Lucky #7 are still going strong !!!

[IndioGirl55 32]

Late post this morning. Found out that when I shut of the hotwater heater, has to be drained so we can repair the wall, I also shut off the router to my wireless internet. I'm taking the day off, shouldn't, but I am. I need a day to clear the head, inspect my new house, work on masters stuff. AND get my hand carrying food OUT OF MY MOUTH. You would not believe, okay you all would, the amount and type of food I have been cramming down my throat. Worse than before i was banded, STUPID. So new start. I really have to make a decision, fat or thin. and believe it or not, my mind is in a muddle over it. I know it is the addiction talking, but there shouldn't even be a choice. But you sit there and think: food would make me feel better, food will make me happy, food is the answer. IF I eat enough I won't feel empty inside. Wow...now I'm crying. That is it..."I won't feel empty inside." Who knew...a venting spree identified the problem. I'm empty, hollow. Crap, now what? How do you fill that? Right now my BRAIN is still saying, FOOD, FOOD, THAT'S THE ANSWER. My heart says, "you know that won't work". Actually, right now BOTH are saying "food IS the answer". I KNOW there isn't enough food in the world to fill that spot, but what will? Humm, I KNOW Beck has the answer, or does it? Does it tell you how to feel solid again? Does it tell you how to deal with what you are given, when you want to say, "this isn't fair! Haven't I dealt with enough already? Is there really a future? Or am I just going to muddle along until I die?" Sorry folks, didn't know that was going to come spilling out.

On a different note...I almost lost Miss molly this morning. I woke up to Molly making some really strange quiet noises. Got up to find that she had gotten her head through a small hole in my blanket, yeah I know, but I like this blanket. She was choking! I know they say as long as they are making noise they won't choke to death, but what if I hadn't heard her and she stopped making noise?

Karla - I think this is why they say journeling helps !!! It makes you realize stuff..

You realize that you are using food in an attempt to avoid often overwhelming emotions. You need to began to trust in herself. learned new coping skills that give you alternatives to your old way of bingeing/purging and restricting.

The less you engaged in eating disorder behaviors, the clearer your mind became allowing you to make new decisions that supported your desire to heal from your eating disorder.

You need began to refuse to judge yourself in unrealistic ways and instead began to appreciate yourself more. Of course this was hard at first because your identity is so caught up in your addiction disorder. You really don't know who you are without it.

And then there is your relationship with others and your desire to please others. You need to make the commitment to yourself that you want more out of her your life.

After all, you probably have been doing it for a long time.

There is also a physical/psychological addictive feature that can make it difficult to give up eating disorder behaviors and attitudes.

You start the process of healing but at other times it just seemed too overwhelming.You are naturally reluctant to give up something that youe both identified with and believe you need.

You will learned that by giving up your food you will actually more in control of her life.

You will realized that you are living a “small” life often too afraid to interact or engage with other people. Your eating disorder actually helpe you avoid your life.

Often people are afraid that by changing their behavior and thinking that they are somehow giving up control. Quite the opposite. When you first started controlling your body by r binging you were trying to gain control in your life.

What has happened is that the addiction part has taken over.

There is power in writing and telling your story because it helps you discover and begin healing your inner child. This can then lead to healing yourself. What are you going to choose, victim consciousness or hero/heroine?

Make Your Own Coping Bank

We take the money we earn and put it in the bank for when we need it. We take the monetary gifts we get from others and sock it away in our piggy banks or bank accounts for a rainy day or for times of need.

A Coping Bank is the same -- we take what we learn about coping alternatives and put them away, in the backs of our minds, for when we needs them. But during recovery that can be difficult, and during times of crisis it's often hard to think of what we should do. Make your own Coping Bank and you can go and make a withdrawal when you are feeling stressed, overwhelmed, confused (etc.) and in need of healthy ways to handle it.

