Lucky #7 are still going strong !!!

[Twilight 2]

Okay ladies. Obviously the week after my friend TOM is here is my week to get all emotionally broken down. I'm going to rant here and then turn it loose. I just need the people closest to me to hear me and that is you! I don't need advice, I don't need help, I just need to be heard. I love you ladies.

Okay...so I'm falling apart. I've given you the whole Jeff lowdown and yes, he's a man, and he's clueless, but I told him exactly what I needed to hear from him. "I love you." "You matter most to me." "My dad is an ass and I'm mad at him too." "I would never find someone else." And he says to me, "well now that you said that, I can't say it because it wouldn't mean anything." WTF!!!! are you kidding me? So instead, we ignore that I'm upset. We pretend that nothing is wrong. I brought it up again last night. He sat there, looking at me for about 2 minutes in complete silence. Finally I just walked away.

Now...when I got back from vacation his aunt came over and asked me if I would let her help me clean my house because she has "too much time on her hands." Well that killed me. But I sucked it up and said I would appreciate it but it killed me inside. I know this family. The discussion will be all through the phone tree what she did and how hard she worked and she's 70 years old and shame on me. but if I would have said no, that would be rude too. So...I said yes, thank you. Well...I told Jeff about it and he said, "I'll help you get started and then it won't be bad. We just need to all pitch in." Okay. Well...that was 3 days ago and nothing. Not one mention of pitching in. So, today she shows up and the house is a disaster and I'm humiliated and no one cares but me. She's a dear dear woman. i love her with all my heart, but the anxiety in me now is pulling me apart. My heart feels like it's about to beat outta my chest. I want to go take a couple of xanax to calm down but know they will put me to sleep and then she'll be back tomorrow and it will still be a disaster and it will all just continue. I'm a wreck! Jeff doesn't get it. Kids were monsters while she was here. Michael pulled a few nasties on me.

Then, last night not one of the 10 women that I had contacted about my pink ribbon rally meeting showed up. NOT ONE! They all thought it was wonderful, "call me" "I want to help" "don't forget to give me a jingle". No one! I could see a few not coming but all 10? Really? Now, that makes this pink ribbon thing hard but what is worse...and a lot worse...is that social anxiety thing again. I have a hard enough time putting myself out there like that. It takes all I have to organize something like that. My number one fear is that no one will show...and guess what??? No one did!!!! I can come up with a million reasons why that make sense and have nothing to do with me personally but the voice in my head...that fat worthless whiny bitch voice....keeps telling me "I told ya so. I told ya. You're not worth it. You suck." I keep telling her to shut up but she's like a bad penny....she keeps coming back.

So...I've been cleaning kitchen and downstairs. I'll keep busy because then the voice stays away a little bit. and I'll suck it up and move on. But....it hurts and I hate it.

Okay.....moaning, whining, bitching done! I'm a big girl and I didn't get where I am today by being a milksop! so...deep breath. I WILL overcome all of this! I AM strong. I AM worth it. I CAN do it and I don't NEED anyone to help me succeed. I would like them, but I am ENOUGH!!!

I love you girls. Like I said, I just needed to say it and be heard. When Jai lays down for her nap, xanax will come out and I'll lay back with my stress cd's and deal!

[phyllser 3]

Well, Steph...I don't know what to say! Here's my contribution.... tongue in cheek!

A real man is a woman's best friend.

He will never stand her up and never let her down.

He will reassure her when she feels insecure and comfort her after a bad day.

He will inspire her to do things she never thought she could do;

to live without fear and forget regret.

He will enable her to express her deepest emotions and give in to her most intimate desires.

He will make sure she always feels as though she's the most beautiful woman in the room and will enable her to be the most confident, sexy, seductive, and invincible.

No wait... sorry... I'm thinking of wine. Never mind.

Edited July 20, 2010 by phyllser

[Twilight 2]

Let me try that again!!!

Phyl, you're the best. I needed that smile. I love you for it!

I know I said I would quit bitching but this one just makes me crazy now !!!!

Last night, when Jeff came home from his parent's house, I asked if he had said anything to his dad. He looked at me like I was crazy and said, "No." Okay....deep sigh. Oh well...what do I expect?

