Can't believe he went THERE...

[Boo Boo Kitty 3]

Hello all...

I need somewhere to vent, bitch, scream and get advice about my neighbor.

My neighbor has been divorced 2 years now. And has never "hit" on me before. I wish I could still that! He lives DIRECTLY next to me. SO we are talking I scream he could hear me.

Well lately he has been giving me compliments, telling me how nice I look, asked how much have I lost ect. I have been polite because he is also the Tae Kwon Do master for my daughter.

His comments have gotten down right embarassing in the last few weeks and yesterday blew it right out of the Water.

He approached me and clearly I could tell I was in TROUBLE. He said he had noticed I have said "things" to him lately that have put myself out there. Which I have not because first of all I am married, second of all, I am NOT the kind of person that can make comments like that. I am a very quiet person about sex. I told him no, he was mistaken and got up to leave. He followed me to my car out of the dojo (with my KIDS right there). I was very upset and uncomfotable and kept telling him to "get the hell out of here". He didn't get it. He then said

"We don't have to have an affair, you can just come over". I was speechless and wanted to cry. I felt harrassed and dirty.

I told him "No, that would make me just like your ex wife and I am NOT that girl". I didn't know any other way to get him away from me. My kids were 2 feet away from me and I am not even sure if they heard or not.

I am mortified and have been hulled up in my house. I want to tell my husband--but let's think about that one---WE LIVE next door to him and my man is the type to go out for blood. I have no doubt that my hubby would end up in jail. PLUS he is my daughter's Tae Kwon Do master.

I have no idea what to do. I want NOTHING to do with this man, want my child to have NOTHING to do with him--but there is NO WAY for me to make that happen without raising red flags. We own our home so we are no position to move.....

SO what do I do now? I can not handle confrontation, so me telling him off is close to zero. Plus I am acting very strange with my husband and have no idea what to tell him. I truly feel violated.

And then I am worried that he will take this out on my daughter---he already said she can't test after I turned him down, so he will go after her......

[losingjusme 12]

WTF... completely inappropriate...

does this 'master' have a boss?? the owner? yes, inappropriate for him to say that to you, unethical to take revenge on your daughter..

dunno waht to say about telling your DH.. dunno what i'd do...

sorry.

*hugs*

[kcmagu 3]

BBK - I don't know what to tell you! I'm not one to give advice unless I feel it is constructive.

It's a crap situation to be in. Someone should beat the hell out of that creep, but I can understand you not wanting it to be your husband who does it.

I just don't want to see the creep try and tell your husband you came onto him just because you turned him down.

Is there another dojo you can take your daughter to?

Hang in there - and I'm sorry you're in this mess.

Edited August 21, 2009 by kcmagu

[Boo Boo Kitty 3]

WTF... completely inappropriate...

does this 'master' have a boss?? the owner? yes, inappropriate for him to say that to you, unethical to take revenge on your daughter..

dunno waht to say about telling your DH.. dunno what i'd do...

sorry.

*hugs*

HE is the boss, he owns the dojo...

But thanks guys. Someone may have an idea....I hold out hope!

[Gone4Now 4]

Umm...You mean he WAS your daughter's TKD instructor.

Now he's just the perv next door.

Find another dojo, and cancel the Christmas Cookies this year.

What an asshole. No means no. Is he the type to keep harrassing you later?

And, your husband *should* be able to handle this without attacking someone, but if he's not then you need to tell SOMEONE in the neighborhood. Document with someone you can get help from if you need it.

What if this continues? What will you do?

Step 1 - Explain to DD that his behavior was unacceptable and you, out of respect for yourself and her, are removing her NOW from the class. Tell his boss/owner (like LJM said) and file a formal complaint!!!

So what if you're neighbors? This happened at an establishment and a place of business. If he is the owner, then I'd file a complaint legally. I'd call the police and I'd call the BBB.

I'm a little stand-offish anyway, and I don't even really know my neighbors, so losing a neighbor to me wouldn't be a big deal.

Having my kid witness that and then still accepting it by continuing to take her would kill my self-respect.

[ReadySteadyGo 8]

If he doesn't own the place, report him, if he does...

Couldn't you tell your husband he creeps you out or something? Maybe find your daughter a different place to take lessons?

Could you kick him in the balls?

[luluc 6]

i think glouc gave some great advice.

i don't know how your going to pull your DD out of the class w/out having to tell your husband 'something'.

i'd be less concerned that he's right next door vs him having access to your child.

i like the BB route, as a business owner who behaves badly - i would approach the conversation w/him when you ask for a refund, that you will make this a legal matter. physical confrontation is probably something this guy gets off on.???..