How to do it:

1. Use a shoebox, an old piggy bank, a tupperware container, a juice bottle -- it should be something you can cut a slit in to make your deposits, but that is easily opened so you can make withdrawals when you have to.

Decorate the item you chose with magic markers, crayons, paper, buttons, ribbon, photos of loved-ones, affirmations, fabric, cartoon characters, anything you like!

Cut a small slit somewhere in the top or side of your item -- this is where you will make deposits.

Write a whole bunch of healthy coping alternatives on small sheets of colored paper (like construction paper, stationary, old greeting cards, index cards). Here are some examples...

• 
  
• Write in your Journal
  
• Listen to your favorite music
  
• Write at least 5 affirmations
  
• Color in a coloring book
  
• Play your favorite instrument
  
• Tell one person how you feel
  
• Pop or stomp on bubble-wrap
  
• Have a Water balloon fight
  
• Paint a picture
  
• Take a long hot bath
  
• Go berry picking
  
• Take a long drive
  
• Take a leisurely walk
  
• Rent your favorite movie
  
• Take a trip to the toy store
  
• Fingerpaint, Doodle
  
• Build with blocks. Build a tower and knock it down
  
• Build with Legos
  
• Spend time with your pet
  
• more ways to cope...
  
• Come up with your own too!
  

Take all these little sheets of paper and deposit them into your bank. You can always add more as time goes on, you can make deposits whenever the mood strikes you! You should initially try to get at least ten to fifteen ideas in your bank.

Place you Coping Bank on your dresser, next to your bed, in your china cabinet -- someplace easily accessible and where you'll know where it is.

Make a mental commitment to yourself to go to your Coping Bank when you need to!

Next time you are feeling sad, angry, overwhelmed, confused, or stressed-out, and need to find healthy ways to cope, go to your Coping Bank and make a withdrawal. Pull out one of those sheets of paper and do what it says! (remember to put it back in your bank after you've read it, so it's there for the future).

Remind yourself... "I am taking care of ME!"

Good morning,

I'm going to be doing another drive by post. Things are just so busy at work and Lee and I are trying to get ready for our 10 day trip next week. The meds are still doing great but I have been really hungry the last couple of days. I think it is the lack of sleep that I have been getting. Still trying to adjust the medication times so that I can sleep at night. I have no problems falling a sleep, but can't stay asleep for more than about 3 hours. Then I am wide awake for about 3 hours and then seem to fall asleep just before I need to get up! FRUSTRATING!!!

Well I need to go get ready for the last chemistry lab of the year!!!! Don't get too excited for me though...while chemistry and integrated science end (5 hours of teaching a week)...forensic science and environmental science (11 hours of teaching a week) start. I lose 27 students and gain 85. Not really a great trade...but the classes are more fun to teach!

Hugs I am so glad you are doing a tad better - glad new class is at least fun to teach and Yea Vacation !!!

Glad you stopped by - (it was mommy guilt - I guilted her on FB ;0) - Mom's are great for that lol !!!

Hugs - Hows the fill...

Well up early - don't think I am heading to the gym - I was up for about 1.5 hrs during the middle of the night - couldn't go back to sleep - so am drinking my coffee and going to figure out what to wear - clean out the car so Phyl has somewhere to sit :0) see we are alike :0)

[peaches9 3]

Quick check in ladies. You all have been busy tonight. Lets see if I can remember everything I want to say considering the drinks I've had :frown:

Candice, we need to work on your directions. The Dakotas come first THEN Montana. If you're doing interstate then I'll make the trip to Billings to see you, but it is 300 miles from me :frown: We are much closer to the Canada border. About 20miles South of Canada and 20 miles West of ND. Highway 200 goes all across the state and you could see Glacier instead of Yellowstone, but whatever. Just a thought for you to consider. Billings works for me though. I'm all over it if that's your trip. Rose lives in Lincoln and you could stop and see her if you went across what we call the hi-line.

Hi Stephanie; that is a great offer of you to drive 300 miles.. but oh my gosh that;s a long ways out of your way...

