Why Cheat?

[Cherishthepast 20]

Yes, I'm still new here and have not been banded yet - scheduled for Monday 8/10; but after reading a number of threads/posts I wonder why so many people are out to sabotage themselves?

Why nibble that piece of chicken when your Dr. says liquid only...

Falling off the wagon only hurts you and the outcome (success) you deserve.

Believe me, these few days of the pre-op liquid diet haven't been easy - I continue to remind myself that nothing worth having is ever easy.

I'm not judging - who am I to judge...

Yes, I want something crunchy to eat and

Yes, that Chinese food my husband ate last night was tempting and

Yes, I want things to eat now that never crossed my mind in the past and

Yes, I know that this is only the beginning and after surgery I'll be in band HELL as many of you have mentioned

But, the thought of finally being in good health and more importantly being able to have tremendous acrobatic sex :tongue2: with my husband outweighs the urge to cheat.

In addition, I have visions of wearing a 2-piece bathing suit next summer for the first time in over 20 years. :tt2: I owe this to myself, just as you all owe it to yourselves.

Edited August 5, 2009 by Cherishthepast
edit grammar

[Headhunter 6]

Cherish,

You've asked one of the most important questions a person can ask prior to surgery. It's one of the most important components of the entire WLS experience.

There are times when I read posts on this forum and I ask myself why some of these people even BOTHER to have Surgery. Many of them attempt to go right back to how they were eating prior to surgery, and it just does NOT work that way. They think that the band is going to do all of the work for them.

Nothing could be further from the truth.

I have said for a long time that one of the most important components of the WLS experience is the "mind game" element. If you don't have THAT part dealt with (at least to some degree) there is NO WLS surgery that will be successful for you.

There are some Gastric Bypass patients that are able to put weight back on. It's rare, but it does happen. It's also very difficult....you almost have to make a conscious DECISION that you are going to become heavy again. But, some people do. And it's because they have not dealt with the mind/emotional part of it. It’s the same with people who had the band, to an even greater degree. It's quite easy to defeat the band. Most people who have one will tell you that. The ones who ARE successful, though, are the ones that have been able to get their emotions and "head hunger" under control.

For some people, the band is all they need. But I would venture to say that for MOST people, extensive Psychotherapy SHOULD be part of the pre-surgery regimen.

Overall, weight loss surgery does not have a very high success rate. Few people ever reach a loss of %100 of what they need to. Some of that is because they have chosen the WRONG surgery for their particular eating disorder. But much of it is that they have not conquered the “mind” portion of the Weight Loss "puzzle".

I would strongly advise that anyone who is having or contemplating having WLS seek out an experienced Psychotherapist that has SPECIFIC, DEMONSTRATED expertise in dealing with the unique problems of an Obese person. You need to have this before your WLS and after, as well. It should be an ongoing thing for the majority of people.

You WANT your WLS to be a success, and this is a very important part of it.

HH

[BethFromVA 5]

It's the $64 million question.

I could never imagine going through all of this just to cheat. What's even more stupid are those people looking for validation AND those who give it because "they did it too."

It's aggravating and shows the complete lack of self-control that some people have. We all know we got the way we did due to that lack, but c'mon... if you can't even give to yourself when you put yourself under the knife in this way, then you deserve whatever slip or problems you get.

Harsh, I know. Don't care.

[plain 12]

Yes, I'm still new here and have not been banded yet - scheduled for Monday 8/10; but after reading a number of threads/posts I wonder why so many people are out to sabotage themselves?

Oh....I suspect we could all be VIP members in the "self-sabotage" club, or we wouldn't be needing the band in the first place.

The simple answer, which HH answered, is that the band only helps with physiological hunger, not the urge to eat. There's a huge difference between the two. However, some people aren't told / advised of this pre-surgery. And for some of us, the learning curve is a little more steep.

[RestlessMonkey 7]

If you have such powerful willpower, why not just "diet" and lose?