So, about 1/2 hour ago, his dad comes over and says, "Jeff says you're upset with me and I need to come talk to you." To which I replied, "Yes, I'm a little hurt." To which HE says, "Well, Steph, I don't know what to say besides you're going to have to get over it." THAT WAS HIS APOLOGY???? GET OVER IT???? ARE YOU FREAKING KIDDING ME???? Then he completely changed the subject and I just sat there uh huh ing and trying to hold my temper and my tears. So he gets up to leave and brings it up again. Again saying, "I don't know what to say Stephanie, except you're going to have to deal with it because that is just how I do things." To which I said, "There are a lot of teasing matters, but finding a girlfriend to take care of Jeff because I'm not doing the job is out of line." and he just says, "I don't think so, you're going to have to get over it."

Who the hell does this man think he is? Come in my house and tell me to deal with it? Get the hell out! But no, I can't say that. I can't stand up for myself. I can't get in his face. He's my FIL. I must show restraint. I don't want to cause problems. He's Jeff's dad. I don't have the right to yell at him. Are you kidding me? I want to scream and yell and punch things. Instead, he walks away thinking it's been "handled".

AHHHHHRRRGGGG!!!!! I am going to explode!!!

[peaches9 3]

Okay ladies. Obviously the week after my friend TOM is here is my week to get all emotionally broken down. I'm going to rant here and then turn it loose. I just need the people closest to me to hear me and that is you! I don't need advice, I don't need help, I just need to be heard. I love you ladies.

Okay...so I'm falling apart. I've given you the whole Jeff lowdown and yes, he's a man, and he's clueless, but I told him exactly what I needed to hear from him. "I love you." "You matter most to me." "My dad is an ass and I'm mad at him too." "I would never find someone else." And he says to me, "well now that you said that, I can't say it because it wouldn't mean anything." WTF!!!! are you kidding me? So instead, we ignore that I'm upset. We pretend that nothing is wrong. I brought it up again last night. He sat there, looking at me for about 2 minutes in complete silence. Finally I just walked away.

Now...when I got back from vacation his aunt came over and asked me if I would let her help me clean my house because she has "too much time on her hands." Well that killed me. But I sucked it up and said I would appreciate it but it killed me inside. I know this family. The discussion will be all through the phone tree what she did and how hard she worked and she's 70 years old and shame on me. but if I would have said no, that would be rude too. So...I said yes, thank you. Well...I told Jeff about it and he said, "I'll help you get started and then it won't be bad. We just need to all pitch in." Okay. Well...that was 3 days ago and nothing. Not one mention of pitching in. So, today she shows up and the house is a disaster and I'm humiliated and no one cares but me. She's a dear dear woman. i love her with all my heart, but the anxiety in me now is pulling me apart. My heart feels like it's about to beat outta my chest. I want to go take a couple of xanax to calm down but know they will put me to sleep and then she'll be back tomorrow and it will still be a disaster and it will all just continue. I'm a wreck! Jeff doesn't get it. Kids were monsters while she was here. Michael pulled a few nasties on me.

Then, last night not one of the 10 women that I had contacted about my pink ribbon rally meeting showed up. NOT ONE! They all thought it was wonderful, "call me" "I want to help" "don't forget to give me a jingle". No one! I could see a few not coming but all 10? Really? Now, that makes this pink ribbon thing hard but what is worse...and a lot worse...is that social anxiety thing again. I have a hard enough time putting myself out there like that. It takes all I have to organize something like that. My number one fear is that no one will show...and guess what??? No one did!!!! I can come up with a million reasons why that make sense and have nothing to do with me personally but the voice in my head...that fat worthless whiny bitch voice....keeps telling me "I told ya so. I told ya. You're not worth it. You suck." I keep telling her to shut up but she's like a bad penny....she keeps coming back.

So...I've been cleaning kitchen and downstairs. I'll keep busy because then the voice stays away a little bit. and I'll suck it up and move on. But....it hurts and I hate it.

Okay.....moaning, whining, bitching done! I'm a big girl and I didn't get where I am today by being a milksop! so...deep breath. I WILL overcome all of this! I AM strong. I AM worth it. I CAN do it and I don't NEED anyone to help me succeed. I would like them, but I am ENOUGH!!!

I love you girls. Like I said, I just needed to say it and be heard. When Jai lays down for her nap, xanax will come out and I'll lay back with my stress cd's and deal!

Oh Stephanie: O.k. I won`t preach at you... I don`t know what I am talking about anyways....just HUGS' HUGS' HUGS... thats all I can offer. But arn`t you glad we only get our periods ONCE per month!! And then when you are 50+ it will ALL stop.... yeah :tt2:

Well, Steph...I don't know what to say! Here's my contribution.... tongue in cheek!

A real man is a woman's best friend.

He will never stand her up and never let her down.