Lincoln is also kinda out of the way..

So what I was thinking is WIsconsin Dells, then W on I90 thru Sioux Falls, then Spearfish S. Dakota( see Mt Rushmore) then Garnder MT for Yellowstone swing back up to I90, then on to Missoula(Stevensville) & Karla, then Grangeville, Idaho( Hells Canyon) from there either swing SW to Bend Oregon(Karri) and then N to Phyl in Washington state, then we'll go N to Canada and Vancouver Island (Peter's Bro lives there) then coming back east if we go the Cdn way then we could dip south Thru Minton Sask. and see you in Plentywood... and take a more northerly route home...

Now the above route has us stopping at SAMS club RV parks which are OPEN this time of year or All year round. This may prove more difficult on a return on a NORTHERLY route as I am not sure if Cdn campgrounds are open this time of year...

PS. you were right my directions SUCK... Montana is very

W-I-D-E

Phyl, since my disc was between L5 and L6 I know the pain you are talking about. Bulging means rupturing and I was THERE. Beware that if you are talking a bulging disc you could have a rupture at ANY TIME. If you put off fixing a rupture you could have serious nerve damage. Take it very seriously. I did chiro and accupuncture and neither did any good with the disc problem. Nerves yes, but not disc. I suggest going to see a neurologist. Have an MRI done no matter who you go see because I found that most neuros won't see you without one.

Karla, send it to the universe and forget it. You're worry about it brings negative, remember. Put the request out ther and start living like it has happened. Reread the secret.

Okay...there was something else but I'm going to bed. I will remember it tomorrow. I think the few drinks helped with the worry about Michael. I'm going to be okay. Thanks for the kind thoughts. Love all of you ladies!!! Hugs.

So, as you can see, plans are still very Fluid PLUS I don';t know how many HOURS per day DH is going to want to drive at a time...???

Phyl, what do you think of my route so far?? any suggestions??

[peaches9 3]

Good morning,

I'm going to be doing another drive by post. Things are just so busy at work and Lee and I are trying to get ready for our 10 day trip next week. The meds are still doing great but I have been really hungry the last couple of days. I think it is the lack of sleep that I have been getting. Still trying to adjust the medication times so that I can sleep at night. I have no problems falling a sleep, but can't stay asleep for more than about 3 hours. Then I am wide awake for about 3 hours and then seem to fall asleep just before I need to get up! FRUSTRATING!!!

Well I need to go get ready for the last chemistry lab of the year!!!! Don't get too excited for me though...while chemistry and integrated science end (5 hours of teaching a week)...forensic science and environmental science (11 hours of teaching a week) start. I lose 27 students and gain 85. Not really a great trade...but the classes are more fun to teach!

Karri, if we were camped at Scandia RV park in BEND, OR is that close enough for you to visit us??? while we are on our trip? I was trying to find someplace as Close to Redmond as possible.

[peaches9 3]

oh my gosh, I finally got my page to refresh!!

I don't know whats up with my computer tonight *the downstairs one* but its Frigged!!!:frown:

food today 1100 cals... that's incl the popcorn snack I will have in a wee bit.

I deserve CREDIT (Ms Beck) today, I went into the hospital, visited my MOM - got completely frustrated with her...

She will NOT let me hook up her phone, so the only time I can get info on her is to call the Nurses stn.. oh yeah and THEY like being interupted 2 x per day!!!!

Then there are my AUNTS, they really tick me off...

I finally convinced my MOM to at least take the TV for the weekend... so she and I watched CURLING while I was there. I also had my supper there with her... Tilapia Fish from the cafeteria.. it came with potatoes, but I was full enough after the FISH... Omgosh was it ever good!!!

I have a terrible time(food thoughts) when I am at my Mom's residance or at the hospital... its always been that way but today I RESISTED....

