Discouraged - Need support

[LB Anonymous 0]

:smile2::tt1: Hi everyone, for personal reason I chose the screen name LB Anonymous. I do not want friends or family to know about my surgery. I am 50 years old, have been worried about my health, and because each year I’ve gained another 10 pounds or more and have become more depressed about my life. I do not go out and I have isolated myself from friends and family. I miss wonderful opportunities to be with my husband because I am embarrassed. When I was 40 I was a personal trainer with body fat of 18%. :wink2: I have never felt so good, healthy and fit my entire life. I began taking care of myself when I was 32 through 42 and about 45 I lost control.:laugh: Since I was a teen I have struggled with my weight and when I turned 32, I was going to go to get fit before I turned 40’s. I did it. During a yearly check up with my OBGyn they found abnormal cells; they knew if I waited another 6 months or year they were cancerous so I had a hysterectomy. Well, I thought this is not going to change my life but it did. No matter how hard I worked I could not fight the weight and the more I fought the more I was discouraged and it became a cycle. A couple years later, my 16-year-old daughter started doing drugs, drinking and having sex with her 19-year-old boyfriend. Our home was chaos: run away, police, screaming, and fights – just a mess. Therefore, we decided to place her in a “wilderness” program and that year in half was the worst months of my life. Because of all the chaos, it rubbed onto my youngest and she began to have her own issues. She did not want to be like her sister. She wanted to be perfect and when she was not she began to cut her arms. I blamed myself for many years of being a horrible mother; going for help, depression, gaining weight. I blame myself that if only I was not too involved with my training and being self absorb maybe things would have been different. So, I ate myself past 200 lbs. :laugh: In all my life, I never thought I would weigh more than my Dad weighs; :tt2: or be 60 lbs more than my husband is. I cannot live like this any longer.

After depression and suicide thoughts, I knew I needed to do something for myself. My daughters are fine and now it is my turn to live the next 25 years with my husband happy and wonderful and not waste another minute of feeling sorry for myself or limiting myself from living.

So I was banded June 30th and I lost 9 lbs on my first visit. My next visit is on Monday, Aug 3rd for my first fill; I am nervous but I am getting discourage about my weight because my clothes are not fitting loser than I wish. I have not weighed myself because I do not want to get anymore discouraged than I am today. Therefore, I am excited about my band fill and hoping it will help with some of the hunger pangs and cravings. I know those are two different issues. A hunger pang should stop by the first fill but the craving will require work on my part something I will need to rein.

I have procrastinated writing on this board but I know I need the help and support from people who are going through the same thing I am going through. I do not talk to anyone about my lap band but do plan on going to these support groups starting in August. The first week of August, we go on vacation then I come back and go back to school August 24th (I am an assistant teacher). I was truly hoping I would lose enough weight that they might notice I lost weight at school but I am not sure they will. I expect I will l lose about 20 pounds; and that might be another month or two. I also need to start exercising and get off my tuff. So this is my story and I need help with all areas: emotional, motivational, advice, ideas, how to get my Protein in; what to eat and not to eat; so I am struggle in all angles. So if anyone can give me a few encouraging words that I will have a life again :tt2: I would be very grateful. Thank You.

[isaviolinist 11]

Dear LB Anon:

Wow. You have a very complicated story. I have some similar experiences but from the other side - I was the child that was acting out, running away, etc. All I can say is it has taken many years for me (along with my family) to work through the issues. I had so many issues, and my family had so many issues, and we had so many issues with one another. It took a long time, hours of individual and family therapy, fighting, and all kinds of things. We are all doing well now, but it was hard work.

For the emotional issues, you should try to find a counselor or psychologist that you trust. Also, does your husband know about your surgery? Is he supportive?

Exercising is great for getting healthy. As far as weight loss right now, don't be overly focused on it. Just focus on healing.

Also, it is great when people notice that you have lost weight, but remind yourself that you are doing this for your life and health. If they don't notice that you lost weight at school, its not a big deal because you know that you are getting healthy! Getting healthy and lifestyle change is the goal!

Search these boards when you have questions - there is a lot of experience and knowledge here and ask many questions! If you are private about your surgery, this can be a great resource for you.

Good luck!

[thebandedgirl 0]

Remember that the time that passes between the time you are banded and the time you get your first fill is for HEALING. This might mean that you gain weight. It might mean that you lose. It might mean that you maintain. Don't stress about it! Just follow your surgeon's instructions and let your body do its thing. I know it's much easier for me to type that than it is for you to hear it, but trust me (the stranger on the internet :laugh:!

You've had a rough go of things; I am so sorry for the stresses that you've experienced over the past several years. Have you, as the above commenter suggested, considered counseling to help you deal with the emotional issues you have? It might do you a world of good. I know I've relied on therapy for several rough Patches in my life and it's been invaluable.

When all else fails, come to other bandsters for support :tt2: You are absolutely not alone.

[JuneAct2 0]

LB,

I can't address all the things you mentioned, although it sounds alot like MY life. But, you're doing fine! You've already lost 10 lbs. in less than a month. That's 2-1/2 lbs per week. The doctors generally recommend 1-2 lbs per week.

I won't give you the exercise speech because you already KNOW what you need to do. But, I will remind you that you'll lose inches faster if you're moving! And, the clothes will fit looser faster!!!

