Sorry, But I Have to Rant =-(

[Heather Joy 0]

Hello everyone-long time no talk-ive been SO busy-and SO emotional. I had the surgery thing august 29 to take out the stitches-and after about a week i stopped taking the pain meds that i had been on for 5 months...i FLIPPED out and called my surgeon and my PC,they gave me a med thats supposed to mask the withdrawls.i wasnt craving the drug by any means and i only used it for pain but since i was on it so long....had issues. so its been about 3 weeks. since then my anxiety level has dramatically increased,i get really depressed,then really happy and i swing back and forth randomly like this. my docotr mention i might be bipolar about 1-2 years but BEFORE my surgery i had no problems,and now i just...dont FEEL right...im losing weight and im SO proud of myself but for some reason its just not good enough-yesterday i saw pics of myself when i was tiny-i wore this see thru spider outfit for a holloween party in 2000 and i looked HOT-i even won sexiest costume-but of course i had an eating disorder and felt ugly and fat... now i feel well, fat LOL and depressed that i let myself go so bad-i just want all this weight to just go away tomorrow... and losing 100 lbs seems sooooo soooooo far away =-(

plus,in the midst of all this ive had stress from work-being short staffed-my hair is falling out SO BAD im afraid im going to be bald by next month and im constantly cold. i take my Vitamins, i even started taking Iron pills since my count was high last time they checked(im almost anemic,hurray!),and ive "beefed" up the Protein and nothing is working. theyre checking my thyroid right now(its constantly being checked so im sure its still fine). I just have this overall feeling of "blah"-thats the only way to describe it-"the blah's".

sorry to rant especially after not posting for so long-i just have to get this out one way or the other. Somehow,even if NO ONE reads this or responds...i still feel better actually just writing it. i gotta start a journal...

but,to end on a good note-i have come 50 + lbs from where i was and have gainned confidence and strength, but emotionally....im just "blah"-im always just out of it and tired...anyone else experience these things too(or am i just a complete freak?)

oh and plus it sucks since we're so short staffed i cant even get to the DR to talk to him and see if this is normal or if i should get on another medication-or increase what im on now,or what. so im screwed,royallly lol.

well,sorry again but i need someone to let aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaalll this stuff out too.lol.its easier typing it then talking it...

thanks everyone,you guys are great and i am so thankful i have you all in my life--or at least my cyber life!=-)

[vinesqueen 2]

Welcome back Heather!

You've recently been through some trama, being banded at the end of Aug plus the withdrawl from the pain meds. You body if freaking out for sure. hair loss some times takes a month or two to show up before it starts falling out, but it should start regrowing soon.

Thanks for sharing with us. I think keeping a journal is an excellent idea!

[ReneBean 3]

Can't do much more than give you some ((((hugs))))). Hope you get a breather, soon.

[sunsett 2]

I'm sorry your in such a funk! Your doing great with the wieght loss. I know anxiety sucks! Try to breath slower..Do start that journal that should help. And posting how you feel on here is a great way to let it out! And go ahead give your self permission to have a good cry.

[Danistar 0]

Oh it sounds like you are miserable right now, and I really feel for you.

Withdrawal from something you are addicted to is really hard on a person. I am a recovering addict alcoholic and have sure gone through the ups and downs through all of my recovery. AA and NA have helped me so much. I am in my 81/2 years of sobriety now, and those 12 steps and all of my friends at the meetings have helped me so much.

And that's how I got addicted too....percocets for a long term complication from surgery and then another repair surgery. When it was time to give up the Percocets, I did it but I went through withdrawal symptoms, and started drinking more to get that good feeling. It progressed until I had developed an addiction to alcohol too.

I'm so sorry you are losing your hair too, that's gotta be horrible for you. I have read other people saying that if you keep on taking your Protein shakes and make sure to get the maximum Protein every day, it stops the Hair loss. I can't remember how many grams of protein a person needs though....can someone tell us?

I am pulling for you. You have already done a fantastic thing and lost all of those pounds.