Our feelings of PARENTS is so complicated! I love her to bits, but part of me resents having to do everything...oh then I have to come home and call or email ALL the relatives that were too lazy to come visit her themselves!!!! I know wah, wah,wah... sorry I just had to bitch...

But on the bright side my SIL did email a message to my Mom and she just loved that...

Tomorrow, I'll be getting a phone call.. "get this GD T.V. out of my room, its driving me nuts"... I can already predict her behaviour.. Its not her fault, she's 87, confused, her BP is all over the map and the old bag in the next bed is impossible!!!! SHe wants the curtain between her and my MOm left open! SHe's claustraphobic.. yeah right. just a noisy so and so. Plus, I want to talk to my Mom without this other @^$@&%@@** STARING at me the whole time. Going "are you my Nurse?" argh!!!!

I want a RUM AND COKE :frown:

[cramerk 1]

Long day, got two of the repairs done on my house, roof starts on Thursday. Had the inspection done on the house I'm buying. Yep feeling pretty overwhelmed. I don't know HOW I'm going to live without garage storage. Found out that one of my new neighbors has a BIG @SS dog and their house/yard is trashed. Junk everywhere, overgrown, house looks ready to fall down. My brain is on overdrive, so many things to think about. Got a call from the mortgage co people and we are going to have to put everything into overdrive. The government funding is going to run out of money at the end of April, so if both my buyer and I want to get the Rural Development loans, we need to get everything done & closed by the first part of April. The only hurdle left is the appraisals, the one on my new house will be done on Monday.

food was good today, Breakfast was my normal blueberries/yogurt/Kashi, lunch was a chef salad & about 1 tble of ranch, 100 cal popcorn, & blueberries/yogurt/Kashi for dinner. I have a really bad headache. I'm having some strange pain in the front part of my shoulder when I eat something solid, weird.

[peaches9 3]

Well Phyl and Janet are probably back at the RV by now enjoying EARL's cooking... and wine???? LOL

I hope you gals had a super day and that Phyl's back pain was manageable...

Can't wait to hear about all the details.

:frown:

[phyllser 3]

So, as you can see, plans are still very Fluid PLUS I don';t know how many HOURS per day DH is going to want to drive at a time...???

Phyl, what do you think of my route so far?? any suggestions??

Very ambitious!! You're going to tire of driving!! We started out doing 400-500 miles a day. Now we do closer to 200!!

The route sounds great... you hit all the bases!

Well Phyl and Janet are probably back at the RV by now enjoying EARL's cooking... and wine???? LOL

I hope you gals had a super day and that Phyl's back pain was manageable... Can't wait to hear about all the details.:frown:

We got back around 3pm and Earl had the table all set outside, wine glasses ready! So we ate pretty early. Had a GREAT day. Walked a lot. Hit the Coach store first. Janet got another purse, I got a little flip thing to hold my driver's license, credit cards, etc. I was afraid to bring home another purse!! They are taking over the RV. And last week I saw a "Bagellini" at the street fair that I don't think I can live without. I'm hoping to maybe go back and get it tomorrow or next Saturday. There's a kitchen store that we like.... le Gourmet.. so we went there and sampled a whole bunch of dips and mustards. I bought Raspberry Wasabi mustard last time we went there and we really liked it so I bogt two more packaged with dipping pretzels. Janet headed home late afternoon to get ready to go see Smokie Robinson concert tonight.

Back is better. I took a pain pill just before we left this morning, so I had very little discomfort while we were walking around.

[IndioGirl55 32]

Good Morning Gang !!!

Yep had a great time w/Phyl & Earl yesterday.... The corn beef and cabbage was to die for... I was worried about Phyl's back but she did EXCELLENT- We walked more this time than the last time we were there in Nov...

Yep got another purse $298 for $70 -couldn't pass it up... Then got a cute outfit the the Smokie concert last night - and another top and tank - all on sale... Love the kitchen store we went to got Earl some Obama Hot Sauce (for you fb pple you know how much he dislikes Obama - so I just had to get it for him lol)

Let me tell you Smokie Robinson is FANTASTIC he can still sing and he's 70 yrs old - his voice and range is just as good if not better than when he was in his prime...

