This moment of sheer panic is brought to you by the letter O

[sleepyjean 0]

Okay, so I know I’m obese. And I know the problem has worsened significantly over the past year. But I never seriously considered obesity surgery until recently. After all, surgery is for people “with a real problem” and that’s not me, right? I mean, I’m fat, but I don’t have any of those problems all “those other people” have. I guess at least part of me continued to believe that even as I began researching WLS. Part of me thought, “Well, my BMI is under 40, so it’s not like this is really critical for me. I mean, it’s not like I weigh 2,000 pounds. I’m just sorta checking it out.”

Do you know what a “come to Jesus” moment is? Because I just had one. And now I am Scared. To. Death. I just found and read the NIH guidelines on obesity and the conditions that make surgery medically necessary. My BMI is 37, but I didn’t score too well on any of the other indicators. If I don’t have any of the co-morbidities at this point, it’s a miracle. I could easily have all kinds of problems that have gone untreated because I haven’t seen a doctor in over 10 years. In short, I realized I’ve been completely delusional – for YEARS.

Y’all I am one of “those other people!!!!” Can someone please talk me down? Because I’m sitting here at my desk, absolutely freaking out but trying not to show it. Not so much because of my condition – now I’m in a panic because what if my health insurance denies me? I have to wait a whole month to find out if my PCP will even refer me to bariatrics for evaluation. And then what if they tell me I have to do a medically sponsored diet or some other crap for a year? I’ve been having some dizzy spells lately. There are only 19 pounds between me and a BMI of 40. What if I’m already dying? I’m ready to run out of the office, grab my credit card, and head for Tijuana.

Gah!

Sorry. I know I’m being a drama queen, but it was either this or go sit in my car and scream as loud as I can for a solid ten minutes.

[mousecrazy 2]

Hi, these moments are actually good for you! YOu'll be ahead of the game if this is your first one, and you act on it. Myself, I had several of those moments, and ignored them all. I DID get denied for additional life insurance because of my weight. I HAVE followed a dr.'s supervised diet several different times. I DID have comorbidites of joint pain. I watched my clothes sizes go from size 14 to size 26. FINALLY, I woke up, decided I was going to love the term "morbid obesity," and started the process of learning about lapband surgery. BEST thing I ever did. Good luck, Cindy

[PRETTYPINKKITTY 0]

Yeah, I Sure Know What A Reality Check Is! At Least You Don't Have Any Other Major Health Problems. If You're Worried, Go To Your Pcp And Get A Physical...it Won't Hurt And It Will Be Put In Your Records. Call Your Insurance Company And See If You're Covered And Try To Find A Doctor In Your Area Who Is On Your Plan To Evaluate You. Start The Ball Rolling Now, Because It Could Take A While. But, Be Sure To Get That Physical To See Why You Have Having Those dizzy spells.

[Road Queen 0]

I know this sounds mean but this is your beginning of accepting who you are and how you need to change to become the person you want to be.

I was one of those people that never knew I was fat. All of my pictures around my house showed me wearing size 7 or 9. The 'bad' pictures didn't look like me so I never put them out. Only recently have I noticed that I missed the end of the 80s, the 90s, and the beginning of 2000-2005. Hmmm, 20 years unacknowledged because I couldn't accept that the pictures were me.

Take a deep breath. Think about why you want to change. Think about what life will be like after you lose weight. Now start creating that life. You may not be the size you want to be in your life picture but it will all come together.

Waiting for the dr, waiting to have surgery, and having the patience to lose weight slowly are all part of this process. This isn't a quick weight loss plan. You will notice that many people take years to lose the excess pounds. You are also changing your life as you change your body. That way you are growing while your body is shrinking.

Don't worry about what the outcome will be when you get to the dr. Deal with it when it happens, not before.

Okay, I hope this doesn't sound too lecturey but you need to sit back and take a breath (and stop flipping out and expecting instant reactions). Life takes time and so does this process. Good luck and keep on posting. It will help. Celeste

[Teresita 0]

You go girl, take your life into your own hands. You are on this site for a reason. As Road Queen said you are going to need patience. I know how you feel because once I decided I was going to have the surgery I wanted it done that day. What you can do today is acting as if you are already banded. Start walking, replace a meal with a shake, start eating a salad day, you know what to do. Come on along and welcome aboard with your imaginary band.

[babsintx3 0]

Jean,

I understand how you feel. The realization for me was at 334 pounds and a BMI of 53.9. I didnt think I was at all like those "fat" people I saw in the restaurant stuffing their faces.... BUT guess what? I was!! I didnt have any comorbidities except for some edema in my ankles and legs. Yes, if your insurance turns you down, its not the end of the world. Get on a plane and head south. DO it for you!

Babs in TX

334/180/170

-154

[NJChick 3]

I also have a bmi of 37, but I have high BP, cholesterol, arthritis, DDDisease, and a few other goodies.

