Overwhelmed about T day and surgery date

[bayareanan 24]

Tday issues.I know I should be happy they are coming but I am overwhelmed already.

I have been divorced for 19yrs. My sons lived with their dad because I wasnt mentally stable. I was the every other weekend parent for good reason. I moved from CA, which was home, 7yrs ago to a burb of Dallas. Fast forward, the kids are grown. My son is in the Army and is recently stationed 2.5hrs away. I was overjoyed at this, but now I am overwhelmed.

I am happy he comes to visit, but I need my alone time. He has been coming up every weekend. To make it worse, his girlfriend called me and told me she booked tickets to fly out here to Thanksgiving, because she knew he would be here (hmm, news to me). I am having lap band surgery about 2 weeks before turkey day, but figured they were young and in love and it would work its way out. food isnt their top priority.

THEN, I mention to my sister who lives in Reno that I am having company. She says then she & hubby will come out too! I explained I would be only on Clear Liquids and it wasnt a good time, and she said but as I already had company, what is a few more!!??!!

Besides entertaining my son most weekends I will have a house full of people at the most vulnerable time of my recent life....It is too late to put my foot down, tickets are purchased.

I am already popping Klonopin. He will be here this weekend, but Thanksgiving is still 2 months away. How can I cope?? I still havent unpacked my boxes from my move 7 yrs ago!!

[Drasan 23]

I'm going to comment at the risk of butting in, but hey, you asked, didn't you?

Does your son know you are having this surgery? If not tell him and then ask him for his help. If he already knows, ask him to help take care of you, he obviously cares about you.

Tell him that he can help take care of you by steering the company to his place which is only 2.5 hours away. And hey, his girlfriend can help him cook Thanksgiving dinner for the crowd. Now doesn't that sound fun!

Good luck with your surgery and your out-of-town guests.

Take good care of you.

[RestlessMonkey 7]

Have you discussed this with your therapist? I'd think if your son is living in the barracks (very possible for a single person in the military) or has too small a "place", maybe your son and the girlfriend can cook. I bet your sis would help too.

[bayareanan 24]

Yes, the son lives in the barracks. Two years ago when he was in San Antonio I drove down and took a bunch of his buddies to Thanksgiving brunch at the Doubletree. To me, that sounds like a workable holiday. We still have the option of finding a hotel here to eat at. A waste to spend $50 to request pureed Soup, but workable. But that is only 1 meal of the long weekend.

The girlsfriend offered to cook, although she has never cooked T day before. But, heh, what do I care, I cant eat it anyway. LOL

My sister hasnt come to visit me in 20yrs, so I am overwhelmed by that by itself.

I see my shrink next month and it will be a topic for sure. I am bipolar, and, although I was on social security disability for many years, I have been working for the last 12 and am thankfully stable with meds.Meds played a large roll in me gaining weight. I gained 100lb on Lithium in just one year. My shrink is the one who did my psych eval as he knows me better than any other shrink would.

[RestlessMonkey 7]

Good luck. I'll be honest with you; even WITHOUT any "mental health" issues (like we don't all have some) I can totally see how, at 2 weeks post op, you'd be freaked about company.

Without being un-pc (don't know your family's religious beliefs and they aren't any of my business either) could you put them all off until "the holidays"? That would give you a little more time to adapt and come up with a workable plan, plus you'd be on solids by then (well probably).

See, on the one hand, you sister hasn't come in 20 years. How can you turn her away? BUT on the other, she's managed to not visit for 20 years, what's another month? :confused:

Anyway just realize that not wanting a lot of last minute company (no matter how loved) when you have food issues and will be 2 weeks post op and drinking liquids only, is normal. It's a healthy reaction, an OMG NO!!! makes sense. Because it IS important for you to follow your post op diet.

I hope you figure something out that can make you and your son happy (first and foremost)...and can accommodate all. Good luck!