He will reassure her when she feels insecure and comfort her after a bad day.

He will inspire her to do things she never thought she could do;

to live without fear and forget regret.

He will enable her to express her deepest emotions and give in to her most intimate desires.

He will make sure she always feels as though she's the most beautiful woman in the room and will enable her to be the most confident, sexy, seductive, and invincible.

No wait... sorry... I'm thinking of wine. Never mind.

Phyl, I loved that little ditty, I sent it to PETER`s Email inbox...histerical.

Woke up at 9 today, had 1/2 bowl of Cereal then ZUMBA Class at 9:30a.m.... our regular teacher didnty`show up... the replacement gal was not quite as good.. Did a lot of Jumping UP and DOWN... not good on my knees, so I just ammended a lot of her moves and did my own... still moved my ass FAST for 60 mins and that is the objective right???

600 cals burned weeeee.eeeeweeeeeee

Then I got home, the phone rang instantly.... it was my boss from the Real Cdn Super Store Community Room... could I come RIGHT AWAY, as 6 kids showed up^for cooking class who had NOT preregisgtered!!! She was freeking out, I was a sweaty, stinking mess.... so I did a BIRD bath and ran out the door, but stopped on the way for a ICED COFFEE... hopefully this would recharge may batteries for the CLASS...

8 kids showed up in total, they made 4 diff kinds of CUPCAKES, mini Quiches, and macaroni Salad!!!! Oh my gosh, that is a LOT of cooking for these kids, we had two `dropouts` one 5 year old and one BOY.... now what was this kids MOM thinking.... 5 yr old in a COOKIING CLASS!!!! WTF? so we put on the Video to keep him amused.

I ate 1 cupcake, o.k. I am admitting it... but I also ate one Mini Quiche(no crust) so I`ll put it all in my daily total later on..... I promise:drool:

Working on the details of Peter`s 60th Bday party.... going well, still waiting on hearing back from the several caterers that I have called....

CBL babes

[IndioGirl55 32]

Good Morning Gang

Had boot camp last nite that just kicked my butt - I didn't get on the computer ...

Steph hugs on your FIL issues - let it go... He's old school and he believes a wife should be home.. You aren't going to change that.. The only person you have to worry about it Jeff - it he doesn't mind your travels - the don't waste your energy on your FIL - And you can stand up for yourself without yelling and screaming and cussing - just cuz he's your FIL you can still have boundaries -

Candice - what were your calories yesterday- did those sweets send you in to binge mode... I see you didn't post last nite and Peter's still gone right...

Phyl - Happy 3rd Band Anniversary - You have done such a fantastic job - you have so much to be proud of - you need to post a side by side of 3 yr dif..

Karla - I see you didn't post last night - How are you.. DD #4 and bf - glad you put your foot down - they are free loading - so DD#4 has moved in w/the bf??

Well gotta hit the showers - cbl

Love to all.

[cramerk 1]

Stephani, both you FIL and Jeff are being asses. But it sounds like Jeff has some issues. I'm not the person for advise as I can't seem to figure the guy thing out myself. However, I love you and am always a shoulder for you. On the ladies not showing up...I'm so sorry. I can tell you that it wasn't about you, but I know you have already told yourself that. It isn't personal, but it darn well feels like it. Like back when we were kids and the last to be picked for a team. Hang in there.

Janet, I'm here, just worked late in the yard and tried to ripped my thumb off while working on the deck, so my 'space bar' thumb is darn sore.

Hang in there!

[peaches9 3]

Good Morning Gang

Had boot camp last nite that just kicked my butt - I didn't get on the computer ...

Steph hugs on your FIL issues - let it go... He's old school and he believes a wife should be home.. You aren't going to change that.. The only person you have to worry about it Jeff - it he doesn't mind your travels - the don't waste your energy on your FIL - And you can stand up for yourself without yelling and screaming and cussing - just cuz he's your FIL you can still have boundaries -

Candice - what were your calories yesterday- did those sweets send you in to binge mode... I see you didn't post last nite and Peter's still gone right...

Phyl - Happy 3rd Band Anniversary - You have done such a fantastic job - you have so much to be proud of - you need to post a side by side of 3 yr dif..

Karla - I see you didn't post last night - How are you.. DD #4 and bf - glad you put your foot down - they are free loading - so DD#4 has moved in w/the bf??

Well gotta hit the showers - cbl

Love to all.

o.k. calories from yesterday, pCALORIES,CARBS,FAT,PROTEIN1,792,228,68,62 1,200 - 1,550163 - 23632 - 5660 - 127 er SparkPeople....