If your insurance company turns you down FIGHT EM !!! Tell them you are bringing in your lawyers. My friend did this last week b/c they were jerking her around. THe day after she mentioned "lawyers" she got her approval

YOUR WORTH IT !!!!

Cheer up Sleepy Jean (sorry couldn't resist)

[DevilMayKare 1]

I’m ready to run out of the office, grab my credit card, and head for Tijuana.

That is exactly what I did. And I don't regret it a BIT.

From the time I read Dr. O's ad in the OCWeekly (while eating a sandwhich & chips in a cafe at lunchtime--blowing my diet yet AGAIN) & got my band was TWO WEEKS.

So I'll be paying it off for a year or two. I didn't need a new car anyway.

Seriously, I usually research things up and down but this move was pure desparation and intuition. Some things ya just KNOW. I follow my gut on those and they usually work out better than my best laid plans.

I didn't know at the time about this wonderful group and how NOT alone in this I was. You're really fortunate to have that. Take full advantage of LBT (do a topic search on as many things as you can think of) and you will be WAY ahead of the game.

[ReneBean 3]

Oh Jean -

I know how you feel. How a 360 pound woman could see herself as anything other than HUGE is beyond me, now - but really, I always thought "oh, I'm not THAT big" until my leg swelling stopped going down at night. I finally got myself a doctor (Yeah - no doctor for the prior 5 yrs or so) and checked out the problem. (Venous Stasis - EEWWE).

One day, when I was wrapping my legs (something I will have to do everyday forever if I can't find a comfortable pair of compression stockings) I thought - "Gee, this sucks. And my body will only go downhill from here on out." The "morbid" part of morbid obesity reared up and kicked me in the gut. I started researching for Gastric ByPass (desperation? uh-huh.) and found out about the Lap Band.

I'm in the "Fight the Insurance Company" stage right now. I, like you, wanted immediate results - and within a few weeks, I had completed all of the pre-op testing and submitted the papers to the insurance company.

Then, we submitted again (just assume they will lose or "never receive" the first set). Then I sat back to wait. And Wait. Then I got my denial letter.

You have to just plan on waiting. Take up a hobby. (I chose LBT as my thing to do). At this point, I figure I have been dangerously fat for a long, long time. A few more weeks or months is probably (hopefully) not going to kill me...

By the way, if you are "already dying" then you probably don't want to fly off to TJ just yet. Obtaining a Primary Care Physician is a good plan. Get a physical, start the pre op testing. There are LOTS of nice people here to hold your hand while you wait.

(Dang it, Eileen!! Now I will be singing that song ALL DAY...)

:]

[Thinjen 0]

I had the same "moment". Boy, was I in denial?! I thought, "I'm going to have to wait in the waiting room with all of those fat people. They're going to take one look at me and tell me I don't belong." HA HA HA!! You know, they acted like I belonged there...the nerve of them. And then I realized, I DO belong there. My bmi is 40. I'm only 32 and have arthritis, depression, and oh yeah, pee on myself occasionally. Here were my excuses for those problems in this order... arthritis-I'm getting older. Depression-Everybody is a little sad sometimes (although, mine was crippling) and peeing on myself...weak bladder-had 2 babies. Then I realized...I'm morbidly obese. I saw on a recent post where somebody said that an "ignorant doctor said I was obese." Well, my doctor is NOT ignorant...she tells the truth. That's what I needed. I'm not overweight, fat, obese-----I'm morbidly obese. There..I said it.

[Zoe 6]

Hey, Jean, step away from the ledge! A lot of us have experienced what you're going through. Some of us went on to get easy insurance coverage for the band, others had a long fight -- and then there are those of us (like me) who ran south of the border.

That "letter O" moment isn't pretty. But please see a regular doctor before you hit panic mode. Count me as one bandster who put off seeing a GP for years because I was ashamed of how fat I was, and I knew I'd be told to lose weight. In other words, I didn't get the medical care I needed because I feared that a doctor would tell me what I already knew.

You may not have any of the so-called "co-morbidities": high blood pressure, sleep apnea, joint and skeletal problems, diabetes. But you won't know until you get checked out. So please find a doctor you trust -- one who's not a rabid anti-fat fanatic -- and find out where you stand.

Maybe you're one of the fat-but-fit who doesn't need to take radical steps. Maybe you've got a condition or two that can be easily treated with drugs and minor diet changes. Maybe you're a candidate for the band. Whatever the case, you owe it to yourself to find out. Once you have real information, you'll still have to deal with any emotions connected to the O-word, but at least you can make an informed decision on what to do next. I've been there! Good luck.

[sleepyjean 0]

Thanks so much everyone. I can't tell you what it meant to me to find this community. Actually, I probably don't have to tell you - right? This is the first time in my life I've ever been around people who really understand what this struggle is like. It makes me sad because if I hadn't felt so alone in this for all these years, I probably wouldn't be as bad off as I am now.

But thanks to you guys, I'm looking on the bright side. Patience isn't one of my virtues, but it looks like I'm about to learn.