Not comfortable with how I'm looking

[KarenK 0]

Hi -

I've lost 88 lbs in just under a year. I'm reaching the point where I'm having problems with how I'm "turning out."

The wrinkles in my face are showing more & more now that there isn't fat filling them. My hair was always thin - now it's crazy thin. The saggy arms & belly I can deal with, and I like the way my body looks in clothes. But after years of never really looking at my face in the mirror, I'm kind of disappointed that I still can't.

I'm getting emotional about it, and starting to do what I always used to do when I got emotional - eat it down.

I'm kind of afraid to go in to the clinic this week. Time for counseling? Any other thoughts?

[Desperate1 1]

Girl, enjoy your success - You have lost 88lbs! you've come way too far not to be happy. I think you should get counseling because we all need to learn to love ourselves with all our imperfections. Not loving ourselves is what got us over weight in the first place. I've been thinking about what I'm gonna do about my thighs - but have decided not to stress about it - I can always opt for plastic surgery (or botox) later and so can you! One thing/step at a time! Enjoy yourself!

[elcee 3,341]

Just proves there is a good and bad side to everything. Fat fills out wrinkles but I'd still rather be slim its a lot healthier! I have noticed that the skin on my neck seems to be saggier but that has to be better than extra chins.

How many times have people said that the band will not be the last surgery. Well maybe they are right - we need to save so that we can afford the plastic surgery as well. On my wish list so far mini face lift and boob job.I am sure hubby will be happy with the latter.

[Sue Magoo 71]

Karen:

I was struggling with my new "wrinkles" too. I think that when I was fat my skin was so stretched that I couldn't have wrinkles. After I lost about 70 pounds I started to notice them. I think that the wrinkles are part of aging and we were due to get them anyway, so the heck with them.

As someone else said, there's always plastic surgery if you hate them enough to pay for it. I hated my excess skin on my abdomen enough to spend $$$$ to get rid of it. I'm so glad that I did. Someone told me that now I have the abdomen of an 18 year old! As long as I look younger than my ex-husband then I'm okay with it. Right now I look like I'm closer to 40 and he's looking closer to 55 and we're both 49, so right now I'm at a good place.

Give it some time, and see how things level out when you get closer to goal. Some of it may improve.

I love my band and my new flat tummy!

Sue

[Jachut 487]

I found I felt like that, I was devastated for a while with my "horrible" body and my "old" face. I was obsessed with PS for about 12 months, luckily we couldnt afford any, it was planned for about now instead, DH was very supportive (and I think he wants me to get my boobs done, lol). But now I dont really want it any more. I came out the other side of that funk, but its taken a couple of years.

Its a HUGE adjustment, and its very very hard to come to a place where you're "good enough". Not having weight to focus on is really weird after a lifetime of being diet obsessed and trying to lose and I think most people simply switch obsessions for a while there.

Now, i dont think its unhealthy to have PS for those reasons. I'd guess a LOT of the people that go on to PS are experiencing these feelings and quell them thinking after that Tummy Tuck, then they'll finally feel good about themselves. Many do, so its not a bad thing. But I also think many of those people, if they'd waited a few years, might have gotten more comfortable with themselves and never had had any PS at all.

At some stage, you have to face that you are what you are. What you are now is healthier and no doubt more attractive than what you WERE. I've had to come to terms with the fact that yes, I actually AM 42 (gasp) and that my 30's IS gone and I didnt make the most of it by allowing myself to get fat. On the other hand, it was a good decade, a hard one, but there's lots of joy ahead.

I'm a student teacher, and I was on prac recently, and it was my birthday - my students thought I was 20 something! So that just PROVES to me that we're way way harder on ourselves than others are.

Do you look at other people and dissect them, criticize their wrinkles, analyse their muffin tops and tut tut about the exact shade of their complexion? No? So what makes you think others look at YOU that way?

You cant force it and its a really really hard stage of this journey, but it is a part of it that you do complete one day.

Focus on the positives, the more you practice it the easier it gets.

