Are they insensitive or am I over-sensitive?

[MissK 0]

So, my parents have travelled a LONG way to be here with me for my surgery and they arrived tonight, my brother and his wife showed up for a visit and as 7pm rocked around they all realized they were hungry, so off they go and pick up KFC and bring it back to my house and sit up on the couch and eat it - I excused myself, and here I am on LBT via my iPod whilst I sit in a bath trying to avoid the situation out there.

I can't say I am pleased. I acknowledge that other people need to eat but I specifically made a call to my mother yesterday to see what she would like from the store - and the reason I did this was to avoid having people eating strong smelling fast foods in front of me.

I made a comment about it and the response was a quickly snapped "well, we DO have to eat" --- yes, they do, but must they make my house stink of KFC?

Am I being too sensitive about this, or are they being inconsiderate?

Edited August 16, 2009 by MissK

[Fae 0]

I don't think you are. Strong smelling fast foods, like french fries and pizza drive me up the wall : / Not because I don't like them, but all I can think about is eating them when I smell them. I can't eat right when I smell things like that.

To tell you the truth, if you don't want them eating in front of you. You should provide cooked food in the house for them to eat, so they won't have to order out. Since if there was nothing in the house for them, they will probably eat junk. The thing I dislike and I find rude in their behavior, is they could have at least eaten at the restaurant. Not bring it into your home and maul you with the smell of it : /

[greytz 4]

She did offer to cook it sounds like by asking her mother what she wanted from the store. Her mother could have also given her a list and helped her cook it or something. I don't think you are being overly sensitive at all. It would have been one thing if you would have been in their home but they were in yours! What you say goes. You will probably need to be more assertive and really put your cards on the table with them. I have had several conversations with my mother about my visit with her on Sept 4th. She keeps wanting to go to the grocery before I get there and I keep telling her to wait that I will go and take her with me when I get there. It will be my Birthday while I am there and she keeps talking about how sad it is that she can't make me a cake. She has Celiac disease (allergic to wheat) so I told her we would make her favorite carrot cake and she can freeze it. That way I won't make her feel bad but I won't have to eat something I don't want to eat. I think it is just the ritual of her and I in the kitchen and baking that she would miss and not really whether I eat or not so this was to me the best alternative. I am not a carrot cake fan so it won't bother me. Good Luck to you and I hope you can find ways around there insensitivity. A lot of it is just ignorance on their part. Maybe you could show them the brochures and information you have gathered? Sit them down together and tell them exactly what you will be going through. There are videos online that actually show the procedure. Maybe it is time to open their eyes.

[MissK 0]

They insisted on being here to look after me whilst I went through this, which I am grateful for; and I offered to go to the store and get anything they may need to eat here in the house without getting fast foods.

I had and still have no intention of 'preparing' or 'cooking' meals for them - I am one day out from surgery and can't eat normal food, why should I torture myself by preparing things that I can't eat?

I could have picked up stuff for them to have a salad, or toasted sandwiches or something like that at home - something that wouldn't have driven me mad with the smell.

Now I know why I like living alone so much.

[morphiend 0]

I'm so sorry you have to go through that!! This has been rough on me because I HAVE to cook meals for my family that I can't eat. The other night I thought it would be a good idea to get pizza for them so I didn't have to cook. The smell was sooo overwhelming I told my husband I didn't think I could resist with a smell like that!! (Thankfully I did resist!)

I think it is insensitive of them bringing KFC to your home where you can't eat it. Yes they have to eat, but they could have eaten at the restaurant, and, like you said, you offered to get them food at the store. They only thing I could see you doing different is laying down some rules before they get there. You don't want to seem insensitive, but right now you are trying to help yourself. They just don't understand what you are going through!

Hang in there, one more day left!!

