Relationship with Spouse

[shrinkingV 0]

I've heard from several friends who are banded and who also know other banded ppl that relationships with their spouses get hard. Something about now that one spouse has higher self confidence and there are more people hitting on them their marriage seems to crumble. I'm so worried about this. I haven't been banded yet, info session mon, but I'm 100 lbs over goal and my husband has already said that he has loved me no matter what I look like (I actually believe he's telling the truth too). He's supportive from the "if this is really what you want" point of view but doesn't seem to be all that excited. This is my second marriage and I just can't bear to think we could split over something like that. Anyone have issues like this?

[Bunz1969 4]

I think it's more of a self esteem or trust issue. If one partner does something to drastically change their appearance, it could be normal for the other to become jealous or worried about the marriage. I think it all comes down to what the marriage was like BEFORE the transformation.

I know a lot of cases where the marriage got stronger because the obese person finally felt better about themselves and was able to be more intimate, trusting and true in the relationship.

[greytz 4]

I have been married for 20 years and when I was first married I was much much thinner. My husband has also had medical problems. We have stood by each other through more than some people do in a lifetime. We have an extremely strong marriage and love and support each other through everything. When I first decided to embark on this journey, I talked to him about it. About every thought that was running through my head. When we were through, he was so supportive and for anything that will possibly give us more years together. For us, it isn't necessarily about how we look but about how we are together. I am so glad I have him in my life. If you have a strong marriage and your husband supports you then you have no reason not to take it at face value.

[shrinkingV 0]

Thanks ladies! I guess I didn't think about how their marriages were before the surg. No longer worried. We have a very strong super-sharing kind of relationship. I think maybe he's just worried that this is the best way for me to be happier with myself.

[RestlessMonkey 7]

I've been married to my husband 26 years this Nov and we dated in high school (although we broke up then and weren't married until 11 years later). Back then I was MUCH smaller. MUCH.

So for me it was more....can my marriage survive me being obese....and it did. I am pretty outgoing whether I'm fat or not and he knows I don't cheat because I choose not to, not because I'm fat and no one else would look at me. ERGO...when I get thinner I still won't cheat.

I guess it depends on your marriage; why you're with each other (some people prefer partners who are heavier...we all have our 'likes") ....how you act heavy, how you act thin.

Some do split...many don't. If you feel you're "strong" and have trouble, couples therapy can do worlds of good.

Either way, this fear isn't a good reason to remain unhealthy.

[greytz 4]

RM, when in Nov.? Our's is on the 16th. It is an unusual month to be married. I loved it. We still love it because it kind of opens up the holiday season.

[RestlessMonkey 7]

RM, when in Nov.? Our's is on the 16th. It is an unusual month to be married. I loved it. We still love it because it kind of opens up the holiday season.

I always have to think (LOL bad I know)...11/25/83

That's right I wanted it to be 11/23/83 but that was the Weds before Thanksgiving. So we got married the friday after. :crying: You have a sweet romantic take on it! :frown:

[shrinkingV 0]

Add me to the November anniversaries! Three years come Nov 8. It was our dating anniversary and seemed natural to keep it. Plus it was a Wednesday and the local judge only married people on Wednesdays. Lucky for us!

[RestlessMonkey 7]

. Plus it was a Wednesday and the local judge only married people on Wednesdays. Lucky for us!

Be sure to remember that to tell your kids! That's hysterical! :crying: There's love, and then...the judge's schedule! :frown:

[spongealan 0]

About a yea ago, my wife lost about 75#. Although about 25# from goal, she looked amazing. I have to admit that I felt threatenned. Not because I thaught she would not want to be with me, but due to my own insecurity because I was very overweight. She felt great about the way she looked and was loving all the new found attention she was getting from everyone. She deserved it. I really started to resent her in some strange way, and actually thought to myself that I would not mind if she gained back some weight. Yes I know, that is pretty shallow, but I was so uncomfortable in my own skin, this crossed my mind.

Well, lets fast forward...I am banded now and as you can see from the ticker, I am 1/2 way towards my goal, and I feel great. Now I am getting some of that attention and my self esteem is growing by the day.:crying:

Now she has put about 25# back on, but I don't think she will feel the same way I felt. She is stronger than me in that regard. We are working together to try to get that weight back off that came back. She is not banded. I can see how hard it is.

Interesting times!

[lml32937 65]

Since being banded 4/2/09 My husband and I (8 years) have had problems but I know it is me. I think they put the band in and took the libido out... :crying: I have talked to my doctor and because I had a few other health issues it has been decided that I have had somewhat of a hormonal rush but in the opposite direction.... I have talked to other females my age who were also banded and they ahve also shared similar stories of feeling forced for lack of a better word to have relations etc and just not feeling like in the mood. For me personally- it has nothign to do with the way I look- I look better now than ever i just dont have the energy to do it....

[BigMomma 0]

I always have to think (LOL bad I know)...11/25/83

That's right I wanted it to be 11/23/83 but that was the Weds before Thanksgiving. So we got married the friday after. You have a sweet romantic take on it!

Our anniversary is 11/23/94. Sorry RM. I like it because my BDay is in Oct, then anniversary in Nov and Christmas in Dec. I wish I could move Valentine's Day to Jan.

Seriously, I am glad someone started this topic. This issue has been in the back of my mind. I know I am just looking for something to worry about.

Thanks.

[RestlessMonkey 7]

Ok BigMomma you add the numeric MONTH to the Numeric YEAR of our anniversary and you get YOUR YEAR. COINCIDENCE? Or .... conspiracy? LOL sorry I can't help playing with numbers! but now I know If I forget my date I can always ask you!