BUT I did my ZUMBA class yesterday, one hour long 500 cals minimum.... so all in all not a bad day at all!!

Got Zumba agaIN TONIGHT at 6 p..m. I love that class:tt1:

I also got my Baby Quilt finished this a.m.... its really cute, gonna try and sell it when I do the Quilt table in Temagami BLUEBERRY FESTIVAL in 2 wks... if it dosn`t sell, then I`ll just keep it for MY Grandbabies!!!!

[peaches9 3]

Hi Stephanie. I just went back and reread the posts... I missed your 2nd one completely... Where your FIL "appologized" to you... well, that was NO appology, he merely tossed it all back at YOU... You get over it, YOU are the one with the Problem...not me!.... he is an A1 A-hole!!!

There is no doubt of that!

Now what to do going forward to harmonize the family.???...

You could call a family meeting of Jeff, your FIL, Mil, SIL and kindly but firmly tell them that there are some boundary issues to be dealt with...

1) You must get Jeff on side... he has to be made to realize how his INACTION hurts you as much as his fathers unkind comments.

2) YOU are HIS wife, and right or wrong he should stick up for you in All things... then , if its something he dosn't agree with he needs to take it up with YOU, and not mention squabbles to HIS family with out you present... That is just not fair.

3) Once they are gathered tell them the boundaries...

4) if everyone can agree to the boundaries fine, but if not perhaps you'll just have to distance yourself from them... its obviously causing you much greif and stress...

HUGs Girl, I hope this all smoothes out for you..

Candice

[Twilight 2]

Hi ladies. Hope you are having a good day!

I'm feeling a little better today. I finally had my say with Jeff last night. I told him that, as my husband, I expect him to be my greatest cheerleader, my strongest advocate, my protector. When people hurt me I need him to stand up for me and tell me how horrible they are and how wrong they are and how awful they are. I need him to wrap his arms around me and make me feel better. I need him to be someone I can depend on. I think he "got" it, but I don't think it's going to make a huge difference. Tomorrow we have family therapy and I'm going to talk to him about just him and I going. I think maybe both of us would benefit from some help in this area.

So...today is better. I have a horrible rash/pain under my left breast. it's below my bra line and above my port. It's making me crazy. It doesn't really hurt or itch or anything...it just makes me crazy. I've put anti-itch stuff on it. No real change. I covered it with some gauze to keep things from rubbing against it. I can't really explain the feeling. All I can say is it is annoying to the point of distraction.

I have to get some work done. The guy who heads up my summer programs that I've been doing the last 5 years just emailed me a few days ago and asked me to do it again this year. I'm honored that I've been selected, but he drives me crazy that he only gives me 2 weeks notice. I don't know if he thinks I can just pull these lessons out of my butt or what! Anyways. I have a lot of prep to get done if I'm going to do it well....so. I'm off like a prom dress! Love you girls!

[peaches9 3]

Hi ladies. Hope you are having a good day!

I'm feeling a little better today. I finally had my say with Jeff last night. I told him that, as my husband, I expect him to be my greatest cheerleader, my strongest advocate, my protector. When people hurt me I need him to stand up for me and tell me how horrible they are and how wrong they are and how awful they are. I need him to wrap his arms around me and make me feel better. I need him to be someone I can depend on. I think he "got" it, but I don't think it's going to make a huge difference. Tomorrow we have family therapy and I'm going to talk to him about just him and I going. I think maybe both of us would benefit from some help in this area.

So...today is better. I have a horrible rash/pain under my left breast. it's below my bra line and above my port. It's making me crazy. It doesn't really hurt or itch or anything...it just makes me crazy. I've put anti-itch stuff on it. No real change. I covered it with some gauze to keep things from rubbing against it. I can't really explain the feeling. All I can say is it is annoying to the point of distraction.

I have to get some work done. The guy who heads up my summer programs that I've been doing the last 5 years just emailed me a few days ago and asked me to do it again this year. I'm honored that I've been selected, but he drives me crazy that he only gives me 2 weeks notice. I don't know if he thinks I can just pull these lessons out of my butt or what! Anyways. I have a lot of prep to get done if I'm going to do it well....so. I'm off like a prom dress! Love you girls!

Ah yes, the rash!!! how far is it from your PORT? Is it like a yeasty kind of rash or exzema kind of rash... very itchy?

