Dating after/during weight loss (for Kare)

[DeLarla 22]

Lately my husband has come full circle with the marriage thing, so I've fallen in love all over. But I'm still envious of single gals at my age, because the excitement of new love is one of the best feelings in the world.

My single girls here at LBT are dating after losing weight, and there's a recurring topic here about "should we tell the guy about our loss and the surgery?"

For me, I'd test the guy awhile before telling him. I'd have to know that he thinks I'm desirable from the inside before discussing my outside. Kare, you are a stunning LBT model. From my end, you don't even look like you have a weight problem. I think we should have an LBT beauty contest because with your smarts and bouncy hair, that pink satin sash could very easily be yours. As far as having to tell a guy, why? Why not just enjoy being companioned (did I make that word up?) Have a little fun, live life on the wild side for us married gals. Hold hands, kiss. Wait, that's a whole new topic.

The kiss: Who has time to date, anyway? I don't consider it dating, I consider it an interview. So meet him, shake his hand, if you might like him, shove him against the wall and plant a wet one on him. If he can't kiss, move on. What a slut. Who said that? I did. Shut up, DeLarla. No, you shut up, Lisa. GEEZE. HELP.

My point is that I'm a very good kisser (it's my thing.) Like when Kevin Costner in Bull Durham said, "I believe in long kisses that last all night long" holy bananas, I melted. So, what if you date the guy a couple weeks then find out he kisses horribly? That's happened a few times in my life, and it's devastating. So stop worrying about YOU and start worrying about him. He better kiss good, and he better be good with tools, and he better treat you like a queen.

Or, just fake him out by wearing pheromones. I've been learning a lot about pheromones, and there's literature that it's lying to a guy by wearing it because it fakes him into being attracted to you. Nothing like an honest start!

[MeganA 35]

I need a truckload of these "pheromones". Where can I buy them, where can I buy them!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I've been dating disgruntled lately. Seems I'm good at attracting guys that I am not attracted to, and excellent at repelling those I am.

Megan

[vinesqueen 2]

Lisa, if they aren't good kissers, you can always teach them to be good kissers. My DH started out not being a very good kisser, but he has always treated me like his Queen.

And I'm happy to report his kissing has vastly improved..... <melt>

[TonyBia 0]

Lisa,

Don't forget about us guys either! I am soon to be divorced after 12 years of marriage, and do you want to talk about rusty. Back in the day I was swelt, debonaire, and charming. Today I have a hard time even spelling those words..lol. Back then I married "in my ranking". Today my ex is probably at least a few numbers higher. Talk about depressing..... Let alone the thought of having to start this process all over again. But I am only 34 and still have the hopes and desires of meeting that one special someone. Kind of crushing when you thought you had them and then they change over the years.

So anyways do these pheremones come with blindfolds? Or are they just rose colored glasses variety?

T

[La_madam 20]

But I'm still envious of single gals at my age, because the excitement of new love is one of the best feelings in the world.

What a true statement!

I know this will sound bad since Im a married woman but I have a crush on a new cook I hired 3 weeks ago. This man makes my heart beat fast, I get butterflies when he looks at me, What is wrong with me? These feelings are exciting to me, I would NEVER act on them, I have a wonderful husband who is the best kisser in the world and I am his Queen, he loves me like NO other man ever will and I know this 100%, he is tender, caring, loving, compassionate, kind

But this other man

I actually look forward going to work and seeing him..I think it is phermones, it's got to be! Just as much as Iam attracted to him he is attracted to me..it sure makes work fun!

[giveyouthemoon 4]

Well this is an issue near and dear to my heart. I was in a seven year relationship that ended a year and a half ago. There has been NO action in that time. But lately, my hormones are running rampant. I guess I've hit that "age" that women do and I'm like a fourteen year old boy. A man walks by me and I'm thinking all kinds of naughty things. I'm NUTS and I've no where to take that out (with another person present I mean). I'm ready to have a man in my life again but there's nobody that's a candidate in my life.