Got up hit the gym this a.m.. - Karri sweetie if you are reading this Mommy is back to 138 !!! :wink2:

Candice - when does your Mom get to go home !!! Peter is so sweet to drive all over the country to see your lbt sister :0)

Well it's 9:30 I need to get busy

Edited March 13, 2010 by IndioGirl55

[peaches9 3]

Good Morning Gang !!!

Yep had a great time w/Phyl & Earl yesterday.... The corn beef and cabbage was to die for... I was worried about Phyl's back but she did EXCELLENT- We walked more this time than the last time we were there in Nov...

Yep got another purse $298 for $70 -couldn't pass it up... Then got a cute outfit the the Smokie concert last night - and another top and tank - all on sale... Love the kitchen store we went to got Earl some Obama Hot Sauce (for you fb pple you know how much he dislikes Obama - so I just had to get it for him lol)

Let me tell you Smokie Robinson is FANTASTIC he can still sing and he's 70 yrs old - his voice and range is just as good if not better than when he was in his prime...

LOVE Smokie Robinson... I am so jealous!!

Got up hit the gym this a.m.. - Karri sweetie if you are reading this Mommy is back to 138 !!! :wink2:

Candice - when does your Mom get to go home !!! Peter is so sweet to drive all over the country to see your lbt sister :0)

Well it's 9:30 I need to get busy

Congrats on the 138 and that's even after corn beef and cabbage(salty) that is awesome girl, knew you'd get there with YOUR determination.

Gosh my Mom is there until they get her BP meds worked out.. its still all over the map when she stands up... drops to like 100/60 on standing , so that's no good , think she'll be there at least until Monday maybe longer.

Tonight I am going for dinner with 2 couples. the girls I worked with when I was an Accountant (my first retirement ha,ha) Anyways, they are BOTH Heavy girls... and I've been trying to convince them to get banded...

The one girl is thinking about it, but scared... Arn't you MORE scared of a heart attach??? and Diabetes???

SO I'll be diplomatic and see if I can persuade them.

Gotta get my head into the Beck mode today... I am feeling frazzled with my AUNTS.

Had an o.k. breakfast, and lunch and dinner will be ON plan... cause I really need to be a good role model today:biggrin:

[IndioGirl55 32]

LOL Candice - you are talking to the girl who doesn't have a diplomatic bone in her body

Well dressed ready to head out - need some caffine think I'll hit starbuck 1st !!! triple shot :0)

138 was before the cabbage - it was yesterday morning - I'm not getting on the scale again till next thrusday :0)...

I added a pic of my outfit last night

well I just got online to ck my bank balance to see how much I can spend - :wink2:

xoxoxo

J

[salsa1877 10]

Karri, if we were camped at Scandia RV park in BEND, OR is that close enough for you to visit us??? while we are on our trip? I was trying to find someplace as Close to Redmond as possible.

That is about 20 minutes from my house! Of course we would come and visit!

When is it that you are going to be here? I will be on the other side of the country 3/16-3/26.

[salsa1877 10]

OMG...Did body fat % and BMI measurements today for the fitness challenge our school is having...SOOOOOOOO not good.

It is freaking panic time and run my ass of time. I would love to do it tonight but after 2 hours of sleep last night at our all nighter... Its NOT gonna happen. But tomorrow...I will be outside logging a sh!t ton of miles!

[phyllser 3]

Congrats on the 138 and that's even after corn beef and cabbage(salty) that is awesome girl, knew you'd get there with YOUR determination.

Gosh my Mom is there until they get her BP meds worked out.. its still all over the map when she stands up... drops to like 100/60 on standing , so that's no good , think she'll be there at least until Monday maybe longer.