Just be patient with your body. It needs time to heal. Just keep following your doctors instructions. Come in here anytime you need a boost, or just come in a visit. You can make some good friends here.

I didn't keep my band a secret, but I don't have anyone close by that has been banded. I wish I did. When I go to lunch with my friends, I feel strange eating with them. I would suggest going to some of the support meetings and meeting others who are banded. That way you have someone to talk to, or go to lunch with, etc. that understands.

Brighter days are ahead. You'll see when you go back next week for a fill. Good luck to you.

[LB Anonymous 0]

isaviolinist

"For the emotional issues, you should try to find a counselor or psychologist that you trust. Also, does your husband know about your surgery? Is he supportive?"

I am on antidepression medication and I do talk to him about what I am going through. But what I am looking for is support from the board and I am still new on how to get around the board to get some answers. My husband is wonderful; he is the best of best and supportive. I just had my first fill and I am very happy because now I have lost 20lbs which surprised me. Now I am on two day liquids, 2 day mushy and then Friday I can eat again. I just want to thank you for taking the time to read and answer my post. I know there are tons of them out there to read and I appreciate you taking the time to response. I am still taking one minute, one day, one week at a time and I will meet my goal. Thank you. LBAnony

[LB Anonymous 0]

Thebandedgirl;

Remember that the time that passes between the time you are banded and the time you get your first fill is for HEALING. ..... Don't stress about it! ....When all else fails, come to other bandsters for support You are absolutely not alone

Thebandedgirl - thank you for your support and for all your words they helped me that someone at least took the time to read my post. There are so many and it is so easy to miss someone who is feeling alone. I am trying to come here and read as much as I can and like you answer when I can. I just had my first fill Aug 3rd and found out I lost more weight. Yeah!!! So - like you suggested I am not going to TRY not to stress and know that I have bandster supporters. Again, thank you for your kind words.

Take care

LBAnony

[LB Anonymous 0]

JuneAct2

'Brighter days are ahead. You'll see when you go back next week for a fill. Good luck to you'

I wanted to take a minute to thank you for reading and responding to my message. I just went for my first fill yesterday and lost a total of 20 lbs. so I there are brighter days. I was scared getting my filled because I did not know what to expect and it didnt hurt a bit; just a little prick but all went well. I really didnt want to look at the screen but maybe next time. Anyway, thank you for your support and hope to hear more from you. Again, good luck and talk to you soon.

LBAnony

[Kristine73 1]

Hi LB,

I hope your apt yesterday went well!

I do not have kids. I couldn't. I have endometriosis and PCOS. I was diagnosed when I was 20-ish. I had a complete hyst when I was 26. I wanted kids and it was an emotional knife to the heart that I couldn't. Between the depression, fertility drugs, then drugs to hopefully keep the endo in check wrecked havoc on me. It was bad. I gained over 100 lbs.

My hubs had a son w/his first wife. When he turned 13, he wanted to move in w/us. I said ok. My habs was active duty, at the time. When he was deployed, all shit hit the fan. His son didn't feel like he had to listen to me. He started cutting himself. I immediatly got him into counseling and my hubs was sent home on emergenct orders. His son was perfect when mu hubs was home. But, he told my hubs that he would NOT listen to me and I'd better learn that when hubs was out, he (the son) was 'man of the house.' A lot of crap went on. Police were involved. It all came to a head when he tried to throw me down a flight of stairs out side of our apartments. Keep in mind, by this time I'd lost the 100 lbs, was 120 lbs, 5'2'' and the son was 6' 230 lbs, yes at age 13. If my neighbor hadn't heard me screaming I don't know what would have happened. Hubs was once more sent home on emergency orders. Hubs had enough and his son went back to his mother. My hubs has never lifted a hand to me and he won't allow anyone else to threaten me.

I felt like I failed my hubs and his son. I started putting on weight again and other painful symptoms showed up. I was later diagnosed with fibromyalgia. This was a major blow to me, as I had finally felt physically good after my hyst.

Fast forward a few years, I gained all of the 100 lbs back, plus some. I wound up loseing it. Then gained it back again after my grandfather died. He was a major influence on my life.

So, on June 8th, I had surgery for the band. Weight loss has been slow for me. But, I AM loseing it. I have an apt for a second fill on 08/10. I've probably lost about 5 lbs sine my first fill on 7/09. At lot of it was my fault. I was eating a lot of Soups, protien shakes and lots of mushies. liquids and soft don't keep me full as long ... DUH! But, now I've altered the error of my ways and am hoping that weight loss will speed up.

You are not alone. As far as your girls, you did the best you could, at the time. They turned out fine, so you did well. And now it's your time and I'm glad you recognize that!

[lisa6 0]

lb! it sounds like it's time for you to do something for yourself! as mother's we tend to always blame ourselves,don't we?! well, i will be banded soon, so you are a few steps ahead of me but i can understand how you don't want anyone to know. i wish now that i wouldn't of told people because of negative input. but i can't do this all by myself and i'm sure most can't. i too have dealt with the severe depression over the years and truly sympathize with you. we punish ourselves. i used to run. now i can barely walk a flight of stairs without huffing! but we will get healthier and we will make our minds healthy too. how honest and candid you are! it's refreshing and i wish you the best! lisa6