As for the pheremones....well, I bought some from you Lisa, and I have given them a try twice. I think they sort of heighten the senses, they don't compel some guy to run to you and sleep with you. I found they worked fairly well one day and the next day with the same group of guys the results were mixed. And the "fairly well" that one day meant only that my guy friends were a bit more attentive and a lot more "hands on" with me. I got lots of arms around me and hands on my knee in a non-creepy way. And I loved every second of it. But nothing happened with any of those guys beyond that.

Then again, these were guys I already know and I already know they like me. I think more than anything, the pheremones make ME feel good. It makes me feel all happy to put that on and wonder what results I'll get. Honestly, I think the reaction I got from my guy friends was really more about me "feeling my oats" because I knew I had it on and so I was a bit more willing to be more flirty.

I found it didn't have much of any effect on just your random guy in the street. In fact I tried to flirt like crazy with a guy at a hotel counter (I was at the hotel bar) thinking that he'd be into my pheremones....he seemed happy to talk to me then walked away. :shrug:

Oh well, anything I can do to better my odds is worthwhile to me!! Oh and pheremones might get them to prick up their ears right at first....but I don't think they'll sustain any great romance. Ya gotta do that on your own.

[DevilMayKare 1]

Whoa! Get too busy to log on all day and look what happens! My name in a heading! Guess that's what I get for bringing up my (lack of) love life.

Yeah, I'm just now trying to ressurrect it. Finally to the point where I can fit into a skirt or nice dress (forget pants, my thighs'd scare 'em away) so--being that I keep getting older (even worse SO do the men)... time's a wastin.

I've only met one man and I knew that wouldn't work, so what, how and when I would try to explain this bizarre banding (you've got to admit, the whole subject of fills & restriction sounds bizarre--W/O even bringing up TJ!) hasn't been more than a theoretical issue. It's more a when and how than an "if" issue.

<So meet him, shake his hand, if you might like him, shove him against the wall and plant a wet one on him. If he can't kiss, move on.>

Well, he was a nice man. I liked him as a person. I let him kiss me when I left and he was a decent kisser--would probably be a very sweet lover. The problem was that he wasn't nearly smart or strong enough for me. I do have a "nice" feminin side and this seems to be what comes out when I meet a guy, but I can usually tell that they'd be trampled by my bitch side when it appeared (& you know, sooner or later it would). That's kind of always been a problem for me. That's why I ended up married to a Vulcan (Caltech engineer) for 17 years who actually was strong enough--but boring as hell with not even a concept of a true emotion.

Attracting guys isn't really the problem. Finding someone I WANT to attract is. I could just go for the physical stuff (Lord knows I NEED some physical stuff) but you know, you DO have to talk AFTERWARDS. And now I find the added problem in that many men in my age group (45-55) are just too damn old for me. I don't care if they're balding or wrinkled or fat--but they've got to be able to WALK (at a good pace) with me. And I'm still too chubby for the guys this age that ARE in good shape (& too old too as they're going afer the 30-40 year olds). My face does look much younger than my age, but when the bra comes off--these are very obviously 50-yr-old boobs! Wouldn't want to give anyone a cardiac.

*Sigh* I'll keep trying. Thanks for the encouragement. Don't worry, if I ever get laid again in my life the MULTITUDES here (!) will be the first to know! (LOL)

[Infaith 1]

And now I find the added problem in that many men in my age group (45-55) are just too damn old for me. I don't care if they're balding or wrinkled or fat--but they've got to be able to WALK (at a good pace) with me. And I'm still too chubby for the guys this age that ARE in good shape (& too old too as they're going afer the 30-40 year olds). My face does look much younger than my age, but when the bra comes off--these are very obviously 50-yr-old boobs! Wouldn't want to give anyone a cardiac.

Ahhh...Kare...I understand that about the guys that are our age seem SOOOO OLD! The couple of guys that I have dated (in almost 6 years-sad story) were only a couple years old than me, but looked and acted so much older. My sister even commented about it, questioning how old one of them was because he looked so much older than I do.

Good luck with your search! I don't even look anymore...too depressing for me.