We "cheat" because we're human, because our docs don't educate us properly, because we don't see a direct causality between an ice cream cone and weighing 300 pounds.

The band helps, but it doesn't solve it. But I think it's presumptuous to assume all people "cheat" to self sabotage and IMHO this type of "why cheat" thing is as damaging as the opionion, in the old days (sat the '50's-60's when I was a kid) that fat people are morally weak.

Are you? I'm not. Not more than the next person anyway. I'm not fat because I'm weak.

So ... when you've gone a year or so and never slipped, then I say BRAVO! But you'll be in the minority. All most of us can do is try. And we can educate those who don't know what, for example, cheating on the post op diet can do.

I think being fat is too totally fraught with emotion and judgment and "why would you do that to yourself" (well duh, isn't that a good question) etc...the more we can remove all that baggage and just address the issue, the better I think most of us will be. That's just my 2cents.

[georgia girl 35]

Great post Restlessmonkey! You too Plain! I agree with both of you. I can honestly say I never "cheated" on my 6 week post-op diet. I followed it to a "T". In fact, I followed the rules pretty religously for quite some time. I have been banded for almost 2 years now and I'm finding that's it's getting easier and easier to "cheat" and eat around the band. It truly is a mind battle for me. I wish I still had that "fear" I had at the beginning of my journey.

Cherishthepast, seems like you are dedicated to making yourself a success. Best of luck to you.

[Nanook 2]

I agree with pretty much everything you said Restlessmonkey. People have a way of making obesity into a "moral" issue too. And even those that are obese or fat or once obese or once fat can be the worst of all haters. Since I have been both thick and thin I know no matter how thin I get it can come back on and so I hope never to be that judgemental about another fat person as long as I live!

But I have found that I had a "drive" that couldn't be controlled with the lap band when it came to food, especially sweets that has subsided, for the time being with my revision. So choosing the right procedure is important as sometimes that urge is much bigger than we are. Nancy.

[RestlessMonkey 7]

I think medicine has largely, thus far, failed the obese. It is a mulit-level problem that isn't easily solved by any single solution. Hormones, genetics, emotions, what we're taught as we grow, so much goes into it. It isn't just calories in minus calories used, like they used to think. I can totally see that the malabsorptive benefit of bypass is a boon for some...and that quick cessation of diabetes II for example. For some the band works, for some the sleeve. My surgeon said the only surgery that is ALMOST 100% sure is the duodenal switch (and those poor souls have fairly constant drizzly diarrhea, I think)

Anyone who'd choose that is fairly desperate.

I believe in listening to your doc and following the rules. But if it were easy, we'd all be a healthy weight.

We're not one size fits all. People are fat, people cheat, people try, people win or lose for many different reasons. All we can do is try, and give it all we've got.

[Cherishthepast 20]

Well, there's nothing like a good healthy debate....

I stuck to my pre-op diet to the letter and have lost 10 lbs in 7 days. My surgery is today at 2:30; still not nervous just ready to start this new chapter in my life.

Will I CHEAT ever... this I can't say, but one thing that I'm certain of is that I LOVE MYSELF and will do my best (come hell or high waters) to succeed.

Having major surgery is nothing to take lightly. It took me 2 years of soul searching to finally say that I was prepared to give this my ALL.

Looking forward to joining the ranks of the BANDED - counting the hours...

[BethFromVA 5]

I have been banded for almost 2 years now and I'm finding that's it's getting easier and easier to "cheat" and eat around the band. It truly is a mind battle for me. I wish I still had that "fear" I had at the beginning of my journey.

The exact reason I have chosen to see a counselor who deals with eating disorders. I KNOW the entirety of my battle is above the neck. Since the band doesn't reach that high, I must take measures to tackle that demon.

[Cherishthepast 20]

BethfromVA, after speaking with the psychiatrist I informed him that I would most likely come back and wanted to make certain that I had ALL the tools available to assist me with succeeding. Dr H - the therapist wholeheartedly agreed that using him, and support groups are the best avenues to success.

