Jump to content
×
Are you looking for the BariatricPal Store? Go now!

Getting What You Want and Need: More Tips On Asking



Recommended Posts

There is a big difference between knowing what you want and asking for it. There is also an important distinction between asking and hinting. Unfortunately, many of us were raised in a culture that encouraged us to be less than direct about what it is we’d like to occur. I talk with many women who aren’t getting what they need or want and aren’t quite sure how to ask for it. Interestingly, many women are able to be direct and assertive in their professional lives but find they stumble and feel uncomfortable when asking to have their personal needs met. I also hear from a lot of women who feel frustrated that their requests and needs aren’t being met even though they believe they are stating them clearly. They can’t understand what is going wrong.

After writing a recent article about the importance of clearly stating wants and needs, I noticed some areas in my own life where I wasn’t really hitting the mark with this. I also found some places where, I initially believed I was being perfectly direct, but on further reflection, I realized I wasn’t getting my point across at all. And (big surprise), I was feeling frustrated with how things were going in those particular areas.

I’m making a concerted effort to practice really stating my wishes clearly. Here are some pointers you might want to consider if your asking muscles need strengthening:

1. Being dissatisfied doesn’t mean you have clarity about what you want. I can know I don’t like something and I can express my unhappiness with it, but if I haven’t taken the time to create a clear picture of what I DO want, the information isn’t necessarily going to lead to a better outcome.

2. Expressing dissatisfaction is not the same as stating how you would like something to be. There is a HUGE difference between complaining and describing the outcome you want. If we aren’t clear on this difference and aren’t careful, we (yes, I’m including myself here) can fall into the trap of expressing what we don’t like and might never clearly describe what we want instead.

3. Directness and clarity are very important. To be most effective, we should be drawing a very clear picture for the person we are communicating with. Example: “I want you to help out more” doesn’t really cut it. “I’d like you to make dinner twice a week and help with kitchen clean up” paints a much clearer picture. Ask yourself the following question: if you had what you wanted, what would it look like? THIS is the description you want to be sharing and asking for.

4. Asking for what you want is NOT hinting, whining, complaining or describing how well this situation works in someone else’s life or business. A direct request should start with the word “I.” If you find yourself veering away from “I” statements, it’s a pretty good indication you need to practice using them.

5. For maximum success, your request should not be reactive or emotional. This one can be tricky if stating your needs is something you really aren’t comfortable with. If this is the case, know that it gets easier with practice. Start small and choose a calm time to practice your skills.

____________

Melissa McCreery, PhD, ACC, is a Psychologist, ICF Certified Life Coach, emotional eating expert, and the founder of www.TooMuchOnHerPlate.com, a company dedicated to providing smart resources to busy women struggling with food, weight and overwhelm. Find out more, read tips and articles, and pick up her free audio series: “5 simple steps to move beyond overwhelm with food and life” at http://www.TooMuchOnHerPlate.com.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now

  • Trending Products

  • Trending Topics

  • Recent Status Updates

    • cryoder22

      Day 1 of pre-op liquid diet (3 weeks) and I'm having a hard time already. I feel hungry and just want to eat. I got the protein and supplements recommend by my program and having a hard time getting 1 down. My doctor / nutritionist has me on the following:
      1 protein shake (bariatric advantage chocolate) with 8 oz of fat free milk 1 snack = 1 unjury protein shake (root beer) 1 protein shake (bariatric advantage orange cream) 1 snack = 1 unjury protein bar 1 protein shake (bariatric advantace orange cream or chocolate) 1 snack = 1 unjury protein soup (chicken) 3 servings of sugar free jello and popsicles throughout the day. 64 oz of water (I have flavor packets). Hot tea and coffee with splenda has been approved as well. Does anyone recommend anything for the next 3 weeks?
      · 1 reply
      1. NickelChip

        All I can tell you is that for me, it got easier after the first week. The hunger pains got less intense and I kind of got used to it and gave up torturing myself by thinking about food. But if you can, get anything tempting out of the house and avoid being around people who are eating. I sent my kids to my parents' house for two weeks so I wouldn't have to prepare meals I couldn't eat. After surgery, the hunger was totally gone.

    • buildabetteranna

      I have my final approval from my insurance, only thing holding up things is one last x-ray needed, which I have scheduled for the fourth of next month, which is my birthday.

      · 0 replies
      1. This update has no replies.
    • BetterLeah

      Woohoo! I have 7 more days till surgery, So far I am already down a total of 20lbs since I started this journey. 
      · 1 reply
      1. NeonRaven8919

        Well done! I'm 9 days away from surgery! Keep us updated!

    • Ladiva04

      Hello,
      I had my surgery on the 25th of June of this year. Starting off at 117 kilos.😒
      · 1 reply
      1. NeonRaven8919

        Congrats on the surgery!

    • Sandra Austin Tx

      I’m 6 days post op as of today. I had the gastric bypass 
      · 0 replies
      1. This update has no replies.
  • Recent Topics

  • Hot Products

  • Sign Up For
    Our Newsletter

    Follow us for the latest news
    and special product offers!
  • Together, we have lost...
      lbs

    PatchAid Vitamin Patches

    ×