I hate my in-laws!!

giveyouthemoon · September 27, 2005

Okay, I may get bashed for what I'm about to say, but I feel I have to say this.

I don't know you or your in-laws so I'm not taking sides.

But let's put ourselves in their crazy ass shoes for a moment.

1) They are probably worried. True, you've been to MX and back already but they are dealing with delayed worry. They care about you and I assume you have kids? They are probably worried about the health and well being of their son's wife and the mother of their grandkids.

and

2) They feel like they were left out of a very major decision in your life. I'm sure they don't like the feeling of being excluded. They seem wacky close to your DH and maybe they don't like the idea that you two have things between you that they don't know about. This is *their* problem but they are taking it out on you. But you can understand it's hard for parents to feel left out. I'm sorry you have to suffer their issues.

and

3) I think Vines hit it dead on about your MIL's weight issues. She sees this as now you are going to get healthy and she doesn't want to face facts.

So maybe if you see through their eyes for a moment there can be compassion? I don't condone how they treated you but maybe I can understand at least.

Stay strong. You made this decision for yourself with the added support of your husband. I'd just hate to see this cause a rift between you and your inlaws with your hubby caught in the middle.

choldren · September 27, 2005

If your MIL has a computer or access to one and knows how to use it, give her this web site and this thread "I hate my in-laws" and show her what everyone has said about her. Maybe she could see how much in the wrong she is if she would read what everyone here has to say about her. I don't know which is worse, telling you what she thinks to your face or her going directly to her "gossip machine" (phone) to tell everyone she knows what you've done wrong (in her opinion), like my MIL does, gossip is a way of living for her. Juicy news like that travels far and fast but when you loose 20, 50, or 100lbs. I'll betcha she doesn't tell anybody. Funny, how juicy or bad news travels fast but good news just sits there. Your hubby should definately have stood up for you.....shame on him.

I had my surgery in TJ too with Dr. Ortiz and the only ones that know about that is my DH who went with me and my daughter who still is in shock that I went to TJ to have it done but she knows to keep her comments to herself because I'm just ready to BLOW if any negative comments are made.

Good luck and hope things can be smoothed out because I know how uncomfortable things can be in a family when there is a division between family members.

Be proud and don't let the old biddy get you down!

Dianechef · September 27, 2005

Okay, it's me here again. I've read all the great, informative, supportive, funny & entertaining posts. I'm still laughing that Greg actually sent his MIL a cemetary plot!!

To answer some of the questions: No, they didn't pay for any of the surgery. I paid for it myself in cash. Yes, we have 3 children which whom they love & adore. YES, they are crazy. NO, my DH & his parents do not have a very good relationship. We pretty much go around them for the sake of the kids. These are their only grandkids & I wouldn't want to hold my kids back from getting to know their grandpa & grandma.

My parents also know of the surgery being done in MX & were absolutely fine with it. No problems!!

I just finished sending my in-laws an e-mail that wasn't very nice. (This so soooo unlike me.) I got out all my feelings & was very hurtful - I'm sure of it. I told them I would be okay if I never spoke to them again in my life. After reading what "giveyouthemoon" wrote, I am feeling very bad about writing the letter. I'm sure they were concerned, but they sure have a funny way of showing it!! I think I'll let the air clear for awhile & see how it all goes.

Just a warning for those of you who plan on going to MX. If I were to do it again, I wouldn't tell a soul. I don't regret going to MX AT ALL!! I only regret telling people about it. Ugh.....

j.s. · September 27, 2005

I can understand the crazy inlaw thing. I have been very open and honest about my surgery except with them. I dont feel it is their business. They are my husbands parents, not mine. I have no quams about not divulging information to them that I do not care to divulge. I find them to be very judgmental people and I do not care to be judged by them unless I get to do my own judging back out loud (that will never happen) so I just am selective with my information as far as they are concerned. Some conversations just cannot be won so you need to just let it be, Water under the bridge. If it comes up by them again, just be nice and say you do not wish to discuss this with them if they feel the need to lecture you and belittle you, end of story. Sometimes you just have to put your foot down and say, you crossed the line.

Marimaru · September 27, 2005

Diane,

Even if the reason for their reaction is that they worry about you, that doesn't mean it's okay to berate you about a decision that you made as part of your adult life. You are smart, you did research, you made an educated decision. It's not as if you heard about it one day and hopped a plane to find Juan in a back alley with some Tequila and a knife, you know?

After they have cooled down from your email (if they do, whatever happens), if they want to discuss it further, tell them that they have to shut up and listen to why you decided to do it that way. Show them pictures of the facilities down there. Print out posts from here where many of us say we were happy in Mexico.

Inlaws or not, nobody has the right to make you feel that way, no matter what the deep seeded reason for their feelings are (like worry, etc).

DevilMayKare · September 27, 2005

If your MIL has a computer or access to one and knows how to use it, give her this web site and this thread "I hate my in-laws" !

OH MY LORD! THAT one had me ROFLOL!!!

September 27, 2005

I agree with Kare.... just refuse to talk about it with them. It is none of their business. Keep a possitive outlook and remember that you did this for YOU not anyone else.