Hey Lisa...how's that dating service going? LOL

[Bobalooey 0]

Kare,

Take heart. You have no idea how many guys (older and younger) would kill to be with somebody as hot as you. Why does this all seem so ironic? You must live out in the desert.

Christ, but you remind me so much of a girl named Carey that I had the worst crush on in high school. Thought I had finally gotten over her and I just turned 52. Thanks a lot!

[DeLarla 22]

I love that we have our own scientific research and analysis department because here's proof that my pheromones work! They attract people towards you - arms around you, petting you, near you. But you're right, the rest is up to you. And Karen, YES, they do make you feel good! When you said "I think they sort of heighten the senses" I jumped out of my chair! Yes yes yes, in addition to containing 3 different pheromones, they also contain ingredients known to promote happiness and calm nerves. I'm doing a Slumber show tonight and I'm printing your thread (with your approval.) Thank you! "Pheromones might get them to prick up their ears right at first" but YOU need to do the rest. The same thing happens in the jungle. A big gorrilla sniffs out a hottie, then they hook up near a banana tree, but after the initial attraction, she better hold his interest or he'll move to the next tree. When I was single, I didn't attract many men because of my height. Most of my dates were guys dating girlfriends who found them boring but then got to know my insides and wanted to be with me. So if I had Basic Instincts back then, I'd have had a better chance at getting them near me so I could spin my web and captivate them! (Megan, I carry them so contact me or click my link.)

And Tony my darling, I never forget about boys! But why haven't you registered at my DeLarla's Dating Service thread? You have to put your name and face out there! Okay, so our little LBT dating service is too tiny to find matches, but I am MORE THAN HAPPY to help people set up a Yahoo account. If I were single, I would ONLY date people I found on the computer since we get to see a profile, picture, chat on line, build that into some phone conversations, and only then meet in person.

As far as men maturing (looks) faster than women, who said you have to ask their age? My coworker is married to a guy 10 years her youth (bitch) because she's a very sexual woman that needed a man to keep up with her needs. If I were a single gal, I certainly wouldn't be dating anyone in my age range! I'd be at Studio 54 looking for a boyfriend! Date men in your mental age range, not in your physical.

This thread makes me horny.

[DeLarla 22]

Vines, congrads for teaching a guy to kiss! I've tried and failed. It's like teaching a white guy with no rythym to dance like Michael Jackson. Eitehr the have it, or they don't. So some guys are trainable, but you can't get the Moon Walk out of a clutz! If they need guidance, maybe. But if they are a wet drooler (I JUST BARFED) then they'll probably always drool!

Michelle, Michelle, Michelle... girl, I'm right there with you. I've been pinned against the wall buy a guy that makes my girl parts quiggle. We used to work together, and just the site of his arms made me weak. We were alone on many occasions, and he would get really close behind me and talk down my neck because he knew he was driving me crazy. Then one day I had to go to his house (work related.) I wobbled in on jelly knees, and he immediately pushed me against the wall in one of those Hollywood moments meant for the big screen. Lips brushed, whispers... but I pushed him away because I'm married. Period. It sucks because he lives so near. Sometimes I think I should just kiss him in hopes he'd be a drooler so he'd get out of my head! But even though I'm the wildchild of LBT, it's just my husband or my toys. I think we are normal. We can't help our animal attractions. We can't. We can only control the impulses.

Lonely ladies, think "toys." Nothing wrong with it.

[giveyouthemoon 4]

I'm doing a Slumber show tonight and I'm printing your thread (with your approval.)

Well of course, I'm happy to share. This is just my few days of "research". I wore it again last night and had a creepy dude at a baseball game who wouldn't leave me alone. Just kept trying to talk to me. Made me think that there *can* be a slight drawback to wearing this stuff. It doesn't differentiate nice guys and creepy guys.

But it's okay, I've been around the block maybe once or twice and knew how to shut that strange dude down. It's all good. And to me it was just further proof the stuff works.

My scientific research continues.

When I was single, I didn't attract many men because of my height. Most of my dates were guys dating girlfriends who found them boring but then got to know my insides and wanted to be with me. So if I had Basic Instincts back then, I'd have had a better chance at getting them near me so I could spin my web and captivate them!