[CCBSTX 0]

Hello everyone-long time no talk-ive been SO busy-and SO emotional. I had the surgery thing august 29 to take out the stitches-and after about a week i stopped taking the pain meds that i had been on for 5 months...i FLIPPED out and called my surgeon and my PC,they gave me a med thats supposed to mask the withdrawls.i wasnt craving the drug by any means and i only used it for pain but since i was on it so long....had issues. so its been about 3 weeks. since then my anxiety level has dramatically increased,i get really depressed,then really happy and i swing back and forth randomly like this. my docotr mention i might be bipolar about 1-2 years but BEFORE my surgery i had no problems,and now i just...dont FEEL right...im losing weight and im SO proud of myself but for some reason its just not good enough-yesterday i saw pics of myself when i was tiny-i wore this see thru spider outfit for a holloween party in 2000 and i looked HOT-i even won sexiest costume-but of course i had an eating disorder and felt ugly and fat... now i feel well, fat LOL and depressed that i let myself go so bad-i just want all this weight to just go away tomorrow... and losing 100 lbs seems sooooo soooooo far away =-(

plus,in the midst of all this ive had stress from work-being short staffed-my hair is falling out SO BAD im afraid im going to be bald by next month and im constantly cold. i take my Vitamins,i even started taking Iron pills since my count was high last time they checked(im almost anemic,hurray!),and ive "beefed" up the Protein and nothing is working. theyre checking my thyroid right now(its constantly being checked so im sure its still fine). I just have this overall feeling of "blah"-thats the only way to describe it-"the blah's".

sorry to rant especially after not posting for so long-i just have to get this out one way or the other. Somehow,even if NO ONE reads this or responds...i still feel better actually just writing it. i gotta start a journal...

but,to end on a good note-i have come 50 + lbs from where i was and have gainned confidence and strength, but emotionally....im just "blah"-im always just out of it and tired...anyone else experience these things too(or am i just a complete freak?)

oh and plus it sucks since we're so short staffed i cant even get to the DR to talk to him and see if this is normal or if i should get on another medication-or increase what im on now,or what. so im screwed,royallly lol.

well,sorry again but i need someone to let aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaalll this stuff out too.lol.its easier typing it then talking it...

thanks everyone,you guys are great and i am so thankful i have you all in my life--or at least my cyber life!=-)

Heather remember to take care of yourself..Stress will always be around (work, home, etc). You've done a wonderful job losing your weight. Coming off of pain killers shows your strength as well! Pat yourself on the back and keep coming to lapbandtalk for support. If you can get to a counselor to talk things out-even better. Good luck, Shawn

[tztmama 0]

Get more than one opinion regarding the bipolar thing. I have been in 12 step programs for close to 20 years and then with the weight gain I started having back pain which resulted in me being on Vicodin for extended periods of time (along with several rounds of physical therapy). It is hard taking meds when a person has an addictive personality. Its like having to eat to live when you are addicted to food. I always feel mood swings when I am coming off the vicodin. I usally ask for different pain meds even if they don't work as well just to keep off the same med (of any type) too long.

It is difficult. Also, how old are you. I started feeling major mood swings and funk at the end of my thirties only to find out I was already entering menopause.

We are at the tail end of this obesity thing. We are in THE SOLUTION. When I get discouraged after catching a glimpse of myself in the mirror and feeling shocked, I just remind myself that it is getting better each day and I am on my way out of this obesity hell I have been in for way to long. My bones and joints aren't working as hard as they did last week. It will only get better from here on out but we must be patient.

Writing is so therapeutic. Journaling is a great idea and posting to the caring people on this wonderful site it too.

[Heather Joy 0]

oh my goodness you guys,i never expected such a wonderful,supportive response!---although i should have knowing how caring everyone here is! thankyou all so much for those words of inspiration and support,again. today i feel better-i started walking my dog last week and im already walking faster and longer then ever before=-) and feeling those wonderful natural "highs" of exercising outside in autumn=)

i cant even begin to thank everyone here-you have been such a help to me and im sure to many many others.

oh,i got to thinking after reading a few posts--its seems addiction is not so unusual-considering we all are addicted to food to begin with-and sometimes that leads to other addictions,whether it be to excape our sadness or dull the pain...but one thing i know now-never again taking pain meds!!!! they work awesome,they make you feel awesome,....but the end results are way worse then the high/relief ever was.

oh and to answer the age question--im 23--no menopause yet!=-) ***knocking on wood** that WOULD be my luck lol.

thanks also for the (((((hugs)))))--those go back to you all too.

well,i am off to bed with all the happy thoughts you all gave me.goodnight my friends.

p.s--also congrats to all the those who are now sober-that takes such strength and courage to face your demons head on i give you so much credit!