Shrinking Violets - Part 5!

[kity 2]

Okay, how am I able to take a statement that I feel might be critical and turn it into something positive. Example: I love my mother in law. She's awesome in every way except for the fact that she comments about my weight and my eating habits. Juan says I should take those comments she makes and instead of taking them as critisms, take them as that she's trying to motivate me. I know that she doesn't do it to be mean but I take it like that and I don't know how to change that feeling. Last night I saw her and she kept gushing at how good I looked. She knows I've been going to the gym everyday and that I'm trying to eat healthier. But I haven't lost but 3 lbs. She kept going on and on about my gut and how it's gotten less swollen. So basically I took that as a critisism and I shouldnt have. But if I have this relationship with this woman and my weight has always been an "issue" with her how then do I turn it around for me?

Play psychoanalyst for me today please...

Obviously it is an issue WITH HER, but know (I can even tell) that she loves you. Yet, her remarks, albeit intentionally nice (we hope) are hurtful. You know she loves you enough to have you marry her son and wants the best for you. But your weight is just that...YOURS. If she continues to point out how good you are looking, you could ask her on the side that while you appreciate her "compliments", you would prefer her only to tell you. If you mention that your weight bothers you and that is why you are trying to get healthy, perhaps she will see that it is not ok to just talk about it.

I think ( I know) that your body is probably changing A LOT since you've been working out. I know that the scale hasn't shown much, but the overall package changes...and that is probably what she is seeing.

Lastly, you gotta suck it up. She is the MIL and I know you both adore each other...even if she "gets one in" from time to time!

YEAH!!! Congrats on working out and doing well! You are beautiful inside and out...and she knows it!

xoxo

[Haydee 2]

I suck it up, LOL. I think yes, that's good advice. I hate running to Juan and whining about it every time she does it. It puts him in a bad position having to make me feel better but at the same time not taking sides because he knows she does it with good intentions... But like I said, I hate how it makes me feel when she does point it out and goes on and on about it...

Like you suggested I'm gonna try talking to her privately and tell her that I'm embarrased when she talks about it because I'm sensitive about my body. And ask her to not do it in front of people. To just "cheer" me on privately, LOL.

[Teachlady 3]

Darn good advice, Doc. PamELa!!!

[suzyt 0]

I know how it can feel Haydee, my Mom means to say something as just a comment or even a compliment and it just ends up sounding like a complaint. I mentioned it to her when she and Dad were here after Dad upset her. He worries about her poor health -- she has severe COPD and refuses to start oxygen. I reminded her that Dad lashes out because he is worried and then she says something and her tone causes him to take it wrong and it just escalates. You'd think after being married for 51 years they'd have some of this figured out??!!

Congrats on the working out -- I'm proud of you!!

[Suziecat 379]

Haydee, if you feel comfortable talking to her I would. But also remember that even though you are not losing weight, you most likely are losing inches. Yes that can happen. I know that for sure, it happened to me. Just try to take what she says with a grain of salt and Love her anyway.

[Haydee 2]

Suzyt - I know what you mean. I must take after my mom because sometimes little things set her off too and I have to gently tell her that it wasn't meant as anything bad...

Suzy - I good thing is that I do love her and respect her opinion very much. I think that's why this is so hard. But I will not let it get to me so much...

[Daisalana 33]

Suck it up. Yup. My MIL wouldn't make comments like that; but HER mom does. She is such a prim and proper lady, she likes to pick at eeeverything. Luckily, we don't see her often since she is in Pennsylvania. But when we do get together, some reason (she has money) she always makes us pick up the tab; even when visiting her (always bothered me). And she criticizes everything we order. Cheeseplates are bad, catfish would be healthier if I got it baked, blah blah. I just chuckle and go "Yea...". Suck it suck it suck it up!

That being said, when I was losing weight, she made a comment everytime about how good I was lookin and blah blah. She doesn't say it anymore, but I know why! She is always harping on Russ' weight (which I told ya'll went up when we got together, but I swear it wasn't me, his metabolism just died lol)...so I know she thinks it's my fault!!

[Daisalana 33]

Oh, band doc..

He brought 2 other docs with him, and I asked him about omnipaque, told him I heard it's good for minor leaks. He said omnipaque is what he uses to do the contrast study, so he'll just leave it in.

Now, what bothered me.. he took several pics, pushed in and out, looked and looked.. and said it looks fine blah blah.. (I did watch this time, but I couldn't tell where the contrast was, they moved so fast).

Other doc walked in, he points out the contrast is leaking out. So they looked at the other pics, sure enough VERY LITTLE was leaking out around the port. So they talked amongst themselves, couldn't figure out where the leak is. I thought maybe it was disconnected, maybe it was kinked (the tube looked kinked, they all 3 said no). I guess they'd say it was disconnected if it was, but that didn't come up. He talked about replacing the port, so I asked would this be a possible local anesthetic procedure so I don't have to be knocked out. He said since it's superficial and the leak is in the port, they could sedate me and do a local anesthetic. Makes me feel better. So he left the omnipaque and told me to call him Monday if I have problems. I don't know where we're going from here about possibly fixing it, he just said we could do it that way and he agrees that would be a safe route. I guess they're going to get back with Allergan, since he mentioned replacing the port (I thought they'd just fix it??).