[KarenK 0]

Thanks all. I guess I just have to give myself time to grow into liking the new me, and have to stop punishing myself for not liking it yet. Hopefully it will happen in time.

[blackcherry2002 5]

I'm not at an age to give much advice but I do understand the not being happy with my body after weight loss, quite frankly I destroyed my body with being fat but atleast that saggy skin and those strech marks will be a reminder of how big and unhappy I was then. My mother had the gastric bypass when she was 42 and went from 340 down to 175 at 5'11" so it really was strange to see that her hair was thinner(lack of Protein though) and that she had wrinkles but honestly I'm sure other people started getting those wrinkles in their late 30's, my mom's were just post-poned because there was no longer that fat to fill up her face, gross but hey that's what it does...

But quite frankly even with her saggy skin and wrinkles, I have never seen her more herself, more happy then she is right now and she's about 6 years out from surgery. Talk to a counselor to work through some issues, no one goes from obese to normal without some weird emotions. And always know that you have this forum with a LOT of people who know exactly what you are going through...

[Melody2006 1]

I'm glad to see I'm not the only one going threw some of these issues. I'm so close to my self made goal weight (140 is correct for my height, I just wanted to give myself 5 pounds leeway so I could always be a correct BMI).

Now that I'm so close to goal I find myself looking in the mirror and I don't recognize myself. I see a picture of me someone has taken, I don't recognize myself. I now realize how much I look like my mother. I stare and stare at myself in mirrors. Even in full length mirrors in the store. It's so odd.

I have very few clothes (all medium sized basic summer tops for now and hand me down jeans) because I won't go try on clothes because I still have that mindset where when I was fat I hated trying on clothes. When my mom pushes me to try stuff on in stores I flat out refuse. I can't get past it for some reason. When I'm in the store I still find myself cruising threw the plus sized section because that's what I was so used to for so long. I feel sort of out of place now. I'm not sure if I'm punishing myself for not loosing these last few pounds, or my weight loss just happened so fast I'm still in shock. Anyone else going threw this phase?

[krtork 0]

Karen~ You are so right. I had plump wrinkles and now I just have wrinkles. Just have to get used to it I guess! Try not to be too hard on yourself, you have come a long way and should be proud of your accomplishments!

You could see a psychologist so you have someone to talk to about your new body issues if you think that would help. Sometimes it is good to have someone that will listen and not pass judgement, even for a few sessions.

Blackcherry~ You are wise beyond your years girl! My DD has said to me that she always saw me like I am now and never realized how large I really was. She loves the new me and does not want me to go back - ever! Your mom has a great daughter!!!

Melody~ Take a deep breath, grab your credit card and go to the normal size section and try on some clothes! Go by yourself so there is no pressure, but make sure you have your phone because you will want to call someone and say "You won't believe what size I just fit into!" It is such an inspiring moment to try on cute clothes that fit off the rack!! Don't even veer toward the plus section - you have had amazing weight loss and you are right at goal! Splurge and reward yourself!

I still feel weird when I go to the normal clothes section. I think people are looking at me, saying, why is she here? But you know what, they aren't looking at me any more than I am looking at them. Again, I think it takes time to wrap your brain around the new you.

I think we are all in the same boat and Jacqui has a good point. If you learn to live in your new skin for awhile, you will learn to love your new skin!

[FailureIsntAnOption 0]

Hi -

I've lost 88 lbs in just under a year. I'm reaching the point where I'm having problems with how I'm "turning out."

The wrinkles in my face are showing more & more now that there isn't fat filling them. My hair was always thin - now it's crazy thin. The saggy arms & belly I can deal with, and I like the way my body looks in clothes. But after years of never really looking at my face in the mirror, I'm kind of disappointed that I still can't.

I'm getting emotional about it, and starting to do what I always used to do when I got emotional - eat it down.

I'm kind of afraid to go in to the clinic this week. Time for counseling? Any other thoughts?

Perhaps you should focus more on your healthier lifestyle that you are living. You have already achieved this and this is a really big thing. I'm willing to bet that even with the wrinkles in your new thin face that you look better then you did with a fat face. I think we all tend to be a little hard on ourselves.

