My thoughts on dating and the band

MeganA · October 2, 2005

I couldn't find the other recent dating threads, and I'm still in recovery from a late night so I just decided to start another one.

It was easier before I lost weight. Easier, not more enjoyable or fun or exciting. Easier. I didn't have to put myself out there- face rejection, have to reject someone else, or make an effort. I was too fat even for most of the guys who like the bigger girls. I knew this, and it was safe.

Last night I went out with a couple of girl friends to our favorite bar. This bar is seriously magic for me. I never dance alone here. I saw this man from across the bar and felt....something. So my friends and I mingled our way over in his general direction. I stood right behind him with the guise of watching the band. He looked down at me (he must have been 6'6") and I smiled, and he smiled...and I felt it. I don't know what it was but WOW. Then I looked down and saw the shimmering glint of a wedding ring. Ahhh shit. Another married guy.

Anyway, because we were standing so close, we started to talking to him and his friends. He put his hand on the small of my back (watch out!! There's fat there!!! AHHHHH) and moved me so I could stand in front of him so I could see the band better. We spent the rest of the night with him and his friends. We danced and talked and I had a blast. I knew he was married so I didn't have to impress him or hope that he liked me. That part is freeing and I have to remember this when I meet a single guy. But this guy had eyes I wanted to look into forever. He was kind and sweet and when he kissed me on the cheek goodbye, he squeezed my hand and told me I was lovely. The way he looked at me told me I wasn't alone in what I felt.

Anyway...I can't get this guy out of my head. I can't get the fact that the last few times I've gone out I've been hit on HARD by married guys. I was never put in this position before. I never had to choose between right and wrong and good karma or bad. This is hard. I crave the attention but know I must do the right thing. I know I must wake up tomorrow alone, again.

Before surgery my loneliness level was pretty steady. I didn't have a lot of suiters...oh, I had some nibblers but nobody I would want to date seriously. Now my level of lonliness has high peaks and low valleys. I know how great it feels to have someone pay all of this attention to you and then be left with out it.

I don't know if I'm making any sense. I wouldn't trade the attention for anything. Like I said, it was *easier* before I lost weight and found a new sense of self...not more fun.

Now I have to take a shower and wash the smell of booze off my skin...maybe the Water will also wash away the way I felt for someone else's husband.

Megan

the best me · October 2, 2005

Now I have to take a shower and wash the smell of booze off my skin...maybe the Water will also wash away the way I felt for someone else's husband.

Megan

THAT is poetry.

And that's the rub...the heart issue that doesn't have much to do with your band, self-image, level of confidence. It's your need for redemption. We all seek it. For so long we have sought it in food. Now what?

~*DolphinGirl*~ · October 2, 2005

Oh wow. Just reading your story made me get butterflies. Too sweet. LOL.

I made another post on the dating thing, and this is the kind of stuff I cannot wait for. Even if it's by a married man. Haha. I know, I wouldn't go there but ya know what I mean? There are alot of people who take this kind of stuff for granted. Ya know, the ones who always get this kind of attention, then just start the teasing thing. We deserve to get noticed too!! LOL.

Thanks for sharing your story, and I cannot wait to be there too.

Terrilen · October 2, 2005

Who knows why we feel what we feel for another? Perhaps you were lovers in another time... in another place? I like to think that even brief encounters are not by chance, especialy when they touch your heart.

giveyouthemoon · October 3, 2005

Oh Megan, I've so been there, done that. Oh and it's SO frustrating. To have, for a moment, the attention of an interesting man. To be clicking on all cylinders. And to still go home alone. *sigh* I'm right on the same page with you.

Happened to me Wednesday of this week and I'm still thinking about him. Good thing he lives very far away (he was here for business).

*sigh*

CandySmooch · October 3, 2005

I am going to struggle with this in the future except I have a boyfriend who I currently love with all my heart, but what's going to happen when I start getting all kinds of attention that I've never received before? He's not the jealous type so its not going to be the end - but how am I going to feel??? I think we'll be ok, I may become a major flirt but I know who's serving me dinner at home, and I say I would never cheat on him cuz I know what that feels like - but what if something like your situation happens (besides being married - I'd never date a married man again) - but will I be strong enough to avoid temptation - I'd like to say yes, but I've never been faced with it before - its something that will have to wait to be seen.

On a side note - in the past I had an affair with a married cop. They didn't have a good relationship and cheated on each other but regardless - I now regret it. It wasn't a short affair either - it lasted for 2 years. I totally believe in Karma and I have this eery feeling that its going to bite me in my ass one of these days. I totally regret it now that I'm older and regardless of the situtation - I should have never been "the other woman". It was soooooo easy to do so - we were attracted to each other so we didn't care about anything else. Although it was a fun time in my life - I look back now and think how childish the affair was for me to be in it, but people do it everyday. I'm ashamed of my actions and would hate to admit it to a future husband and I'd hope beyond all prayer that my future husband wouldn't find it that easy to be with another behind my back like the affair I had was.

October 3, 2005

Megan, are you sure he is married? Did you ask him about the ring? I say this because I have 2 really good guy friends of mine that both wear rings on their wedding ring finger and neither are married and never have been married. They wear the ring to keep women from hitting on them....( both are very nice looking guys...ok, ok, they are damn hot!!! ) If they find a girl that they like and she refuses to date a married guy then they tell her the truth....knowing that this is a pretty good catch if she won't "cheat" with a married man. That is their logic anyways...LOL Maybe he is the same way..

Best of luck to you!