Tonight I am going for dinner with 2 couples. the girls I worked with when I was an Accountant (my first retirement ha,ha) Anyways, they are BOTH Heavy girls... and I've been trying to convince them to get banded...

The one girl is thinking about it, but scared... Aren't you MORE scared of a heart attach??? and Diabetes???

SO I'll be diplomatic and see if I can persuade them.

Gotta get my head into the Beck mode today... I am feeling frazzled with my AUNTS.

Had an o.k. breakfast, and lunch and dinner will be ON plan... cause I really need to be a good role model today:biggrin:

The corned beef really didn't seem very salty. And I made sure Earl didn't put any seasoning in it other than the little packet that came with it because he tends to overdo it!

Hope your dinner goes well. Diplomatic?? Whatever! Can you do it? You need Janet to help you gang up on them!

Hugs on your Mom and Aunt issues!! Hope they get the BP, etc. regulated soon!

LOL Candice - you are talking to the girl who doesn't have a diplomatic bone in her body

Well dressed ready to head out - need some caffeine :crying: think I'll hit starbuck 1st !!! triple shot :0)

138 was before the cabbage - it was yesterday morning - I'm not getting on the scale again till next thrusday :0)...

I added a pic of my outfit last night

well I just got online to ck my bank balance to see how much I can spend - :wink2: xoxoxo J

Triple shot... did I teach you that or did you do it on your own?? LOL! Like I said, my "boyfriend" at the Monterrey SBX gives me the quad for free. But he's hardly ever there anymore! I bet I've only seen him about 3X this winter. He was back in NY for a long time taking care of his elderly father. But, "Jose" in DHS gave me the 4th this week one day.

So... what's up tonight??

I had a Red Hat meeting today.

Nothing exciting going on there.

We're just going to be sitting around watching TV tonight.

OMG...Did body fat % and BMI measurements today for the fitness challenge our school is having...SOOOOOOOO not good.

It is freaking panic time and run my ass of time. I would love to do it tonight but after 2 hours of sleep last night at our all nighter... Its NOT gonna happen. But tomorrow...I will be outside logging a sh!t ton of miles!

Do you have any marathons coming up this year??

Edited March 14, 2010 by phyllser

[cramerk 1]

Howdy, went outside and dug in the dirt, makes me feel SO good. I wasn't about to leave my ginkgo tree behind, so dug it up and put it in a huge pot. Hope it lives, I probably didn't get as many roots as I should have. But it is 10 ft tall and grows extremely slow. I replaced it wil a cheapo amur maple that I had in a pot on my deck. Ginkgo, big bucks, amur maple...less than $10 for me on wholesale. I am resisting digging up my pussywillow, I can get those pretty cheap at work.

Janet, Phyl, sounds like you had a good time. I don't think I've ever had cornbeef & cabbage.

Just bought a new queen sized pillow top mattress & box springs, still in the plastic for $250 on craigslist, whopwhop.

[IndioGirl55 32]

Well I see pic didnt load - so here it is again and pic's from Brooke's bday and the rainbow

Not doing much tonite Going to veg in front of the t.v.

Went and got a frap w/2 xtra shots :0), bank - Stater Bros - Winco - home - put all the food up, straighten the pantry ate a quesidilla and watch 1/2 movie - took a little nap (maybe 1 hr) Andrew left for work - watch the other half of the movie and fed the dogs.. Drinking a cup of tea

Karla - can't believe you never had corn beef - well I guess it's cuz we are irish (my Great Grandma was from Ireland) we always had it on St Paddy Day...

Karri - Still not sleeping - get some sleeping pills so that you can get back into routine - heck changing the clocks tonite is going to suck - I hate springing back - I like the light in the evening - but losing an hour is hard on a working girl.. My body says it 8:30 when the clock says it's 9:30 - it's not ready for bed ..

Candice have fun tonite...

Well back to the couch - just a quick ck in - will most likely ck back when I can't find anything to watch :0)