how private is too private?

[Sooverit! 1]

Hi RESTLESS MONKEY:

If you don't mind me asking I noted under your name it says "new Nurse" does this mean you recently became a registered nurse? Just turned 50 and looking for career change into health care related positions. Not letting age stop me this time...I've done that decades ago! You're as old as you feel and I still feel young...no younger since the LB!

[Sooverit! 1]

My husband was the same way. He didn't want me to do it either, but I knew I had to do it for myself. He tells me too that I could have done it without surgery. It used to make me mad that he felt that way, but I just ignore him now because I know he doesn't have a clue what it's like to be obese.

Did this ever hit a nerve with me...my husband is the same exact way too!? We should start a support group. My husband thinks and lectures about how I need to stay disciplined and exercise like he does. !. he's never been pregnanant, menopausal, pre menstrual, chocoholic, or just the fatter sex! Lighten up buddy...it's easier for you!!!!!!!!!!!

[Carrie_C 9]

Yes, it's hits a nerve with me because my husband is super thin. He has never had a weight problem. He eats junk and never exercises but still stays thin. He has no idea what it's like. I have always eaten better and exercised a lot more than him, yet somehow I'm the fat one!

[Lady Lap Band 71]

I totally understand not wanting to tell your hubby. I didn't want to tell anyone, but I ended up having to tell my mom, dad, and husband (bc I live with all of them). At first my husband didn't like it, then he didn't like it but was like "whatever you want to do", and then he didn't care either way, and now seems to be just fine with it.

I think you could just keep going along with it and not tell him, but its going to be tough to explain why you can eat only a very small amount and why you get full so fast. I think you can do it, but I think it would make your life easier to tell him. Would it make him more upset to find out before you do it or like 6 months after you do it??

[Sooverit! 1]

My husband used to be the fat one and I was the thin one who exercised etc. then I got pregnant got fat lost the weight then 9 yrs later at age 39 got fat and couldn't take it off...till now with the band.. He is very thin now and he is a health nut ...runs everyday ...only eats health food. He thinks he's the expert now. Oh brother ....he forgets.

[HappyHomeCC 2]

Kitkat - I still don't know how I feel about telling my 12 year old daughter.

I recently told my 11 yr old daughter.... over the last few months we have been reading labels together and talking a lot about nutrition. She and my 8 yr old son are perfect weight for their size and age.

When I explained to her why I was doing it, how it worked and what it would do for me she was totally excited and supportive. she wanted to know what she could do to help.... I told her she could help me stay the course. I am homeschooling her this school year so she will be home with me all the time. I love that Kid!

[kitkat61 0]

I'd lke to thank everyone for thier opinions but especially those that understand that some relationships are difficult. Everyone that knows my husband understands completely why it is best not to tell him. My own mother says the only thing she wishes is that I had made the decision to have this surgery sooner. They are my support most of the time anyway. My mother, my aunt, my kids and my best friend. I love my husband but he doesn't need to know, it will cause him enormous amounts of stress and anxiety and, it will keep the peace in this family and that is more important to me.

[kitkat61 0]

Exactly!!!

[Marine mom 3]

You wouldn't be angry with him if lied to you like that? As someone stated earlier, this seems a situation where it is important to treat others the way you would want to be treated.

I'd be royally pissed if my husband did that to me.

[RestlessMonkey 7]

Hi RESTLESS MONKEY:

If you don't mind me asking I noted under your name it says "new Nurse" does this mean you recently became a registered nurse? Just turned 50 and looking for career change into health care related positions. Not letting age stop me this time...I've done that decades ago! You're as old as you feel and I still feel young...no younger since the LB!

Sooverit, I just saw this, sorry I missed it when you posted! Anyway I sent you a PM, and will gladly chat about it if you're interested. Health care is a great field right now; we baby boomers are getting older but we aren't planning on going easy! LOL

[jenrobbar951 0]

I am not about to judge your marriage, but I would definitely tell your husband. And if need be, tell him the day before the surgery. It is already going to happen, so he can either jump on board and be supportive, or he can choose to be selfish and not support your decision. Mine doesnt like the idea of the surgery, infact, he uses the "you are perfect the way you are" excuse, but that simply doesnt cut it for ME. People have to understand that you want this to be a happier, healthier you. If they cant understand it, or choose to be ignorant, then they arent worth having around. I have told most of my friends, my husband, my sister and my Mom. My Mom was supportive at first, but changed her mind quickly when she read something somewhere about some program that could speed up my metabolism. Everyone else has been supportive. They just want me to be ME again. I havent told my Dad because in the past few years he has started to really judge me because of my weight gain. He categorizes me as "lazy" and "weak." Perhaps I am those, perhaps he is mistaken. I just dont want to surround myself with people who are going to put me down and not be supportive. I think you should tell your husband because he is your husband, and in case something happens (NOT THAT IT IS GOING TO). You need all the support you can get. And if he doesnt want to give it, sorry, but to hell with him! If he does, then that is fantastic!! BEST OF LUCK and let us know how things go!

[peaches9 3]

I have a surgery date set for August 28th. I haven't told my husband that I'm having it. I'm going to tell him it was some other form of surgery because if he knew he would freak. Does anyone else have a similar situation? I realize this may be hard to keep a secret after the surgery, but so far he isn't aware of anything. He really doesn't notice much about me anymore. I figure I'll just deny, deny, deny. My daughter, mother and a few friends know and are really supportive. I'll be staying with my daughter for 3 or 4 days post op anyway. I hope all goes well.

WOW, I'd tell him for sure... turn it around... what if HE had some illness and surgery and didn't tell YOU.. wouldn't you be pissed?

I am sure that after the initial SHOCK, he'll be supportive too... sometime medical stuff just scares the beejeezers out of our guys...

Let him look after you after surgery... really You'll be up and at'em the next day anyways... maybe a little gas pain in your shoulder area but that's about it...

I went thru the surge. TWICE... both times my DH went with me and looked after me...

[peaches9 3]

Did this ever hit a nerve with me...my husband is the same exact way too!? We should start a support group. My husband thinks and lectures about how I need to stay disciplined and exercise like he does. !. he's never been pregnanant, menopausal, pre menstrual, chocoholic, or just the fatter sex! Lighten up buddy...it's easier for you!!!!!!!!!!!

Hi there; I noticed your ticker and its moving along in the right directions... CONGRATS...

Have you run into any plateaus or speed bumps along the way???

I am interested in knowing how you are doing and what you EAT in an AVERAGE DAY???

thanks in advance

[health4life 0]

WOW! I cannot relate to this situation as my husband was my greatest supporter. I don't know what I would have done without his support. I didn't tell my parents and to date, almost 1 year later, they still do not know. I didn't want them worried prior to the surgery and once I started losing weight I didn't want them to think I took the easy way out and be disappointed. I may tell them once I'm at my goal weight. I would however tell my husband whether he approved or not. He still deserves to know.

[harliquinn 1]

i told my husband first. he was a little iffy about it and assured me that he loved me and thought i was sexy no matter what so i had to explain that im not healthy, im always in pain, i want to be happy and be able to get out and enjoy life instead of worrying about my health. that brought him around i think. i also told him that since he is the most important person in my life, i needed his support more than anyone elses. i havent got my band yet but he has been coming with me to all of my appointments and being supportive. then i told my parents, both of whom supported my decision, asked questions and researched the procedure. finally i told my friends and all but one person thought it was great news. one friend decided i just wasnt trying hard enough with diet and exercise. *eyeroll* yeah right! its been several months tho and shes starting to come around as well. so even those people who are worried or nervous or against it can sometimes come around when they realize how important the lap band is to you.