If it bothers you this much perhaps you should consider finding a way to fund a face lift. You have worked so hard to improve your lifestyle, you deserve to feel good about yourself.

Just a thought! Congratulations on the weight loss.:frown:

[a2bachik 0]

I have very few clothes (all medium sized basic summer tops for now and hand me down jeans) because I won't go try on clothes because I still have that mindset where when I was fat I hated trying on clothes. When my mom pushes me to try stuff on in stores I flat out refuse. I can't get past it for some reason. When I'm in the store I still find myself cruising threw the plus sized section because that's what I was so used to for so long. I feel sort of out of place now. I'm not sure if I'm punishing myself for not loosing these last few pounds, or my weight loss just happened so fast I'm still in shock. Anyone else going threw this phase?

Melody~ I am right here with you. I am slowly starting to like shoping, I never did in the past. But, I always find myself looking for the bigger sizes... I just can't grasp the consept that I'm not that big anymore. Even looking at before and after pictures of myself, I still can't believe it. And the mirror thing, I do it to. I have to do a double take sometimes, just to make sure it's me. As of right now, I am running our of work clothes to wear so I have to make a shoping trip soon. I'm shooting for next weekend, there should be some major Labor Day sales going on :wub:.

Karen~ I feel you with the wrinkles and sagging things. I'm just about to turn 30 so I kind of feel like I'm hitting it early. The worst thing that I have found are my hands. I feel like I have the hands of a 70 yr old. But, I try to look past it...at the bigger picture. I know in the long run everything will work it's way out and all will be ok... I wish you the best of luck and don't be afraid to seek help if you truly have questions about things that you are feeling...

[Shish44 0]

what can i say nearly at goal and i have been so depressed.....

Time to see someone!

[Mimilou2004 13]

I feel like I should have the screen name some one else chose...Shar-pei!!!! That droopy wrinkly dog, LOL!!! I have made my appt for Boob job and TT for March. Per the doc I need to be at goal by Oct and be wt stable til the surgery. I have an appt in 3 weeks to see about my arms. I live alone with 3 dogs so finding someone to help has been problematic. I am worried about the pain and scarring, but since some other gracious posters have posted their stories, I am not terrified.

Good luck to all of you.

Mimi

[greytz 4]

I'm glad to see I'm not the only one going threw some of these issues. I'm so close to my self made goal weight (140 is correct for my height, I just wanted to give myself 5 pounds leeway so I could always be a correct BMI).

Now that I'm so close to goal I find myself looking in the mirror and I don't recognize myself. I see a picture of me someone has taken, I don't recognize myself. I now realize how much I look like my mother. I stare and stare at myself in mirrors. Even in full length mirrors in the store. It's so odd.

I have very few clothes (all medium sized basic summer tops for now and hand me down jeans) because I won't go try on clothes because I still have that mindset where when I was fat I hated trying on clothes. When my mom pushes me to try stuff on in stores I flat out refuse. I can't get past it for some reason. When I'm in the store I still find myself cruising threw the plus sized section because that's what I was so used to for so long. I feel sort of out of place now. I'm not sure if I'm punishing myself for not loosing these last few pounds, or my weight loss just happened so fast I'm still in shock. Anyone else going threw this phase?

It is so weird I was just reading this thread today and this post because this just happened to me yesterday. I am up visiting my Mom and we were at Kohl's and I headed straight for the Plus section and she keep steering me away. We went to the regular section for stuff for her and she picked up a XL blouse and said "Why don't you try this on?" I said Oh that won't fit me Mom and she convinced me to try it and it fit! I about fell over. I also bought a new pair of jeans 3 sizes smaller than I used to be. I can't explain it but I was almost panicky because I was out of my comfort zone. It did feel good though. Today, I get to wear them. I anxious to see how I feel about that.

[Mimilou2004 13]

Greytz, you said it well, out of the plus size is out of the comfort zone!!!! Congratulations on your non scale victory of smaller sizes. What a journey we are on.

Mimi