I'm very fortunate that I have the support of my family and Drs (Surgeon, Internist and Psych) to lean on and plan to do just that.

I feel like crap now - surgery was just 2 days ago. I'm walking alot and using hand weights as ordered by the surgeon to get some exercise in.

My spirits are lifted everytime I check the scale and see another pound gone.

[BethFromVA 5]

BethfromVA, after speaking with the psychiatrist I informed him that I would most likely come back and wanted to make certain that I had ALL the tools available to assist me with succeeding. Dr H - the therapist wholeheartedly agreed that using him, and support groups are the best avenues to success.

I'm very fortunate that I have the support of my family and Drs (Surgeon, Internist and Psych) to lean on and plan to do just that.

I feel like crap now - surgery was just 2 days ago. I'm walking alot and using hand weights as ordered by the surgeon to get some exercise in.

My spirits are lifted everytime I check the scale and see another pound gone.

That's fantastic, Cherish! Congrats on your surgery, btw.

As for weightloss at THIS point -- if it stalls, do NOT freak. Any weight lost during the healing phase is a bonus. It is not the focus. Just keep that in the back of your mind if you don't see the scale moving early on as much as you'd like.

I knew before surgery that it would behoove a person like me to also utilize therapy -- specifically eating-disorder focused -- but I didn't locate a therapist until just recently, nearly nine months after my surgery. I started seeing some old habits happening in me and I didn't like it. I have some type of "thing" that would always happen about 6-7 months out when dieting where I would slacken or fall off the wagon altogether -- eating badly, eating out more, not exercising -- and I KNOW this about myself. It started to happen, and instead of letting it swallow me up, I found somebody and decided to get back onto the couch.

Good luck with your journey. We all must remember that that's what this is -- a journey, not a race. Losing the "diet mentality" can be hard to shake.

[fatmom 0]

I love this thread!

I think insurance companies should require six months of psychological/psychiatric retraining instead of six months of doctor supervised dieting. Don't "they" realize that if we could lose the weight on a diet we sure as heck would instead of subjecting ourselves to the knife?

My surgery is 9/14. I've been seeing a dr. who specializes in compulsive eating for about 6 weeks now. I know in my heart I am no where near ready for the challenge ahead by myself. She is more encouraged by my mental progress than I, and that gives me hope.

Being here is a big help as well. It's nice to know I'm not the only one with fears, frustrations and concerns as well as hope.

This thread makes me realize I will have more support since there are those out there who realize a lot of this is retraining the brain. People who will remind me..."remember to check in with the stomach...is it an urge or a craving...etc..."

[xxlaneyxx 0]

Well. I didnt intend to sabotage myself,I was self pay and the whole op to date has cost me £8750 of my hard earned money.

The fact is Im sure no-one sets out to fail.

If I had perfect self control I would not have been fat in the first place and would have spent my money on something else. I was a big emmotional eater,loved food(still do!)

I have 'cheated' slipped and fallen off the band during the past year and 6 months,and I put it down to being human!

I have struggled during my time with the band,I did read up all the pros and cons before I went ahead with surgery,and thought I would never 'cheat' as I was making a huge step and a big finacial outlay.

I am glad to say,Ive stll managed some pretty good lbs off, and back on track whole heartedly.

Mind you,Im sure I will have a few hiccups along the rest of my lap band journey.

I hope you will find it as easy to stay on track,as you obviously think its only the weak willed and stupid people who find it hard resist temptation. Good luck. Will be watching your posts to see how easy you find it!!!

Happy banding people,keep up the good work.

[Cherishthepast 20]

As I mentioned earlier, I plan to use every tool available to help me succeed; I didn't go thru the pain of surgery to do anything but succeed.

If I find that I'm weakening at any point - I am human; I will contact the surgeon's office, psychologist or nutritionist for all the support they can offer.

I still feel that there's no reason to cheat when we all have a variety of support options available.