Yeah, you put it perfectly how I view this stuff. I can be quite a charmer and do okay once someone gets to "know my insides" like you said. But that first approach is where I could use a little help.

[DevilMayKare 1]

Well, this thread is gettin around--but that's the fun of it!

All that stuff about me and my pathetic dating life will have to wait because I have to tell you about how I taught my sons to kiss. (Okay...stop going "EWWWW" it's nothing sick!!) Several years ago (the LAST time I got to a decent weight) I dated a man who seriously knew what he was doing. There were quite a few times I went "Whoa--where'd you learn THAT??" And finally he told me his secret. When he was a young, inexperienced man in the service stationed in Camp Penndleton he found a professional woman down in Encinitas (MX!! I guess it IS good for more than just LB docs!) who TAUGHT him how to please a woman. Let me tell ya, I wish I could've sent every man in my life to her.

His kissing... oh my. He described to me how she taught him how to kiss with STRAWBERRIES!! So one day I had picked some wonderful peaches (fresh off our tree) and was sitting around with my sons (14 & 17 at the time) and I took the opportunity to try to teach them something that may improve their relationships down the road as much as my lessons on how to clean a bathroom. I said, hey guys take a bite of peach...they did. And then I said, this is how you should approach the lips of a woman. (MOOOOOMMM! YUCK!!! You can imagine--but my sons are used to me being a little different in what I think is important) I said, stay with me here... you want to taste her lips--like a lucious peach... feel the texture and just sip the juices, try to approach them like you've never tasted a peach before and you're trying to totally explore the taste and texture with your lips and tongue. And don't always do it the same way... try to find as many ways to taste a peach as you can.

Well, as you can imagine they were grossed out and my youngest said he'd probably never be able to each a peach again! (lol) I dunno if the lesson took but I have every intention of asking some future daughter in law if whichever son is an exceptional kisser and if he is I'll get to see the look on her face when I tell her she can thank ME for that!!

(The lengths I will go to to be a good mom!)

[AnotherMe 0]

Lisa, you crack me up! This thread is what we need to stop taking ourselves so serriously! Kare, I loved your story about the pointers you gave your sons! My one and only is 8 years old, but I'll definitely have to remember that technique.

I've been divorced for 5 years now, and have had two very short encounters since

It's hard to feel good about yourself when all you see in the mirror is the things you want to change. You all have given me lots to think about!

I'll be banded 10/10, and I'm looking forward to the future NSVs and improved self esteem I plan to spout!

take care,

[CandySmooch 0]

Regarding other men other than the one's we're committed too. I would never cheat on my man.........but let me tell you there is a what if fantasy I like to keep alive with a firefighter here at work. I am a 911 Dispatcher and this man is so so fine! We've been flirting for 6 years now and back when I was single we had actually talked in depth about hooking up but it never happened.

I will tell you it brings me such joy when I run into him though. He's usually affectiionate but not overly so. He'll hug me goodbye, or touch my arm, and we flirt with out words, but that's as far as it goes, but boyyyy do I like to share my encounters with my girlfriends of him. But that's as far as it goes and I like to keep that fantasy alive wheras if I acted upon it - it would be over eventually. This strong strapping young firefighter with dark hair and blue eyes - makes you melt everytime and he's always been interested in me ever since I was with one of his friends for a moment in time back in the day. But I do lust over him........I can't keep from saying it but he is FINE FINE FINE FINE FINNNNNNEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!! He's the type to make you thank God your a woman! And I'm sure he'd be a wonderful lay, but not much more than that. I still cherish the encounters because it makes me feel like the sexy woman I am - sometimes you lose a little of that in relationships - not that my man don't think I'm sexy - but receiving that from a different man knowing your taken by someone else and its not causing any real harmful temptations..........more power to it........his name is Mark and maybe I'll start posting our little encounters - they only happen hit an miss but boy do I think about him for a long time afterwards. As long as you excercise control when it actually comes to cheating and you know the boundries - I think it just makes us feel young and sexy and there's nothing to be ashamed of - I just wouldn't go home telling your significant other about it!