Yet another newbie

[fatmom 0]

Hello. Well, here I am. What to say?

I started this process with what I think I will call my new year's revolution. Started the 6 month diet req. by insurance in Jan. Went to the surgeon's intro seminar, etc... My surgery date is September 14. ("Rainy days and Mondays always get me down.")

I am scared stiff. I hate, hate, hate hospitals. I can't stand pain. But I'm 5'3" and weigh 286. I can't tie my shoes unless I'm sitting on the bed and pull my leg up on to the bed so I can reach my foot.

I've been reading posts on this site for two days now, trying to glean info and thoughts. I read all about the cosmetic surgery people have or wish they could go through. I don't want to lose all this weight and look like I'm melting. But the idea of more surgery is abhorent as well.

I read about the people who are doing well (good for you!) the people who have slid a little, or slid a lot. I am encouraged by the encouragement they have received. I worry about the negative thinking the sliders experience.

I had to see a pyschiatrist as part of all this, but the woman I chose, on the dr's list I might add, isn't a psychiatrist at all. But she is a specialist in compulsive eating. I only needed one appointment with her to meet requirements. But I have been seeing her once a week ever since. She has me keeping a food diary that tracks not only what I am eating, but what I am thinking and feeling before, during and after. I also track "urges". Imagine my surprise to learn you can't be hungry and have an urge at the same time. That's a craving.

But important to me and it may well be my undoing, is that she says nothing is ever totally a "no-no". Don't ever say you can't have something ever again. Maybe you can only have one bite. But if you retrain your brain, that hopefully will be enough. That last sentence is my thinking, not hers.

I haven't trained myself to give up or even limit chocolate. That's where this dr's diary falls short because she doesn't require me to write amounts. So she has no clue how much I'm eating when I write down "dark chocolate covered pomegranite seeds". I have been trying to be mindful.

What she's trying to get me to do is be aware of what I eat and when I feel full. And stop eating then.

Keeping a diary is one thing, but knowing someone else is going to be reading it and discussing it with you, is keeping me a bit more honest.

I see her this afternoon, and it's not been so good a week. I've had company and it's been hard to write in the diary. I haven't eaten too bad. Except for the pint of Ben and Jerry's I demolished in two sittings.

Learning to separate emotions from eating is a big thing and I'm not there yet. Though I'm certainly being tested. I have a teenager who is in trouble with the law at this point in time and making sure the dh and I are on a constant roller coaster ride of emotions: anger, fear, hope, despair, frustration.....

So I tell myself I have to do this for me, I can't let what that child is doing deter me. I need to focus on me and not that.

How do I get a ticker?

[FailureIsntAnOption 0]

I wish you the best of luck on your lap band journey. I know food will always be an issue for me but with the band it is less of one. I try to keep myself so busy that the only time I think about eating is at mealtime.

Teenagers can certainly be a drag on their parent's emotions. Thankfully, I have been through it all and have reached the grown up stage of parenting. My kids still live at home as well as a couple new grown kids that are not mine but I love them just the same.

I believe if you click on somebody elses ticker it will take you to the ticker site but if not, go to tickerfactory.com to create your ticker.

Donna

[jenrobbar951 0]

Welcome!! I have to say that I too, am a newbie. I have yet to have a surgery date set (my file was just sent to the insurance company this week....), but cannot wait to start my "new life." I give you credit for sticking with the specialist. Perhaps you could start putting serving sizes/amounts in your diary and talk to the specialist on how to cut it down? Just a suggestion. Best of luck with everything!!!!! I am sure that you will be extremely successful!

[fatmom 0]

My deep thanks to Donna and JebbRobb for welcoming me. I guess lurking for two days isn't long enough to learn what's what here. Most other newbies were welcomed with open arms. I will resume lurking and keep quiet since I don't seem to fit in here.:thumbup:

[FailureIsntAnOption 0]

My deep thanks to Donna and JebbRobb for welcoming me. I guess lurking for two days isn't long enough to learn what's what here. Most other newbies were welcomed with open arms. I will resume lurking and keep quiet since I don't seem to fit in here.:thumbup:

Fatmom,

I don't know why more people didn't welcome you because there are some really great people on this forum. Please don't take it personal. If you ever need anybody to talk to please, please feel free to message me personally. I love talking with people and trying to help them and I want you to be a success with your band.

JebbRobb, Welcome! I live in Corona. We're neighbors.

Have a great day!

Donna

[kwright 0]

I just want to say "Welcome"!!! Please don't feel like you don't fit in, cause you do. We're all essentially here for the same things.

I also keep a food journal, although I don't share it with anyone but myself, I do keep it honest, cause why should I lie to myself. When I was on Optifast, I had to keep a journal of my feelings and discuss them every week at my support group which is hard for me since I'm a very private person. Talking about food triggers, emotions and family life is a hard thing to do, but in the same token it's also helpful.

I also have a teenage son and he's a handful. So yes, do what you need to do for yourself. Why not!!!:thumbup:

So, if you ever have any questions, do post them. There are a lot of people here with vast experience on the band and I look to them for answers, tips, warnings, and support. I don't think that without the information from them (good and bad) that I would have been able to go through this process without doubts that I'm making a bad decision.

My surgery is on Monday and I can't wait to start my new life. If you feel the need to chat, please send me a message.

[fatmom 0]

Well, I feel better, thank you. I guess I'm just nervous being new.:thumbup:

I found the place for the tickers, and created one, but when I copied and pasted the link in the box in the signature section of my profile, I keep getting "invalid code".

Is anyone willing to talk me through this? I'm not a computer expert, but I can usually figure things out. But this one has me perplexed.

[Catherine55 43]

Welcome! It seems to me that the fact that you are so introspective is really going to help you on this journey. Don't worry about the surgery -- it was so nothing compared to what I had expected.

I've been keeping a blog since I started this process and encourage you to do the same (or at least keep a diary). It's great to look back on the types of thoughts like the ones in your post as you get farther along.

I also very highly recommend that you take your measurements ASAP if you haven't done that already and keep a chart (I use an Excel spreadsheet) of measurements and weight. That has been fascinating to watch, and you will get a lot of satisfaction from being able to measure just how far you have come as you progress toward your goal.

One thing I like about the band is that it fits in with your therapist's philosophy -- nothing is totally prohibited -- you will just be making better decisions about quantities. I love my band -- it has made losing 55+ pounds possible for me (and much less difficult than losing on my own has ever been) -- and will also ensure that I keep it off once I get to goal.

I wish you the very best in your decision!

Catherine

[kwright 0]

I found the place for the tickers, and created one, but when I copied and pasted the link in the box in the signature section of my profile, I keep getting "invalid code".

Is anyone willing to talk me through this? I'm not a computer expert, but I can usually figure things out. But this one has me perplexed.

I'm not sure about what went wrong, but that's all that I did to get my ticker to show. When you say that you copied the link, it was the bbCode link right?

Good luck with the ticker and I'm glad that you're feeling better.

Edited August 15, 2009 by kwright