they were not ready to commit. They ignored me. To this day they think of themselves first. Sadly.....I even see it happening occasionally with the kids. DIL conned DGS out of the caramel filled Santa because he did not know the difference and she did.

I don't think I am not worth the best.....I know that is how she sees it, that is not it at all, but I love him, and want him to have it. He in turn wants me to! If we had one of something left like they did we would not argue who GOT it, but which of us was giving it to the other, and we would end up sharing it. They will never share things, it is not in their nature. I guess they have no idea what they are missing, but I do find it sad!

Cake was good. I tasted a bite, I am not a fruity cake lover----but had to make sure it was ok! She loved it, loved that I remembered. There was mostly family and just another friend and I, but she was happy they did something! He and his DD made enchiladas. He called me as I was leaving, asking if I would grab some cheese........total lack of planning! But it was GREAT company, and I am glad I went. She loved her Bracelet, and was wearing it when I left.

MIL has surgery at 9 tomorrow, so I have to be at the hospital at 7:30 with the family. Although.....I am tempted not to be! I went over there tonight after leaving Maries, to see them, and my BIL & SIL who are in from Denver. They were up watching the football game, but my MIL & FIL were already in bed (was a few minutes after 8). I heard the channel changing on the TV in their bedroom, but they did not bother to come out and even say hello. But I will go......for reasons mentioned above. Rick will appreciate me going whether anyone else does or not, so I will be there.

I am having a hard time with my fire keeping the house warm today-----not sure what the issue is! I might have got into some wood that isn't as dry as the other....is all I can think of.

Will check in before leaving in the morning if I have time, if not when I get home.

Have a good day all!

[Jennifur 0]

Morning gals

thanks for your good thoughts, i don't know what i'm going to do, I medicated last night and got a little sleep. I called a head dr and left a message to try to get in, I don't have insurance that will cover it until April 1 but I don't care anymore. I just can't do it on my own. I know it is not me, but I do blame myself for so many things.

My friends have bailed on me, which really just says they are not my friends, but I feel so alone right now. I just really need a friend to say lets go do something. I need to get out of the house.

I hope you are all having a good day

I have to check with my mom to see what she did but I have a bunch of clothes from size 14-16 that I was going to send to the green box because I'm sick of looking at them. I'll let you all know if she didn't take them.

I have myself in such a state I can't eat, so Tracy - no bad food for me. I'm back down to 181 today - I guess there is a plus to not being able to keep food in me.... and not being able to even eat at this point.

I'm off to find something warm to wear to work. It is freezing today

[Suziecat 379]

Bitterly cold out this morning and I have to get out in it. Brrrrrr.

Jenn, if I was there we would definately for out for Margie's. Just sit and have a ball. Sometimes, that is all I need to get my head back. Just having a good talk with a friend. My neighbor and I will do that occasionaly and it does me a world of good.

I'm really thinking about joining WW's again. Maybe it will help me get back to eating healthy. The last 3-4 weeks have been nothing but crap eating. I hardly get in veggies or even get my Protein that I need. I bet I get only about 20-25 grams of protein a day. I also need to step up on my Water intake again. It's hard for me to do that during the winter time.

I'll check in later, off to work.

[TracyK 3]

Hi everyone!

I hate the feeling that I am going through. My (step)dads mom is 99 years old. We call her nanny and she is such a sweet woman. My mom has gotten really close to her over the past 10-15 years. She has been her friend and help her whenever she needed/wanted anything. Well, nanny is knocking on deaths door. She was in the hospital over the christmas holidays and now she is back in her 'retirement facility'. She is not eating anymore and she is asleep all the time. So now hospice is taking care of her and it is just time to sit back, keep her comfortable and wait. It is a hard thing to go through but how can anyone really be sad? She lived long enough to see her great great grandchildren. Not many people get to do that. But I still feel bad for my stepdad because it is never easy to lose a parent.

Yesterday I spent the day getting the sweets out of the house. It was the WAY I was getting rid of it that kinda sucked. Oh well, it is gone now. Except for the chocolate chips and I will have to tell my dh to throw those out. lol I don't have the heart.

Have a good day everyone!

Edited December 29, 2009 by TracyK

[crzytchr 3]

Tracy, I am sorry to hear about your nanny, but you are correct; we should all be so lucky to live to see great grandchildren. Oh, and I got rid of my sweets yesterday in the same way:scared2:. They are now sitting on my thighs.:biggrin:

[TracyK 3]

Oh, and I got rid of my sweets yesterday in the same way:scared2:. They are now sitting on my thighs.

So it isn't just me...:smile: Mine gravitated directly to my belly.

Congrats on not having workout clothes...that is way cool for them to be that big that you have to buy more!! :biggrin:

[Suziecat 379]

Mine went right to my hips.

Tracy, so sorry to hear about Nanny. What a lucky person you are to have had her in your life. Enjoy what little time there is left. Shower her with hugs and touches, she will know.

I took the last of the Cookies over to my sister's apartment buildiing. She will put them in the community room for all to share. The rest of the candy and junk went downstairs to my BIL. He can use it more than me. However, while I was down there and going thru the freezer I found a tub of gooey chocolate brownie ice cream. Guess I need to put the rest of it in my sisters freezer. Maybe.

[TracyK 3]

However, while I was down there and going thru the freezer I found a tub of gooey chocolate brownie ice cream. Guess I need to put the rest of it in my sisters freezer. Maybe.

OH MY.... :biggrin: STEP AWAY....just STEP AWAY