My Navel issue finally cleared up, after Anti=biotics and Super-duper antifungal, antibacterial, steriod cream... geesh what`s up with OUR skin(s) lately....?:thumbup:

[cramerk 1]

Deck is done!!! DD#4 and the boyfriend helped me with finishing it. It looks great. Pretty stiff and sore from all the bending and lifting.

food was good today, too busy to eat.

Steph, I'm glad you had a better day. I think it would be a good idea for Jeff to go to family therapy it can help.

I still need to take a bath and then get to bed.

[IndioGirl55 32]

Hey Gang...

Back from the gym - just got off phone w/gf - still gotta cook dinner -

Going to Zumba tomorrow nite - 5 days of exercise this week..

Karla - glad you got your deck done - now you can work on the inside of the house ;0)

Steph - Glad you feel better today - And girl those pple who didn't show up wasn't about you - it was that THEY ARE FLAKES.. They made the committent and didn't follow thru

Phyl Where are you - Zoey keeping you busy - ;0)

Candice - When does Peter come home - how are you doiing on your own..

[phyllser 3]

Hey Gang... Back from the gym - just got off phone w/gf - still gotta cook dinner -

Going to Zumba tomorrow nite - 5 days of exercise this week..

Karla - glad you got your deck done - now you can work on the inside of the house ;0)

Steph - Glad you feel better today - And girl those pple who didn't show up wasn't about you - it was that THEY ARE FLAKES.. They made the commitment and didn't follow thru

Phyl Where are you - Zoey keeping you busy - ;0)

Candice - When does Peter come home - how are you doiing on your own..

Ah.... exercise.. I think I overdid it yesterday. Did about 10 wgt machines and 20 minutes on the bike. Then while Earl was at the hot tub last night I did some of my PT exercises on the floor... Then I couldn't get up!! :thumbup::tongue2:

Hurts to roll over on to my knees... but it was either do it or wait there until Earl gt back. At any rate... my back has been hurting today.

Had to be at hospital this morning at 8:20 a.m. for mammo. Was back home before 9 a.m. Zoey and I took about a 2 hr ride around the neighborhood. Got some salad mix, Lean Cuisines... on sale $1.88, alaska cod and shrimp on 1/2 price sale. So had shrimp salad when I got back.

I don't even know what I did the rest of the day, except Zoey and I went to City Hall to get pet licenses for her and candy since we're now in Lake Stevens. And we watched a couple of episodes of Judge Judy when we got back.

Zoey laid around all day to the point I was getting concerned about her. She was too content to sleep on my lap, in her bed, etc. Then about 6pm she came to life and all hell broke loose! Earl walked her around once, then I walked her around, then we played with her outside for quite a while. Earl let her off the leash and started tossing her ball. She was racing around the yard like a crazy nut, barking at the ball and attacking it and brining it back and doing it all over agin.. finally we came in, but she kept wanting to go in and out and in and out until I finally walked her around the condo one more time. Now she's finally tired out. Stretched out on the carpet sleeping!

Restriction is pretty good. But I'm having trouble getting my fluids in between meals.

Hope my back is feeling better by tomorrow... have PT at 9 a.m. Right this minute.... it'd be a bit of a challenge! think I need to take some ibuprofen! And Earl just made me a cup of tea.

Karla... glad to hear the deck is done! And that you got some help with it!

[IndioGirl55 32]

Good morning gang

Not much to report since last night - Watched Big Brother - this year sorta dumb players - had dinner - taco (minus the tortilla)

hamburger meat - salsa - onion - avocado and a little cheese.< /p>

Dessert - greek yogurt (vanilla) mixed w/a little lite cream cheese and splenda (vanilla flavor) -

Went to bed early but couldn't sleep was up till about 1..

No gym tonite - getting contacts rechecked..

Phyl - You can't get your water/fluids cuz you are too busy or no room..

Zoey is sure keeping your busy... Hope the back is ok..

When to you leave for NY??

[cramerk 1]

What was up with not being to sleep last night. I tossed and turned all night.

Janet, yep the deck is done, now I need to build the flower beds. In Montana you do your outside work now, because in about 2 months we could have 4 ft of snow.

Who knows, maybe tonight I will just put a lawn chair on my deck and read!

Running into town today to go to the recycle building material place. I am looking for a door to put into my bedroom to go out to the deck. Then back home to work on flower beds. Somewhere in there I have to work on homework. Next week we scatter dad's ashes. I'm okay about it now. I guess I just had to work my head around it.

Well need to get some Breakfast, check in tonight if my computer keeps running, something is up with it and I don't have time to take it in to be worked on.

Love you all,