Still awaiting costs, but if they can just do that fairly cheap, I'll fix it, and do the conversion in MX after baby #2.

If it's expensive, I'll just wait for MX.

[Suziecat 379]

Laura, I know it's not what you were wanting to hear. I'm thinking you have your heart set on the sleeve. But if they could repair it with just minor surgery, it sounds like that would be best. Still sounds like the Doc isn't quite sure what is just going on. Kinda spooky. Well, good luck.

[Kat817 19]

I got the box from my band, as well as a card, showing what the band is, how it works, and the product number on the card----as well as my name, and date it was inserted.

I think the plan you have makes perfect sense. A temporary fix, if you will, allowing you to work the band as before, and revise after the next little one. Are you stopping at 2 kids, even if the next one is another boy? LOL Like that is ANY of MY business!!!!

Haydee, I so feel your pain with your MIL. Mine can be such a royal PITA, and yet she can be so loving!

She has a streak for being petty and mean, and like I say always has to pit me in a contest with my SIL, her DD---so I will NEVER win! I don't want to! She would never win if MY Mom was judging!!! I just wish she would let us each do our thing,and not blame me when my SIL is not doing well!

I think Pamela's advice was spot on. After you talk to her, it will either show you that she will do as you ask, or she will ignore your request, THEN you can freely whine to Juan!!! LOL

I made our motel reservations today for going to ALBQ----sooooo ready to go.

I kinda waited today to see if my OM or the Dr. would mention their actions from yesterday, they acted like nothing happen. I am still frosted over it. I think they know that.

Went to dinner tonight with Rick's family for his Mom's birthday. Was nice, but I was so ready just to get my jammies on and veg out!

My son was late showing up, and when he did, he had my older grandkids with him. Was so good to have them there. And my son has been cigarette free for 2 days now. He IS a bit grumpy!!! But not sure that was all. When we got there, Connor would not settle down, and so he picked him up so my MIL could get a kiss. He just kinda grabbed him by the elbows and picked him up facing out, for my MIL to kiss, and Connor totally unintentionally kicked backwards, and got him right in the crotch. He managed to sit him down, and doubled over! He held his temper, which surprised me! But he was a grouch!!!

Jane---Kinsey loves my lotion, she thinks it makes her reeeeeally soft! Like at 4 she has any skin worries!!!

Well I am off to veg with my book, and do NOTHING!!! Aaaaaaahhhhhhhhhh.........

[Suziecat 379]

Hey Ladies.

Went and played Bingo over at my sister's apartment complex. Those old gals are a hoot.

Kat, a groan kick? Ouch.

Pam, You caught up on All My Children?

Anymore news on Michelle's MIL? I hope all is going good with them.

I put up a money jar at work to collect for the walk. A lady came in and wrote a check for $25.00. I thought to myself, "If I didn't collect anymore money, that was alright. Just to know that I touched someone that much made me feel good".

See ya'll in the morning.

[Daisalana 33]

Yup, 2 is plenty. I am going to do all the old wives tales to have a girl (Judy swears by it, right Judy??). It will be a girl!! ....and even if not, 2 is plenty to fill my quiver. :thumbup:

[Suziecat 379]

Morning Girls.

I woke up needing to go to the bathroom and decided to stay up cause hubby is going to want to go to the gym. And I guess I'll go with him.

Other than that, not much going on.

Judy, I don't know how it happened but the Royals swept the 4 game series against your Tigers. What's up with that.

Everyone have a great day.

[Teachlady 3]

Good morning, Violets..

Typical late summer day here. 53 degrees, foggy and wet, but supposed to get warm by afternoon. Ethan will be here around 11 today and we'll swim after lunch. He leaves at 5 and Grady arrives at 6:30 for an hour or so while his parents work out.

Suzie... I KNOW!! Your guys really did a number on us! Tigers can't afford to lose that many at this time of year. They need to be peaked for the playoffs.

Laura.. I know of which I speak... just don't pickle yourself like I did!! arghhhhhhhhhh (but I did get my girl after 2 boys!!)

Grady has his two teeth in now and seems to be sleeping better. I know he's a much happier baby. When he was here last night, it was all smiles and happiness. He's much easier to take care of that way.

Nothing on the agenda today except babysitting. Laundry is done and house is relatively clean. So I'll just get some more good tanning time in while Ethan swims around the pool. It's a great way to spend an hour or two.

Time to go forage for Breakfast. Everyone have a great day. Be good to yourselves!!

[Haydee 2]

Good morning!

Okay Judy, you have to tell me what to do if I want a boy first...ha ha ha

I'm so glad it's Friday!!! I had a wonderful night last night. Had dinner with a good friend and that's always the recipe to get you back to feeling good...

I've got two weddings this weekend and it's not gonna stop raining. Arghhh... Another stress-filled weekend. The only good bright shining moment is that my new car will be here on Saturday! We bought it over three weeks ago and it's finally the day it's set to arrive! Yay yay yay...