[Princess losealot 0]

I just went through this myself. I had a whole household of people visit here this past week while I have been on the liquid post op. It was great when they went out to eat, but then they decided to bring Mcdonalds back here with them on a different day. The smell of french fries was driving me nuts! It was amazing to see how people just dont "get it" what we are going through. This time of liquid dieting has opened my eyes to how much we depend on food and how much I was addicted to it. I mean, sure, I could have had Soup if I was hungry. But I wanted the Mcdonalds~ The whole chewing thing.. its all very weird this liquid phase, isnt it?!

[abingdongirl 0]

No, you are not being over-sensitive as they were defintely being insensitive they know what you are going over. even hubby says they should have eaten that food before they got there. and you went through all that trouble to get food for them, I hope they realize how insenstive that was for you... Some people don't get it.

[SummerAgain 0]

They should have kept their KFC eating, extra crispy asses down at the KFC!

[greytz 4]

They insisted on being here to look after me whilst I went through this, which I am grateful for; and I offered to go to the store and get anything they may need to eat here in the house without getting fast foods.

I had and still have no intention of 'preparing' or 'cooking' meals for them - I am one day out from surgery and can't eat normal food, why should I torture myself by preparing things that I can't eat?

I could have picked up stuff for them to have a salad, or toasted sandwiches or something like that at home - something that wouldn't have driven me mad with the smell.

Now I know why I like living alone so much.

Sorry. So I thought I had read on another thread you wrote that you had not had the surgery yet. I can understand why you would not want to cook right now. That is the last thing I wanted to do. Was just trying to help.

[abbypoo 0]

I don't think you're being over-sensitive at all. It SUCKS when everyone else is eating and all you have is your stupid drinks. However, I suppose it is just something we all have to get used to. We can't expect everyone around us to change their eating habits just because we have. We're going to be in a lot of situations at home and at work and out with friends when we're going to be tempted with things that we simply cannot eat. But don't think I'm siding with your family. Last night I watched my boyfriend eat an entire Burger King Whopper meal. At first I was jealous, but then I was just disgusted. Ewww

[illinoishusker 0]

No, but I've never figured out family. My mother brought a container of chocolate chip Cookies to my house after the surgery. ??? WTH??

I try not to understand people anymore. {hugs}

[Unforgettable 0]

Just try to look at it as a challenge. My first post-op week, when I went out and ran errands for the first time with my mom, she stopped and got White Castles. It took everything in me NOT to break down and eat some. We also went to the movies and she got buttered popcorn. Yikes! She asked me both times if I minded before she got it, and I just don't think it's fair for her not to get to eat what she wants just because I didn't. I took it as a challenge and basically tortured myself lol when it was over, I felt so proud that I resisted temptation and it gave me assurance that in the future when I am allowed to eat that stuff, I'll be able to say no. Plus I kept reminding myself "it's not that I can NEVER have that type of food, it's just that I can't have it right now."

[formerfatchick 1]

Plus I kept reminding myself "it's not that I can NEVER have that type of food, it's just that I can't have it right now."

I think that unforgettable hit the nail on the head !! And MissK while I agree that it was HUGELY insensitive of them to sit there and have KFC in you're house, that you need to #1: Be more assertive when it comes to these things in your house ( NO FAST FOOD) but # 2: You need to be more assertive with yourself and more resistant towards that thoughtlessness of those that arent going through this journey. You have a tough skin, you know that and you're going to have to bring it out more than ever. Especially as the care takers of the family we women are going to have the hardest times having to resist temptation, but at the same time that is just going to make us that much more stronger and that much hotter in that bathing suit !!! HELL YEAH !!!!

[bdbmamaw 0]

I think that unforgettable hit the nail on the head !!

No, I thing SummerAgain it the nail on the head! I'm still crying from laughing so hard!

[Fae 0]

I actually make lots of my cooked food in advance. Like I will make a bunch of fish or hamburgers, which will last for several days. It is possible to cook all at once and leave that in the house for them to eat. Once you have the surgery, you can't cook, but the cooking is done xD That was my suggestion anyway.

It's great you offered to get things from the store. But from the looks of what happened, they just wanted to eat now and we're not willing to do a thing to prepare anything except order out.