how private is too private?

[kitkat61 0]

I have a surgery date set for August 28th. I haven't told my husband that I'm having it. I'm going to tell him it was some other form of surgery because if he knew he would freak. Does anyone else have a similar situation? I realize this may be hard to keep a secret after the surgery, but so far he isn't aware of anything. He really doesn't notice much about me anymore. I figure I'll just deny, deny, deny. My daughter, mother and a few friends know and are really supportive. I'll be staying with my daughter for 3 or 4 days post op anyway. I hope all goes well.

[tyhelms 0]

Hi, Kitkat, I think you need to tell your husband, because he might be upset when he does find out that your mom knows and your daughter knows, and he didn't even know. I took my husband with me to be educated with the lapband and how it works, becasue at first he was like no.. but when he went with me and was educated he was fine with it... he has been my biggest supporter and he took me to the hospital and stayed with me all day, I couldn't have done it without him, he helped me bath and all when we got home, and besides I don't like keeping secrets from my husband, that one way to destroy a marriage.. I hope you understand where I'm coming from... Tell him it's for your health and you want to live as long as you can... I pray that everything works out for you. God bless u.

[Erin18 143]

I ended up telling my two brothers and one of my brothers gf, I wanted them to know so they wouldn't be worried or anything I feel better that they know now, I have some more support, I'd tell your husband and if he questions tell him it's your decission and youre happy with it, good luck (:

[JUKU 1]

I have a surgery date set for August 28th. I haven't told my husband that I'm having it. I'm going to tell him it was some other form of surgery because if he knew he would freak. Does anyone else have a similar situation? I realize this may be hard to keep a secret after the surgery, but so far he isn't aware of anything. He really doesn't notice much about me anymore. I figure I'll just deny, deny, deny. My daughter, mother and a few friends know and are really supportive. I'll be staying with my daughter for 3 or 4 days post op anyway. I hope all goes well.

Secrets are never a good thing, especially on something so important. You are going to need support through this process. Good Luck!!

[gnortenjones 0]

It's non of my business, but I agree with the others that you should tell your husband. This is a major life changing surgery, and keeping that kind of secrect is probably not good for a marraige.

I've told pretty much anyone who would listen, just out of excitement. I'm kind of regretting that now, because I have a feeling the first question they will always ask me when we talk is "how much weight have you lost?" I typically don't do well with that level of scrutiny.

[L12 13]

This surgery shouldn't be too private to tell a spouse. Unless you aren't planning on staying with him.

[Headhunter 6]

NOT telling him is SO wrong on SO many levels.

When he DOES find out (and he WILL) you might very well experience some serious damage to your relationship.

Tell him.

HH

[Shar Pei 0]

I think I can understand your situation. I would just tell him...I would not ask for his approval..but ask for his support.

He will start to notice you again when the weight comes off...maybe you won't notice him then! LOL!

I am having mine done in early October..with or without his blessing!

[cmdtl 0]

Well from the sound of it your marriage isnt on the right foot anyways. If you are keeping a secret like this then something is not right. With a comment like "he doesnt notice me much anymore" makes me think you guys are having trouble. I think you should tell him, like someone else said dont ask, just tell. If he doesnt like it then oh well. This about you and your life not him.

If I am wrong in my assumptions than I apologize or if you need someone to listen PM me.

[Cleo's Mom 257]

I have a surgery date set for August 28th. I haven't told my husband that I'm having it. I'm going to tell him it was some other form of surgery because if he knew he would freak. Does anyone else have a similar situation? I realize this may be hard to keep a secret after the surgery, but so far he isn't aware of anything. He really doesn't notice much about me anymore. I figure I'll just deny, deny, deny. My daughter, mother and a few friends know and are really supportive. I'll be staying with my daughter for 3 or 4 days post op anyway. I hope all goes well.

You say that your husband really doesn't notice you much anymore and that he would freak if he found out that you were planning this surgery. Sounds like you need to work on these problems before you get your surgery. He will certainly pay attention when he finds out others knew about this but he didn't. But it won't be the attention you want. Discuss with him your feelings of being unnoticed and why you didn't want to tell him and then take him to a seminar. It might help get him on your side.

[Carrie_C 9]

It sounds to me like your marriage isn't that great. Maybe if you tell him, you 2 can work on things. I can understand why you would want to keep it a secret, but I think it will make everything worse.

[CarrieLynn 0]

I only told my husband, daughter, sons and a very few friends. . . until after surgery then I shared with others. I belive my mother was possibly the last to know

[FailureIsntAnOption 0]

It is not right to keep such an important decision from your husband. I suggest before you consider having WLS you get some marriage counseling and in depth psychotherapy.

I don't mean to be harsh but you are the one who brought your business here.

[LilMissDiva Irene 3,282]

Well, IMO he is your husband. There should never be anything like that you keep from him. Tell him. I'd also like to bring to light the fact you felt it okay to tell others you are close to before telling him. That is very bizarre...

If not then, well to be perfectly honest you don't have a very good marriage. I agree it's best you work on your mental psyche and get some marriage counseling first before considering the lap-band. The Lap-Band carries much responsibility. Your first responsibility should first be your number one relationship. Your's and your husband.

Edited August 6, 2009 by LilMissDiva

[OnTheWay to Thin 0]

KitKat - that is so sad, it tells me you have lots of issues in your marriage, I cant imagine doing anything without my husband helping and supporting me. Besides the obvious 5 holes in your belly and post op healing, after surgery your whole way of eating has to change, he cant help but notice when you eat nothing but liquid for 2 weeks then nothing but mushies for 2 more...

You really do have to tell him, this can only go badly for you if you dont. My husband was not initially thrilled but like the others I took him to a seminar and then he was 100% supportive.