Edited August 21, 2009 by luluc

[kcmagu 3]

Bunch of smart women here today!

[Brandy~ 2]

I havent read anyone elses responses..

First of all my child wouldn't be going to his Dojo. I would find another one. I was uncomfortable with the owner of a karate school here and fixed that immediately.

second of all I would go about my business in and out of the house and ignore the neighbor. If he approaches you again tell him you plan on filing harassment and you will get a restraining order if he approaches you one more time. Here in Oregon you have to notify the person to not contact you before its harassment.

I would let it go. If he approaches you again I would go straight to DH and let him know what is happening and involve the police. This should keep him from flipping a lid unless he wants to end up with charges too.

[JENNIFER7375 3]

Glouchester is 100% right. The fact that he approached you in front if your kids just ups the creep factor even more. i think you should at least tell your husband something. Even if you don't wanna come right out and be specific about events. At least tell him you've gotten a creepy vibe from this guy lately and would prefer not to have your daughter take lessons from him anymore. And i know you're not a confrontational person but if he says anything else out of line do not hesitate to be as rude and blunt as needed.He may assume if you arent overly vocal about turning him down means you have an interest when you have none at all. Creeps like this will try to twist anything that you've said into some kind of invitation!

[SummerAgain 0]

Tell your husband SOMETHING! What if he turns around and tells your husband some faiy tale about you going after him??!! You will have to admit at that point that you have been hiding stuff....won't go over well!

[Kristine73 1]

I may come off as harsh in this post. Please not it is not directed it out. As a teenager, I was the victim of a perv's 'attention'. So, this is why I sound so harsh.

First, if he's willing to do this is front of your children, he has NO moral compass. Is this really the type of person you want teaching your daughter? You have good reason to be worried about her going there. Get her out NOW! Find another dojo.

Even if he's the owner if this place, you can complain to the BBB, Chamber of commerce and the police. Yes, I said the police. You don't have to press charges. It's called an 'incidence report.' Basically, you go to the police and file a report of the incidence. Do it anytime this guy threatens you. When he follows you to your car, that's threatening. When threatens to punish your daughter, that goes beyond threatening an adult and becomes dangerous. It gives you a big glimpse into this guys mindset. Also, if any thing does happen, you have a 'paper trail' and it won't be your word against his. Your hubby need not know about the reports.

As far as hubs goes, you may want to tell him something. Maybe you don't want to tell him. But what's going to happen if something does happen to you or your daughter and he finds out he never knew his family was threatened. That's where my hubs would come unglued.

So, you don't feel you can tell him the whole story. Ok, don't. But tell him that there have been some inappropriate remarks and you don't want to be in that environment. You especially don't want your daughter in that environment. It's a parent's job to protect their children. Don't leave your daughter in harm's way because you fear what your hub's will do.

Don't be afraid to stand up for yourself. Get a can of mace. If this scum follows you out to the car again, let him have it. I don't like confrontation, either. But when it comes to my safety, especially a child's, it's ON!

First thing I'd do is go file a report on this guy. The police will not go tell him you filed a report. No one will know but you and the police. What this guy did was threaten you and your child, he harassed you, and he stalked you out to your car. These are all crimes. And someone who will behave like this in front of your child and their business, can and will escalate in a heartbeat. It's just a matter of when.

Sending you hugs and strength. I know how stressful the situation is that you are in.

[Gone4Now 4]

Kristine,

Excellent post!

[Boo Boo Kitty 3]

Thank you everyone for your support! I just got off the phone with my baby brother who amazed me. He is going to take care of Brooke for me and sway her to another Dojo, she listens to her Uncle and I will have NOTHING to do with it!

He also suggested I talk to my DH's friend who is a cop. He knows DH very well and knows his temper. I am going to tell Doug everything and get it documented without DH knowing. I am also going to ask Doug (the cop) to pay him a visit when we are gone to make sure this is over and I don't feel this way.

It is NOT fair for me to be trapped or feel trapped in my own home--I am not going to accept it!

I do have a friend that has been there before when he has flirted and made advances. I talked to her and she has no problem defending me if needed.

I really want to kick him in the balls for doing this to me. It makes me feel like I can't be nice to anyone. Why do men do this???

[Kristine73 1]

Good for you Brandy! I am glad you are taking steps for the safety of both your DD and yourself. You've taken good steps! If your DD doesn't change dojo's at your bro's urging, you may have to put your foot down and just tell her that that 'Mom knows best." But, lets pray your DD listens to her uncle.

Again, I know it's a scary situation to be in. But, you are showing strength in the steps you've taken!